Rewrite Some Lines

It took a while for Evan to make it downstairs after his little shower time adventure of sorts, as he was a bit shaky and rather red in the face from the thought of it. He rounded the corner past the bathroom door and cautiously walked into the kitchen, having smelled something akin to pancakes which made his stomach grumble angrily.

He saw Jessie standing at the stove, a spatula in hand and a half filled plate of various flavors of pancakes off to the side on the counter. The ginger was wearing a rather well worn apron and shifted on his feet back and forth, humming a merry little tune under his breath. "Good, um, morning," Evan started, his voice still a bit husky from earlier. He cleared his throat. "Those smell good." He complimented once Jessie turned around, the other man looked a bit startled.

Evan scooted closer to the oven as Jessie worked, finally coming to a point where Jessie began to squirm uncomfortably. "Hey, you mind moving back a bit, there? Don't want to bump into you when I flip these guys." He said, trying not to make eye contact with Evan but instead looking passed his face at the wall or something. "Thanks," He muttered once Evan did as he asked, saying something about being hungry. Jessie sucked his bottom lip into his mouth carefully, nipping on it when he took the pan and made a quick motion with it to flip the pancakes over cleanly. "There we go!" He announced happily, a moment later scooping the pancakes off from the pan and into the plate.

"You're a good cook." Evan stated, eying the food.

Jessie silently wished the man would look at him in that manner, but he also knew it was merely a fantasy on his part, sadly. "Don't say that till you've tasted the food." Jessie warned, a smile on his lips, for he knew very well how good of a cook he had become over the years. Living alone will do that to a person. "I don't think Skye is going to come down for a while, so go ahead and grab a plate if you want. I'll join you in a sec, just have a few more spoonfuls of the batter left here." Jessie motioned at a pile of plates opposite the pancakes and then to the drawer where Evan assumed the silverware was located.

"Thanks," Evan said happily, the tone of his voice startling Jessie, considering the remarkable contrast to last night's conversation. Perhaps it was just the ride over here that had gotten to him. "So, about last night..." Evan said after a sizable bite of pancake. "You mentioned you were gay? When did you come out?" Evan questioned, pointing at Jessie with a chunk of his breakfast. He did not sound hateful like before, just curious, so Jessie saw no harm in telling the man about himself.

Jessie leaned back against the counter, his eyes on the stove, watching for the batter to cook. "Well, I believe it was in my junior year of high school. Nothing really happened to me, luckily. I mean," He added, having seen the look Evan gave him as if he caught him lying. "I um, I was called names, sure. But I never got bullied physically or anything like that. So it wasn't as bad as it could be." Jessie shrugged, his voice calm and carefree, which made Evan scowl a bit.

"You were lucky." Evan mumbled, looking back down at his plate with disinterest now, his appetite long gone. He picked at his breakfast with his fork, breaking the cakes into smaller and smaller chunks until there was nothing left but pulp. Jessie watched this scene curiously, with a hint of worry. "I wish everyone could get by like you. Maybe then we wouldn't have such bitter fucks like me in the world."

Jessie's breath caught in his throat. "What are you saying?" He dared to ask, leaning closer to Evan.

Evan looked up, his eyes catching Jessie's and finding a matching color there. It was almost like staring into his own soul, but after a second or two of inspection he found how very different he was from this man. He broke the contact by looking down at himself, his fingers playing at the end of his shirt, the ends of his mouth down turned into a frown of sorts.

"This," He motioned to his body, beginning to lift up the shirt. "This is what happens when you try to overstep your role in a relationship with an older man." He told Jessie calmly, though his fingers were white where they gripped his shirt, lifting the fabric up to his chin. He let go of one side, spreading his large fingers across his chest and softly brushing passed the deep scar left over from his past.

It was wedged in between two of his uppermost ribs, the wound barely missing his lungs, though it had caused him major blood loss and earned him a short coma, along with the other various head trauma he received. He pulled his shirt back down and slowly moved his gaze back up to Jessie's face. He steeled himself for the look of pity that he knew would come, ready to counteract it with some choice words, but what he did see made him blink, opened mouthed.

Jessie looked furious. Not just upset or angry, but downright livid, and ready to tear a man's eyes out. His voice was deceiving, however. "Did you report that sonuvabitch?" He asked carefully, through clenched teeth, his hand about ready to break the spatula in half.

