Pain and Pleasure

Chapter 7

Sajore didn’t want to walk for long, only until he knew that they were safe. Then he laid Xir’ag on the ground and sat next to him. “Let’s rest for a while before we continue. Have you eaten anything?”

Xir’ag nodded once, hugging himself.

He looked so fragile and sad that Sajore pulled him into his lap and hugged him tightly.

“Just... tired and in need of a shower,” Xir’ag whispered, his eyes closing.

“Sleep my love,” Sajore said to him softly, kissing his hair and stroking his cheek.

Xir’ag fell asleep almost immediately.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was someone nearby. Sajore could sense it. Someone was moving around out there, but they were not making any noise. He got up, moving the sleeping drow carefully to the ground. He went around the corner and crouched down close to the ground. He scented the air and listened closely, closing his eyes and following his senses. He started to slowly move along the cave. Now he knew where the feeling had come from, and it was getting closer. There were only a few elves coming. They were drow’s. He knew it from their near soundless footfalls.

He decided to wait for them there. He knew there was no one else around and there was no way they could get past him. The only thing that mattered to him at this point was Xir’ag's safety.

He didn’t have to wait very long. Two male drow soldiers rounded the corner and looked shocked upon seeing him. They cast a spell of complete darkness around him, thinking he would panic. He closed his eyes and followed the sounds. He almost bumped into the other drow, knocking him unconscious. The other one tried to get past him but the cave was too narrow. He jumped in front of the drow and grabbed him by the arm, stopping him. The drow fought him, even stabbed his arm with his dagger, but he couldn’t win against Sajore’s strength. He was soon lying on the ground, bleeding from a wound on his neck.

Sajore sighed and returned to Xir’ag. The drow woke up when he lifted him to his lap again. “Do you feel any better?”

“Yes... we should go.” Xir’ag started to get up, but fell to the ground.

“Be careful not to hurt yourself. I can help.”

Sajore offered his arm and Xir’ag took it, blushing faintly. He was not used to being helped. Then he noticed the bloody wound on the vampires arm. “When did this happen?” he asked frowning.

“A while ago, don’t worry about me, its not serious.” Sajore smiled calmingly and started to walk, holding Xir’ag up.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

They were almost at the house. Sajore wanted to get Xir’ag into his room and its relative safety as fast as possible and then get him cleaned up and fed. He walked through the main gate carrying Xir’ag in his arms. The drow had gotten too tired to walk again on the way and despite Xir'ag's resistance he had lifted him into his arms. The guards simply stared at them as he growled at them. They went straight to the Matron Mother's room.

Their welcoming was quite a surprise. Everyone seemed to be pleased of the fact that they didn’t have to find a new wizard anymore. One of Xir’ag’s sisters walked up to him when everyone else had surrounded Xir’ag, the same one what had told about Xir’ag’s death. “Did you get that valuable item back?”

“Yes, I did,” Sajore said, smiling widely as he turned around. She had no idea how valuable that ‘item’ really was to him.

The Matron took her time asking questions and was getting angrier by the minute. Her house had been insulted and that could only mean revenge would be exacted upon whichever house that the kidnappers were from. At last she let Xir’ag go.

Sajore grabbed a hold of him, caring nothing about the stares of the priestesses. They walked out of the room together and straight to Xir’ag’s rooms.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The drow fell to the bed exhausted. Sajore sat in front of him, removing the too big, blood stained piwafwi.

Xir’ag’s body was covered with bloody wounds and bruises. His legs and everything between them had suffered some serious beating, his testicles were swollen and his organ was bruised. There was a deep wound just above it. He seemed to be in pain, but said nothing. He didn’t dare to look into Sajore’s eyes.

“What did they do to you?” Sajore asked, frowning, baring his fangs angrily.

“They tried... she tried to…get me to … earlier. But... it didn’t work and... then she just beat me up. Several times... until she got tired of me and gave me to her men… but that was when you came,” Xir’ag replied quietly, looking down, trying to cover himself with the piwafwi, but Sajore threw it across the room. “It was not like the first time I was raped. They didn’t have time to do that to me... just…” his voice faded away and he shivered.

