White Tower Saga

Warning: Some NC stuff here... its pretty light though.

Chapter 7 –

I reawoke in a startlement, my heart beating quickly. My room had no time piece, unlike Rena’s and the classrooms, and I had no sun to guide me, but it was probably too late to go to morning classes already. The panic faded… after all, the only things I could miss were more instructions in things I didn’t really want to learn. I wandered down to one of the washrooms, bathing morosely. The water was piping hot and I should have been content. Instead I felt rather empty. I wasn’t mad at Garret, it was only that… it wasn’t perfect. Maybe I was entertaining folk tales. How often did life live up to them? Yet, I felt like I hadn’t done something right. Something was missing.

I heard a cough behind me, and turned lazily as I washed my hair. Rena knelt next to the tub only a breath behind me, clad in a full length dress of a misty green silk, so close that I was nearly touching her. I splashed through the water, drawing away with my eyes wide. “How did you…”

“You’re not using all your senses.” she grinned at me.

I lowered my eyes. “Sorry.”

Rena looked at me with girlish suspicion. “You missed half your classes. Have a busy night?” I turned beat red, turning away so fast that my hair trailed out water which left a line of water spots down her chest. She turned my face back towards her with a sharp hand. I felt her emerald eyes… they looked through me and into my soul. “You slept with him? You broke the precepts?” All my denials and justifications fled. “You know what this means?”

“That you…” I felt resentment rise in me. “You’re going to put me out? Out of the Tower?”

She bit her lip. “No… worse than that.” I looked up at her with a furrowed brow. “We’re going to make you take the trial to become a Daughter Accepted right now.”

I held my breath. “I’m going to test to become Accepted? I’ve had but a day of instruction…”

“It was your choice to accelerate your education, not ours. I told you why we keep Novices chaste. You don’t have that luxury anymore. You take it now… or you’ll never take it.”

***

I eyed the huge chamber, far beneath the White Tower. Rena ushered me along impatiently. “Most girls who come here have been training for at least half a year.” I nodded mutely. As though I weren’t worried enough, she was trying to inspire more troublesome thoughts? I consoled myself by examining the architecture. The domed room had been carved out of the bedrock of the island of Tar Valon. The light of the lamps on tall stands reflected from the walls. Centered under the dome was a rounded, silver arch. There were four other Aes Sedai beside the arch: Trista and Grenthal, the Yellow and Red respectively that had taken me after the village had been destroyed, plus two more. The first was a Blue who I believed was Serian Sedai, the Mistress of Novices. She was the one who spanked you if you were given penitence. I had never been sent to her, and if I passed the test, hopefully I never would be. The final was another Green, and though I didn’t recognize her face, the stole upon her shoulder marked her as the Kana, Keeper of the Chronicles, the second most powerful woman in the Tower, under the authority of only the Amyrlin herself. I swallowed nervously under their appraising eyes. Rena turned and stopped me from walking before we reached the arch. “Two things I will tell you now that no woman hears until she is this room. The first is this. Once you begin, you must continue to the end. Refuse to go on, and no matter your potential, you will be very kindly put out of the Tower with enough silver to support you for a year, and you will never be allowed back in.” The arch started to flicker… a flickering I knew I shouldn’t have been able to perceive yet I did. She furrowed her brow at me as I looked up into her face. She was worried about me, I could tell, yet there was hope too. “Second. To seek, to strive, is to know danger. You will know danger here. Some women have entered and they never come out. When the ter’angreal was allowed to grow quiet, they were… not… there. And they were never seen again. If you are to survive, you must be steadfast. Falter… even for a moment… and…” she trailed off. Her silence was more eloquent than any words could be. “Don’t feel like you must do this, child.”

“I’m not a child.” I said bitterly. In my resent filled and spent state, and I probably sounded all the more juvenile.

She clucked her tongue at me. “Over the years, no few Novices have been killed or had the Power burned out of them in that arch. Are you sure you are ready to face it? If you want to stop now...”

