Band of Rusty Gold

We think shelleybeanz should be honoured to get a mention in this - we really, really do. *sniggering* see part one for the usual \'we *KNOW* the actors aren\'t gay (probably), we only *WISH* that they were. See, shelleybeanz? It\'s called fiction. Look it up in a dictionary, if in fact you own one... and know where in the alphabet the letter \'F\' comes. Yeah, so I\'m being a bitch. They\'re called hormones, honey. Once you hit puberty, you\'ll figure out what I mean. *smooches from the Nipple Licker, aka Horny Bones*

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Band of Rusty Gold 7. We love you, shelleybeanz.
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*Billy and Karl are circuiting the building, feeling the walls for even the slightest hint of escape route. Billy\'s hand pushes at a brick and it moves outward. There is a grinding sound and more bricks fold around creating a man-sized hole. A la Harry Potter. They both look back at Lij, still strapped to his seat. Still staring kinda vacantly.*

Billy: Karl?

Karl: Billy?

Billy: Every man for himseeeeelf!!

*They both flee, leaving Lij with nothing else to do but sit and stare after them*

Lij: Uh..

*Jason Isaacs and Ewan McGregor, on location for..er..Black Hawk Down..wander past the opening.*

Jason: What\'s this?

Ewan: *looks inside* Dunno. But there\'s a cute guy tied up in here.

Jason: Well, dammit, let me in!

*The two fight each other to get in first. Jason wins, racing over to Lij. The bricks slide back into place behind them*

Lij: Fuck. FUUUUUUUUUCCCCK!!!

Jason: *snogs him*

Lij: *shrugs* Sure, leave me here forever. Just...leave *him* in here with me. \'kay? Captain Obvious, Horny Bones? Y\'listening?

Captain Obvious: Yes, Lij. We hear you. Well, Horny Bones doesn\'t hear you, she\'s too busy dribbling on the floor. But I plan to keep you here forever, anyway.

Lij: As long as we got that clear.


//Chapter 7: After effects and decorating//

Ewan: *taking a seat* What\'s going on?

Lij: After effects and decorating, replastering, wallpapering, painting, varnishing, sanding down...Ally was actually quite attractive.

Jason: *untying Lij\'s hands, purely because he wants to know what they can do*

//Shalini sighed with relief as they walked out the arrival gate. Thank god the journey
wasn’t that long since she left Ally to sleep and went to the bar and chatted to a few
people to spend time.//

Ewan: The BAR? What the hell kind of plane were they on?

Lij: I thought the journey was horrifically long and traumatic?

//“I need a fag” Ally said a raspy voice as she looked out into the darkness of the night,
they stopped just beside their rental car, it was a light green one and looked very posh
and trendy. She licked her lips as she placed the stick between her lips and lit it.//

Lij: Ally looked at the car. \"Ooooooh, trendeeeee,\" she said. Shalini looked on. She sniffed in distaste. The light green trendy car wasn\'t a patch on her blue Astra.

Ewan: Why does she place a stick between her lips?

Lij: *patiently* She can\'t say cigarette.

//“Now that’s what i call a fag”//

Ewan: I thought it was what she called a stick?

Jason: *pointing at Gay Shagging Cats* Now THEY\'RE what I call fags. According to the lovely Shelleybeanz, who we all love, right?

Gay Shagging Cats: YES! We love Shelleybeanz with all our hearts. She is a beautiful, beautiful human being. With no prejudices whatsoever. Except for thinking all British people are gay and swank around saying \'bloody\' a lot. And WAHEY! Because we are. Of course. Yesh. Except Orli. because he\'s a hottie and in her next! fic she\'s going to marry him. Aaaah. *gay shagging cats all pash each other heavily..*

Lij: Orli would be pretty incensed about that, I think.

Jason: *explosive laugh* Orli is NOT a hettie. I had him last week.

Lij: I had him yesterday.

Ewan: *grins* Heehee.

//she have a breathless laugh.//

Lij: We\'ve been through this before. Yes, a breathless laugh. We\'re all amazed by that trick. AGAIN. Move on.

