Gender Dysphoria: How it Feels to Live a Lie
folder
Original - Misc › -Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
24
Views:
4,602
Reviews:
70
Recommended:
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Category:
Original - Misc › -Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
24
Views:
4,602
Reviews:
70
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
Chapter 6
Hiya! Sorry ladies and gents, this chapter isn't as long as all my others, but you'll still learn a bit in this chapter.
Warning: Foreplay between two women. Implied sex.
T-Girl: a transgendered female
tranny: a term used by some TG women to describe other TG women. Often considered offensive if used by a non-TG
transfan: someone who is attracted to transgender people.
tuck: to conceal male genitals by tucking them between the legs.
Chapter 6
I had just gotten out the shower when I heard the phone ring. Wrapping one towel around me and using another to dry my hair, I walked into my tv room and answered the phone. “Hello?”
“Hi. Is this Gwen?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Oh good. This is Tony. Remember me?”
How could I forget the guy who gave me the ‘call girl’ job two weeks ago. “Yes, I remember.”
“I’m calling because I have a job for you tonight. His name is Allan. He took one look at the portfolio and instantly picked you. He’s in room 112.”
“What time do I need to be there?”
“9 o’clock. You ready?”
Was I ready? I had no clue. I mean, I’m not a virgin—though considering how long it’s been since I last had sex, my ‘experienced’ license may be revoked—but knowing what I was about to do, left me feeling a wee bit nervous. I’m not completely obtuse to this world. I’ve heard of stories about girls and boys who get sucked into this life for whatever reason and soon find themselves unable to get out of it. That’s my biggest fear. I don’t want this to last forever.
“Yeah, I’m ready.”
“Good girl. I’ll see you tonight.” He hung up.
“Yeah, bye.” I said to nobody as I hung up the phone.
***
What do you wear when you go to meet a “john”? I know what you’re thinking….”She’s about to go to a hotel and have sex with a stranger and she’s worried about what to wear?” Well….yeah. I’ve never done this before. And somehow, I really doubt any of these ‘customers’ will be turned on for a night of passion with a girl who’s wearing a cute sundress. I don’t own any hotpants or skin tight jeans for obvious reasons. I could’ve but I never liked tucking.
After hacking my brain and my closet for roughly an hour, I finally came up with a wardrobe; the shortest black dress I owned and my knee high black leather boots with a pointed toe and pencil-thin heel. Hair was next. I finished drying it then ran my brush through it a few times. It had been a few days since my last perm, so my hair was starting to flip up on the ends. But that was okay, it helped add more character. Deciding to leave my mane down, I started on my makeup. I may had started my transition when I was fifteen, but I knew about makeup long before then. I’d watch my mother as she sat in front of her mirror and observe her using different cosmetics. Curious, I’d ask her different questions about different items used and how to use it. Little did she know then, that I wasn’t just being inquisitive, but I was taking notes.
Since it was nighttime, I needed to do an evening look. I applied eyeliner, mascara, and brown and gold eye shadow over my eyes, then just did a pale pink color lipstick that wasn’t much different than my own lip color and shined it up with gloss. “Subtle, but Stunning.” Mama would always say.
I was all done except I needed perfume. Using the only bottle I had, I squirted some in a diamond formation; left side, right side, and erogenous zone. Or what Savannah would call, “Vermont, Orgeon, and Texas.”
Grabbing my black trench coat, I tossed it over my forearm and walked to my front door. But when I opened it, Savannah stood there with her fist in the air ready to knock. “Savannah.”
She smiled. I loved her dimples. “Hey Gwenie-poo. Me and Ian were gonna go out for dinner tonight and I wanted to see if you wanted to go with us.” She looked me up and down and her eyebrow raised up. “But I see you’ve already got plans. Hon, where are you going in that short ass dress? And why haven’t I borrowed it from you yet?”