Evan shook his head, his eyes showing the first sign of surprise in years. "I couldn't make myself report him. I thought he might come back to finish the job correctly." Evan nearly whispered, almost frightened by the display the other man was making.

Jessie snorted and turned back around to his stove, the smell of burning pancakes drifting towards Evan's nose. "Fuck," He heard the other man mutter, watching him scrape the ruined pancakes into the trash angrily.

"Why didn't you protect yourself?"

The sudden question caught Evan off guard, and it took him a few moments to gather his thoughts. "Oh, I wasn't always in this good of shape. I was..." The words 'more like you' hung in the air, but Evan let them float. "I was…smaller." He chose instead, looking away with a sigh. Jessie mumbled something and came to join Evan at the table, not once looking at him.


Out in the hallway, near the pantry, Skye wiped her eyes on her nightgown, feeling horrible. So Evan managed to open up to someone he had barely met, let alone barely liked, and tell him all about what happened while she was left guessing all these years? How was this fair in the least bit?

Skye pouted a bit longer, but once she realized maybe her cousin was going to be good for Evan, she straightened herself out, patting down her pajamas in order to make herself presentable, and walked into the kitchen, looking pleased.

"Good morning, boys!" She announced excitedly, placing her plate and utensils down at her spot loudly and taking her seat in an equally loud manner. "I see you two are getting along famously this morning. Good to see, yes yes." She downed her food in record speed, dashing over to the sink and spraying water on her dishes before prancing out the kitchen and sliding around the corner.

"I'm gonna go get dressed, guys. I'll be out most of the day, probably. That way you can get to know each other better without me sticking my nose into places it doesn't belong!" She called on her way up the stairs, the last few words barely loud enough to hear from the kitchen.

Evan and Jessie exchanged a mutual look of confusion before practically shrugging in unison. Jessie chuckled, but Evan found no amusement in the situation. "You need to loosen up a bit." Jessie suggested, reaching out to touch Evan's shoulder, but the older man pulled away, leaning back in his chair, a frown on his face.

"I tried that once, remember?" Evan muttered, looking away.

Jessie sighed, sinking down in his chair and folding his arms over his chest protectively. "I didn't mean it like that." Jessie urged, making a move to touch Evan again, and this time, he did not move away. "I just mean you need to stop taking everything to heart all the time. Some things are in jest, others just plain humorous. Let yourself be happy, and you'll find it's much easier than you might have thought." He smiled down at Evan, his fingers twitching with the sudden need to hold the man, but he held himself back, however hard it might have been for him to do so.

"I won't say I know what you've been through because I'd be lying if I did, but I can tell you that if you need to talk and let things out, I'm always a good listener. And I can even offer advice if I have any. Two for one deal." He stood up and rounded the table to Evan's seat, crouching down to his level. "What do you say? Give me a chance?" He placed his hand on Evan's thigh, and smiled a bit at the simple reaction he got from it.

Evan turned from looking at Jessie's hand to his face, searching it intently for any hidden motives, but strangely he saw nothing else there but compassion. He furrowed his brows, shaking his head a bit and getting another view of the man's face. Despite their obvious physical differences, Evan decided, Jessie and Skye were very much alike. Their coloring was all different, but with them, it was the inside that mattered, really. And in the inside, Evan found with just one look, that Jessie and Skye had the same thoughts about life and how to deal with it.

"Okay," Evan found himself saying, his eyes locked with the ginger's equally blue ones. "But if I change my mind, don't bitch at me." Oh, ever the pessimist.
Jessie just grinned and pulled Evan into a hug. Evan noted this man's hugs felt a bit different then Skye's, but they carried the same warmth. Maybe it ran in the family.

---

Skye was quick to leave not much later that morning. She pranced out the door with her usual bounce in her step, a tiny purse attached at her wrist, and a petticoat draped around her body. She had gloves in one hand, but they were not on, and Evan doubted they would ever be. Evan stood next to the door in order to see her off, his mind running a mile a minute at what she was scheming in that little head of hers. She would never leave him if it did not serve a purpose of some sort, and the fact that Evan had no idea what she was up to unnerved him quite a bit, though he did not let it show.

