Take Me From This Pain, Brian's story

\"Hey, Jason,\" Matt greeted the younger guy uncertainly the next morning by his locker. \"Can I talk to you for a second?\"

\"Yeah, sure,\" Jason smiled. \"I was just about to go find you.\" He looked over Matt\'s shoulder. \"Where\'s Brian?\"

\"He\'s in math class,\" Matt shrugged. \"And Kevin?\"

\"Art.\"

\"Okay,\" Matt sighed, not liking this predicament at all. But he\'d promised Brian he would speak to Jason and he wanted to help him feel better about his brother\'s move. \"Let\'s go outside.\"

Jason was puzzled by this but nodded and followed Matt out a nearby door to a bench under a tree. Could the older boy know what kind of talk Jason needed to have with him? He doubted it, but he wasn\'t sure he was ready for any violent reactions. Matt looked distinctly uncomfortable right now and Jason might have been amused under normal circumstances. Things hadn\'t been what he would have described as normal for a long time now, though, so he watched the jock\'s face patiently as Matt seemed to steel himself.

\"Um, Brian was telling me he was worried about something last night and I promised him I would let you know,\" the older boy began. \"Before we go further, please be assured I am not accusing you of anything and I have absolutely no problems with this whatsoever.\"

\"Problems with what?\" Jason asked defensively.

Matt sighed again. He knew this wasn\'t going to be easy. But a memory of Brian\'s worried look from the previous night popped into his head and he pushed himself further.

\"Does Kevin know you\'re attracted to him?\"

Jason\'s deep brown eyes flew open wide open and he sputtered for air. Matt looked down again when he saw the other\'s face begin to turn pinkish and he have Jason some time to collect himself.

\"Me?!\" Jason finally blurted out. \"What about YOU?\"

\"Me?\" Matt gasped looking back up. \"What do I have to do with this? I\'m not chasing Kevin.\"

\"No, but you have Brian firmly in your sights, don\'t you?\"

\"What?!\"

\"Drop the pretense! I\'m fairly sure you\'re not straight.\"

\"How did you -?\" Matt stammered. He growled an expletive and pushed his sandy hair back from his forehead. \"Anyway, I would never pursue a relationship with someone so vulnerable!\"

\"No offense, but how can I be sure of that considering your past?\"

\"Look,\" Matt sighed again, rubbing his temples with his index fingers to keep his temper in check. \"As I said, I\'m not trying to accuse you of anything. I\'m just bringing Brian\'s concerns to your attention.\"

\"And I\'m bringing Kevin\'s to yours.\"

Matt stared back at him in disbelief. Kevin thought he would make a move on Brian? In his current state, that might destroy the poor kid. Matt wouldn\'t do that, no matter how strong his feelings were getting. And they were getting pretty strong. Matt held Brian in bed again the previous night and the small blonde had murmured his name in his sleep. Matt never knew his own name on another boy\'s lips could turn him on so much. He\'d had to shift his legs to hide his bulge before Brian woke up. He couldn\'t believe that his feelings were becoming so transparent that Kevin and Jason saw them.

\"Kevin thinks I\'ll hurt Brian when he leaves, doesn\'t he?\"

\"He doesn\'t know what to think,\" Jason shrugged. \"But he\'s not wrong about you, is he?\"

\"You knew I was gay, didn\'t you?\"

\"Just like you knew I was, too,\" Jason replied.

They eyed each other for a long moment before they both burst out laughing. Matt wiped the tears that leaked from his eyes as he gasped for breath. Jason laughed so hard he started to cough.

\"We have so much more in common than I ever thought,\" the jock choked out when the laughter subsided.

\"I know,\" Jason agreed. \"Now what do we do?\"

\"I take it you\'re trying to keep Kevin from knowing your feelings for him?\"

\"Yeah. And I assume the same goes for you and Brian?\"

\"Absolutely. I can\'t scare him away now. He needs too much help,\" Matt shook his head. \"And I don\'t want him to ever think I only helped him to get into his pants, either.\"

\"I know how you feel,\" Jason nodded.

\"So I guess we can each safely go back to them and assure them that the other isn\'t going to be plagued with sexual advances?\"

\"You make it sound so clinical,\" Jason laughed. \"Yeah, we can put their minds at ease.\"

\"Any advice as to how I can keep Brian from getting worried about me?\" Matt asked warily.

\"Stop sleeping with him?\" Jason suggested with a smile.

Matt gasped again. This guy must be a psychic or something.

