Fucked up Adoption Pt. 1

I awoke days before christmas in a hospital bed, one of my wrists were cuffed to the guard rail. I took no notice of it 'til I saw the police officer in the room with me. Scared I sat up in a daze of pain asking, "Where am I, where are my girls?" The officer, a woman, chuckled at my question with her own response of, "Your kids are safe, away from you." I could hardly comprehend what was being told to me, I had been in an accident with all three of my girls and was put into coma for my own safety. They had figured me out, my world had crumbled around me from a drunk side-swiping me.

My heart darkened to a deep black as I heard how I would never see them again, how I could expect to be thrown into the darkest hole in prison. Not only did they discover my illegally adopted daughter, kidnapped in their words, they also found the bone fragments of the man that I killed. The bones that I had burned and smashed in a firepit were reconstructed, but not identified as the skull was never found; I had taken special care to dispose of it. If I had my accident a day earlier, they would of found the dead guys car that I just sold. I passed out after that in a blind rage, with the assistance of heavy sedatives. When I awoke the officer was gone, in her place was no cop, it was my attorney.

After barraging the woman with, in hindsight, very crude comments, she told me who she was. As part of accepting representation from her I cannot give you any information on her name or a nickname to describe her, or the group she represents. I can tell you her surname was as ethnic sounding as her accent, but they didn't match. Think of a person with a jewish last name having a jammacan accent; I am not saying that this does or doesn't describe her either. She told me that a group took special interest in my case and had hired her to represent me, but there were conditions to my accepting representation. I can only tell you that this group shared what my lawyer calls, "a similar interest in people."

The majority of my questions were concerned with what was going to happen to my children and me. My lawyer would answer my questions as asked, but focused on telling me about what I was accepting. What was explained to me was a verbal explanation of a binding life-time contract pending my annuled legal case. If I had chosen not to accept my freedom I would of in her words, 'inevitably kill myself from mental & physical anguish, and be seen as a monster, more than I am now.' I was horrified by her stone faced words. The idea that I had to choose from a life of pain and being hated, never seeing my daughters again, biding my own suicide; or be given a second chance with no legal record, and get to be with my girls again: made my choice very easy.

I was able to avoid anytime in jail before my trial by feigning more pain then I was actually in. The day of my trail, christmas eve, I was escorted by police from the hospital to the court house. Upon arrival a swarm of news reporters and angry protesters ganged up on the car. Despite the lividity of the group, the officers pushed me through it up into the courthouse. I couldn't hear any of the questions or any other thing being yelled at me, as I was in a mortal fear of meeting my own personal 'Jack Ruby.' The climax of the situation was having a soda sloshed on me and then being spit on, before being shoved quickly into the courthouse. I was put in a small room with a one way mirror or two way, I confuse the terminology for the ones you can see through from one side. My point being that I was waiting alone for hours obviously being watched.

20 minutes before the trial my lawyer comes to tell me to let her say everything for me. I tried to ask some questions again about what I was getting into, but she quickly shushed me in a professional manner. She told me that I already knew and could not back out now, and that the room was being monitored also. I didn't get the large courtroom filled to capacity I was expecting, what I did get was a conference table and a meeting with the district attorney with no judge present. I was presented an annulment of my crimes, pending that I never tried to find my girls including ashley, who they didn't consider my own. I was sickened and yelled furiously at my lawyer, "you promised me that I wouldn't lose my girls if I did what you said!"

After being calmed by 3 large police officers restraining me, my lawyer told me that signing the agreement would be, 'in the best interest of me and my girls.' I didn't understand it, but signed it anyways. I felt colder and sicker than the time I killed that man. My freedom begotten me a life contract of servitude to a group I had yet to understand, a group that my freedom was enslaved to. I left with my lawyer and was given a ride by her. She gave me another speech of what was going on, stating again that I would get to be with my girls soon. Skeptically I said, "Don't tease me anymore you bitch." She scoffed my comment with a, "I will be taking you to your transport." "Transport?," I asked, but no other questions were answered.

We stopped at an abandoned gas station in a place I had never been, with a limo waiting for me. The last thing the lawyer said to me was, "get in that car, sir." I stepped into a windowless back seat, alone. Almost falling over as soon as I shut the door, as the car quickly sped off. I don't know how long the ride was but I slept twice, and even had to resort to using empty soda bottles for a bathroom. The car finally did stop and the doors unlocked, and I stepped out into darkness in front of a small shop on a city street. The car left before I could ask anything, and then the front door of the shop opened. A small man instructed me to follow him and I did, following behind him down into the stores basement.

I then walked into to a boiler room alone, with the man shutting the door behind me. As I began to violently shake the handle a voice instructed me to sit down. My eyes were still adjusting to the light, and I didn't see the other people at the far side of the room. I sat down on a metal folding chair under a lone light in the room. The ambience felt very cliche to me. It was hard to see the dark figures, but I counted at least five from the different voices; They did all the talking. I was told that I was a 'probationary citizen' of this 'society' and that I would be under house arrest and then be given limited allowed movements until I had prooved myself trust worthy. The last thing that was said to me was, "Upon completion of your probation all 3 of your daughters will be reunited with you."

This promise restored a lot of hope inside of me, and broke my imposed silence asking, "how long is my probation?" Again they told me to be silent, but then also said that my probation period could only be determined by me. The small man opened the door behind me again and led me back to the windowless limo outside. The next ride was much shorter, measured in minutes, and I was dropped off at a house with an open door accompanied by a woman. She called to me to 'come in', and I walked into a large furnished house with all my stuff. I was speechless to the situation.

The woman spoke to me saying that she would be my personal assistant during my probation, and help me in any way she can. She then gave me a cell phone saying, "This phone can only dial my number and wont dial anything else, not even 911. If you try to contact anyone else by this phone or any other manner, your probation and consequent agreement will be consider breached. You will never get to be with your daughters, nor will you ever be able to find work. My name is sheri and I'm here to help you." After that she left me alone in my new house, locking me inside. It was the worst christmas ever, at least I presume it was because I saw carolers singing down the street.

I was much too hungry to suspect the food in the kitchen of being drugged, and fortunately it wasn't. After I filled my stomache I walked every inch of the house, holding a large knife. I expected to meet an assasin hiding behind a door, but never found him. I didn't sleep that entire night, and stayed up watching TV. I had cable with no local channels to tell me where I was, not even the weather channel. I also had my computer but no internet, so it was pretty useless to me at the time. The next morning came and I peeked out the curtains to watch children with backpacks walking down the sidewalk in front of my house. I thought it strange at the time because I wondered why children would have school the day after christmas.

The whole day was spent alone, and I finally fell asleep around dinner time. I could of called sheri, but I needed to be alone, I needed to collect my thoughts. The next day I wasn't as fortunate, sheri came to visit me with books of information for me to read; actually they were binders. "you'll need to know and practice everything here to complete your probation," she told me. The first book was a history of the group, it was much older and larger then I could of ever imagined. The group in the book contsantly refers to itself as 'the society' and nothing more. Every time I finished a chapter of the book I would be quized by sheri on what I just read. I didn't get even half way through the book before she had to leave, leaving the first book behind for me read.