The Difference in Mind

~***~

A few minutes later, Martin arrived home. His mother was in the kitchen, she was cooking diner, and didn’t hear him pass. Martin felt grateful she didn’t. Once upstairs, he walked past his father’s study. He could hear there was someone inside.
‘Martin?’ his father asked when Martin walked past the door. Martin looked around the corner and saw his father sitting at his desk.
‘Where were you?’ he asked ‘I thought all the P.E classes got canceled today’
‘They were’ Martin answered ‘I went to Gary to work on the presentation’
His father nodded in approval. ‘Good’ he said
Yes… very good…
‘Did you make progress?’ his father now asked.
Er….
‘Not really’ Martin simply replied. He saw how his father eyed him for a moment.
‘Are you alright?’ he asked. Martin nodded.
‘It’s cold outside… and I feel tired’
-‘No… I mean you…’ his father said, but he stopped. Instead, he smiled at Martin. ‘Never mind’ he spoke. Although Martin was curious about what his father had wanted to say, he left the room and went to his own room.

He first tried to make some homework, but soon noticed he didn’t feel like doing anything. His concentration seemed to drift away like a leave on water. He kept staring at his textbook, but nothing was registered inside his head.
Something inside him didn’t seem to register what had happened today. It was all new, and had all went so fast! He had never expected this. Secretly, Martin had hoped that he and Gary would end up as friends after this presentation, but he hadn’t even thought about what had happened today! He had never thought about that, even about his other friends. The idea of kissing Jeremy made Martin already gage!

Just like every other boy, he and his friends liked to joke around about everything. Also joking about being gay. When they all had a few drinks, they would end up pinching each other’s butt, and accusing each other from being gay. Now it all seemed to be like it would get too close to Martin. What if he was gay? He certainly wouldn’t like those jokes anymore. He would be embarrassed!

And now what? Martin wondered. What will happen now? What would have happened if Gary’s mum hadn’t returned home? At least they would have had a nicer parting and Gary wouldn’t have thrown him out like that.

Maybe he suddenly realized what we were doing. Martin thought, but he noticed he found that idea very unpleasant.

He opened a drawer with was full with papers, jars of paint, and some Warhammer characters. He searched the drawer and found the school picture that had been taken a few weeks ago. Hard to miss, he found Gary. His hair bright red as usual, and standing up. He was wearing a red worker’s shirt, and if Martin remembered well, he had been wearing slim fitting trousers as well. He had his arms crossed, and looked as arrogant as ever. He remembered how Jeremy had made a comment about how much he tried to look like that singer of Muse.

But Martin didn’t care.

Next to Gary, was Angelica. She wore a white worker’s shirt and a very short tartan patterned skirt. She looked nice. She actually was a good looking girl, Martin thought. If she wouldn’t be so arrogant, he would have liked her a lot.

But Gary is arrogant too. Martin thought and his eyes found himself on the picture. He had been sitting on the floor, his arms around his legs, smiling broadly.

I hate school pictures…

He looked back at Gary, and at that moment, his bedroom door was opened. Martin gave such a startle, that he hit his knee at the opened desk drawer. He looked around and saw his father standing in the doorway. ‘Diner’s ready’ he said, and raised his eyebrows as he saw Martins with a flushing head, rubbing his knee. ‘Are you alright?’ he asked again. Martin nodded, and tucked the picture away. ‘Sure? Well if you are, will you come downstairs in a minute?’ his father asked. Martin got up at once, hurrying past his father. He went downstairs, and his father followed. Martin said down at the table at once, trying not to look at his father. Ally was serving, and his mother was sitting next to him, her laptop next to her plate. She probably had to finish a lot of work before tonight. His father sat down as well, and when Ally sat, they all prayed before they ate. Martin’s parents were religious, and although Martin himself didn’t really believe, he always had to pray along.
His father and sister began to talk, while eating, but Martin just sat there silently, eating his spaghetti.
‘What did you do today, Martin?’ his mother asked, but didn’t look up from her screen.
‘I went to Gary’s’ he said ‘we went to work on the presentation.’
Ally chocked in a meat ball, and his father clapped Ally hard on the back.
‘Really?’ his mother said, sounding interested, but still looking at her laptop. ‘Has he got nice parents?’

If Martin wouldn’t have been in such a bad mood, he would have grinned. Parents always seem to be interested about other children’s parents. They probably liked to compare themselves, and their children. Although, that was the idea Martin always got.

‘I only met his mother. She’s alright. We didn’t talk much… I left soon after that’ Martin said. He looked at Ally, who seem to be hanging on his words.

‘Oh, Gary is a good boy’ his father said. ‘It’s only a shame his family is so confusing. It makes him confused as well.’
Martin nodded, and he felt lucky that everyone of his family was sitting at the table right now, with or without laptop.
‘I can remember very well how upset he was when his mother got married. I believe he was… 12… he was in his second year, I think… Isn’t he the same age as you?’ he asked Martin, who nodded. He was two months older than Gary. ‘He almost failed all his classes that year, but he worked very hard after that’

All of them? Martin thought shocked. I didn’t know he was that upset about it. He looked at his sister. Her head was flushing red, and when she saw him looking, she stared at her plate again.

What’s wrong with her?