\"How did you know about that?\"

\"Oh, please,\" Jason waved at him. \"Brian looks like he\'s been getting sleep. That\'s probably the only way he could be getting any so soon after what happened.\"

\"So, I should stop doing that?\" Matt asked in a crestfallen voice.

\"Not necessarily,\" Jason replied with a bigger smile. \"But you asked me how you could hide your feelings better. If that\'s your goal, you may have to stop holding him at night.\"

\"You think I\'ll try something in my sleep?\"

\"No,\" Jason chuckled. \"But one of these days he\'s going to wake up before you and if you\'re not concealing the evidence he\'s going to get suspicious.\"

\"I see,\" Matt replied. \"Point taken. But I think he needs some sleep, and until he can do that alone, he\'s welcome in my bed.\"

\"Does he know you\'re gay?\"

\"Yeah, I told him when I saved him. Does Kevin know about you?\"

\"Yeah. He told me he knew since fall.\"

\"And it doesn\'t bug him?\"

\"He says he\'s fine with it,\" Jason shrugged. \"I don\'t think he\'s gay, though.\"

\"I\'m not so sure of that,\" Matt said evasively. \"How long have you loved him?\"

Jason turned his head back to Matt in shock. How could he know that? Seriously, Matt didn\'t seem like the perceptive type to him.

\"Since just after I met him,\" Jason replied unashamed.

\"That was quick.\"

\"Maybe,\" Jason said with an inscrutable expression. \"And it takes one to know one, by the way.\"

\"Huh?\"

\"You\'re in love with Brian, man,\" Jason said evenly. \"You may not want to admit it to yourself, but I can see it real clearly. It went past attraction pretty quickly didn\'t it?\"

Matt stared at the kid dumbfounded. Had it passed the simple attraction stage already? He did think about Brian constantly since he took the smaller kid in. He thought it was just protectiveness, but it wasn\'t. It physically hurt him to see the kid in pain. Like last night. When Brian was retching in the bathroom, it was all Matt could do not to tear the door from the hinges to get in. But that could just be normal concern, couldn\'t it?

Jason watched Matt\'s expressions flit across his face. He was examining his feelings carefully now. Jason knew it would be better for him to do this now while Brian was out of sight. The sooner he understood his own feelings the better it would be for Brian. And he felt terrible for Matt because he knew how difficult it was going to be to hold those feelings back from the one he loved. Jason knew all too well.

\"What am I going to do?\" Matt finally asked Jason sincerely. \"I\'ve never actually fallen in love with anyone before.\"

\"How do you know it\'s love?\" Jason asked curiously.

\"How do you think you\'d feel if Kevin was being hurt?\"

\"I know already,\" Jason replied. \"I wanted to rip the sons of bitches heads off.\"

\"Yeah,\" Matt whispered. \"Yeah.\"

\"You feel this overpowering need to hold Brian in your arms forever and shut out the rest of the world?\"

Matt nodded.

\"Yeah, we\'ve both got it bad,\" Jason smiled sadly. \"But if they knew . . .\"

\"They\'d run,\" Matt finished for him. \"And I couldn\'t blame them considering the shit they\'ve taken.\"

\"You know, you\'re not bad for a former bully,\" Jason teased. \"Can I ask you something?\"

\"I guess,\" Matt said warily. This newfound understanding with Jason unnerved him a bit.

\"Were you teasing Brian because you were attracted to him and thought he would reject you?\"

Matt\'s cheeks colored and he looked down thinking about it. He honestly didn\'t know why he had zeroed in on Brian at all. Yeah, the kid was small and nerdy, but he\'d never thought of picking on him before. In fact, there were plenty of other geekier looking kids around and he never bothered them.

\"I honestly don\'t know,\" he finally said.

\"I think that you may have on a subconscious level,\" Jason smiled again. \"I also think if you handle him carefully, you can get him through the pain.\"

\"Yeah, but would he ever be ready for, or even consider a relationship with me?\"

\"I think if he ever is ready, you\'d be the only one he\'d trust to get into one with.\"

\"He could be straight,\" Matt pointed out dejectedly.

\"He\'s not gay or straight right now, Matt,\" Jason smiled, patting his shoulder. \"He\'s been through too much to boil it down into something so simple. He\'s just searching for someone who can love him.\"

\"I can love him,\" Matt whispered.

\"You already do, man,\" Jason said as he got up to go into his next class. \"And I can totally relate to your situation.\"

\"I know,\" Matt said as he brushed himself off and walked back in with him. \"I think we\'ve finally reached an understanding.\"

\"Misery loves company, you know.\"