Gravity of Love

(seven)(Sub)(6 months later)

Time flew by with Ren now; six months strong and every day was filled with his kisses, his touch and his love. I had to laugh at myself sometimes; how he was making me feel and how badly I needed him now. I'd often ask him if he felt that I was overwhelming him, too clingy, too needy for him to deal with, but he'd just smile and give me a soft kiss. I had spent the majority of tonight alone; Ren had some party to go to and had insisted that I wasn't "ready" for one of them yet. He wouldn't tell me why he thought that, but I took his word for it and left the subject alone. The only thing I nagged him about was running all these damn errands. I was tired of going back and forth to his businesses, the workers meeting me at the door, refusing to let me come in. I mean, I'm not that stupid: there's only one type of service that a place called On The Lash could provide. He finally relented and had me dance there two nights a week. Getting down and sweaty was such a high for me; so many people loving my body, wanting to be with me. As long as they looked and never touched I grind my hips and play the part. I had to admit; I was getting pretty damned good at it. I learned the tricks of the trade from one of the dancers there. Victoria, I think her name was.

I was sitting in the kitchen, raiding the refrigerator when I heard the house door open and close. I stopped what I was doing and went to stand at the kitchen door to greet him. I had nothing on but some beat up jeans and I had my now shoulder length hair loose, a black curtain around my face. I was getting better at seducing him, making him come to me rather than me jumping him every time I saw him. I got to the door and leaned in the doorway, tossing my hair to the side and waited for him to reach me. His footsteps echoed down the small hallway and I finally saw him and my heart skipped a beat. He had his bright red hair gelled in small stylish spikes, curved in such a way that made it seem like the top of his head was on fire. He smiled when he saw me.

"Ah, I was just about to look for you."

I went to him slowly, biting my lower lip. "You found me," I whispered seductively.

I wrapped my arms around his waist, my hands going low to grope his ass and pull him towards me. His head came down to meet mine for a deep passionate kiss. Without warning he moved forward, almost making me trip, and my back hit the wall with enough force I cried out. Pulling my hands away from him he lifted them above my head, holding them so tight it was borderline pain. He ate at my mouth and then traveled down my neck, biting down on my soft flesh to make me whimper. Well, at least I had started the seduction, but he ends up taking over and finishing it. Not that I mind; I kinda like it when he takes me like this. Switching both of my wrists to just one hand, he reached down to grope my erection through my jeans.

"I wanna fuck you right here and now," he hissed in-between kisses.

"Then do it," I moaned, "do me right here. Fuck me til I scream."

He laughed then and backed away from me, letting go of my wrists slowly. "Not tonight, I want you nice and rested for tomorrow."

I rubbed my wrists, urging the circulation back to my hands. "I thought I didn't have to work at the club tomorrow?"

He shook his head. "No, you don't. You remember Mannix, don't you?"

I remembered my first night dancing at On The Lash and that crazy fuck that just couldn't seem to take no for an answer. He'd have raped me right there in my dressing room if Ren hadn't came in at the right moment.

"Yeah, the guy from the club-- your 'friend'," I said the last word as hateful as I could.

Either Ren didn't notice the tone in my voice or chose to ignore it.

"You get to entertain him."

I frowned. "I don't want to hang out with that dude; he's weird. What am I going to talk to him about?"

Ren smiled at me as if I was an idiot and ran his fingers through my hair softly. "Well that's the point of entertaining, heart; there won't be much talking to worry about."

What the fuck? Did he really mean what I think he did? "You want me to…sleep with him?" I asked carefully.
He nodded.

"But—but I don't even know him, much less like him!"

The smile on his face faltered and a look passed through his eyes that made me back up.

"Didn't bother you much with Victoria, now did it?"

Why did he always have to bring that up? I felt bad about sleeping with her, but by no means do I regret it. Yes, I was technically 'with' Ren when I fucked her, but I don't think that's the reason why he's so mad about it. Knowing that I was getting my kicks with him not around was one thing, having to walk in on it was another. The only reason why I let myself be seduced was because I saw how friendly Ren was being with Mannix that night at the club; a clue that friends didn't even cover the relationship those two had. Why shouldn't I be able to sleep around, too?

"No, it didn't," I said truthfully, "but then again I wasn't thinking straight after watching you and Mannix make out in front of me."

Ren frowned. "Is that what your attitude is about? Jesus H. Christ, Gavin, don't be such a whiny cunt. Mannix and I roll around every now and then, but I don't love him. You're the only person who has me in that department."

