Addicted to The Night

Restoring the Night

In the bathroom, he gently stripped me of my filthy clothes and he started the water. He grabbed a cloth and held it under the running water. He took the cloth to my face and began to wipe the dirt and tears away.

“I heard you, honey. I heard you the first time you called my name but I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. I was in the middle of something and I didn’t hear where it came from. I ended up on 25th street and…”

“Mika.” I couldn’t look at him anymore, it hurt to look at him. My symbol of love was perfect and beautiful. Everything that I was not. And it hurt to see us separated like that finally.

“Yes, love?”

“Stop talking.”

The tub filled up and he reached down to pick me up off the toilet seat. “I’m capable of getting in there myself.” I had never intentionally snapped at Mika before and he was taken aback by it but quickly recovered, chalking it up as anger towards the attack.

I get into the tub and he leaned over the side. He took the towel he had used previously to clean off my face and rubs some soap on it. He starts rubbing my arms and shoulders. I let him wash me to make up for snapping at him. I felt guilty even before I said it but I couldn’t help myself.

He rinsed me off and began to wet my hair. I was getting a bit frustrated. This only supported my uselessness theory. I couldn’t do anything for myself and this is proved by Mika washing me instead of doing it myself.

“Get out of here!”

“What?” He looked about to cry again so I looked away.

“I said, get out! I can wash myself. I don’t need your help!”

“But honey, I love you. I just want to take care of you. I know you can wash yourself I just want to do it for you so you can see that no matter how bad you feel, you are still loved. I love you, Aidan Devlin…”



“Go away!”

I didn’t see him but I could hear the tears start to form as his voice cracked. “Ok, honey.”

He got up and I listen to his boots squeak against the tile floor as he walks out. He closes the door and I stare at it. Why did I just do that? I knew what I was saying but I still said it knowing it’d hurt him. Hurt the one person I love the most.

I didn’t start crying until I heard Mika’s choked sobs just outside the bathroom door.

****

I walk into the bedroom to find Mika sitting at the desk with his head down. His head shot up and he turned to look at me. He smiled at me and I try but I can’t quite make the muscles in my lips move nor did I want to. It hurt too much to smile. His smile faded seeing me still so miserable.



“I’ve made you a cup of my blood to sustain you until tomorrow.”

“Thank you.”



“It’s on the night stand. You can drink it before you rest.”



I walk over to the night stand. I take the cup and drink as I sit down on the bed. I’m not good enough to be drinking it. I don’t deserve special treatment. I don’t even really deserve him.

I drink the last drop and set the cup down. I look at him, huddled over the desk, sobbing lightly. I wish I could just die to ease his pain, mine didn’t seem to matter anymore. I am worthless. I don’t matter. He does. What am I? I’m used. I’m tampered with. I am no good for him anymore. Our love is too pure for me anymore. I am scum and he is beauty personified. What could I ever give him now?



I crawl under the covers and curl up to sleep. Hoping that I won’t wake up. I try to think up ways that I could kill myself. Namely, have someone stake me in the heart to just get it over with. Besides I won’t be able to die any other way. Or maybe I could just stop feeding. I would die slowly and painfully and that’s what I deserve. But on the other hand, Mika would grow more depressed because he still claims to love me. I don’t want to cause anymore harm then I already have.



“Aidan.” He broke my train of thought as he called to me. “Aidan, could we talk about this, love?”



“There’s nothing to talk about.”



“Nothing to talk about? Aidan, there’s everything. We need to talk. I don’t understand why you’re taking this out on me. I understand this is very difficult but I’m trying to help you and you just want to bite my head off.”



“You understand? You have no clue.”

“I know,” he said dejectedly. “Can I lie down with you, love? I don’t want to yell anymore. I just want you to know how much I love you.”

“I don’t deserve it.”

“Yes, you do. You deserve all I have to give you and more.” I hear his voice get closer as he continues. “You are everything to me and none of this changed that in anyway. I’m still incredibly in love with you. Always will be.”



“You’re worthy of a lot more than me. A lot more.”