‘The first time?’ Sajore wanted to hug him so much, but he was afraid that he would just hurt him more. He was mortified. He clasped his hands into fists in his lap and simply stared at the floor. Why did the drow have to suffer like this? He didn’t deserve this!

Xir’ag looked at him with tear filled eyes. “I understand if you don’t want to touch me... they dirtied me.” His voice shook as he bit back the tears that threatened to fall, pulling the sheets to cover himself and trying to hide behind his messy hair.

“No! I don't think that. I was afraid I would hurt you more. You are covered with bruises, I… didn’t want to hurt you more.” Sajore pulled him into his arms and pulled him to the floor with him. “There is nothing I want more than to hold you,” He whispered, staring into the drow’s eyes, smiling softly.

A tear slowly rolled down Xir’ag’s cheek and Sajore kissed it away. Xir’ag hugged Sajore as hard as he could and began to cry, his entire body shaking, his mouth twisting into a grimace with the intense mental pain that followed. After a long while Xir’ag finally calmed down and just laid there in Sajore's arms, half asleep.

Sajore’s mind was a torrent of thoughts. There were so many questions, so many things he wanted to know, so many answers to hear… and to tell. He stroked Xir’ag’s hair and kissed his forehead. “They didn’t have time to do anything more than fondle a bit, did they?” he asked slowly, whispering the question carefully into Xir’ag’s neck, trying not to make him hysterical again. He had to admit it to himself that he felt jealous, they had touched the man somewhere only he was suppose to touch him.

Xir’ag buried himself tighter into his embrace. “The men… the other was going to, but he just used his fingers… but I had to…” he suddenly detached himself from the vampire and slowly got up, his legs still shaking.

“I need to clean myself,” he said with a disgusted look on his face, rubbing at his thighs and arms as Sajore stood up quickly and followed his clumsy walk into the bathroom. The drow fell down to the floor, halfway to the bath and started to cry again, covering his mouth with his hands.

Sajore stepped closer and hugged him hard, making him lean on him.

“I have to clean… I need to get the… away… I can’t,” the drow cried out hysterically, trying to detach himself from the tight embrace.

Sajore took his hands into his own and stared into his eyes. “Calm down, my love. I will never let anyone touch you again. You have plenty of time to clean yourself, just first, please try to calm down.” He cupped Xir’ag's cheeks into his hands and forced the drow to look up into his eyes. Xir’ag’s eyes were swollen from crying and he looked so tired. His bruised face looking so sad. His lips were swollen from beating and his cheek was bruised. There was a wound in his chin and it looked inflamed. Sajore leaned closer and hugged him again, trying to give him a kiss but Xir’ag moved his face away.

“No… I can’t, my mouth…”

“Now listen to me! I don’t care, you are not dirty. They maybe were, but that doesn’t make you dirty. I love you,” he almost screamed out, staring down at the drow, seriousness etching his features. “You may not be ready to let me touch you yet, but whatever they did to you, it's history, it means nothing. They were scum… and they are dead now,” he stroked the white, dirty hair away from his face and finally pressed his lips softly on his.

Xir’ag responded to the kiss slowly, starting to shake with tears again as he pressed his sore body against him, seeking more comfort.

The vampire didn’t move, he didn’t let Xir’ag get up, even when the drow tried to get up again and crawl closer to the bathtub. Then, without saying a word, he lifted him up once again and walked with him to the bed, covering him with sheets and laying next to him.

The drow stared at him for a long while before he lifted his hand and touched his face, sliding his fingers along his nose and cheeks, looking at the familiar features he loved so much and had missed so terribly. Now their meeting again felt so soiled.

Sajore smiled at him, a soft, sad smile.

Xir’ag decided to change the subject and try to forget everything else. He sighed deeply. “I met someone at the other house,” he started to talk slowly.

Sajore flinched and his mouth twisted. ‘Met?’

