A Brother's Love

Before hand: Yes, I know I could of been more detailed with the entrance,I know it sorta just jumps in the middle of things, I know I could have done better. . . but.. . . No. And all this chapter is Angst. . . I promise in the next chapters there will be some tort, sex, lots of that, (yay) and such.


+Make Up+

Blame sighs as he scratches at his brow. It has been, what, two two and a half weeks since the little incident, and still he hasn't had the nerve to say anything just yet. He bites at his lip, drawing blood as he places his hands on the table. It has to be now. Lucious might fall back asleep, and with wounds still healing, it might be a few days before he wakes up. And a few days is painful as guilt has slowly been eating him from the indie out. During the two weeks, Blame figures he's only gotten a few hours worth of sleep, and eaten maybe a handful of food. Blame growles lightly as he nears the doorway.

~*~

"Lucious... I'm...I'm sorry...."

Lucious blinked at Blame from the bed. Blame stood in the doorway, a frown on his morbidly handsom face. His elder brother let out a low sigh and took a breath before continueing.

"If I had never hurt you so much,if I had a better temper, if I was so fucking stupid, if I had actully tried to see how much I was hurting you, if I had..If I hadn't loved you, you'd prolly be so much better off. And that's all I really want. I wanted to be happy...So I kept you here, to make me happy, and I knew I was doing the wrong thing, but I didn'w want to let you. That's the reson I was always in such a bad mood, that's a reson I had to keep you here. To keep my sanity I had to sacrifiace your life, to give me the illusion of happiness I had to strip away yours. All I wanted was you. You've always been on my mind, and always will be, your the most precious thing in my life, and I'm sorry I treated you so horribly I just wanted for once in my life to be happy, even if it cost me the happiness of the one person I loved. That's why I was never satisified, that's why I was never happy. I just..I just want to see you happy...and I want to give you that now. You can do what ever you please, when ever you want. You can leave or you can have this house, I'll be leaving shortly anyways...." It was slightly rehearsed, and Blame refused to make eye contact with him as he talked, and seemed to find the bare wooden floor much more interesting than his little brother who was once resting on the bed.

Luciuos, who'd been on the virge of sleep, was now fully away, and he struggled to a sitting position, a grimace on his youthful face, still not fully healed from the 'accident'. He watched Blame's mouth move, although he didn't seem to be hearing him right. Blame was....he was apoligizing...He blinked once again, at his brother's downcast face, and in a weak voice, questioned him. "Where will you go? And when? Will you be..leaving soon?" he whispered, but knew Blame heard him, seeing his older brother twitch slightly.

"I'm...leaving as soon as you can stay on your own." Blame said, and leaned against the door-frame.

"Blame." Lucious' voice was still soft and humble, and he had to fight the urge to look up into those beautiful eyes. But still the other persisted.

"Blame, please. Please look at me. Look up."

Sighing, Blame closed his eyes, and with much effort, raised his head, slowly opening his eyes. He stared into blue bottomeless orbs of his little brother, and a piny of guilt struck him again. He'd never be able to look at those eyes again, he'd never be able to ever again...He pushed the sading thoughts away . Only now, after so long, only now was he able to see all the pain that was carefully hidden, and all the emptyness that was horribly obvious. And those lips that had been always parted in a mournful and empty way, pouting out just so, were now opening and closing as the small boy on the bed tried to make a sentance. Blame really didn't mind, for the longer Lucious was not able to form the sentence, the longer he'd be able to burn his brother's face into his mind...This would be one of the last ways he'd ever picture Lucious, tucked in with obvious care, and propped against the headboredlightly, a look of confusion and thoughtfullness sprayed across such a lov-

"Blame I love you."

Now it's Blame's turn to blink in confusion, questioning his hearing.

