Little Ray of Sunshine

A/N: Well then. My characters don’t like you, either. :]



I am indeed French.

Surrender your croissants!



Nathaniel baby. Reviewing isn’t necessary. Just fuel me with enough dirty conversations and “HENTAI!” moments and that’s all I ask.

And sweets.

You know how I love my strawberry cheesecake.







-0-0-0-0-0-



Concentration. Skill. Luck. The three things that are key in being successful in overcoming any obstacle that may come in one’s path. I need all three. One eye closed, the other optic centralizing on my target. Acquired. My tongue just barely skimmed my lips before taking returning to my orifice, my top teeth gnawing on my spiral lipring lightly. I need to time this just right. If I don’t, everything will go wrong. I will fail. I will fail my friends, my family, and most importantly, myself. The world itself will come to an end.



I took aim. It’s now or never. With a flick of my wrist I sent my weapon sailing into the air, headed directly for the target –



“FGHFGHFFGGHH!”



--! Success! The paper football managed to hit Mr. Walrus directly in the back of the head, making the teacher drop his pen and turn around to glare fiercely at – who else? – me.



“MR. NIELSON.”



I whistled innocently and twiddled my thumbs, then cast a disheveled look to my best friend.



“Colby! How dare you harpoon that poor, innocent mass of blubber that resides in the arctic regions?”



Colby rolled his eyes, per usual, keeping his chin rested on his palm as he tapped the desk with his pen. “Mhm.”



Mr. Lalonde picked up the paper football, a vein twitching in his forehead as he lifted it up in his fat, shaky grip. “A paper football, Mr. Nielson?”



Grinning triumphantly, I stood on my chair and placed a victorious foot on my desk as I pointed into the heavens; “When in a pinch of life or death one must improvise their weapons!”



“How is turning in that essay on Friday a matter of life and death?” Colby asked lamely, making me glare down at him.



“Shut up fuckass, you should never interrupt a man in the heat of his conquest!”



Colby closed an eye and sighed, then chuckled lightly. “Oh yes, Sir Julian. I forgot. Apologies.”



I grinned. “Apology accepted, my good sir!”



Hm. Well I guess now would be a good time to point out all of the mental disorders that my poor, fragile body has to endure. Extreme bi-polar, A.D.D., a mild schizophrenia that the doctors aren’t worried enough about to give me meds for but still have a shrink ready to therapize me (or whatever), and I leak a crazy amount of endorphins every few months. It’s like they all build up, and then BAM!, they let out unexpectedly.



I’m also hyperglycemic (meaning my pancreas pumps a LOT of sugar into my blood), suffer from abdominal and bladder ulcers, there’s a benign cyst on the frontal left lobe of my brain, one of my lungs is about to collapse, and I have a horrible immune deficiency.



I love life!



Anyway. All of these things require a shitload of medication – normally I shirk meds because hey, my body can heal itself, and if it can’t, some green tea should do the job (that’s the Asian in me speaking, of course). I’m pretty sure that I could run a pharmacy out of my bathroom, but since that’s like, illegal, I don’t. Not that illegal stuff doesn’t happen in my house.



Uh.



Anyway…



“Mr. Nielson, I would appreciate it if you would take your seat and let me continue on with my lecture.”



I glared at Mr. Walrus, “Nobody fucking cares about Caesar, he was stupid enough to get screwed over by like, everyone.”



“Julian,” Colby said softly in a warning tone.



I wonder if that vein in Mr. Sea Cow’s head will explode? Maybe if I concentrate really hard… you know, like when they say if a group of people all thought and willed hard enough they could make something spontaneously combust? Maybe I could do that to Mr. Manatee\'s head.



That would be so cool. No more Mythology!



Colby tugged at the hem of my t-shirt and I plunked down into the chair, picking up my pencil and doodling in the upper left corner. Nothing too drastic, just stars and swirlies and stuff. I hummed to myself, like the past five minutes hadn’t just occurred. Colby returned to his work, Mr. Lalonde wrote something else up on the board, and then finally lunch came around.



“Queer!”



“Fag!”



“Homo!”



“Butt-fucker!”



“Ass licker!”



“Knob slobber!”



“Fairy!”



“Queen!”



I stared at my table for a moment, briefly contemplating going somewhere completely different, before I finally decided to interrupt the conversation. I slammed my tray on the table (yeah, I continue to get my own lunch… I kinda like it), and glared between David and Corey, probably the two most annoying kids ever.