Xir’ag looked almost angry. “Not like that! I mean... I met someone who I would have never thought I would see.”

“What do you mean? Who?” Sajore asked curiously, sliding his hand along Xir’ag’s waist and loins lightly.

“Your sister,” the drow said with a little smile.

Sajore froze, his eyes went wide. “My sister!? Shaya is here?” Sajore jumped up. ‘Shaya was here? In Menzoberranzan of all places?’ A little smile spread to his face. “Shaya is here?”

Xir’ag nodded.

“So you have met my family now,” Sajore laughed.

Xir’ag smiled back. “That’s not all. She was there with her husband. A fire spirit named Yvain. And they run the house... she was the one who gave me the permission to go and meet you.”

“What?!” Sajore yelled and jumped up.

“Run a house? What? Shaya is a matron? And...a husband?” He felt dizzy. Too much news in one strike.

Xir’ag laughed softly as Sajore collapsed next to him again.

“Yeah, you could say that. Your sister is a matron.”

“I can’t believe it... good for her,” Sajore smiled and stared into the distance. Shaya had gone far. She had been so broken when they had last met. It was good to know she was now living her life well again.

“Sajore... I… know you just said that I don’t have to wash right away, but it would make me feel so much better since I haven’t washed for days… would you bath me?” Xir’ag asked shyly.

“Of course I will, my darling.” The vampire smiled and kissed his cheek, getting up, and walked to pour the hot water into the bathtub.

Sajore walked back to the bed and picked Xir’ag up again.

“You know that I can walk by myself too,” Xir’ag stated, frowning.

“I know, but you are also in pain and in a weak condition. I don’t want you to hurt more... besides, I enjoy being this close to you.” He lowered the drow into the steaming hot bath.

Xir’ag withered from the hotness of the water but slowly seemed to relax.

Sajore knelt next to the tub and started to scrub him clean with a soft towel, massaging his skin with a good smelling herbal lotion. They fell quiet as the vampire slowly covered his bruised body, carefully cleaning him, trying not to touch the bruises and cuts all around him. Sajore sat on the floor for a while but after a while, found himself staring at the bruised drow all alone in the big tub and feeling bad. He stood up and got rid of his pants before sliding into the warm water.

Xir’ag’s eyes widened as the water sloshed over the edges and Sajore sat across him.

He knelt closer to the drow and continued the washing operation, looking like he didn’t notice the look on Xir’ag’s face at all. He started slowly to examine Xir’ag’s wounds. He turned the drow around and around, touching him gently. There were marks of the snake whip on his skin. Bite marks on his lower stomach and between his thighs. He flinched under his touch, turning his head away as Sajore lifted his butt out of the water.

Sajore kissed his chest, arms and legs. All places he could find healthy skin. He had several bruises on his neck, like someone had been strangling him and a deep wound of his right shoulder and left knee.

The words rang in Sajore’s head. ‘It was not like the first time I... got raped. They didn’t do that to me.’ The first time? He ran his hands along Xir’ag’s waistline and his breathing got faster. The drow closed his eyes when he got to his neck and finally to his pointy delicate ears. He moaned softly when he kissed the points. He held the drow gently in his arms, running his fingers down his body. He knew he should keep quiet. This was not the right time to ask, when he had finally calmed down and looked almost happy again, but… the question haunted him. He needed to know, he was selfish and knew it. “What did you mean when you said that you got raped... the first time?” Sajore asked, slowly brushing his silky white hair.

When Xir’ag opened his eyes a far away look haunted them and his features had grown sullen. “That was long ago. Two priestesses raped me at my graduation ceremony. It was my first time,” He replied, lowering his head.

Sajore winced. How did they dare to do that to him, to this man? If he would have been there... he felt a soft wet touch on his cheek and he looked at Xir’ag.

“Don’t worry. That was long ago. And you are now here to protect me. You didn’t let it happen again,” the drow smiled softly, keeping his hand on his face.

“How did you end up calming me down?” Sajore asked embarrassed. He shouldn’t have asked about it now, Xir’ag had enough on his mind already, without bringing the painful past into it as well.