Lucious sighed. "I love you Blame. I love you much as possible. I've always loved you. Why think I stay here when I could have run so long ago? The only. . . Reson I ran this time was because. . . I thought it might be better for. . . for you, but. . . " ,He changed the subject ." I can and could always feel you, you know. Even when I was little, I could tell you were sad all the time, every hour of the day. You could fool others into thinking you were happy, but I knew, Blame, I knew how sad you were. A father who doesn't care, a brother who hates you, a mother who detests bringing you into this world. No one ever loves the unwanted child of a rape victim do they? No one loves the child above them, do they? You were never wanted. You still aren't. You'd smile when you killed, because that was the only thing you think happiness can come from...other's pain. But your smart, and you know that's a lie, don't you? You just wanted a reason to kill other's happiness so you wouldn't be so alone. You know what will really make you happy, but you don't want the only person who ever cared back to reject you, do you? You just never wanted me to say no...You just never wanted to be rejected. You never would allow yourself to option of hearing that from my mouth...You lashed out at me, you hurt me...You lashed out, afraid to be rejected by theonly person who...the only persoon who loved you. You wanted to hate me so that you could justify the thought that I hated you, when in truth, I was, I am, just like you."

Halfway through listening, Blame smiled sadly, and slowly approched the bed, keeping eye contact with his little angel. He sat on the edge of it, watching Lucious talk, listening to such a frail voice coming from such a strong little soul. He should of known Lucious would be able to read him like a book, opening his heart and carfully turning and reading each page. . . He pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes as Lucious finished.

"...You're the only person who didn't hate me the moment you saw me. Father hated me, because I am weak, mother because I was child who ruined her life, who cost her her happiness. Luca hated me because I ruined his family, Shade hated me because he wanted my love, he wanted to be the one everyone loved." At htis, Blame looked up, and took the pale little hand that fit right into his, "But you, you were my hope, you were so sweet innocent and with such a big heart I knew you could love me, even if you were my brother, even if I had to teach you too. I knew should have found someone else. But it was too late, the moment I saw you, standing there, the way you looked at me, and held out your arms to me, I couldn't resist you. You never knew how you were wrapping me around your little finger." Carefully he took Lucious' tiny pinky finger and placed it to his lips, kissing it lightly. "You were just so perfect. You just loved me, for me, even if you didn't understand what kind of person I was, and when, when you were able to knoe that I was a bad, horrible monster, you ...you still didn't turn me away, did you?. Even as a child you knew how bad a person I looked like, how horrbile I must of been, right? You knew that I ...I was a monster and I enjoyed others pain, I loved to see people hurt, didn't you?"

Lucious tilted his head lightly to the side. "Yes. I knew. I knew you were a bad bad person, and my mother told me horrible things about you, and Luca and your mother, and I believe them. But I couldn't stop loving you. I felt sorry for you because I knew how your heart hurt, how much pain you were in because no one...no one wanted you. Everyone hated you before they knew you."

"And you loved me before you knew me. And I took advantage of your mother's insanity to take you away and keep you. I wanted you so bad, I wanted to have you near me at all times I was positive I had a reason to live besides slaughtering. I took you away from everything, Lucious. I took you away from you family, and people who loved you. I was so slefish...But I'll never regret it."

" I think...you have a right to be. If something you had always wanted, longed for, needed, a reson to live, came along and fell into your hands, you would hold on to it tightly. Everyone would." Lucious lifted his had up to his brother's cheek and slowly let his fingers trail over his brothers stitches. "But if you hadn't I would have died at such an early age, and you would have too. I would have been sacrificed to the Gods, and you would have been driven insane or murdered in cold blood, wouldn't of you? So, why...Why must you hate yourslef now for saving both of us? I don't. I never will. I know I make act like I hate you, but I.. I don't Blame. Yo scare me at times, and your rough and rude, and hateful alot, but I can live with that." Gently, Lucious pulled his brother close to him, lying Blame's head to his chest. "I love you, Blame."

Blame sighed as he felt Lucious strong heat beating steadly, his little brother's breathing begining to level out evenly. Then, he too, closed his eyes and rested.

+End of Part One+

Aruthor's note : Now, onto part two! Did you really think I'd let my story just end all happy with "I love you's'' and stuff??? Aw, hell no. *grins* Besides. . . what exactly has living with a homicidal maniac with violent tendencies and sexual frurustration done to Lucious?