The Gay Man's Matchmaker

I surveyed the scene around me with mild interest. Kelly’s wasn’t like I’d imagined it. I’d thought there would be an abundance of flamboyantly dressed queens in bright colors, loudly facing off against each other over the nearest guy or fashion faux pas. In short, I was expecting a room full of Genies. I guess Tommy’s not the only one with stereotyping issues. If I wasn’t so intent on derailing his and Lauren’s plans for finding me someone I’d be kicking my own ass in the corner over it.

“So, what do you think?” Lauren asked hopefully as she set a beer bottle in front of me.

I looked around again and shrugged. What could I say? It was a bar, like most others I’d ever been to. There were a few effeminately dressed guys about, but more were in jeans or slacks and shirts and tees. In other words, a lot of them were dressed like I was. And the conversations weren’t loud and heated. People spoke to one another in normal pitches. I kind of liked this place, and now I began to wonder why I never came in before.

“Not what you expected, right?” Tommy asked with a smug expression.

Oh, don’t look so satisfied, jackass! I’m still kicking the shit out of you for this … one of these days!

I glared at him before looking around again. Which one of these poor unsuspecting saps will these two pick on first? I couldn’t be sure. Oh look! Scott’s on tonight! I grinned and waved at him then looked back at Tommy … who was now sending a mental death ray at the poor guy. Scott looked unconcerned and moved to help another patron.

“Maybe I should go talk to him …” Tommy murmured.

“You’re a real tight ass, aren’t you?” I laughed.

“Excuse me?” my best friend demanded as he turned to me.

“You heard me.”

“I am not a tight ass!” he seethed. “I just don’t like seeing someone take advantage of my friend!”

“Hey, it’s not like that one didn’t have my permission … like the one before him.”

“I already apologized for Trevor!”

“I’m just saying …”

“Cool it!” Lauren interrupted us.

Good thing she did. We have a tendency to go on like that all night. Of course, if she hadn’t interrupted it would have helped me further my goal of not letting them interfere in my fucking love life! But, you can’t have it all, right?

“Kee!” someone screeched in my ear.

I turned my head warily and was met with … oh fuck NO! Not him! I sighed before applying a polite smile to my features, and Genie grinned back me. He was resplendent in a lime green shirtdress, belted at the waist with a pink cloth. His eyes were still done heavily in purple eye shadow and he wore his yellow clogs again. But instead of a yellow head band taming his riotous red hair, tonight’s choice was paisley.

“How are you?” he asked. “I haven’t seen you!”

“I’ve been busy with my shoots,” I replied evasively.

A tall, blonde haired man walked into my line of vision, positioning himself behind Genie, almost possessively. He wore neon blue lycra stretch pants and an orange Oxford shirt. His eyes were lined with black kohl and his lips were painted coral. Sometimes like attracts like, I suppose.

“This is Wendell,” Genie said nervously. “Um, when I didn’t hear form you, I …”

His voice dropped off. I wanted to laugh out loud with relief. But I still didn’t want to hurt his feelings, and hell, he had someone now, so who’s the bigger schmuck?

“No problem, man,” I replied with a grin. “I had a feeling there was someone better for you out there. I’m glad you found him.”

Genie seemed to sigh with relief and Wendell beamed at me. I gave him a polite nod to let him know I understood him. You know … man to man, and all that. Please don’t smirk at me, I’m trying my hardest not to laugh.

“Well, it’s great to see you again,” Genie said, touching my shoulder lightly. “You can still call me when you have time to do those headshots … if you still want to.”

Eh, what the fuck?

“How about Monday afternoon?” I offered. I was feeling magnanimous.

“Really?” Genie asked hopefully.

“Sure! We can do them at your place, if you want.” Then I looked at the confused expression on the tall blonde. “Or how about Wendell’s? I can do some for him, too, if he needs them.”

“You can?” Wendell asked. “I wouldn’t want to take advantage.”

“It’s no problem,” I shrugged.

“Great!” Genie exclaimed, whipping out a pen and a piece of paper from his purse and jotting down some information. “Here’s his address!”

“Okay.” I took the paper and folded it in half then took out my wallet and carefully put it between two credit cards so I didn’t lose it. “See you at 4.”

“Four’s fine!” Wendell said. They both waved to use and moved on.

“Kee?” Lauren asked curiously.

I turned a questioning look her way.

“You just voluntarily offered to help someone you consider an eyesore,” she said carefully.

“I know.”

“You never help people who annoy you,” Tommy added.

“I do so!” I groused at him. “I helped you, didn’t I?”

