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Original - Misc › -Slash - Male/Male
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Category:
Original - Misc › -Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
7
Views:
1,602
Reviews:
2
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
Chapter 7
Chapter 7 - Hold me
October 16, 2005
I hated today. Kyle looked at me as if his soul were broken in two. I can’t help that I hurt him - I don’t mean too. Just the way he accused me of having enjoyed my time with Jerek The way he had asked if Jerek had hurt me. What do I tell him? I said no - Really, he hadn’t. He’d slapped me, yes. But in the end, I wasn’t hurt. No more than before. Well, I guess that is a lie. My soul feels ripped apart too.
Rene doesn’t seem to think anything is wrong. She wanted to know about the bruise on my cheek, but that’s nothing new to her. She’s seen me in worse shape. How do I tell her that we have to leave soon, now when we’ve found this safe haven? How do I explain to her that maybe Kyle can’t accept what I have to do to make sure we survive?
How do I tell Kyle I have to leave?
I don’t want to. I want him to hold me and hug me and love me for all it’s worth - even if it isn’t worth much anymore. I think he heard me crying last night. The way his eyes were blood shot, I knew he’d been crying. What do I say to him? I’ve never seen him cry before.
He can’t figure out why I have to strip, why I can’t get a normal job. He’ll help me, forever. I know that. It just really hurts to see him have to face this head on. He isn’t used to it. Hell, I’m not even used to it. It just seems to have become routine.
I hope to all gods I don’t become used to this - being used isn’t fun - it’s just a way of life; one that I hate. If not for Rene… I would not have a life at all, so I suppose I am glad for the one I have. It’s not something I’d want for her though. I really do pray we find dad before she gets hurt in this mess.
I have never prayed. But tonight… tonight I am. I pray that everything works out; I pray this pain ends. I pray that Rene doesn’t remember, and that Kyle forgives me. Please, just forgive me for tonight…
I need you tonight Kyle - I’m sorry I’m too afraid to say it out loud tonight.
The night seem longer than most. Veron’s body and soul seethed in agony. Pain that spread from the inside out and no amount of words could heal the wounds that scared him. Kyle had been no help. More than once during the day he’d been short tempered, lashing out and yelling at him for seemingly no reason.
Inside Kyle was just as shattered as Veron, if not more so. Having lain awake outside the door the previous night listening as his brother pleasured the one he needed most. What really hurt is that it wasn’t even rape in the beginning. Veron wanted it, he didn’t object to the bindings, didn’t object to Jerek’s advances in the bathroom; something he’d seen by accident while he was walking down the hallway.
Small pinholes were obvious on his arm; always having been the strong one, Kyle didn’t know how to react to the sudden hollowness and weakness that kind of emotional pain caused him. The pin he’d used was now in the garbage can. Veron had ripped it out of his arm in a moment of panic, cutting Kyle in the process of trying to help him. Self-mutilation is never pretty; it’s was something Veron did on occasion, but Kyle had never tried it, never truly understanding the reason behind it until the pain inside him became too much for him to handle alone.
Veron cried most of the night, arms bound tightly about himself as he lay curled up on the floor of Kyle’s bedroom. He had refused to sleep in the same bed, but Kyle didn’t protest, and seemed more than happy to watch his inner struggle as he clung to himself for warmth and comfort. ‘Kyle, I need you, please.’ Veron whimpered quietly under his breath. He could feel the older boys eyes on him. The thought that Kyle no longer wanted to touch him was devastating.
Veron stayed silent, feeling Kyle’s cold eyes roam over him. A cool breeze accompanied the remoteness of Kyle’s voice as he spoke. “You look uncomfortable. You can sleep with me.” He whispered. “How am I supposed to react to this? You already told me that having sex with Jerek wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. Am I supposed to be happy about that?” Kyle shifted on the bed making it squeak slightly. “It hurt, Veron.”
“I’m fine here.” Veron uttered back, tears running down his cheeks as he refused the offer he’d wanted so badly to hear. “I didn’t mean it like that… When I told you that Jerek didn’t hurt me.” Veron offered when he heard Kyle sigh behind him. “I just… It’s nothing.” he concluded finally, “It meant nothing.”