“So you going downtown to go shopping, then?” Evan asked, watching her while she slipped into a pair of fuzzy boots.

Skye nodded, looking up from her task. “Yup. Clothes here are cheaper than in New York. I can buy almost three times the amount over here with the same cash. Might as well stock up on some new work clothes while I’m here. You and Jess should think about going shopping later today. Maybe Jess can get you out of those hideous sweaters you like to wear.” She scurried over to Evan, plucking at a piece of his sweater.

Evan looked down at himself curiously. “What’s wrong with my sweater?” He asked, holding it out to observe it more clearly.

Skye rolled her eyes. “You mean sweater vest, Ev. You look like a school boy in that getup. A painfully gay school boy, mind you.” She chuckled at his expression and patted his chest affectionately. “Ask Jess to take you out for some tops. He’s got good style, if you didn’t see yet.” She added on her way out, waving at him and carefully shutting the door behind her.

Evan locked the door after her, turning to lean against it and sink down to the floor, his eyes closed and his hands limp between his bent legs. “What am I doing here?” He breathed, running his fingers through his short cropped hair and banging the back of his head on the door a few times. “Everyone is crazy…”

“I’m glad you think so highly of me.” The voice startled Evan out of his trance like state and made his cheeks burn cherry. Jessie came over to the door and crouched down in front of him, his long legs looking silly in that position. Evan found himself smirking. “What? Am I so hilarious, hm?” Jessie teased, cocking his head to the side in question.

Even shook his head quickly, making a motion at the man’s legs. “You are very…long.” He said a little awkwardly, not really getting his point across very well, but Jessie knew what he meant.

“That’s what all the boys tell me.” Jessie grinned, pushing on his knees and standing up, towering over Evan and then bending down to offer him a hand. Evan took the offered help and stood up a bit shakily. “So I heard Skye saying something about me taking you shopping?” He asked, moving over to sit on the couch, Evan joining him out of impulse.

“Yeah, she says you have good taste.” Evan mentioned, sinking into the plush couch again and wiggling inside to become one with it. He took a moment to eye Jessie’s outfit and silently agree with Skye’s opinion.

When Evan stared at him in such a manner, Jessie had a hard time from stopping a shiver go down his spine and preventing other matters from…arising. “Erm, well. I like to think I do.” He muttered, looking down at himself. “You up for shopping today?” He asked after a moment, his eyes flicking up to the other man curiously. Evan seemed to be somewhere far away.

Evan shook his head, making a point to splay out and relax on the couch as much as he could, almost bumping into Jessie. “Nah, maybe tomorrow.” He mumbled, his eyes closed and his head tilted back. “I’m not in the mood right now.” His voice had turned into a whisper.

Jessie did not say anything in reply, and instead simply opted to watch Evan cat nap on his couch for quite a long time. The man looked so content while he slept. No hard lines on his face, no misery. Just his pure, unmarred expression. Seeing him like this, even his lips looked fuller, since they were no longer pressed together out of spite or skepticism. Jessie found he admired this Evan, this carefree version of sorts.

But then again, with his eyes closed Evan lost a lot of who he was, and Jessie could not feel connected with an anonymous face. “You should go upstairs and take a nap.” Jessie thought aloud, reaching out to cup Evan’s shoulder softly, planning on waking him up.

Evan merely grumbled and shook his head. "'m comfy," He reasoned, turning over a bit and swatting Jessie's hand away.

"But you have a much more comfortable bed upstairs." Came the reply.

Evan rolled over onto his back completely and cracked open one eye, starting straight at Jessie. "Why do you care if I nap on the couch?" He asked sleepily, pushing his arms under himself and leaning up a bit to get a better look at Skye's cousin. Evan had decided quickly he was going to be careful around this man. He did not miss the way the other's eyes moved over his body, taking in the sites. He did not miss the slight smile on the man's lips, even now, as he thought about things Evan would rather have nothing to do with.

But then that soft smile turned into a frown, though Jessie offered no answer. The man stood up without another glance towards Evan, all legs and long lines, and made his way to the stairs.

Evan sat up completely now. "You should be more careful with your expressions, Jessie."