I stalled for a moment. What was I gonna tell her? The truth? Hell no. ‘I’m going to a hotel to get screwed by some admirer bloke I don’t even know.’ Yeah right. Savannah would slap me til my head turned around, then curse me out. *Just lie, Gwen.* “I’m going out…..with Carlos.” *Yeah, that’s good. Now if she just never mentions it to Carlos and asks him about it, that lie should play-out fine.*
Savannah looked surprised. “Really? By the way you’re looking, it must be a really nice place he’s taking you to. I’m shocked. Normally he’s a tightwad with his money.”
I shrugged. “Well, it took a bit of persuasion on my part to get him to do it.” I quickly checked the large clock in the hall. I needed to get out of there.
“Well, have fun and tell me all about it when you get back.”
“I will.” I quickly gave her a kiss and a hug. “Love you.”
“Love you too. Bye.” She watched me as I left. I had called a taxi earlier, so once I spotted the yellow car, I immediately hopped in to go to ‘work’.
***
I stood outside room 112, stiff as a board. I was okay about it when I was at home, but now that I was there, my heart was throbbing. Savannah always told me I was too timid. I’m not very experienced with sex so to speak and was hopping I didn’t choke. This Allan fella was probably looking for an experienced transie. He’s paying all this money to do it with a transsexual girl. He wouldn’t want a t-girl who was too nervous to show her ‘winkie’ to him. My breaths started to become short. A couple days after meeting Tony at Zelda’s, I went to his hotel to have my picture taken for his portfolio, when I met a fellow T-girl named, Denise. She had been doing this for Tony for three years now and when she met me, she broke down what I needed to do in the simplest terms possible: “Get on your back, point your heels towards the sky, and dream of Johnny Depp.” It was a silly comment and she and I giggled about it afterwards, but now that I think about it, the simple comment made sense. This was a job, so don’t read more into this than what’s only expected. Do what you got to do and move on. I know what’s going on in my life and I know what I need to finish my dream. It’s all about the money…….so just do it.
Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and psyched myself up for what I was about to do. *Show no fear, Gwen. You can do this.* My heart finally slowed and I raised my hand to knock. I heard footsteps then the door opened.
“Hello.” The man I guessed to be Allan said to me with a smile. He looked to be around his mid-thirties. He carried a slight beer gut, brown hair, blue eyes, and nice teeth. He wore a pair of faded blue jeans and a Corona t-shirt. I could tell by his mannerisms, this wasn’t his first time doing this.
I smiled back, switching my seductive façade on. “Hi.”
“Are you Gwendolyn?”
“I am.”
“Good.” He licked his lips as he opened the door further and allowed me room to come in. he shut the door after me. As I untied the strap of my trenchcoat, I looked back up to him and saw his eyes give me the slowest once-over I’d ever seen. “Damn. Are you sure, you’re a tranny?”
I started unbuttoning the black buttons. “Last I checked.” I removed the jacket and let it drop to the floor.
He circled around me. “I’ve been with a few girls like you, but I’ve never seen one so…..convincing.” I had heard enough of his mouth already. He takes me as some type of phony woman. Is that what he thinks of all t-girls? He stopped behind me and laid a hand on my shoulder. He slid his hand under the thin strap of my dress and started to pull it down, but I stopped him.
“Ah, ah, ah. You’ve done this before, so you know the rules. Business before pleasure, big boy.” I grabbed his index finger and placed it in my mouth, then slowly slid it back out with a kiss to the tip. Allan drew a breath, before he made his way to the hotel dresser. I watched him look around it, searching for something. He pulled out the dresser drawer and frowned when he didn’t find what he was looking for.
“Linda! You got my wallet?!”
I blinked. Linda? As in a woman, Linda? What’s a woman doing here? I stood quietly as a woman of equal age as Allan walked out from the bathroom, wrapped in a large towel, her shoulder length blonde hair was laying wet around her face. Not bad to look at. I could tell she had a rather striking shape too.