“Then you’ll put me out.”

“Yes. But you won’t be dead.”

“I have to do this.” I said in a quiet, stern tone.

Rena nodded to Grenthal. Grenthal spoke in cold, emotionless tones. “Whom do you bring with you, Sister?” The three other Aes Sedai around the ter’angreal continued their attentions to it.

“One who comes as a candidate for acceptance, Sister.” Rena replied just as coldly.

“Is she ready?”

“She is ready to leave behind what she was, and, passing through her fears, gain Acceptance.”

“Does she know her fears?”

“She has never faced them, but is now willing.”

“Then let her face what she fears.”

Rena stopped, four feet from the arch, and gestured back to me. “Your dress…” she whispered, not looking at me. I slowly drew the white dress off over my head, and felt the cold, moist air cloy on my skin. I shifted uneasily, naked as the day I was born, under the gazes of these women. I started, remembering then, and slipped off my sandals. I shivered, feeling the coolness of the floor hit my toes. Slowly, uncertainly, I folded the dress with numb fingers. I set it upon the cold marble block next to me with the sandals carefully lined up next to each other upon it. Their gazes were constant and unyielding. I felt like a cattle going to her slaughter. I walked towards the archway, and began to see… to see what it really was. The silvery light that poured from it were thousands of thin threads of Power, whipping around fast enough to flay the skin off my body.

“This is your trial,” Rena said, “and it will try to destroy you. You must face it, and then return. Remember that…” She walked behind me, pressing herself against me from behind, lowering her head down a bit to lightly touch my shoulder with her chin. Her voice was barely a whisper, but for this final moment, it was kind a loving. “The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.” A sole source of emotional warmth in a field of ice… and I drew strength from it. The archway glowed even brighter, if that was possible, beckoning. I stood in front of the arch, terrified beyond my ability to describe, yet all the more determined to enter. I took a deep breath and stepped through the archway. The light surrounded me, as if the air itself were shining, as if I were drowning in the light.

I opened my eyes slowly, feeling myself being jostled around as though I were on horseback. I eventually became aware of my positioning through the haze of dull pain: I was bound by my wrists behind my back, slung over the rear section of a horse like a saddlebag. My stirrings must have alerted the horse’s rider… my captor? He stopped, dismounting. I shifted my weight so I slid down off the horse to my feet, but I hadn’t realized how numb my legs were. They refused to support my weight, and I collapsed onto my back, painfully twisting my wrists. I cried out angrily and in pain, then looked up, squinting, into the bright sky. The man who rode on the horse which carried me was… for lack of a better word, gorgeous. His skin was a shade which I imagine mine would look had I liked in a desert my whole life, a sort of rich coppery tone. He wore loose flowing trousers, plus a ragged piece of cloth around his head to keep the sweat out of his eyes. His hair was blacker than the deepest midnight, long and flowing down his back. His bare chest was lean and muscular, like Garret’s. ‘Garret?’ I thought to myself. The name had come to my head unbidden, but yet I couldn’t quite remember who he was… or who I was. A stark panic sized me, and my captor grabbed me by the shoulder and raised me to my feet. The hand that took me was strong, so strong that it left pink marks on my skin. I noticed now that I was clad in the nightgown of the first days of our flight from my village. I spoke at him rapidly, a flurry of questions which I can’t recall now and aren’t important. I do remember the complete lack of comprehension on his face, how I realized that he didn’t speak my language. He pressed himself to me, kissing me harshly and demandingly, his hardness obvious through our clothes. I felt a huge surge of desire inside myself rise… this man was the most darkly beautiful creature I had seen before. But I rebelled. He had taken me here against my will, obviously for purposes of having me for himself, without my consent. I fought against the kiss as I fought against myself, pushing down the tides of desire in my loins. I wrenched free of the kiss, stumbling backwards with numb legs and bound hands, shooting him a glare of malevolence, trying to mask my desire with hatred. He spoke words which meant nothing to me, though I had no doubt guessing his meaning from his expression and tone. He considered my resistance to be all part of the fun. My insides turned to water… I doubted I could outdistance him on foot, and even if I could, he had a horse. I fled into the woods. His legs let him take strides which were bounds, and though at first from his lack of progress in shortening my lead I thought I was winning, but I quickly realized he was toying with me… simply letting me get farther away from the road and farther away from anyone who might hear us. I tried to turn the path of my flight back towards the road but that only accelerated my recapture. He slammed into me, knocking me back to the soft, leaf strewn ground. I have often wondered why I didn’t scream for help… to this day I can’t explain why not. Perhaps because I knew this was a nightmare of my own creation, or perhaps because I didn’t really want to be saved.

