St.Luke's

He got to you didn’t he?” Alex asked having to hear her say it. It hurt him how sad she looked. His insides churned with guilt. ‘I should have followed her.’ his thoughts reminded him of what he had almost done but decided against.

“I was in the library, and he came in and just…” she didn’t finish. The look of such pain in Alex’s eyes was too much. “I should have fought harder, but he at least had the courtesy to take me into an empty class room.” she said pulling away. She walked to his bed and collapsed. She brought her legs up to her chin and sighed. ‘This wasn’t a good idea. I shouldn’t be here laying all my problems out for him. I should be anywhere but here.’ her thoughts came with guilt of complaining to Alex.

Alex crossed the room slowly and sat on the bed. “You know,” he paused not wanting to scare her. She looked like a scared little kid who had had a nightmare and was being comforted by a parent. ‘But this is different.’ his conscious reminded him “I understand why they used you.” his voice was barely a whisper as sat on the bed and brushed a piece of hair from her face.

Anna bolted upright and stared at Alex slapping his hand away. He immediately wished he hadn’t said that. “Is that how you think of me?” her voice was a deadly whisper “Just some sex toy?” her voice rose slightly to display her rising temper “I’m just a toy to be played with and then tossed aside no matter how I feel about it?” she was shouting now. Her mouth went off and her brain was free to agree and let the anger and frustration hit something other than the inside walls of her mind. “I am just a sex object to you, aren’t I?” she stood suddenly as Alex did.

She slapped him as hard as she could. Alex was stunned but said nothing as she continued to hit him (slightly less violently) in the chest. He wasn’t as phased, as he was shocked that she had hit him. “Just some damned sex thing.” She spat still hitting him with all the strength she had, which wasn’t much. “To them I can see how, but not you. You‘re not supposed to be like them.” She faltered and he grabbed her wrists. “You’re not supposed to be like they are.” she whispered, her mind finally catching up to her mouth.

“What am I supposed to be like then?” his question stopped her dead. She stared at him a moment and shook her head, trying desperately to forget what he had just implied. “Does it matter what those ass holes think?” he asked his eyes boring into hers. “Do you really care what they think? They have proved themselves unworthy of you and yet you let your mind linger on them.” she pushed away from him and curled up at the headboard. “You walk away from me and you think I’m someone I’m not. Put your mind at ease and don’t dwell on what they have done to you. Self pity will swallow you whole if you don’t get over this.”

His words hit her like a title wave. “How can my mind rest?” she shouted, “They did the unthinkable. They violated me in a way that my pride will never be able to heal. What part of rape don’t you understand?” she was crying again. Her head buried in a lush green pillow. Alex felt his heart breaking again and he knew that she wanted revenge but it would be pointless if she didn’t go about it in the right way. “How can you say you understand why they did what they did? How?” Anna could feel her throat closing and her voice straining not to crack. “You haven’t done what they have.” She stopped dead when she saw his eyes close a second longer. “What?”

“I’ve done a lot of things.” He said hesitantly. “Many of which I can’t even understand, but they want you to hurt and cry.” He sat on the bed again, exhaustion was taking its toll on him “They want you to suffer and think that its your fault, but it is not your fault.” Anna stared at him. Teary eyed and pouting he knew she wanted to know whatever he had done that had been as bad as Wise and Aaron. “You can’t let them get to you. That’s what they want.” he paused not wanting to scare her more “There were others before you.” he didn’t look at her when he said this. “I can’t give you names but I thought you should know.”

Anna started to protest but he held up a hand to stop her from asking. “I am sworn to secrecy. I can’t give names, descriptions or anything that might lead you to these people, but they are there.” He inhaled and noticed that she was hanging onto his every word. “I have done. . .” Alex almost told her his entire past then, but he knew she would never speak to him again if he opened the book of secrets now. He decided that his secrets should be shared at another time. “things. Most of which that you would probably hang me for, but for now those will remain in my mind. I can tell you that. . .” he never finished.

It was Anna’s turn to hold her hand up. Her smile though sad made Alex’s entire body grow warm, not because she was coming onto him, but because she had found a reason to smile. After all she had been through she could find one molecule of happiness. “I won’t judge you on your past.” Her voice trembled because of her previous tantrum. “I will however keep in mind those things that you speak of.” Her voice was sad that he would not tell her the horrors of his past. “I wasn’t going to ask who the others were but I must ask one thing.” a small nod from Alex told her to continue. “Why hasn’t anyone gone to the police?”