Xir’ag got up laboriously and almost fell on Sajore. “Now take me to bed,” he ordered, sweeping his lips against the vampires.

Sajore did as told and carried the naked drow on the bed, leaving wet footprints on the floor, finally lowering him onto the bed, getting the sheets wet.

Xir’ag lay down and stretched himself out in front of Sajore, sighing and finally returning his gaze to him. Xir’ag ripped the wet sheets off of the bed, drying himself on them before tossing them to Sajore.

The vampire caught the bundle easily and dried himself quickly, shaking his long wet hair to get the dripping water out of it.

Xir’ag watched him and leaned back against the pillows on the bed, a little wicked grin slowly appearing on his face.

Sajore raised an eyebrow at him and sat next to him on the bed, reaching out to touch him. Xir’ag had a strange look on his face and Sajore wasn’t sure he liked it a lot.

“Not all parts of me are hurt, and those that are, are healing already. I want you to come into me. I have waited for this for too long. Don’t make me wait any longer,” Xir’ag said suddenly, his eyes getting almost angry.

Sajore frowned. This was strange. Just a while ago Xir’ag had been hysterically scared of any contact between them, and now this? He wanted the drow, of course, but what was going on, the change in his mood was too sudden?

Xir’ag leaned closer to him, sliding his own hand along his stomach, looking so delicious, stretching himself into a position that made the vampire hard even when he knew that something was wrong. He leaned closer and Xir’ag met him halfway, kissing him so passionately that he felt dizzy. Yes, it had been far too long, he longed for that body so much… everything else started to disappear from his mind. Maybe the drow had decided to forget everything and start over and this would be their long awaited union that nothing would spoil. He caught Xir’ag in his arms and lifted him so that he was sitting on top of him. “Are you sure about this? This seems very sudden… are you sure you’re ok?” he whispered, breathing heavily, his eyelids half closed.

Xir’ag let go of him, huffing and turning around, suddenly pressing his behind against his organ. “This way it won’t hurt my bruises… so… come,” he said, looking over his shoulder, smiling drowishly. It was too much to be touched like this after not seeing him for so long.

Xir’ag lay down on the bed in front of him and slid down so only his bottom was up in the air. He glanced at Sajore, looking serious and somehow… desperate? Sajore decided that he would take it slow. If the drow so much as asked him to stop, he would obey him. He grabbed Xir’ag’s waist and licked his back, moving to his bottom and finally to his opening. “It's not hurt in there is it?” he asked, licking his soft velvety skin, holding him close, carefully making sure not to touch any of the bruises.

“Not hurt... there...” Xir’ag replied, his eyes were blurred from the pleasure he was already feeling. He moaned when Sajore pushed his tongue inside his opening. “Don’t make me wait,” Xir’ag groaned, pushing himself against Sajore. “I want you in, deeper into me. I want to feel you fill me. Please,” he begged, touching Sajore’s hand with his.

Sajore pulled Xir’ag higher so that he was on his knees in front of him. He wrapped his other hand softly around the drow and leaned his forehead against the back of Xir’ag's head, kissing his shoulder. Xir’ag trembled and he hugged him tighter. “Are you sure?” he whispered into the drow's ear for the last time.

Xir’ag could feel his breath on his ear and only nodded.

Sajore pressed his organ against Xir’ag’s wet entrance and slowly slid the tip inside.

Xir’ag moaned and arched his back.

Sajore pushed in a little further, into the sweet warmth of waiting his body.

Xir’ag moved his hands on his stomach and hugged him closer, pulling him completely inside of him.

Sajore didn’t move at all, he let Xir’ag control their pace, only trying to slow down the soon hectic movement of the drow in front of him. He hummed calmingly into Xir’ag’s ear and smelled his hair, moving his other hand next to the other one on Xir’ag’s stomach.

“More,” Xir’ag cried out and thrust back on Sajore’s organ, pushing him in once again. Xir’ag cried out and pushed Sajore’s hands away, leaning his hands to the sheets. Now he could better push against the organ, he spread his legs wider to get the organ deeper inside. He leaned himself fully against Sajore and guided his hands to take a better hold of his waist, beginning to thrust himself against him with more speed and power.