In her hands was a brown leather wallet. She walked to Allan and handed it to him. “You left it in the bathroom.”
“Thanks.” He wrapped and arm around Linda. “Gwendolyn, this is Linda. My wife. She wanted to be with you tonight. I’m just gonna watch.”
What the hell? I didn’t know this. No one told me I was gonna do it with a woman! This wasn’t in the plans! But I kept my composure and smiled. “You know this will cost you extra. I don’t normally do other women.”
“How much extra?”
“$80.”
“Damn, girl! You don’t come cheap, do you?”
I shrugged. “I gotta eat too, ya know.”
“I agree with that.” He reached into his wallet and pulled out his regular $500, plus 80 more. Doing what Denise had taught me to do, I folded up the money and slid it deep into one of my boots. ‘You can’t slide it into your bra. You’re not guaranteed you’ll have it on all night.’ She told me once.
I was alittle iffy about having sex with this man, but I’m even more unsure now that I’d found out I was screwing a woman. Being with another woman stirs no desire in me at all, so how was I supposed to pull this off?
Linda walked up to me and kissed me. “You’re very beautiful.” She whispered.
“Thank you.”
She ran her hands up and down my sides. When did the roles all of a sudden change? Aren’t I the hooker? Her hands reached the zipper of my dress and she pulled it down. I stood motionless as the dress fell to the floor, leaving me in my black underwear. “You don’t have to be nervous.”
“I’m not nervous.” I replied back to her.
“It’s ok. We know this is your first time doing something like this. That’s why we chose you.” She kissed my cheek then started on my neck. It might have been my first time doing this, but I could easily tell this wasn’t hers. From the way she was holding me and kissing me without abandon, I guessed Linda was bisexual. And seeing as how Allan had sat down on the edge of the bed, rubbing his crotch, that characteristic about her made him marry the woman.
She placed my hands on the front of her towel and I opened it, letting the cloth drop to the floor next to my dress. I was right about her shape. Linda had a stunning figure; ample breasts, curvaceous hips, and legs for days. I wasn’t lusting after her……I was envious. How was I gonna get through this? To me, it felt like we were engaging in acts of lesbianism. I’m not a lesbian. But there was nothing I could do about that now. She and Allan paid $580 for entertainment, so I was obligated to comply to her desires.
Gathering up some courage, I took her hand in mine and pulled her to the bed. She laid down willingly. I saw Allan reach into his pants and massage himself slowly as I crawled over his wife. The lovely blonde ran her hands back over my skin as we embraced in another kiss. Initiated by her. I closed my eyes and imagined it was Carlos’ skin I was kissing on the shoulder, Carlos’ lips I heard sighing romantically, Carlos’ hands that were currently behind my back, unhooking by bra. I heard Allan groan and the sound of moist skin shifting quickly in his hand. He was definitely getting off by us. I was equally caught off guard, when Linda’s skilled hand grabbed my crotch. I gasped as my eyes popped open. Pleasure filled me.
“Oh my God.” I whispered.
***
HOUR AND A HALF LATER…
Allan leaned in and kissed his flushed wife on the lips. Still lying naked in bed, Linda couldn’t stop smiling. It was a bit flattering that I did that to her, but I still felt numb to it all nonetheless. I sat on the edge of the bed, my back towards them, as I zipped up my dress and pulled the hem over my thighs.
Somewhere during our tryst, I finally developed a thick skin. *It was just sex. Just do it, Gwen. Hell, you get paid for it.* Soon, that was all that mattered. I needed money and by-golly I was gonna have it, by any means necessary. My determination was in overdrive. I no longer felt an unease at being a ‘call girl’. It was my job, after all. I knew what I had to do to get what I wanted. I tried getting money the good way……it got me short wages and gropes from drunk customers. I tried asking my family……it got me a broken heart and left me in shame. I’m through being timid, shy, and unsure about everything. Fuck it. I was going to do this my way and nothing was going to stop me from getting what I wanted.