“Fine. You’re sure you don’t want to sleep on my bed?” Kyle asked once more.
Veron sighed and nodded. “Yes. I’m sure. I’m fine down here.” He replied, hating himself for saying it and knowing that the longer he held himself away from Kyle, the more both of them would hurt, but he couldn’t bring himself to admit how badly Kyle hurt him during their fight earlier in the morning.
When Veron had woken up that morning Kyle had been sitting at the bottom of the stairs waiting for him to emerge from the room. “ You like him.” Kyle accused quietly as he stood up. “I sat here, waiting for so long. I heard everything you said to him, every time you cried out for him.” Tears were streaming down his cheeks. “I can’t believe you’d do that me. I thought It was just business. You enjoyed it.” Kyle yelled.
“I didn’t…” Veron started before Kyle pushed him against the wall. “Kyle please… I didn’t enjoy it. Please, please don’t be mad at me. Kyle I need you, please?” Veron begged as he gazed fearfully into icy, uncaring eyes. His body was trembling as Kyle leaned in closer to him, their bodes pressing together, Kyle’s lips brushed against Veron’s ear with every word.
“Did he hurt you? Did you try to fight him as he tied your hands? No, You didn’t. He laid on top of you and used your body, he made you scream his name as you came. You cried out and moaned in pleasure with every thrust, and you dare say you didn’t enjoy it? I’m not a stupid man, Veron. It wasn’t until very late last night that you finally began to fight him. You spent the entire night with him, writhing in waves of pleasure, until Jerek slapped you and forced your memories of Marek to come back.” Kyle’s voice was thick with revulsion. His hand skated up Veron’s side and stopped to rest at he base of his neck.
Veron tried desperately to inch away from the now clawed hand at the back of his neck, “Kyle, let me go. Please.” Tears began to cascade down his cheeks as he continued to struggle. Kyle’s body was firm holding him against the wall. “Don’t hurt me, Kyle.” He whimpered.
“Just - stay away from me.” Kyle said, his voice finally cracking showing the hurt and betrayal he felt. “I wanted it to be us, Veron. You and me. I would never hurt you, not like this. I would never hurt you in the way you’ve hurt me.” He turned away and walked down the empty hallway.
October 16, 2005
I hated today. Kyle looked at me as if his soul were broken in two. I can’t help that I hurt him - I don’t mean too. Just the way he accused me of having enjoyed my time with Jerek The way he had asked if Jerek had hurt me. What do I tell him? I said no - Really, he hadn’t. He’d slapped me, yes. But in the end, I wasn’t hurt. No more than before. Well, I guess that is a lie. My soul feels ripped apart too.
Rene doesn’t seem to think anything is wrong. She wanted to know about the bruise on my cheek, but that’s nothing new to her. She’s seen me in worse shape. How do I tell her that we have to leave soon, now when we’ve found this safe haven? How do I explain to her that maybe Kyle can’t accept what I have to do to make sure we survive?
How do I tell Kyle I have to leave?
I don’t want to. I want him to hold me and hug me and love me for all it’s worth - even if it isn’t worth much anymore. I think he heard me crying last night. The way his eyes were blood shot, I knew he’d been crying. What do I say to him? I’ve never seen him cry before.
He can’t figure out why I have to strip, why I can’t get a normal job. He’ll help me, forever. I know that. It just really hurts to see him have to face this head on. He isn’t used to it. Hell, I’m not even used to it. It just seems to have become routine.
I hope to all gods I don’t become used to this - being used isn’t fun - it’s just a way of life; one that I hate. If not for Rene… I would not have a life at all, so I suppose I am glad for the one I have. It’s not something I’d want for her though. I really do pray we find dad before she gets hurt in this mess.
I have never prayed. But tonight… tonight I am. I pray that everything works out; I pray this pain ends. I pray that Rene doesn’t remember, and that Kyle forgives me. Please, just forgive me for tonight…
I need you tonight Kyle - I’m sorry I’m too afraid to say it out loud tonight.
The night seem longer than most. Veron’s body and soul seethed in agony. Pain that spread from the inside out and no amount of words could heal the wounds that scared him. Kyle had been no help. More than once during the day he’d been short tempered, lashing out and yelling at him for seemingly no reason.