“Quite true,” he smirked, “which led to me to helping you.”

“It is so not the same thing!”

“It is!”

“Not!”

“Is!”

“Not!”

“Okay!” Lauren intervened again. “Stop acting like babies.”

“Impossible,” Tommy chuckled.

“Yes, I can see that,” she sighed. “Kee. Is there anyone here you find interesting?”

Her tone made it sound like she expected me to refuse any man here. I’ll admit that coming in here that was my plan. But I didn’t expect to find people I thought I’d like among the other patrons. I looked around honestly, and saw four or five right off the bat that I was attracted to, but they were all conversing with other guys.

“There are some,” I finally said to her. “But they seem to be hooked up already.”

I turned my attention back to our table and found I was sitting with Lauren alone. This could only spell trouble for me. Where did that fucker go?

“Where’s the ass?” I demanded.

She motioned over her shoulder and I looked up. There he was. Talking to a hot young Asian guy in a white shirt and black leather pants.

“Why does he always go for the leather pants?” I asked her with a sigh.

“I don’t know. But maybe I should get a pair.”

“I’ll take you shopping,” I quipped.

And I would, too. I was going to vamp Lauren out to piss Tommy off, knowing he liked her sweet innocent style. Hell, I’ll even buy her the clothes! I knew of a few upscale bondage-style boutiques to take her to, too.

“He’s barking up the wrong tree anyway,” I told her.

“He is?”

“Mmm. I know that guy.”

“You do?” She looked over her shoulder then back at me.

“Yeah. He’s a chef Gourmet profiled once, and I met him on a shoot.”

“And why is he … wrong?”

“He kept trying to give me a recipe for ménage a trios,” I replied with a smirk. When she paled, I added, “And his directions called for three masculine tarts.”

“Uh …” she stammered as she stood quickly. “I’ll just go, um, fetch him back here.”

“You do that,” I laughed, watching her scurry over to her fiancé.

“Alone at last,” a deep voice said close to my ear before a tall figure slid into Tommy’s empty seat.

“Who the hell …” I cut myself off as I saw the amazing specimen of a man sitting with me.

He had a full head of dark blonde, shoulder-length hair and a pair of laughing ice-blue eyes. A lock of hair fell into them and he brushed it aside. He was large and muscular, like the guys you see in ads modeling new gyms. He was wearing a pair of well-worn blue jeans and a crisp, plain white t-shirt under a brown leather jacket, also well worn. In short, he was my own version of a walking wet dream.

“Don’t remember me, do you, Kee?” he asked.

Oh fuck! I know him? From where? Did I date him a long time ago? Shit! That couldn’t be it. There’s no way I’d forget him!

“I … um …”

“It’s okay,” he laughed. “It’s been a long time.”

“It has?”

“Mmm,” he nodded. “Way too long.”

I felt like I was locked in place, unable to look away from him. He seemed amused by this and made no move to break the apparent spell.

“Who … um … who are you?” I asked breathlessly.

Breathless? Me? That shit never happens! What the fuck is going on here?

“Name’s Joe,” he replied casually, as if that’s all it should take to jog my memory.

I shook my head slowly as I wracked my brain.

“Gillson,” he supplied with a sexy grin. “Joe Gillson. We went to school together from kindergarten through high school.”

“Joey Gillson?” I whispered, almost reverently.

Shit! He never looked like that before! He wasn’t ugly, or anything. He was always pretty athletic and kind of cute. But now he looked like a Calvin Klein underwear model. Ooo, yeah! Like that hot one, Travis Fimmel! Joey looked like that! Holy shit! Joey Gillson is here? In Kelly’s? That must mean …

“So, you are gay,” he said, echoing my own thoughts exactly. “I always wondered, but never had the nerve to ask.”?

“You … wanted to ask … me?” I was starting to annoy myself with my own sudden stupidity.

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “Too bad I was too chicken.” He shrugged. “Too bad Tommy was always around you, too.”

“Tommy?”

He looked over at Tommy who was latching onto Lauren like she was his savior as the Asian guy leered at him.

“Yeah. I thought you two had something going on,” he turned back to me. “But when I heard he was engaged, I figured I had that wrong. That’s when I looked you up.”

Excuse me, Joey, let me just turn down this Twilight Zone music in my head.

“Huh?”

He leaned over to put his lips next to my ear.

“I came back here for you, Kee,” he whispered, causing a jolt … in a most expected place at times like these. “See you soon.”

And with that, he was gone as suddenly as he appeared.

Holy mother-fucking shit!