// She was still drowsy from the
flight and looked a mess, her hair was abit tangled at the ends//

Lij: Well, naturally we have to have a hair description. *turns to Jason* Excuse me, Jason Isaacs. But would you mind if you and me shagged now? It\'s just..Billy didn\'t have to wait this long and-

Jason: *interrupts Lij by shagging him. A welcome interruption.*

//and her brown eyes//

Ewan: *reading back...* oh, right...*thinks of witty comment* Having left the chocolate on the \'plane. *pleased with himself*

//were
closing every now and again. Shalini rolled her eyes, //

Ewan: They rolled back.

//suddenly remembering about the
after effects the pill had.//

Ewan: Like...that whole hormonal thing that means your body thinks it\'s pregnant so you don\'t..er...*blush*

Jason: *raises one eyebrow*

//Once Ally smoked her cigarette,//

Lij: *muffled cheer*

//they jumped into the car//

Ewan: Hitting their heads on the way in. Should\'ve maybe just got in, more sedately.


//“Now, were is the map” //

Ewan: I know that some comment\'s probably been made on the atrocious spelling, but for fuck\'s sake! WHERE! WHERE! WITH A FUCKING \'H\'!!!! ARGH!

Lij: Mmmmhmmm...Fuck, Jason. Fuh-uck.

Jason: Any time. *moon-eyed* I think I\'m in love.

Lij: *snuggles with Jason* Me too.

//Shalini
said searching through her handbag and pulling a visitors map which they received by
the estate agency, she looked to the lady next to her and realised she had fallen asleep
again “I guess I’m on my own” she sighed and started the engine “Remember they drive
on the wrong side” she said to herself as she reversed out of the parking space, for
sometime she had been remembering that, not wanting to have a car crash on the first
day. //

Lij: *juggling punctuation. Throws a full-stop at Jason, who catches it and puts it in his pocket with a romantic, sappy smile.*

Ewan: *rolls his own eyes, careful not to collide with Shalini\'s*

Captain Obvious: I tried to read that sentence to Horny Bones, who was over the other side of the room. I really tried, but after the third line I passed out from lack of oxygen.

Jason: She definitely needs more commas, and stops. And a couple of new paragraphs wouldn\'t go amiss. *already dialling the Grammar Investigation Dept of the Special Branch at Punctuation Police headquarters* *nods to SugaryLime*

//As soon as she eventually found her way out of the airport, she looked to the map.//

Ewan: Finding it not such a good idea looking at the map beforehand. Like, when she didn\'t have to concentrate on the road instead.

Lij: Bint.

//‘Straight down main road, turn left then right’ //

Lij: Sounds simple. Right? RIGHT?

Ewan: Straight\'s no fun. It should read : Gay down main road, then bend. Then...arrested. Shag Craig Parker in Cop Uniform (tm). Escape. Continue shagging. Run away to Mexico. Hokay? With Craig Parker.

//She glanced at the map every now and then, a few times she had to ask a petrol station
for guidance //

Captain Obvious & Horny Bones: *literally falling off their fucking chairs laughing*

Lij: *as Shalini* Excuse me...You! Pump number three. Which way is our house? Where am I going? Speak to me! Damn yanks. *turns to Ally* They all look like petrol pumps. Fingers in their ears and tongues hanging out. Men. *tosses hair*

Jason: *pulls Lij onto his lap*

Lij: *bounces*

//and had to turn around because of dead ends. An hour later she turned
the corner finding the right road “Right”//

Ewan: No. Left. *sniggering*

// she said “Number ten” she whispered//

Ewan: She\'s having some trouble CONTROLLING THE VOLUME OF her voice. *nods to Austin powers. Again*

//and
slowed the car down, thankfully it was early in the morning and their was no traffic to
hold up, //

Jason: In her other, *other* occupation as a highwayman. Woman. Thing.

//she squinted as she looked at the numbers on the equally large houses, //

Ewan: Equally large to what? A chicken?

//each
with their own gardens and mail boxes, some houses only had one floor some had five.//

Lij: Despite the fact that the houses were equally large, some were, in fact, larger than others.

Captain Obvious: *passed out again after reading that sentence*

//“5,6,7,8,9, 10!” //

Lij: Shalini clapped as her friend Ally finally picked up the concept of counting above five. Go Ally!

//She smirked as she found the right house and drove up the path.//

Ewan: And right through the front door.

