Right Turn

((Oh my gosh! I hadn't thought that this story would go over well. I'm so pleased people are enjoying it!

And this has gotten slightly more complicated than I want it to be. I'm going to try and ease up a bit before Claire goes and drags us off into something unrelated to a sappy, sweet, easy love story. *L* I'm hoping that somehow I can cut through all of the bull and skip the basic stuff that we all know and love (rather than go through this day by day. Sorry for that! How boring can you get?) So here goes! Another shot!

Earthgurl: You know what? I love you! Wheee! Thank you SOOO much! As always, coming from a writer who is as much a poet as a prose writer, that is high, high praise. :)
Yue: You like that name? Ain't it cool? Yay! Me too! And I love calling him "Ky".. somehow that name just resounds aloud in my head whenever I write it. *L* And a bully complex? Eek! That sounds catching!
Xtreme/Ashlee: Wow! Oh wow... you know, that is SO cool to find out this story was recommended. It's like one of the highest compliments! Hee hee. And blushing? Eek! - I'm glad that things are still up in the air regarding who Ben's been talking to and getting notes from. I'd hoped to keep it muddled and hope to muddle it further soon. As for a sexy scene at the end? Would you kill me if I put it in the epilogue? (I just realized that I've put this up as NC17 and it's really almost.. well... heh, PG 15. Oop!)
Kikvws: Yay! I love seeing names I recognize! Jack, Jack, Jack. He's such a slow mover, isn't he? Kinda makes you wanna smack him, don't it? *w*

But to keep those of you who love that sort of thing (the sexy smut stuff), this chapter should prove to have a bit more of the sexy stuff in it. It's not my forte, so please don't lynch me!))

Right Turn

The hellos were starting to drive Ben crazy. What with the casual sweetness of the night chats that were happening with more and more regularity - talking about nothing of importance, just keeping it quiet to allow for Jack's nervousness, the notes (the last had been small, only a few words penned in that damnable blue ink saying, 'I had fun last night. Thank you. Love, KSSD' Only the "love" part had made Ben stand in a state of dumbfounded pleasure so long he was late to Calc II), and the niceness of it all, Ben was finding himself going slowly insane.

"I'm going to jump him," he muttered to himself, staring at the beautiful brown haired boy sauntering toward Band with his guitar over his back and friends making him laugh. Jack always seemed to make room for Ben at the end of the class. They'd set up a pattern. Ignore one another for the most part during the day. Band ends, wait. Say hi, talk about nothing, disbelieve how different personality shows up in real life, go back to locker and ignore one another again.

"Jump him?" Claire grinned.

"Jump who?" asked Jen in her midnight dark voice. The girl wore black, it would have seemed wrong if she'd sounded like a cheerleader. Claire sounded enough like that for both of them.

"Jack?" Claire closed her locker and hugged her instrument case to her stomach. "Awe, I'll bet he'd not mind. But would you know what to do, leetal vur-geen?" and she leaned in and patted Ben on the cheek.

Ben closed his locker as well and lugged his trumpet along his side. "I could do it. Just, he doesn't want to get caught and there's no more games for a while. Not home games anyway." He sighed. "I should never have told you about all this shit. You're never going to let it go, are you?"

"Is that Jack?" Jen asked, pointing to the boy in question. "He's not bad, for a guy." She shrugged.

Ben stared, the girl was in her own world. Or at least she seemed that way. But she'd snap out of it sometimes and you were left wondering how you could have missed all that she caught in what was said over the last ten minute conversation. It was like she could multitask her own head.

"You know," Claire continued, ignoring Jen's comments, "you could always go for it online. You said you chat with him lots. Cyber sex?"

Ben gaped, then drew back in disgust. "That's like phone sex. How gross!"

Claire laughed. "It was just an idea. You know, meet him with a line that is so sexy he can't leave, that he'll be hooked." Her eyes glinted mischievously.

Ben shook his head. "You look like that when you tell me something? It's gotta be a sick trap. Let's get to band. You guys going somewhere tonight or can I hang out with you both?"

Jen shrugged. "I think we're open. It's CSI night."

Ben managed the class and the walk home and CSI and even got his mom's car back in one piece, despite the attempts of an idiot running a stop sign. Sitting in his chair that night, he couldn't help but sigh in relief.