Inside Kyle was just as shattered as Veron, if not more so. Having lain awake outside the door the previous night listening as his brother pleasured the one he needed most. What really hurt is that it wasn’t even rape in the beginning. Veron wanted it, he didn’t object to the bindings, didn’t object to Jerek’s advances in the bathroom; something he’d seen by accident while he was walking down the hallway.
Small pinholes were obvious on his arm; always having been the strong one, Kyle didn’t know how to react to the sudden hollowness and weakness that kind of emotional pain caused him. The pin he’d used was now in the garbage can. Veron had ripped it out of his arm in a moment of panic, cutting Kyle in the process of trying to help him. Self-mutilation is never pretty; it’s was something Veron did on occasion, but Kyle had never tried it, never truly understanding the reason behind it until the pain inside him became too much for him to handle alone.
Veron cried most of the night, arms bound tightly about himself as he lay curled up on the floor of Kyle’s bedroom. He had refused to sleep in the same bed, but Kyle didn’t protest, and seemed more than happy to watch his inner struggle as he clung to himself for warmth and comfort. ‘Kyle, I need you, please.’ Veron whimpered quietly under his breath. He could feel the older boys eyes on him. The thought that Kyle no longer wanted to touch him was devastating.
Veron stayed silent, feeling Kyle’s cold eyes roam over him. A cool breeze accompanied the remoteness of Kyle’s voice as he spoke. “You look uncomfortable. You can sleep with me.” He whispered. “How am I supposed to react to this? You already told me that having sex with Jerek wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. Am I supposed to be happy about that?” Kyle shifted on the bed making it squeak slightly. “It hurt, Veron.”
“I’m fine here.” Veron uttered back, tears running down his cheeks as he refused the offer he’d wanted so badly to hear. “I didn’t mean it like that… When I told you that Jerek didn’t hurt me.” Veron offered when he heard Kyle sigh behind him. “I just… It’s nothing.” he concluded finally, “It meant nothing.”
“Fine. You’re sure you don’t want to sleep on my bed?” Kyle asked once more.
Veron sighed and nodded. “Yes. I’m sure. I’m fine down here.” He replied, hating himself for saying it and knowing that the longer he held himself away from Kyle, the more both of them would hurt, but he couldn’t bring himself to admit how badly Kyle hurt him during their fight earlier in the morning.
When Veron had woken up that morning Kyle had been sitting at the bottom of the stairs waiting for him to emerge from the room. “ You like him.” Kyle accused quietly as he stood up. “I sat here, waiting for so long. I heard everything you said to him, every time you cried out for him.” Tears were streaming down his cheeks. “I can’t believe you’d do that me. I thought It was just business. You enjoyed it.” Kyle yelled.
“I didn’t…” Veron started before Kyle pushed him against the wall. “Kyle please… I didn’t enjoy it. Please, please don’t be mad at me. Kyle I need you, please?” Veron begged as he gazed fearfully into icy, uncaring eyes. His body was trembling as Kyle leaned in closer to him, their bodes pressing together, Kyle’s lips brushed against Veron’s ear with every word.
“Did he hurt you? Did you try to fight him as he tied your hands? No, You didn’t. He laid on top of you and used your body, he made you scream his name as you came. You cried out and moaned in pleasure with every thrust, and you dare say you didn’t enjoy it? I’m not a stupid man, Veron. It wasn’t until very late last night that you finally began to fight him. You spent the entire night with him, writhing in waves of pleasure, until Jerek slapped you and forced your memories of Marek to come back.” Kyle’s voice was thick with revulsion. His hand skated up Veron’s side and stopped to rest at he base of his neck.
Veron tried desperately to inch away from the now clawed hand at the back of his neck, “Kyle, let me go. Please.” Tears began to cascade down his cheeks as he continued to struggle. Kyle’s body was firm holding him against the wall. “Don’t hurt me, Kyle.” He whimpered.
“Just - stay away from me.” Kyle said, his voice finally cracking showing the hurt and betrayal he felt. “I wanted it to be us, Veron. You and me. I would never hurt you, not like this. I would never hurt you in the way you’ve hurt me.” He turned away and walked down the empty hallway.