So, with my clothes back in place, my hair swept back to one side, and $580 stuck in my shoe, I got up and left the hotel…..without a word to the married couple.
Give me some feedback people. R&R.
Warning: Foreplay between two women. Implied sex.
T-Girl: a transgendered female
tranny: a term used by some TG women to describe other TG women. Often considered offensive if used by a non-TG
transfan: someone who is attracted to transgender people.
tuck: to conceal male genitals by tucking them between the legs.
Chapter 6
I had just gotten out the shower when I heard the phone ring. Wrapping one towel around me and using another to dry my hair, I walked into my tv room and answered the phone. “Hello?”
“Hi. Is this Gwen?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Oh good. This is Tony. Remember me?”
How could I forget the guy who gave me the ‘call girl’ job two weeks ago. “Yes, I remember.”
“I’m calling because I have a job for you tonight. His name is Allan. He took one look at the portfolio and instantly picked you. He’s in room 112.”
“What time do I need to be there?”
“9 o’clock. You ready?”
Was I ready? I had no clue. I mean, I’m not a virgin—though considering how long it’s been since I last had sex, my ‘experienced’ license may be revoked—but knowing what I was about to do, left me feeling a wee bit nervous. I’m not completely obtuse to this world. I’ve heard of stories about girls and boys who get sucked into this life for whatever reason and soon find themselves unable to get out of it. That’s my biggest fear. I don’t want this to last forever.
“Yeah, I’m ready.”
“Good girl. I’ll see you tonight.” He hung up.
“Yeah, bye.” I said to nobody as I hung up the phone.
***
What do you wear when you go to meet a “john”? I know what you’re thinking….”She’s about to go to a hotel and have sex with a stranger and she’s worried about what to wear?” Well….yeah. I’ve never done this before. And somehow, I really doubt any of these ‘customers’ will be turned on for a night of passion with a girl who’s wearing a cute sundress. I don’t own any hotpants or skin tight jeans for obvious reasons. I could’ve but I never liked tucking.
After hacking my brain and my closet for roughly an hour, I finally came up with a wardrobe; the shortest black dress I owned and my knee high black leather boots with a pointed toe and pencil-thin heel. Hair was next. I finished drying it then ran my brush through it a few times. It had been a few days since my last perm, so my hair was starting to flip up on the ends. But that was okay, it helped add more character. Deciding to leave my mane down, I started on my makeup. I may had started my transition when I was fifteen, but I knew about makeup long before then. I’d watch my mother as she sat in front of her mirror and observe her using different cosmetics. Curious, I’d ask her different questions about different items used and how to use it. Little did she know then, that I wasn’t just being inquisitive, but I was taking notes.
Since it was nighttime, I needed to do an evening look. I applied eyeliner, mascara, and brown and gold eye shadow over my eyes, then just did a pale pink color lipstick that wasn’t much different than my own lip color and shined it up with gloss. “Subtle, but Stunning.” Mama would always say.
I was all done except I needed perfume. Using the only bottle I had, I squirted some in a diamond formation; left side, right side, and erogenous zone. Or what Savannah would call, “Vermont, Orgeon, and Texas.”
Grabbing my black trench coat, I tossed it over my forearm and walked to my front door. But when I opened it, Savannah stood there with her fist in the air ready to knock. “Savannah.”
She smiled. I loved her dimples. “Hey Gwenie-poo. Me and Ian were gonna go out for dinner tonight and I wanted to see if you wanted to go with us.” She looked me up and down and her eyebrow raised up. “But I see you’ve already got plans. Hon, where are you going in that short ass dress? And why haven’t I borrowed it from you yet?”