Relief, however, turned to outright joy at the name he saw online.

BestKSSD17: Hi Kawaii.
ImKawaii: Oh shit! You'll never believe it! I almost DIED TONIGHT!!!!! This fucker ran a stop sign, almost broadsided me, and I've been like running around, thinking I should drink. Can't seem to calm down. Oh wait, that's cause you're on. You know, you get on and I just dance in my chair? That's terrible.
BestKSSD17: LOL You sure it's not just hemerroids?
ImKawaii: You mean hemorrhoids?
BestKSSD17: Thank you, Webster. Sorry. It was a piss poor joke. LOL You're cute tonight. Bouncy.
ImKawaii: Awe! ::blush:: You're so sweet. I'm jazzed. I saw you today and you looked so damn fine!

Ben sighed, soon after sending his post when there was no response. That was the one thing they never went to. They never talked about how the other person looked. It made Jack uncomfortable. It had come up once the week before after Ben had asked about where Jack had gotten the jeans he was wearing. For Jack, it was a matter of changing the subject. He'd changed the subject whenever Ben got too tangible. It was getting frustrating. But then, it was worth the wait and it really had only been a month and a half, give or take a few days. He couldn't expect Jack to be perfectly comfortable with something like that.

ImKawaii: Sorry. Taboo subject again.
BestKSSD17: No. I'm sorry. I just never know what to say. Maybe it just seems like a dream while we're on here. It is easy to forget we're real. I mean, that we're real in the real world out there. I sometimes think that this is reality.
BestKSSD17: I sound nuts.
BestKSSD17: And I'm the one rambling.
ImKawaii: LOL Don't worry, honey. I love ya anyway. Hey, there are lots worse things to be taboo. What about like... having sex with your dog? Poor puppy. Poooooor Bradley!
ImKawaii: Or like drinking PEPSI!
BestKSSD17: LOL I don't mind Pepsi.
ImKawaii: WHAT? OH YOU POOR MISGUIDED YOUTH!!!!!
BestKSSD17: -blush- Does this mean it's over?
ImKawaii: LOL No. I think I can handle one quirk. Just so long as you aren't doing Bradley.
BestKSSD17: No. I can safely say I don't give a rat's ass about Bradley. At least, not that way.
ImKawaii: What way? Food wise? You're not into eating dog stew?
BestKSSD17: A cute boy, on the other hand...
ImKawaii: ::gasp:: Are you FLIRTING with me? Holy hell. I think I'm going to die and go to heaven.
ImKawaii: Oh wait. ::eyes narrow:: You DO mean me, don't you? Because then we just might have problems.
BestKSSD17: -blush- I was just joking. Sorry. I wasn't thinking.
ImKawaii: LOL Babe, you can grab me and maul me in the boy's locker room but you can't look me in the eye and say you'd be willing to eat me in a stew?
BestKSSD17: LOL! LOL! LOL!
BestKSSD17: You're so crazy.
ImKawaii: Yeah? But you like crazy!
BestKSSD17: ss - I love crazy.
ImKawaii: You say that shit and I wanna jump you.
BestKSSD17: Jump me? How do you mean? LOL
ImKawaii: Like this...
BestKSSD17: Hello?
BestKSSD17: The chat thingie says he's here, but he's not responding.
BestKSSD17: Okay.. gonna wait. You're still typing. This must be huge.
ImKawaii: ::hoping I ain't killed for this - I look at the boy across from me. "Jump me? How do you mean?" the boy asks.
He is so beautiful, so strong, so graceful. His voice - like something out of my deepest dream. I've no words to describe how deeply the sense of needing to be near him has become. So I decide instead to show him.
"Like this," I say softly as I lean in and complete the kiss we'd broken away from in the locker room. My lips meet and close over his. I want to devour him this time. He'd taken me to heights I'd never been with just a kiss. What would he be able to do to a boy who was a virgin? What would he be able to do to, lets say, my neck, my shoulders?
Not content to stay at his mouth, I move my lips as expertly as my imagination can allow, to nibble at the skin at the juncture of his shoulder and neck. He tastes delicious, smells delectable. I want more.
Pulling back, I curl my fingers in his shirt, giving it a tug to indicate what my desire is. I smile. "Can I?" I ask him in a soft voice, hoping that he'll let me do this, let me show him how much I've come to care for him.