“Shut. The. Fuck. Up.” I snarled, and they both glared at me for a moment before simmering down, returning to whatever. Sitting down happily, I put the straw into my can of juice and took a sip. “What were they fighting about?”



“Who knows,” Greg shrugged, and Karl cursed at his Pokemon game.



Well, I didn’t really care what the hell they were fighting about, as long as it didn’t happen when I was around. David and Corey were the type of kids that would try to one-up each other with their knowledge of technology, and then reverse evolution and resort to name-calling.



And they both smelled.



Sipping on my juice, I watched as David turned his attention to Jared, who had a question.



“What does the feather over my head mean?” Jared asked, showing the screen to David, who raised a brow and then snorted.



“You don’t know? Stupid.”



Jared huffed; “I’ve never gotten this far before! Just tell me what it is.”



“It’s Phoenix Down, you’ll revive when you die and keep battling.” I supplied Jared with the answer, because I didn’t want to hear him whine and hear David’s stupid laugh. It made me want to punch Jews in the scrotum.



Everyone fell silent, and then finally the obnoxious slurping/sucking sound of my drink meeting its demise through my straw made itself evident. Satisfied that I’d conquered the divine grape juice, I bit into my apple and hummed to myself.



I’m in a pretty good mood today. Not sure why. Maybe it’s because I got four hours of sleep. I run better off of fewer than more, oddly enough. Crunching into the sweet, juicy apple, I glanced around the lunch room. Hm, who could I pick on?



That chick looks bitchy.



Setting my apple down on the table, I got up and strolled my way a couple of yards away, to where a troupe of preppy, fake-blonde girls were sitting and talking about… something. One of them glanced up at me and blinked in shock, and then the rest of them fell silent as soon as they realized I was paying attention to them.



“Yes?”



The one that spoke up was the fakest looking of them all. Her skin was an orange-y tone; she’d definitely seen one too many fake-n-bake’s. Her teeth were fakely straight, obviously helped along with years of braces, and white. She probably bleached them. Like her hair. Which looks completely fried from root to tip.



I smiled sweetly. “My straightener just choked on me the other day. Can you guys recommend a good brand for me to buy?” I ran a hand through my healthy, voluminous locks. “I want a good one that doesn’t cost too much, but won’t die on me within a month’s use.”



They all were silent for a moment, and then one next to the orange girl spoke up.



“I use Chi…”



Of course. Chi is one of the best flat-irons out there. This I know, because the one I have right now is a Chi. And it is, in fact, not in disrepair.



Orange one raised her brow. “Why does a guy need to straighten his hair?”



I snapped a glare at her, “Shut up, Oompa Loompa.”



Her eyes widened, and then she returned the glare, standing up and crossing her arms over her chest. Hm, I wonder if she stuffs?



“Don’t call me that, you drag queen.”



I raised my brows. “You look more like a man than I do.”



Oompa Loompa seethed. “Bitch! You’re a little fucking whore.”



I tapped my chin and tilted my head, then smiled and nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. I gave your boyfriend a blow job last week.”



She launched herself at me, fake nails and plumped lips barred and ready to go. We hit the ground in an epic fight to the death---



She pulled on my hair, I ripped at her shirt, she scratched my face, I slapped her eyeball. Guys were hooting and calling, someone was yelling about getting a hose, and I think I saw camera flashes once or twice. A bit of dust flew, curses, and sounds of dying cats filled the cafeteria before we were wrenched apart by the jaws of life themselves – Colby and Shaun.



Shaun had ahold of the chick, who looked like she’d been bitten by a werewolf or something and needed to go feast on blood. Or whatever it is that werewolves feed on. Colby was loosely holding one of my arms, knowing that I wouldn’t attack so soon. But that girl, she looked like she was going to kill someone for a pair of Prada shoes.



I grinned. “I like you.”



She blinked, her expression confused for a second, as some of her hair tweaked a bit. “… What?”



“You’ve got spunk, Oompa Loompa.”



“Don’t call me that!”



“I could use someone like you.”



Did she just growl? Oooh. I like them feisty. Shaun carefully let her go, and she straightened herself out, sticking her nose up in the air.



“I don’t want anything to do with a bunch of gay guys.” She said, turning around and stalking off.



I snickered as the rest of the school stared, and I then dropped the lock of blonde locks I’d been gripping.



Oompa Loompa had a large, not-so-subtle bald spot in the back of her head.