Jason: That\'s one wide fucking garden path. Lij, will you hold still a minute?

Lij: *still bouncing* Heh. No.


//Turning off the engine she took a deep, sleepily sigh //

Jason: Um..

//and rubbed her face in her hands
never again she’ll do that journey, //

Ewan: .

Jason: .

Lij: . It\'s called a FUCKING FULL STOP! And oh, there goes her face again. She really has to quit doing that.

//when really the car drive would only take twenty
minutes.//

Ewan: Unlike the flight, which apparently only took five.

//She looked to Ally and nudged her “Wake up we’re here!” she grinned and
shook her friend lightly. Ally stirred, her lids fluttered open and she stretched looking
around.//

Lij: Man, Shalini can be a real bitch sometimes.

//“There yet” she said looking out the window but was met by a bush.//

Captain Obvious: Okay, chaps. Form an orderly queue.

Ewan: The bush said, \"how do you do?\" and offered her a stick.

Jason: There is, of course, the obvious lesbian joke. Whose bush?

Lij: Too busy pashing Jason.

//“Yes sleepy head, come on we have to check it out”//

Jason: Yes, let\'s go check this bush out.

//Ally un did her seat belt and hopped out the car,//

Ewan: And hit her head again. She\'ll never fucking learn, will she?

// looking up she gave a smile, it still
looked the same, the murky brown door,//

Lij: Sean would have liked this door description. Murky. That bodes.

// the nets that hung up in the windows. She
followed Shalini into the house and frowned some one had redecorated and it looked
better.//

Ewan: And that makes her sad.

Jason: *as Ally* Why couldn\'t the interfering bastards just leave it alone? Or decorate it so it looked worse? *whinge, whinge*

//“Wow, nice” Shalini said after finding the switch..//

Lij: *confused* Now, is Shalini saying the switch is nice? And if that\'s the lightswitch, does Ally have the ability to see in the dark? I don\'t get it. Neither does Horny Bones.

//They stood in the living room, a soft blue couch was seated//

Ewan: On a ratty grey armchair.

// up against the far white
coloured walls, a new stereo and tv set was put in.//

Lij: Far White. This season\'s black.

//“Someone had redecorated” Ally said walking in to the spacious kitchen, everything was
the same there. She didn’t really care as long no one lived in it.//

Jason: Ally is an incredibly observant young lady. You can\'t get anything past her.

Lij: She also has no scruples.

Ewan: And no heart.

//“Maybe it was your mum” //

Lij: *as Ally* What, that old bitch?

//Shalini called from the front room, the walls were tall and
painted in a creamy white, paintings by picasso were dotted around and some heading
up the stair case wall.//

Jason: Picassos? Fucking hell! Originals? Lij! Marry her, she has some serious cash! You can always bump her off afterwards!

Lij: Can\'t I just steal the paintings and run away? Without the whole marrying part?

Jason: You know it\'s inevitable, don\'t you? You know you two are going to fall in love and get married. It makes sense. She\'s in L.A. Which is where you live. You know..it just follows that-

Lij: Shut the fuck up and pash me some more.

//“No mum doesn’t like Picasso //

Ewan: He used to steal her lunch in primary school. And pull her pigtails.

//and my brothers don’t ever come here any more” Ally
frowned as she walked back in “Anyway at least it’s not old fashioned anymore” she
laughed lifting her case.//

Jason: And promptly dropped it again, crying. What the fuck had Shalini put in there?

//~***~
“They’re here!”
“Who is it?”
“I dunno, but they’re not old”
“Move out the way and let me see”
“Too late, they’ve gone in”
“I hope they like my decorating?” //

Lij: Who\'s talking? *looks around* Who is that?

Jason: I dunno, but they\'re very well-spoken. *winks at Lij* You know who it\'s going to be, don\'t you?

Lij: *moans*

Ewan: The. End.

Lij: No. Not quite. There are more chapters on the way...

Ewan: The. End?

Lij: *pats Ewan\'s hand* There, there. Stay, you might get a shag next chapter. *smiles reassuringly*

Ewan: *runs to the emergency exit at the rear of the auditorium and flees, screaming*

Jason: *cuddling up to Lij in the dark*


The End. For now. *doom music*