Ben sent his post and sat in his chair, staring at the screen.

"Holy fuck. I did it," he said quietly in the silence of the room, broken only by the soft purr of the computer fan. Then he laughed and realized that he was feeling giddy and that his stomach had just tied up into knots. What would Jack do now? Would he pull away? Would they talk about it? Ben realized that however it went, he'd told Jack what he felt. It could only get better from here on out.

And when the answer came, Ben was just as shocked at Jack's response as he'd been at his completely overwhelming sense of courage as he'd typed his own.

BestKSSD17: (I'm going to try this. I hope I don't fuck it up)
I stared down at him. The boy I'd ... wanted since the first time I saw him. He was like a deer, fleeting and solitary. But then, there were so many other sides to him. I'd seen him curl up with his friends like a comfortable cat. I'd seen him snap like a viper. He could be a grizzly in his defense of those he cared for. He was loyal as the greatest hound in the noblest of stories. And here he was, sinuous and beautiful like - like -
Like himself. I could think of no words to describe him.
~Yes ~ I whispered, not certain if I was doing the right thing. My skin was burning off of my body, I felt like an aspen tree being stripped of leaves by the tender wind as my shirt was slowly drawn over my head.
Then, frightened, scared he would flare and leave me as nothing but a small dark spot on the earth, I tremblingly cast out a half blind hand to trace the side of his shirt. I could barely feel the heat of his skin underneath it and my neck recalled the tender ministrations of his tongue and teeth upon my skin.
~ May I? ~ I asked him, not sure if he'd let me, but I hoped "he'd let me do this, let me show him how much I've come to care for him" as well.
ImKawaii: Nice job! Wow.
I shake my head and grin. I want to touch him now that he's half nude. I slide my hands across his chest, around his waist, and pulling him close. He's so hot. He's so gorgeous. Then I tilt my head back and grin up at him.
"Hi," I say to him and wink.
BestKSSD17: How did I end up so lucky? In my wildest dreams, I never thought that this could be real. I'd figured that when it all came out, when who I was, that I was gay and that I cared for this fiery perfection, that I'd be hated, thrown away. And here he was. I could feel my heart soar as he smiled up at me.
~ I think I like being jumped ~ I said to him and laughed.
When he laughed, that was when I'd fallen for him. I don't know if it was love or lust at first, but it had definitely deepened. We didn't talk much at school, he had his life and I had mine. But I watched him. I saw him. And I hoped, in some frantic part of me, that he watched me too.
~ I'm going to kiss you, you know ~ I said and gave him a half cocked smile. ~ And after that, what would you like me to do? ~ What was his purpose for drawing me into this? It had been so sudden and it was a mirror to every dark secret in my mind regarding his face. (All pleasant, I assure you! LOL)
ImKawaii: I don't answer. I just kiss him. I feel the warm skin under my arms and I pull him closer than close. I take in a breath and dive in.
He's hot and I break through his closed jaw to delve in with my tongue. I think I might just faint from the need I feel swelling up in me.
BestKSSD17: He kissed me. Eternity stood still. I melted into a puddle of life that begged only to be taken by him. I'd never had anyone take charge of a kiss before. It was always me. But then, I'd only ever kissed girls. Somehow, I had known he would be the one to direct us. I had always felt deeply that it was how I wanted it to be. He was fire and life and a dancing joy and I was merely human.
I tangled my fingers into his hair and wanted so badly to tell him the depths of my heart, all of my desires, how time had passed in longing for this, for him. It was an eternity since the day I'd met him. It could only promise an eternity at this present moment.
He tasted of caramels and strawberries. It was the way I'd imagined a kiss with him to taste, slightly sweet, slightly tart, musky and alive. I moaned softly and gave myself to him, totally.
Whatever he wanted, I would do.
ImKawaii: This boy, so sweet and cute. I love his long hair, his perfect golden skin, his green eyes. I pull back and look at him. He's looking like he's been kissed and I feel like waxing poetic. Who had ever known that such passions could hide in any other human being?
I smile and kiss him lightly. "Now, my shirt," and I held out my arms to allow him to pull my shirt from me.
BestKSSD17: Shit. Umm.. I'm sorry, Kawaii. I can't do this.

Ben sat back, feeling tense and lost. His heart pounded in his chest and he ran his hands through his hair.