The way Evan said his name stopped Jessie dead in his tracks. He would have skittered off if he could, his breathing going a mile a minute while his mind worked at a pace even faster to figure out an explanation for what Evan meant. He turned around slowly on his heels, mistakenly locking eyes with the other. He found no answer as his gaze traced Evan's lips that were lifted up in a smirk. "Um, what?" Could he sound any more stupid?

“I know you’re attracted to me, Jessie.” Evan’s voice still sounded gruff from his impromptu nap and Jessie had to bite his lip to keep himself from saying something incriminating. The man grinned at Jessie's reaction and his tongue came out to swipe across his lips, a laugh in his eyes when Jessie shamefully followed the movement.

Evan had to know what he was doing, Jessie decided. The older man was just playing with him, testing out what he saw as his new play thing. “I’m not blind.” Evan continued still, though truth be told, Jessie was not really listening to him anymore. “I’ve seen that look plenty of times before. I saw it when we first talked last night. I saw it during breakfast, and I especially see it now.”

Evan paused, staring at Jessie’s face intently before lifting himself up and swinging his legs over the side of the couch, his feet making a dull sound on the floor that reverberated throughout Jessie's spine. “You ought to learn how to control that expression. Other guys might not be so accepting of it. It could get you into trouble if they notice and aren’t too happy about it.” Evan warned while he crawled out of the couch, standing up and stretching out the kinks that had formed.

He made his way over to the stairs, slipping passed Jessie before turning back at the beginning of the steps, their faces dangerously close. Jessie could not breathe. “I’m going to warn you now, before you get your hopes up.” He started, his eyes so intense it made the ginger feel like he was suddenly shrinking under his gaze. “I am not a man made for relationships. I’ve come to terms with this. You should, too.”

With that, Evan turned around quickly and too suddenly for Jessie to realize and marched up the stairs, leaving a stricken Jessie downstairs in the foyer, feeling horrible. How Evan managed to figure out all of this, and even delve into Jessie's thoughts in that manner confused the hell out of him, though the worst of it was finding out Evan had noticed the look of desire on his face. Jessie was mortified from this experience, not knowing at all how to respond to any of that. “Well, fuck.” He mumbled, moving to follow Evan upstairs in order to explain himself.

---

Jessie crept around the corner of the hall, peering into the open door of Evan’s room. The man was lying down on his bed, his arms behind his head, staring at the ceiling. Jessie knocked on the door, smiling sheepishly when Evan gave him an annoyed look. “Can I come in?” He asked, slowly getting closer to the bed anyway, but stopping a few feet away from it.

Evan rolled his eyes, but instead of sending the other away, he patted the open space to the side of him impatiently. “Sit.” He commanded, which Jessie followed obediently, perching carefully on the edge of the bed, making sure to stay as far away from him as humanly possible. “What do you want now?”

After awkwardly clearing his throat, Jessie spoke up. “I wasn’t going to hit on you, y’know. Skye…well, she already told me you had no interest in things of that sort, so I had no intention of making a move on you.” He shrugged, daring to look over at Evan.

The man’s face had a very sober expression. “I see.” He said simply. Evan frowned slightly before turning away from Jessie, making it a point that he did not want to talk any longer.

Jessie was not happy with how this was turning out in the least. He only wanted to befriend Evan, and now the man had gone and twisted everything he was saying into something totally wrong. “Evan,” He said sharply.

Evan turned his head a bit. “What?” He sounded annoyed.

A sigh. “What can I do to make it up to you? You are my guest here; I only want you to enjoy your stay. I don't want you to feel awkward due to my own carelessness.”

Jessie felt Evan’s eyes on him, but he could not bring himself to meet them, no matter how hard he tried.

“Don’t worry about it. I don’t care anymore.” He waved his hand at Jessie dismissively. "It's cool. You do what you want. It's your house." His voice had a certain sting to it that Jessie could not shake off.

“If you don’t care anymore, then why are you lying to me?” He pulled himself up on the bed completely now, moving to face Evan better.

Silence.

Then, “Because I don’t trust myself.” Jessie could barely hear the whispers above his own breathing.

Jessie blinked, his mouth turning down a bit. “What do you mean? Why don’t you trust yourself?”

Evan muttered something before pulling himself up into the sitting position, almost mimicking Jessie. He glared down at the sheets below him for quite some time, his face going through a range of emotions Jessie was not able to place, looking like he was at war with himself.