Sajore began to feel dizzy. This felt so fucking good, to look at the drow in front of him, moving for him, he could just stay put and enjoy the feelings surging through his body.

Xir’ag cried out again, his voice sounded strange and through all the pleasure Sajore felt, he heard it. He leaned on top of the drow and kissed his back and made him moan. Slowly he pulled the drow closer. Xir’ag cried out again as he touched his cheek softly, turning the drow to face him. He felt how his fingers touched the wet cheek. He held on tighter to Xir’ag and tried to stop his movement as his face grew serious.

Xir’ag’s face was twisted with pain, he cried silently, pressing his eyes closed, tears running down his face. “Don’t stop,” the drow whispered and buried his head into his hands, still trying to push against Sajore.

“You’re not ok, are you?” Sajore asked him, stopping completely and holding the drow’s buttocks firmly to keep him still.

Xir’ag trembled. “Don’t stop. I want to feel you, only you. Fill myself with you so that I forget everything else. I don’t want to remember,” he said, crying, covering his eyes with his hand.

Sajore released his buttocks and pulled his upper body closer, hugging him as hard as he could, starting to rock him in his lap, speaking soft, calming words into his ear.

Xir’ag took a hold of his hands and squeezed them so hard that it hurt. “That bitch made it impossible for me to even get it up... even with you. She dirtied my body. I can’t take it... I can’t... I,” he sounded furious, yelling out the words painfully, scratching Sajore’s fingers. He collapsed limply into Sajore’s arms and started to cry so violently that he couldn’t continue speaking.

Sajore just hugged him, his heart aching for his lover. It hurt so much, not being able to do more. He felt his own eyes become moist for the first time. He realized he had not let himself cry once since all of this had happened. He had had to stay calm and cold until everything was fine again. Now it all flooded out, the helplessness, the fury, the rage, and most of all, the fear. He buried his face into Xir’ag’s white hair and hugged him, starting to shake with silent tears, trying not to show Xir’ag how upset he was. Xir’ag needed him; this was not the time to break down. He pulled Xir’ag to sit on his lap and slowly lay back on the bed, still holding him as close as possible.

Xir’ag hugged his hands, entwining his fingers with his. A small whimper escaped his lips as they collapsed on the bed. Sajore was still inside him, his body merging into his so they were completely one. Xir’ag felt how his heart started to beat as he felt the vampire shake from his tears. ‘This was hurting him too’. Xir’ag’s blurred mind started to finally calm down as he realized that his lover was in as much pain as he was. He had been so stupid, so wrong when he tried to drown his grief like this, alone, trying to hide his real feelings from the person he loved the most.

Sajore breathed laboriously, pulling his leg over his, knotting them together. Slowly he pushed Xir’ag gently on his stomach and climbed on his back, moving their still entwined fingers over their heads, kissing his neck with his tear moistened lips. “We are going to get through this together… ok?” he whispered to Xir’ag, like he was sensing the drow’s thoughts at that moment.

Xir’ag whimpered tearfully and turned to face Sajore.

The vampire’s eyes were red from the tears. They were the faintest bit yellow, but the demon obviously was not in control. He kissed Xir’ag softly and the drow answered greedily. He felt so incredibly loved at that moment that his heart was about to burst. The vampire slowly moved a little bit inside of him, raising a suffocated moan from his throat.

Xir’ag gasped and tore apart from their kiss as the vampire moved again, making him moan louder.

Sajore moved his face to the nape of Xir’ag’s neck, pushing deep into him as the drow lifted his buttocks to meet him. Soon they were both sweaty, moaning out, grasping each others fingers tightly. Sajore felt how the pressure inside his stomach was starting to wind so tight that he was loosing his control again.

Xir’ag panted as Sajore’s big organ hit something inside of him, making him loose his mind. Xir’ag whined, closing his eyes tightly.