My wrists hurt bitterly, and I struggled to get weight off them, lest they twist more painfully then they were already. I extended one arm and bent the other, getting my bound hands out from under my back, but my legs were already under his body, unable to help in my escape, and my efforts got me nowhere. His movements started slowly and lazily, pulling the soft linen of my gown off my shoulders and down over my chest. I struggled and tried to kick as he used his tongue to lavish pleasure upon my nipples. My vision started to go red again, and with all my willpower I fought against the rising heat of my body. There was no denying his skill… under different circumstances I would probably be writhing under his tongue in quite a different way. As it stood now, I struggled to not lapse in my effort to get him off me. He slid off my legs, and I seized my only opportunity. My legs twisted up in a sideways kick aimed at his head, but his hands simply caught both of my ankles in mid kick and locked them over his shoulders. He leaned over me, pushing my legs knees almost back to my shoulders. It was a very uncomfortable position, made more so by how vulnerable I was. My back was arched up off the ground, leaving my loins exposed. Unable to struggle from this position, I could only weakly buck as we hung for several seconds, accomplishing only to ride my gown further up my waist and expose my loins entirely. He leaned forward, this man who could read the darkness of my heart, and kissed my still lips. He smiled at me then, not maliciously, but almost gently, with a perfect row of white gleaming teeth, as he slid his pants down to his knees. I closed me eyes then. I closed them against the pain of how I was positioned, against the dark surges of desire inside me.

With one swift stroke, he pierced me to the core. I willed it to hurt, willed myself not to surrender, but the burst of pink behind closed eyelids made my loins moisten all the more. For the barest of seconds, he stayed sheathed completely inside me buried to the hilt, then drew out of me and entered me again. My world was a haze of red, and I felt tears well up in my eyes unbidden. Pleasure I had known, but it had been a shallow sensation compared to the infernal bliss I was in the throes of. I hated it, but I loved to hate it. I strained my leg muscles, trying to get free, but didn’t even begin to succeed. His hands grasped my waist, and he thrusted in a steady rhythm. The world behind my eyelids was mottled red, black, purple and pink, and I continued to exist in my own world wrought by tightly shut eyes for an eternity, filled only with my own forbidden pleasures and self loathing. Each stroke drove deeper inside me, rubbing a point which felt like it was directly connected to my spine, sending blasts of pleasure through me. His strokes increased in speed, crushing my willpower with his. Never before had I wanted so badly not to want something, and yet I could do nothing before him. The control he had over me was amazing, and I despised him for it. I moaned then, a strangled sound which betrayed my lust, and bit my lip to prevent further vocalizations. I felt my teeth break the skin, tasting my own blood in my mouth, as my teeth ground together, fighting a battle against my soul to not submit to this dark creature of a man. Regardless of my own will, I felt a climax approaching, one that promised to be mind shatteringly powerful. I fought until the very end, and just as I reached the crest of my plateau and was about to tumble over the edge into release, he withdrew abruptly. He straddled my shoulders, and I turned my face away from him, not wanting him the victory of seeing my tears. I felt jets of his seed land on my pink cheek, somehow hotter than my skin. He emptied himself upon me, and then stood. I opened my eyes, wiping at my face. He grinned at me, then turned and gathered up his trousers. It would be a simple matter to take a rock and cave his head in, without him noticing until it was too late. I rose to my knees, trying to stand. I could still an empty echo of him being deep inside me, burning… the need was incredible… overwhelming. I ached for release more than anything more in my life, more than I had even wanted to resist him. The silver gateway cut into existence near me. I wanted to love him... to kill him... but more than anything not to run. ‘The way back will come but once. Be steadfast.’ I heard Rena’s loving voice again, and crawled through the arch. I felt dead.