“Look,” He said finally, after a tense moment. “I’ll put it like this.” He leaned closer to Jessie’s face, staring into the other’s eyes. Jessie’s breath caught in his throat and for a moment he thought Evan might kiss him. “Look at my face, Jessie.” Evan told him, and Jessie did so, confused by what this was supposed to accomplish. “What do you see?”

The redhead blinked, shaking his head. “I don’t know what I’m looking for.”
Evan rolled his eyes. “When I look at you, what do you see? Anger, sadness, joy, lust? Anything at all?”

Jessie swallowed the lump in his throat dryly, his eyes flicking back and forth from Evan’s and trying desperately to find something there. “All I see is tiredness.” He admitted.

Evan smiled, though it was a pained look. “Exactly.”

“I don’t understand.”

The other man scoffed, turning away from Jessie now and lying back down, his eyes closing once more. “You know how I told you to hide that look you gave me?”

Jessie nodded at first, forgetting that Evan could no longer see him. “Yes?” He agreed after a moment.

“Well,” Evan breathed, resting one of his hands on his belly and the other over his eyes. “I’ve learned to hide those types of feelings, myself. Very well, in fact. Living the life of a straight man for a few years will have that affect on a person.”

“I…I still don’t know what you are telling me, Evan.” Jessie frowned for real now, so utterly confused by this man. "Are you saying that you're asexual or something? I mean, because that's what Skye told me since she never saw you dating anyone, but she said she didn't know that for sure and-"

Evan's hand shot out to cover Jessie's mouth, stopping his rambling. He grumbled and sat back up quickly, practically glaring at Jessie. “No,” He growled, reaching out to pull Jessie against his body quickly, resting his forehead against the ginger's, their breathes mingling and their mouths so tantalizingly close that if he were to lick his lips, Jessie realized, he'd be licking Evan's, too. The thought drained Jessie's face of all its blood and made it pool in his groin, his body working against him in the most evil way possible.

Jessie saw that Evan's eyes were closed, his breathing steady and in control until he listened closer, and realized with a start it was forced. He felt Evan's fingers drag across his neck, his skin tightening and relaxing with each pass of the digits. Evan worked one hand up the other's neck, fanning his fingers out across Jessie's jaw and pulling back a bit to watch his reaction as he passed his thumb over Jessie's soft bottom lip. Evan was rewarded with a sharp intake of breath and a startled look. He smirked.

"This," Evan began, his voice betraying his own arousal while the fingers on Jessie's neck slipped into the man's lush red hair, earning him some soft noises of appreciation. "This is why I don't trust myself." His fingers gently tugged at the strands of hair between them, tilting Jessie's head back. His other hand moved from tracing Jessie's girlish mouth to ghosting across the newly exposed flesh of Jessie's pale neck. Evan leaned in, watching with delight as Jessie's eyes fluttered closed, his eyelashes kissing his freckled cheeks so beautifully.

Evan let his breath caresses Jessie's neck for a moment before he placed a soft kiss to the pulse point, making Jessie swallow and furrow his brow. Evan decided this man was far too alluring for his own good. He was treading on dangerous territory now, balancing a line too thin for him to see, though he knew it was there. He breathed in the scent of Jessie, letting it paint his insides and wash throughout his body before pulling away completely. His fingers left the man's hair, his hands moving to hang limply at his sides.

When Jessie whimpered at the loss of touch, Evan realized he had gone too far.
Jessie frowned a bit then, his eyes finding Evan's and so clearly questioning him, though Evan found he was a loss for words. "What-"

"I'm sorry." Evan blurted out, unable to stop himself. "I didn't mean...I hadn't planned..." He paused, a deep sigh running through him as he scooted back from Jessie, falling over the edge of the bed and trying to slip around it and out of the room. It had suddenly become far too suffocating for him to think in there.

He did not dare to glance back at Jessie, though he did take the liberty of damming him under his breath as he exited into the hall, the blindingly bright blue wallpaper sobering him up somewhat and allowing him to get his breathing under control.

Much too soon for his liking, he found Jessie standing to the side of him, wearing an expression on his face that Evan couldn't quite place. "You confuse me." He said simply, surprising Evan. There was a ridiculously complex message hidden behind those few choice words, and Evan could not stop himself from bursting out into a hysterical laughter at the thought of it all. Jessie frowned. "This isn't funny, Ev." He said pointedly, sounding so much like Skye at the moment that all Even could do was continue laughing at the absurdity of the entire thing.