“That’s not true. And I don’t want anyone else. We went through this already Aidan. You are my soulmate. My match in every way. Nothing or no one can change that.”



I felt the bed sink next to me. Behind me. I felt him get under the covers with me and I feel cold. “Don’t touch me, Mika. I don’t want to contaminate you.”



“Contaminate me? Oh Aidan, don’t say that. You are still the same. Don’t let him get to you, honey. Don’t let him break your spirit. I don’t want to lose you to that animal. I want you as you always were.”



“Them.”



“What?”

“Them. Don’t let them get to me.”

“There was more than one, honey?”

“One to hold me down and the other to desecrate me.”

“Aid…” He trailed off as he started to cry again. He kissed me neck and rested his head on my shoulder. It felt wrong. I was wrong to let him touch me. Because now I want more and I shouldn’t be allowed to. Why should I be able to damage such a wonderful thing? It should be a crime, a sin. But I couldn’t help myself.

I still love him immensely and I know that if I rid this world of the filth that is me that he would be better for it. I love him so much that I can’t let him waste his time on me, no matter how much I love him in return.

“You deserve better, Mika.”

“Let me be the judge of what I deserve and what I want. There is nothing wrong with you, Aidan Devlin Brodie. The only thing that happened was two disgusting perverts did something unforgivable to you. They tried to ruin your life. They tried to break your spirit and if you let them then they win. You can’t let them win, Aidan! You have to get better in spite of them. Live your life like you have and get over this incident. That is how you win. That is how you take back your life.”

I felt his arms wrap around me and I slowly begin to melt into his embrace without even thinking. I want to just let him do this. I want to let him take me over and take my life back. But I still feel like I’d be cheating him. I can’t let go of that feeling.

“Do you love me, Aidan?”

I sigh deeply. “Yes, but you shouldn’t love me anymore.”



“Why not? I do still love you and I always will nothing will ever change that. But why, why shouldn’t I love you anymore?”

“Because I am nothing, Mika. I am dirt. I am a disgrace compared to you. I am not at all worthy to be your lover anymore.”

“No! Stop saying that. I will never stop loving you, Aidan. And I will never go away. You are stuck with me for eternity, my love. This is your reward or punishment, however you want to look at it.”

“It was never a punishment for me, but it is for you now.”

“The only punishment is having you shut me out. My punishment is having you keep everything inside and not letting me love you like I want to. That is my punishment.”

His grasp on me tightened and he hit a nerve inside me, causing me to cry harder than I have cried all night. I cried with all my being and he cried with me. We cried together. We got out our frustrations. We got out all our sorrows, together. We did everything together. That’s how it was and I really hope that’s how it will always be.

I turn to him, finally able to look into his teary eyes and not turn away with guilt.
“Mika, I’m scared.”

He runs his fingers through my hair and calming me considerably. “And you have every right to be, lovely. You’re allowed to be scared. I’m scared too.”

“I don’t want to live like this, Mika.”

“Then don’t. It’s that simple.”

“Will you help me, Mika?”

“Every step of the way. You know this.” He kisses my cheek where another tear starts to roll down. He looks into my eyes and kisses the corner of my mouth. I give up trying to fight it, I can’t help myself as I turn my head so that our lips are pressed together. The touch of his lips and his tongue seemed to slowly heal my wounds. I didn’t want to let go of him and he didn’t want me to. I will do anything for him. At that very moment I plan to do everything in my power to forget what happened and proceed with my life to satisfy Mika, because he is the only thing that matters.

If he really wants me, then he can have me. Have me the way that he wants because I live for him. He is the only reason I did not kill myself that night, or any night for that matter.



“I love you, Mika. I would kill myself if you ever left me.”

“Then you will live forever, my love.”

****


I have the next two parts of this story written but I figured I\'d let these two chapters sink in first, make you want it a little. hahaha, I know I like to watch people suffer...j/k. This story will take a little turn soon and then after the next chapter it will be posted in the slash catergory instead of vampire for those who would like to continue readin it. you\'ll find out why when that part comes. so I\'m gonna keep ya guessing. I mean I don\'t want to give away the ending of these stories before you read them now do I?