I was a rocky sea of confused thoughts and intense desire, barely aware of the chamber of the Aes Sedai. I didn’t flinch when the ice cold water was poured over her head. Grenthal’s voice was as cold as the water she poured on me, speaking by rote. “You are washed clean of false pride. You are washed clean of false ambition. You come to us washed clean, in heart and soul.” It ran down my face, washing me partway clean, but leaving some cloying strands of his seed still upon my face. She rose and stepped back, and Rena knelt next to me and took my arm again. I coughed harshly, snuggling against Rena’s kneeling body.

She looked relieved. “Was it bad?” Her hand went down the side of my wet face, carrying off the remaining strands.

I nodded, my hands trembling. “I never knew that I could... be so…”

Serian, the Blue, cut me off. “No woman must talk about what she sees. That is for her and her alone.”

Rena nodded. “I asked only because you…” She stopped and took my hand, which was still shaking uncontrollably. I was still crying… I had been ever since I left the arch, I just hadn’t realized it. Memories coalesced in my head… the test… the dark man… and there I was, half clutching my knees in a fetal position, shivering wet and naked on the cold stone floor in a puddle of icy water. I realized there were other Aes Sedai in the chamber now. The Amyrlin, in her striped stole was there, with additional shawled sisters from each Ajah now arrayed near her on both sides. I slowly uncoiled, rising to my knees and looking up. The Amyrlin Seat herself intoned the final words with a small smile. “You are washed clean of Jessara ni’Fredonia of Arafel. You are washed clean of all ties that bind you to the world. You have come to us soiled, but you are now washed clean in body and soul. You are Jessara, Daughter Accepted of the White Tower.”

I looked up at the Amyrlin, panting. My vision couldn’t focus well on the Amyrlin’s face, and I saw nothing but a blur of color. I fell forward on my hands then, coming dangerously close to spilling the meager contents of my stomach onto the floor. I hadn’t realized how much the test had drained me. I felt Rena\'s hands gather me into her lap, and Serian spoke in a sardonic voice, clearly out of tradition. \"They say that the worse a girl\'s test is, the more promise she shows. Is that why Rena won\'t tell us how you faired when she tested you?\" She arched an eyebrow at me, and I could feel Rena\'s hand tighten protectively on my arm. The blue shrugged, setting a new dress of white with a hem of all seven colors of the Rajahs onto the table as she took my old one. “Anyways, you might want to put some clothes on.” she said dryly.

I reached up, and Rena helped me stand. I held onto her tightly, clinging. The Aes Sedai each congratulated me in turn, then broke off into side conversations and left in pairs or small groups. I toweled off quickly, then stepped into my new dress. It was a symbol of authority, usually worn by older girls in their early twenties. It felt strange to be wearing a proclamation like that, as if I were a child terrified of getting caught with her hand in a sweets jar. The material felt wonderful against my skin as I strapped my sandals on, just as the rushing blood in my head made me feel dizzy. Rena caught me as I stumbled. “Relax, Jessara… sleep now. You’ll wake up as a Daughter Accepted of the Tower, my valiant kitten.”

“Kitten? What kind of nickname is that?”

She giggled at me as her hand passed over my eyes and I felt the darkness consume me.