"I think I'm going mad." Evan said between chuckles, once he could get his voice back. "There's no way any of this is real. No way," He shook his head, choosing to ignore the worried look the other man gave him, and instead pushed himself off the wall and shuffled over to the bathroom across the hall, noticing that Jessie had followed him.

Evan leaned over the sink heavily, both hands gripping the sides so tightly that his knuckles had gone white. "What am I doing here?" He asked of no one in particular.

"Skye thought I could help..." Jessie mumbled from the doorway, looking sheepish, his eyes downcast. His toe picked at the area where the carpet of the hallway met the tile of the bathroom. His hands were clasped in front of him, giving him an almost childlike appearance, despite his height.

Evan felt himself smiling at the image. "Help?" He asked of Jessie, his hands still on the sink, though he turned to face him now. "In what way?"

A shrug. "I...I'm not sure. She just said..." His voice took up a slightly higher tone, and his hands broke away to lift a single finger into the air. "'I'm sure you'll be able to help him, Jess. He needs another person in his life.'" Another shrug. His hands joined once again.

Evan considered this for a long time, a strange lump in his throat. Had he turned so cruel to Skye that she felt she could no longer hold him up by herself? Or was he just looking into this far too deeply? He could not say, but every answer made him feel like shit. He was not a good friend. He knew Skye had her own problems to deal with, and yet, he was so selfish. He never tried to help her with anything, only wallowed in his own baggage, tossing it about and wrapping himself up in it all, ignorant of things outside the protective - and horribly smothering - bubble he had made. How foolish.

"I'm an idiot." Evan announced after a long, painfully still silence. He heard Jessie breathe, and only realized then that they had both been holding their breath. He let go of the sink and stood up to his full height, barely coming up to Jessie's chest. When Jessie realized Evan had moved, he lifted his face a bit to meet Evan's eyes.

They stood like that for a long time, staring blankly at each other, trying to read the other's thoughts, feelings. It was not uncomfortable, the stillness. In fact, it was rather comforting, letting the men sink into themselves and drown out the white noise around them, momentarily losing all sense of space and time.

Neither was sure who had moved, closing the gap between them swiftly, but they did notice how close their faces were, despite the glaring height difference, how their bodies touched and fit together snugly, and Evan had a fleeting thought of kissing Jessie, as a way to apologize, to say 'I'm sorry'. But he did not.

Instead, Jessie surprised him by leaning down a bit and pressing those supple lips against his forehead in a comforting and protective gesture, letting one of his hands slide over the top of Evan's head and move through his hair before going back to his side again. "Apology accepted." Jessie whispered. Evan heard the smile in his voice, rather than see it.

Evan found himself mimicking that expression ever so subtly. "Thank you." He offered, letting his head rest against Jessie's chest, his eyes closing. He felt the long arms glide around him, one hand attaching to his waist, the other resting on his shoulder. He felt the warmth seep through from the other man's body, and he sighed, the smile still on his face, and leaned into the hug gratefully, though he was too far out of mind to return it.

Until this day, he never realized how much a hug could accomplish.

---

They remained in that position for however long, neither of them caring or bothering enough to figure out the passage of time. And they would have stayed like that for some time longer, if not for the jarring noise from downstairs.

“Guys! I’m back!” A voice called from the floor below. It was faint, but plenty loud enough for it to break the men from their revere and pull them back down to reality. “Guys?”

Evan cleared his throat, pulling himself out of Jessie's arms gently and looking decidedly awkward. “So…” He was not sure what he was saying, so he looked up to Jessie for help.

Jessie merely smiled and patted Evan’s shoulder, running a hand through Evan's short hair before going downstairs to greet his cousin and watch the fashion show he knew would commence as the result of all her shopping.

Evan watched Jessie’s back as he faded down the stairs, biting his tongue to keep from calling him back. He walked stiffly across the hall and over to his bed and slumped down on it, his eyes vacant while his brain overflowed with various emotions. “What in the world just happened?”

---

A/N: Alright guys! Hope you enjoyed. I already have the next chapter done, and it's even longer than this one here. Have a good weekend everybody~