Searching for the One

Chapter 7 - Some Explanations



“He stroked my hair one last time and left. She was sitting on the edge of the divan, staring at me with love



and tenderness in her dark eyes. I was sort of dazed, shocked with what I was feeling, hearing, smelling.



Everything was new to me now. It seemed I’d just been born and, in a way, that was true. She had re-made me. Then,



somewhere in my daze, I remembered to say something which, at the time, I thought was appropriate and would make



her even happier. I thought I should thank her for the gift she had given me, immortality. I still didn’t know how



tiresome, how lonely, how boring and tedious it may be at times. So I looked her straight in the eyes and asked



her:

«Well, now this makes you my mother, doesn’t it?»

I was pleased with her reaction. Her eyes widened slightly, she took a slightly sharp breath and smiled, but she



still seemed... Shall I say... Paralyzed?, with my sudden acceptance of her part in my life? I knew, at that point,



that having me as her daughter was one of her dreams come true, but I knew, or rather, I came to know as I said



that, that she had never thought I would really, truly have her as such. Perhaps see her with love, with affection,



but not as my mother. She hadn’t expected I’d say that.

«Mother?», I said, startling her. Her smile widened and a tear rolled down her cheek, and I sat up and wiped it



away. She embraced me without words and I retributed.

“It was in this way that Andrash found us when he came back. We heard his footsteps coming up the stairs and



looked towards the door. Some moments later he opened it and entered, and I almost gasped when I saw what was in



his arms.

“Dressed in white and grey, her habit a little too large for her small frame, was what I rightly assumed was a



novice from some convent. Ashena reluctantly parted from me and stood, and so did I. He laid the girl onto the



divan. Her hands and feet were tied with rope, she had a gag in her mouth, tears leaked from her eyes.

«What is this?», Ashena questioned, her tone slightly disapproving.

«I found her trying to run away from the nunnery as I was searching for a gift for our little one. She was in



the right place at the right time... I just helped her climb down the convent’s wall and then took the liberty to



guest her at our house, so that Sewenna could do with her as she pleases.»

“Ashena sighed. I felt slightly confused. I didn’t know what exactly they expected me to do to the girl, I just



knew I felt pity towards her, poor little thing, she was just skin and bone, her hair was a dull brown and lacked



the usual healthy shine, her skin was too pale and she had dark circles under her eyes.

«Do you think I shouldn’t have...», Andrash started. Ashena shut him up with a gesture.

«This is no proper way to treat a guest, my dear. Did you forget your manners? Please untie her and take that



filthy rag off of her mouth. And please be gentle, Sewenna and I are going to make some tea. Come along, dear.»

“She practically dragged me down to the kitchen, talking all the way.

«Oh, for Heaven’s sake, that man will be the death of me! Treating the poor girl in such a way, how dreadfully



rude of him! The poor thing looked ready to die from fright...»

«What... I mean... Did you notice how skinny she looked? And the circles under her eyes...»

«Yes dear, probably abused by the nuns, they were probably forcing her to work harder than she could, probably



treating her like a slave, that’s what those whores usually do...»

“She really looked upset. And it was the first time I had heard her swear.

«What is the matter? You seem troubled...», I commented. She stopped, we were in the kitchen.

«Sit, dear. There are some things I must explain to you.»

“I obeyed and she held my hands, she had sat down in front of me.

«The first thing I always teach when I... Well, I taught Andrash anyway, and I’ll teach you. Humans are those



whom we feed on. We must take their blood to survive, it’s what warms us and what gives us strength, once our own



blood is gone. That’s why they must be respected. We don’t have the right to take lives, so it’s with a great deal



of guilt that I, at least, do it, when I must. We must give them everything we can to make their death easier to



face...»

“She seemed so troubled, so in a lack of words that I almost felt sorry for her.

«I don’t usually take lives, child. Actually I almost never do. But Andrash made a mistake when he decided to



bring this girl. You see... When we need blood, we must choose a victim who won’t understand what has happened,



that is, for example, a drunken man coming out of a tavern or something like that. We must take only the necessary



to live, not relish in it as if it were but a feast. Many vampires act like that. But that doesn’t mean it’s right,



and I think it’s terribly wrong. Can you see what I’m getting at?»

«By bringing her... We won’t give her back, will we? She’d give us away...»

«Exactly.», she replied.

«What will we do then? Kill her?»

«We might turn her. But I think that’s hardly an option, since I’ve just turned you and I want time to teach you



everything you need to know. And once she is your birthday gift, it’s up to you to decide what to do with her...»

«You can’t just... I mean... What will I do? I couldn’t possibly kill her, she’s so helpless, so frail...»

“Ashena smiled and squeezed my hand affectionately.

«You’re a wonderful girl, did you know that?», she said with a smile. «You should talk to her. Try to understand



why she ran away, what has happened in her life... Then we’ll see. You don’t have to kill her.»