Alex inhaled and shook his head. “All of the headmasters since St. Luke’s was started did this sort of thing. The police over look it. So do the school boards, the education beau , and also foreign investigators. No one wants to take on an exceptional school that has been around for the past century and a half.” Anna nodded sadly “The headmasters have always had a large influence over the government, that’s why they wont investigate reports of sexual abuse or any rapes or so on.”

“I see.” Anna swallowed hard and hugged the pillow she was holding tighter. “I guess I can always go back to my other school.” her half hearted laugh made Alex cringe. He didn’t like the thought of her leaving.

“You won’t want to go back to public school for three reasons.” he said hoping that one or the other would make her stay “One; you wont like living under your parents rule again. Two; your parents will never, I do mean never, let you live down that you got out of an one of a kind private school.” he paused.

“What’s the third reason I shouldn’t leave oh wise one?” her voice holding a hint of her humor.

“I’ll miss you too much.” he reached over and wiped away a tear that fell. Anna smiled at him.

“I can barely look at the headmaster without bursting into tears.” her anger returned and dripped back into place. “I can’t walk around the halls without being afraid. I can’t even go to the damn library without having to be scared shitless. What kind of place is that for me? I can’t live like that. I can’t live like this. You won’t always be around to protect me. If the headmaster calls me into his office you can’t very well barge into his office.” Anna knew she sounded childish, carrying on like that but how could he even suggest that she stay here.

“You’re right I can’t protect you from every thing that comes along, but I can damn sure try.” he said in a rather serious tone. Anna couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. “What did the headmaster want to see you about anyway?”

“Well he kind of wanted to have another,” she mumbled something and he had to strain to understand.

“Say what?”

“Another ‘session’. He said that I was good for a virgin but needed some training in the whole seduction department.” a blush danced across her cheeks and she refused to look at him.

“Son of a bitch.”

“But if you hadn’t stormed in he would have told me what the bloody hell was going on with the damned government.” she ventured “He said something about the rates of unwed teenaged mothers going up, not only in our country, but around the world. He was on the verge of letting me know about something that was, how did he put it? ‘Sensitive information.’ and had you not come in when you did then I would be on the knowledgeable end of this conversation.” she huffed trying to regain control over her temper.

“Well excuse me for hearing you scream and coming to your rescue!” Alex shot at her. “Why did you scream? If he didn’t try anything with you then you had…”

“He said something about another ‘session’ okay. You know that may not sound bad to you but it scares the shit out of me. That …. God there isn’t even an insult dirty enough for him. He raped me. I think you forgot that, but the thought of another ‘session’ is not a pleasant one in my book.” seething she closed her eyes and counted to ten.

Alex had to gather all his self control not to hit her for implying that he wanted to sleep with the pig that was serving as the headmaster. “So he said something about marriage, government, another ‘session’, which isn’t going to happen if I can help it.”

“What are you going to do?” she asked cynically “Bash his head in and get arrested so Aaron can have another go at me? Thanks but I think I like the idea of you here with me and not in a cell.” her heart softened. She hadn’t meant to yell but her anger and emotions had a way of running amuck without her consent. She curled up next to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

“I was thinking more along the line of castrating him and leaving the country.” he said only half joking.

“Can I ask you a favor?”

“As long as it doesn’t include killing the headmaster, okay.” his laugh made Anna grow slightly less weary about asking him. “On second thought I would do anything for you.”

“Can I um,” she took a calming breath “Can I stay here tonight?”

Alex smiled and nodded “I think I would insist, even if you hadn’t asked me.” he crawled to the head board and hugged her. They snuggled down into the comforter and turned out the lights.

“I hope you don’t expect me to…”

“I expect you to sleep tight and not take all of my blanket.” he said with a chuckle “Goodnight Anna Banana.” as much as she had hated the nickname when she was little, it was slowly growing on her, or at least when Alex called her by the pet name.

Anna settled in and got comfortable. Closing her eyes she knew that he wouldn’t even think about trying anything, but as the world slowly faded into a dream her body snapped awake. She jumped at the feel of an arm slipping around her waist and pulling her closer. She could feel his warm body heat and smell his spicy cologne. She smiled as his breath tickled the back of her neck.

She smiled in the darkness and faded back into her dream world. A single thought crossed her mind as the world cascaded into darkness ‘I know what its like to be a teddy bear now.’ with a breathy laugh Alex squeezed her a bit. She winced at the movement and fell into darkness. Letting the dreams of water and earth take over her field of vision.