I stalled for a moment. What was I gonna tell her? The truth? Hell no. ‘I’m going to a hotel to get screwed by some admirer bloke I don’t even know.’ Yeah right. Savannah would slap me til my head turned around, then curse me out. *Just lie, Gwen.* “I’m going out…..with Carlos.” *Yeah, that’s good. Now if she just never mentions it to Carlos and asks him about it, that lie should play-out fine.*
Savannah looked surprised. “Really? By the way you’re looking, it must be a really nice place he’s taking you to. I’m shocked. Normally he’s a tightwad with his money.”
I shrugged. “Well, it took a bit of persuasion on my part to get him to do it.” I quickly checked the large clock in the hall. I needed to get out of there.
“Well, have fun and tell me all about it when you get back.”
“I will.” I quickly gave her a kiss and a hug. “Love you.”
“Love you too. Bye.” She watched me as I left. I had called a taxi earlier, so once I spotted the yellow car, I immediately hopped in to go to ‘work’.
***
I stood outside room 112, stiff as a board. I was okay about it when I was at home, but now that I was there, my heart was throbbing. Savannah always told me I was too timid. I’m not very experienced with sex so to speak and was hopping I didn’t choke. This Allan fella was probably looking for an experienced transie. He’s paying all this money to do it with a transsexual girl. He wouldn’t want a t-girl who was too nervous to show her ‘winkie’ to him. My breaths started to become short. A couple days after meeting Tony at Zelda’s, I went to his hotel to have my picture taken for his portfolio, when I met a fellow T-girl named, Denise. She had been doing this for Tony for three years now and when she met me, she broke down what I needed to do in the simplest terms possible: “Get on your back, point your heels towards the sky, and dream of Johnny Depp.” It was a silly comment and she and I giggled about it afterwards, but now that I think about it, the simple comment made sense. This was a job, so don’t read more into this than what’s only expected. Do what you got to do and move on. I know what’s going on in my life and I know what I need to finish my dream. It’s all about the money…….so just do it.
Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and psyched myself up for what I was about to do. *Show no fear, Gwen. You can do this.* My heart finally slowed and I raised my hand to knock. I heard footsteps then the door opened.
“Hello.” The man I guessed to be Allan said to me with a smile. He looked to be around his mid-thirties. He carried a slight beer gut, brown hair, blue eyes, and nice teeth. He wore a pair of faded blue jeans and a Corona t-shirt. I could tell by his mannerisms, this wasn’t his first time doing this.
I smiled back, switching my seductive façade on. “Hi.”
“Are you Gwendolyn?”
“I am.”
“Good.” He licked his lips as he opened the door further and allowed me room to come in. he shut the door after me. As I untied the strap of my trenchcoat, I looked back up to him and saw his eyes give me the slowest once-over I’d ever seen. “Damn. Are you sure, you’re a tranny?”
I started unbuttoning the black buttons. “Last I checked.” I removed the jacket and let it drop to the floor.
He circled around me. “I’ve been with a few girls like you, but I’ve never seen one so…..convincing.” I had heard enough of his mouth already. He takes me as some type of phony woman. Is that what he thinks of all t-girls? He stopped behind me and laid a hand on my shoulder. He slid his hand under the thin strap of my dress and started to pull it down, but I stopped him.
“Ah, ah, ah. You’ve done this before, so you know the rules. Business before pleasure, big boy.” I grabbed his index finger and placed it in my mouth, then slowly slid it back out with a kiss to the tip. Allan drew a breath, before he made his way to the hotel dresser. I watched him look around it, searching for something. He pulled out the dresser drawer and frowned when he didn’t find what he was looking for.
“Linda! You got my wallet?!”
I blinked. Linda? As in a woman, Linda? What’s a woman doing here? I stood quietly as a woman of equal age as Allan walked out from the bathroom, wrapped in a large towel, her shoulder length blonde hair was laying wet around her face. Not bad to look at. I could tell she had a rather striking shape too.
In her hands was a brown leather wallet. She walked to Allan and handed it to him. “You left it in the bathroom.”
“Thanks.” He wrapped and arm around Linda. “Gwendolyn, this is Linda. My wife. She wanted to be with you tonight. I’m just gonna watch.”