«I will not. If she... If there’s no other way Andrash shall have to deal with it, because this was his mistake.



And I will not kill her, poor girl! I could never do such thing...»

«Exactly... We’re no monsters my love, on the contrary of what many might think and say. At least I try not to



be. And you certainly are not.»

“I sighed. I wouldn’t go back on my decision not to kill the novice, but I still felt terribly thirsty.

«I feel so thirsty...», I said to her.

«You will have to take blood from her, child. It isn’t the ideal situation, but... It’ll have to do. Just be



very gentle with her... She is already frightened to death as it is.»

«I will... What should I do? How do you do it?»

«Just let your instinct take over, you’ll know. Don’t let it carry you away though, keep it in mind. Anyway I’ll



be there if you want me to, I can pull you back if you don’t get a hold of yourself.»

“She stood and got to making the tea.”



The cat looked at her questioningly.

“I’m telling you this so that you understand that we, at least those in our clan, are not terrible monsters.



Many times have I wondered myself if we were. And I still haven’t got the answer for that, at least not one which



satisfacts me. But one thing I know: there are some worse, meaner, and very different from us. You see... Ashena



was, or is, whatever you might think, a gipsy, and she has values which are slightly different from the common



Christian ones.”

“You mean... Of good and evil, of Christ and the Devil_”

“That’s right. She had a different upbringing from other people. To her things are quite simple actually, and



that also has made me question myself many times if she is right or not... She thinks that the things which bring



us pleasure and that we need and want are good. On the other hand, that which hurts us, makes us suffer, harms us



in anyway, is bad.”

“So if you felt like killing someone, she would accept it as good, just because you might justify it by stating



you had wanted it?”

“No. Because, and this is what I admire about her, she has great respect for every form of life and, besides,



she says that this rule only applies if it harms none. Which is the same as saying that your freedom ends where the



other’s starts. She doesn’t place herself above humans, like many other vampires do. Some consider themselves to be



gods.”

“Do you know other clans?”, asked Misty Dawn.

“I know some other vampires whom we visited while travelling, most of them are solitary creatures and don’t



cause much trouble. Most of them don’t like living in a group like we do, and if they do, the group’s structure is



different, it’s built upon a sort of hierarchy where there’s a leader and the creations, the children. The children



owe their sire obedience. That’s quite different from us here. Those who have that sort of arrangement even mock



Ashena for her mortal conception of family. But she doesn’t care, besides she’s too old for them to dare do



something against her. She’s respected among our kind because she’s survived this long, and she says that’s because



she’s always had this «mortal conception of family». It’s rare for a vampire to be able to survive this long. Many



go mad, they can’t stand the changes which come with time... They end up getting killed by the younger ones so that



they can’t endanger us by exposing us to humans. Others kill themselves. It’s not difficult to get sick of this,



you know? I don’t know how I’m still... Oh, whatever, I’m starting to wander and this is not good.”

“I can understand you, little bat. It’s difficult for you because you feel lonely, even having Ashena and her



mate and your siblings with you, even if Ashena pampers you to no end... You feel lonely because you want someone



with whom you may share your deepest secrets, your sorrows, your small things that may seem petty to others but not



to a mate...”

“Exactly... Not that I couldn’t share all that with Ashena, or Andrash, or even Melusine. But they’re family,



it’s... Different...”

“Of course it is different. I might lie down on the grass with one of my kittens and watch the stars, but it’d



be so more magical if it was with a mate... I know what you mean, little bat.”

“Yes... I think you do... But it’s not easy to find one. Actually I never did... There have been some girls...



But they never loved me. They might have pretended, just to make sure I didn’t kill them.”

“Have you killed many?”, the cat asked.

“No. You remember the novice girl I told you about? I kept her as my serving-maid until she got old and died.



She liked me and liked living with us, but...”

“And have you ever loved? Really loved?”

“I... I can’t say... I’m not sure myself... Can you love someone knowing they’ll never love you back? Of course



sometimes there’s attraction, but... There has to be two for love to happen. When you’re not loved back... That



isn’t love, Misty, that’s misery, that’s worse than Hell... It hurts, it feels like you’re bleeding but you don’t



know from where so you can’t make it stop. It feels that your body’s burning but there’s nothing to quench the



fire... And I just feel so alone...”

Some stray tears had rolled out of her eyes. The cat placed her front paws on the girl’s shoulders and licked



them away.

“There, now, little bat. Don’t cry. After all you have all the time you need to look for your perfect match!



Come, why don’t we go see if her window is still opened? You might take a look!”

“Oh well... Alright. And... Thank you. For understanding me and for being here.”

“Don’t be silly. We’re friends, or not?”

Sewenna smiled despite herself and followed the cat down the path towards the gate, and then out to the road.



Sewenna held her in her arms and flew up towards the town. It was late, there was no one at the street, so there



was no danger of her being seen.

She didn’t watch the auras this time. Instead she landed softly on the roof of the block of apartments.