-0-0-0-0-0-0-



“I need that girl.” I said to myself, frowning as I laid down on my stomach on my bed. “How do I get her…?”



“Persuade her.”



I jumped slightly and glared in the direction of my window – Colby was poking his head in.



“I’m on the second level, creep, how are you in my window!?” I yelled, but Colby ignored the question as he slid inside and dusted his shirt off, shutting the window behind him as he sat down in the middle of my floor.



“There’s a certain way to seduce girls, Jules.” Colby explained, as if I were a first grader.



I glared. “What do you know about seduction? You couldn’t seduce a Seagull chewing on Alkaseltzer.”



In a flash Colby was almost nose-to-nose with me, his oceanic blue eyes gazing into my own emerald ones, rendering me speechless and immobile. They glinted beautifully, a shine coming from the heavens as he took my hands within his own, bringing them to his lips for a chaste kiss.



“But… the moon is envious of your beauty, the stars jealous of your class,” he said in a silky sweet, saccharine voice. My heart rate sped up, and a faint blush tinged my cheeks.



“C-Colby…”



He leaned a bit closer, still. “Our love is forbidden, but if it is so, I will become a fugitive so I may win your heart.”



Doki doki.~



After a few seconds of holding the romantic pose, my façade dropped and I deadpanned.



“Cheesy.”



Huffing, Colby sat back and crossed his arms, sniffing and turning his head to the side. “Fine! I won’t help you in the fine arts of seducing a female.”



I whimpered and slithered my way over to my best friend, crawling up his side and wriggling. “But Colby~ I need her! She’s such a cold, violent bitch!”



Still no movement from Colby. All right then, we’ll play a game.



Cause and effect.



-0-0-0-0-0-



I stepped out of the dressing room in a dashing tuxedo, a rose clenched between my teeth as I grabbed a nearby female mannequin and dipped her low.



“This rose blushes at your exquisiteness…”



“Lame.”



Next I put on a sombrero and a bullfighting outfit, stepping out and waving a velvet cloth.



“You have run me over with your radiance and beauty, so much that I am trampled and defeated, left only to succumb to your will!”



“Racist.”



Costume after costume; Harry Potter and a magic wand, a lifeguard and a drownee, a pet-sitter with a plethora of leashes, and finally I had it figured out.



When I came out of the dressing room next, I was dressed as myself. I whistled a store clerk over, a rather cute guy in his early twenties, and beckoned him over. When he came, I grinned and winked at Colby.



“My dear, I know exactly what you want.”



I pulled the shocked employee into my embrace – it was awkward, he’s about a foot taller than me – and dipped him smoothly.



“No woman can resist two gorgeous men pining after each other!”



The clerk stuttered. “I- I’m not gay.”



I glared, and a dark cloud loomed over my head. “Pine after me.” I enunciated clearly and slowly, and the clerk instantly went googly-eyed and turned to mush into my arms.



“Oh, how handsome and dashing you are!” A hand fluttered to his forehead, and I smooched him wetly, then tossed him to the side, making him crash over a couple of racks of clothing. I looked to Colby eagerly, who seemed to be contemplating.



“Hm… pass.~”



“Yes! The ultimate way to seduce a woman is through man-on-man action!” I punched a fist in the air, but Colby raised a finger.



“Only when both men are fatally attractive.”



I grinned. “Let’s see, now who is good enough to be paired up with such a handsome guy as myself?”



Colby shrugged. “A typical muscly jock dude, I suppose.”



I snorted and rolled my eyes. “Fuck no. Those guys are always sweaty; plus, way too beefy for my liking.”



My best friend raised a brow. “… Julian. You’re the most femme guy at the school. I think girls would much rather see you be the one seduced rather than the other way around.”



I sputtered and gawked.



“I- No!” No one seduces Julian Nielson. Julian does the seducing!



Colby just grinned that evil, handsome, irresistible grin.



“Mission Seduce Julian has been accepted.”



I paled.



Were there any handsome, seme gay guys at our school!?







~*~*

A/N: One story with multiple mini-plots are entertaining.

I have no idea how to spell \'alkaseltzer\'.



I’m recently getting heavily addicted to Katekyo Hitman Reborn!. Can anyone tell?

Yes, Cam, that’s why this chapter sucks. Your creativity is being drained out by watching anime in all of your spare time.

Why, how rude of you!

How rude of ME!



...

In order to seduce a woman to become his fledgling, Julian must first be seduced.

My logic is win.





Review now plz.