"Fuck."

BestKSSD17: I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me. I just - this is ... If we do something like this, I want to have you in front of me. I want you to know what you're doing and I... Don't hate me, kay? It's just... this is wrong.
ImKawaii: Wrong?
BestKSSD17: Fuck! Not the gay stuff. I am truly gay and I know that. I'm really not worried so much about what happens because of that. I mean... you and me. It's wrong that - shit.. hang on.
ImKawaii: Okay, hon. You'd better explain that because I'm like, feeling really out of sorts with that. What the fuck do you mean you and me are wrong? I'm going to take a deep breath and go and get a glass of water and some tissue (and if you rib me for crying, I'll kick your ass) and come back and you'll have an explanation on the screen.

Ben shook himself and stood, not surprised at all that he was already crying. He'd fallen for this guy. Jack was everything he'd ever wanted in a boyfriend. He was sweet, smart, committed to his family. He cared about stupid, wonderful things like when his baby cousin caught the flu and was sick for a week. He had fretted about it all night and been so thankful when Ben had helped him, talked to him. He left cute notes. And he was hot as a ten penny nail on the top of a tin roof in Arizona, as his grandfather always said.

His grandfather had meant his grandma, but the saying certainly worked here as well.

The glass of water was drunk and he had a second in his hand with a good bit of toilet paper to pass off as tissue under his arm when he sat back down. A few messages were waiting for him already and he went back to read them.

BestKSSD17: Okay. I'll do that.
BestKSSD17: First off. I'm really sorry. I knew better. I guess I just forget sometimes.
BestKSSD17: I can't begin to tell you how badly I want this to be true. I've wanted it for as long as I can remember. I've wanted to find a boy like you and have something special. That part of you stuck out so wildly before me when we first met. It hit me as hard as a fist in the face.
BestKSSD17: I'm trying to say that because it's hard to explain why I don't want to do this now.
BestKSSD17: Well, or maybe it's not. Maybe it's really simple. Or at least a part of it is.
BestKSSD17: See, I really like you. I like you so much that a big part of why I don't want to do this here, is because it's all pretend. And you're not pretend. You're painfully real. When I type in here what I might do to you, I'm assuming a lot on your part and I think that real life won't be like this. It won't be as trite. I remember kissing you in the locker room and how I felt as if you pushing me away would kill me right there on the spot.
BestKSSD17: I can't really say I'd meant to kiss you then. I'd actually meant to just talk to you. But I got in and you were smiling and leaning against the wall and while it's not the most romantic of sights, seeing your biggest crush leaning near a wall of urinals, it sure as hell made me hear bells. And I couldn't help it. You just looked so serene and happy.
BestKSSD17: But you can't type that down or tell that story until it's already been. And for now, this feels like a fairy tale. I don't think of me as real to you or you as real to me. Like that kiss in the dark, this is separated from reality. And I want you to be in reality. I want you to reach out with hands that are slightly sweaty and a smile that is crooked on that one side, with teeth that don't flash in moonlight and eyes that don't dance, but just look at me the way I dream of you looking at me.
BestKSSD17: And I feel awful. I am truly sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I feel really shabby and awful because I did this here, I wanted so badly to slip into the pretense with you. Only I'm not yet ready to go into real life with you. Not yet. I will be. I'm talking it over with my step mom (Yeah, she knows - and dad does too, but he's not as good at advice as she is) and she tells me I'm doing it all wrong. LOL So I guess I'm really screwing things up with you. But I'm scared to be completely honest with you, with the world around us. I'm scared of leaving the safety of our fairy tale that we've concocted here and run out into the reality.
BestKSSD17: Which, knowing you, is going to really piss you off. And you're going to need time to cool down too. So I'm going to get off and I'll be back this weekend. And Kawaii? I do really like you. A lot. I will prove that to you. I promise I will. I just have to figure out how.

Ben finished reading and sat up, quickly typing in, "Don't go yet!" but there was a soft, abrupt message back stating that the user was off line. He propped himself up on his elbows and read through the message once more. This guy, as frustrated as he drove Ben, was - perfect. Absolutely perfect.

"Thank you, Claire," Ben sighed, leaning back in his chair, his face red and his body feeling as if it were two tons heavier than it had ever been, yet light enough to float off of the floor. "Thank you so much."