What the hell? I didn’t know this. No one told me I was gonna do it with a woman! This wasn’t in the plans! But I kept my composure and smiled. “You know this will cost you extra. I don’t normally do other women.”
“How much extra?”
“$80.”
“Damn, girl! You don’t come cheap, do you?”
I shrugged. “I gotta eat too, ya know.”
“I agree with that.” He reached into his wallet and pulled out his regular $500, plus 80 more. Doing what Denise had taught me to do, I folded up the money and slid it deep into one of my boots. ‘You can’t slide it into your bra. You’re not guaranteed you’ll have it on all night.’ She told me once.
I was alittle iffy about having sex with this man, but I’m even more unsure now that I’d found out I was screwing a woman. Being with another woman stirs no desire in me at all, so how was I supposed to pull this off?
Linda walked up to me and kissed me. “You’re very beautiful.” She whispered.
“Thank you.”
She ran her hands up and down my sides. When did the roles all of a sudden change? Aren’t I the hooker? Her hands reached the zipper of my dress and she pulled it down. I stood motionless as the dress fell to the floor, leaving me in my black underwear. “You don’t have to be nervous.”
“I’m not nervous.” I replied back to her.
“It’s ok. We know this is your first time doing something like this. That’s why we chose you.” She kissed my cheek then started on my neck. It might have been my first time doing this, but I could easily tell this wasn’t hers. From the way she was holding me and kissing me without abandon, I guessed Linda was bisexual. And seeing as how Allan had sat down on the edge of the bed, rubbing his crotch, that characteristic about her made him marry the woman.
She placed my hands on the front of her towel and I opened it, letting the cloth drop to the floor next to my dress. I was right about her shape. Linda had a stunning figure; ample breasts, curvaceous hips, and legs for days. I wasn’t lusting after her……I was envious. How was I gonna get through this? To me, it felt like we were engaging in acts of lesbianism. I’m not a lesbian. But there was nothing I could do about that now. She and Allan paid $580 for entertainment, so I was obligated to comply to her desires.
Gathering up some courage, I took her hand in mine and pulled her to the bed. She laid down willingly. I saw Allan reach into his pants and massage himself slowly as I crawled over his wife. The lovely blonde ran her hands back over my skin as we embraced in another kiss. Initiated by her. I closed my eyes and imagined it was Carlos’ skin I was kissing on the shoulder, Carlos’ lips I heard sighing romantically, Carlos’ hands that were currently behind my back, unhooking by bra. I heard Allan groan and the sound of moist skin shifting quickly in his hand. He was definitely getting off by us. I was equally caught off guard, when Linda’s skilled hand grabbed my crotch. I gasped as my eyes popped open. Pleasure filled me.
“Oh my God.” I whispered.
***
HOUR AND A HALF LATER…
Allan leaned in and kissed his flushed wife on the lips. Still lying naked in bed, Linda couldn’t stop smiling. It was a bit flattering that I did that to her, but I still felt numb to it all nonetheless. I sat on the edge of the bed, my back towards them, as I zipped up my dress and pulled the hem over my thighs.
Somewhere during our tryst, I finally developed a thick skin. *It was just sex. Just do it, Gwen. Hell, you get paid for it.* Soon, that was all that mattered. I needed money and by-golly I was gonna have it, by any means necessary. My determination was in overdrive. I no longer felt an unease at being a ‘call girl’. It was my job, after all. I knew what I had to do to get what I wanted. I tried getting money the good way……it got me short wages and gropes from drunk customers. I tried asking my family……it got me a broken heart and left me in shame. I’m through being timid, shy, and unsure about everything. Fuck it. I was going to do this my way and nothing was going to stop me from getting what I wanted.
So, with my clothes back in place, my hair swept back to one side, and $580 stuck in my shoe, I got up and left the hotel…..without a word to the married couple.
Give me some feedback people. R&R.