~***~

Martin felt nervous the next day. He would have his first class with Gary again!. Martin felt excited to see him, and he already started to worry whether Gary would be at school today.
Martin waited outside the classroom until the teacher arrived and opened the door.
‘You’re early, Martin!’ she spoke. Martin only nodded and sat down at his usual seat. There was a good reason why he was so early. He hadn’t slept that well last night. He had dreamed and woken up a lot, so when it was six o’clock, he had gotten up, and did some homework he hadn’t done yet. There hadn’t been any reason to stay at home, so he had left early.
Soon, more and more students came in and sat down at their seats. And there was Gary as well. Martin felt himself brighten up, and his stomach flipped at the moment he saw Gary come around the corner of the door. Gary looked his normal self, but this time, he was wearing a knitted cap. The teacher asked him to take it of, and when he did; his hair was all flatten, with no gel or anything. Gary looked tired as well. Maybe the reason why he looked like that and that he hadn’t done his hair maybe had to do with the fact it was only half past eight. Gary had told Martin he wasn’t such a morning person. Or maybe just like Martin, he hadn’t slept that well.
The moment Gary spotted Martin, a faint smile appeared and Martin felt himself smile back on automatic.
But Gary didn’t sit down next to him. He took a seat, and next him sat Angelica herself down. Martin felt a faint flush of jealousy. Angelica was talking animatedly at Gary, but he didn’t seem to be bothered about any word she was saying. He just nodded and replied to her at the moments he had to. He really looked tired.
Suddenly, Angelica slapped Gary on his shoulder, which made him startle violently. ‘I’m telling you something!’ Angelica said, sounding offended.
‘Well shut up!’ Gary snapped at her, which made Angelica looked like he had slapped her in the face. ‘I want to listen!’ he said, and nudged at the teacher who actually hadn’t even started to teach yet, but who was talking to another teacher who had just came in. Gary obviously used it as an excuse so he didn’t had to listen to Angelica
Gary caught Martin’s eye for a moment, and the grumpy face disappeared at once, and he again started to smile at him. Martin smiled back again. Gary rolled his eyes, nudged at Angelica and winked. Martin chuckled softly. He felt happy again.

~***~

Although they did make lots of eye contact, Martin and Gary didn’t speak to each other at all. Martin felt disappointed. Was Gary avoiding him? Was he regretting what had happened?
But maybe, Martin figured, it was better not to talk to each other. Martin knew that he himself wouldn’t know what to say. Gary probably had the same problem. But there had to be a moment where they would have to speak to each other. They would have the rehearsal of the presentation in front of the teacher in two months and they still had to do a lot about it.

And they both had to work tonigh.

~***~

So that evening at work, they also didn’t talk. They did ran into each other sometimes in the storage room, but further more, no words escaped from their mouths.
Maybe it did had to do with the fact that they had a lot to do that evening, and that they both stood at the other end of the shop.
At the end of the evening, Martin was asked to sweep the floor. He took a broom and began to did his work when he saw Gary leaving the shop through the back door.
What.. He’s not going yet is he?
But than, he heard a door close.
Shit… I wanted to talk to him!
He felt irritated because of all of the evenings he worked, he had to sweep now. He finished sweeping the floor within ten minutes, and after that, Robert told him to go as well. After a quick check on his timetable, he took his coat and left the door. He walked past the alley across the parking place, when he heard a whistle. He looked up and into the alley, and spotted Gary.
The warm feeling returned. Gary stood there, leaning against the wall, his hands in his pockets. Martin approached him.
‘Hi’ Martin said and couldn’t help but smile.
‘Hey’ Gary said, and he too looked a bit more cheerfully. ‘How are you?’
‘Fine’ Martin said, feeling thankfully because Gary did seem to know what to say right now.
‘You?’ he asked in return.
‘I’m alright’ Gary said, looking around for a moment as an old woman with a small dog passed the alley, but didn’t see them. ‘I’m sorry I had to sent you away yesterday.’ He said, looking back at Martin.
Martin gave a soft nod and asked: ‘Why did I had to leave all of a sudden?’
The smile suddenly seemed to be wiped of Gary’s face.
‘I…I was embarrassed’ he said.
Martin had wanted to stick his finger in his ear, to check whether it was full with earwax or not. Had he heard that right? Did Gary said he was embarrassed? But instead, he raised his eyebrows and asked: ‘Why?’
‘Well…’ Gary said and looked at the wall opposite him. ‘I... I can’t get along with my mum that well’
‘Why not?’ Martin asked curiously.
‘Because of my stepfather’ he said. ‘I hate him’
‘And that’s why you don’t like her?’
‘I haven’t liked her for years’ Gary said, shaking his head, a bit of difference in his voice. ‘But since she married that git, I don’t want anything to do with her anymore.’
‘Really?’ Martin asked. Is it that bad? He thought.
Martin thought for a moment, but than said, feeling a bit stupid: ‘I…I’m sorry I don’t really understand’ Gary looked up at him and Martin added: ‘I don’t know what that has anything to do with me having to leave.’
Gary looked at the ground again and muttered: ‘I was afraid that she would notice anything’
‘About…’ Martin began, but felt he was getting red. He didn’t dare to finish that sentence, but Gary did seem to know what he mend.
‘Yes’ he said. ‘I don’t want her to know… she won’t like it… she would tell him… He’s very religious you see…’
Martin nodded. Gary didn’t had to finish that sentence. His parents were religious too, but no so badly. They really didn’t care what Martin would do that actually wasn’t allowed when you were religious.
‘I see’ he said softly, and there was a silence for a moment where they both stared at the ground.
‘Did you tell anyone?’ Gary asked after a while. Martin shoke his head.
‘Good…’ Gary said. ‘Please keep it that way… please’
Martin nodded. ‘Sure’
‘Thank you’ Gary said, and the following moment was silent again.
Until Gary spoke:
‘Next time your place?’ a mischievous grin appeared on his face.

My place? My house? Martin thought He means he want to… go on? Does he mean it?

But Martin smiled back and replied: ‘Sure’