Sajore didn’t even try to speed up, but made him suffer by slowly moving inside. He moved his other hand lower on Xir’ag’s body, caressing him everywhere softly, carefully so as to not hurt him. He pressed his other hand firmly against the mattress. He followed his muscles down his stomach and lower, pressing his body tightly against him and humming softly into his ear. He moved his hand closer to Xir’ag’s organ, but the drow stopped him quickly.

“Don’t touch it... it's sore... aaah.”

Sajore pushed in a bit more and moved his hand away.

Xir’ag felt so full. So hot, almost feverish. His breathing got faster and he couldn’t focus anymore. He felt a throbbing inside his passage as Sajore just kept thrusting in, he couldn’t stay still anymore, he tried to move more with him, but Sajore stopped him and kept him still. It was like sweet torture. He felt the pressure on his lower stomach and between his legs getting stronger and stronger, pushing his butt against the vampire, welcoming him inside. His breathing was so hard he was literally panting. He begged to move, to free himself, but he was held down.

Sajore did not fasten his speed at all, which made the feeling so much stronger.

Finally Xir’ag was so heated he couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, he cried out, his every muscle shaking as he came, his seed spilling onto the bed beneath him.

Sajore felt how the ring of muscles around his opening contracted around his cock, feeling so tight, clenching around him, he moaned and thrusted in as hard as he could, finally releasing Xir’ag and making his pleasure even more powerful, cumming inside him. Sajore fell on top of him, making it impossible for Xir’ag to move an inch. He leaned his head down on Xir’ag’s back, breathing heavily, eyes closed, gleaming with sweat.

Xir’ag turned his head and kissed him softly on the lips.

Sajore kissed him back wanly. Slowly the kiss became more and more passionate, Xir’ag taking his tongue into his mouth and sucking it lustfully. He kissed the drow so deeply that he could hardly breathe with his tongue filling his mouth. Finally Sajore broke the kiss and got up slowly, lifting the surprised drow to his back in front of him and kissing him again. “By the gods you’re amazing!” He sighed and slid his hands along Xir’ag’s body, staring into his eyes, smiling a wicked grin. Then he shook his head fast and sat down. “But we can’t do this again or you will feel really bad tomorrow. We can continue this when you are well again. There is no hurry anymore.” He kissed Xir’ag again, this time softly, wrapping his arms around him and squeezing him really hard.

Xir’ag could feel his once again hard organ pressing against him, but said nothing, he knew Sajore was right. He was just happy to be in his arms again. He felt so safe. He smiled.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The woman hit him, he felt the slap on his cheek and how the skin began to sting, his head spinning. It hurt so bad he gasped …and jumped up from the bed, his heart racing. He stared at the familiar room around him, and felt a strong arm wrap around his body tighter. He turned to look into Sajore’s eyes.

The vampire looked tired but smiled at him softly. “Nightmare?” he asked, stroking the sweaty hair away from his face.

Xir’ag nodded.

“Try to get more sleep, you need the rest. I’ll watch over you,” he whispered and pulled Xir’ag down again.

Xir’ag glanced into his eyes. “Are you saying you’ve been awake all night?”

“Yeah, I thought you might be having nightmares and didn’t want you to wake up alone,” he replied calmly, wrapping his leg on his back, leaning to his loin. Xir’ag blushed a bit. He didn’t know what to say, just pressed his head back against the pillows and squeezed the vampires hand tightly.

Sajore stared down at his sleeping form. He had fallen asleep fast again. The drow must have stayed awake all that time in the hallways, not being able to get any rest in the fear of a violent awakening. He clenched his hand into a fist and stared to the empty wall in front of him, seeing nothing. ‘I promise, you will never be hurt again. Anyone who ever even thinks about touching you will fucking die a horrible death!’ He felt moisture on his fingers and realized he had squeezed his fingers too tightly, breaking the skin of his hand, drawing blood. He licked the blood away and slowly pressed his head back against the pillows, lowering his hand gently onto Xir’ag’s back and closing his glowing yellow eyes.