I folded my arms and pouted. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

He reached out and grabbed my arm, pulling me towards him. "It is. Look, just consider it like your old job except you're delivering that sweet ass of yours."

I snatched my arm away from him. Now that was just too damn much. "No," I spat angrily.

"Hey, you were the one who said you wanted more into my life, more jobs."

I shook my head. "Not this, I never asked for this." A scary thought ran through my head as I realized the path of the conversation. "You're not just talking about a casual one-nighter are you? By 'job' do you mean he's paying me for it?"

"Paying me actually," He said nonchalantly. What! That---that would make me—that would mean I would be—

"You want to whore me out?" I asked in disbelief. "Why? I thought we…that I was with you.."

He sighed and rubbed his temples like he had a headache. "Why make this so difficult? Why are you acting like such a bitch?"

"M-me? I'm acting like—"my voice cracked and I had to swallow several times before I could find my voice again. Whoa, who was this and what did he do with my Ren? This wasn't him, this couldn't be him; he'd never talk to me like that, ask me to do that. Were those people at the shelter right when they told me not to go with him, that I was better off in an orphanage? But he was so nice, so charming—was that an act to get me to believe in him? The air between us was getting heavy with tension and I quickly wanted to back out of the conversation—or was it an argument now? He could be as mad at me as he wanted, but…

"I can't fuck him, Ren."

He took a few menacing steps towards me and I hesitantly backed up, becoming a bit uneasy.

"You can and you will," he said through clenched teeth.

"No," I said coldly, "I'm not. End of discussion." There. I put my foot down and felt good with my decision. Stripping was one thing, but whoring was something that I was not keen to try or experience. All my arousal gone, I went to walk past him when he suddenly grabbed my arm. He gripped it so hard it shocked a cry out of my throat and he yanked me back, literally throwing me into the wall. The air was forced out of my lungs and I was left gasping as the pain ran through my back; several pictures that were hanging on the wall next to me shook and fell to the floor. The glass shattering rang in my ears but was drowned out by the sound of Ren's booming voice.

"You don't tell me what you will or won't do!" he shouted. Two things happened then. I saw his hand rise up, but was too stupid and trusting to actually believe that he might hit me. Boy I was wrong. He slapped me across the face so hard I stumbled and I felt the sweet copper taste of blood fill my mouth. I stood there in shock, holding my cheek and mouth as the warm blood slowly dripped out. He…he hit me!? What did I do? God, why did he do that? He gave me another shove, knocking me into the wall again, this time my head bounced back and hit the wall. I started to slide down to the floor but he held me by the arm and lifted me up. I shrunk back from him, eyes nearly shut and preparing myself for what came next, praying that this would end soon. I felt the warm tears fall down my face as everything that I knew crashed down in burning embers. He shook me, the pain riding my entire body now and I half screamed, half sobbed as he continued the abuse.

"I tell you! Get me?" I was too hurt to answer at first and was now sobbing softly. He shook me even harder, pinning me to the wall by the throat. "DO—YOU—GET—ME?!"

"I get you, I get you!" I replied, my voice high with fear and panic, my mouth was still full of blood so it came out somewhat garbled. Would he hit me again? Please, please stop.

He let go of me and backed away. "Good," he said with disgust. "Now clean your face for Christ's sake and change into something else."

I quickly wiped the dripping blood and drying tears from my face using the back of my arm. He had actually hit me. I sniffed and slowly slid to the floor, my legs unable to hold me any longer.

"I'm calling Mannix over tomorrow, you better be in the proper mood when he gets here."

I nod, remaining silent. He gave me a last mean glare and walked away. I stared out into space for God knows how long. I was shaking all over and was breathing in shallow gasps. Was I just overreacting? I had been rude..maybe I deserved it? No, no one deserves that. I shouldn't have talked back to him, not after all that he's done for me. Does that give him the right? It was just once anyway in what? Two years? What did that matter, all it takes is once. Shut up, just…shut…up. I fought to hold back the tears as I stood up, slightly staggering and I went to the bathroom to wash up.

*******************************************

The day dragged along far too quickly for me. I knew what the night brought with it and was not looking forward to it. Ren completely avoided me at breakfast and wouldn't talk to me when he saw me. By ten thirty I sat in my semi-dark room, willing myself to vanish. Not for forever, but just long enough to get past tonight. I knew what—or whom—waited for me downstairs. I also knew what was expected of me and I was afraid more than anything. Afraid to move forward and out of this dark, safe room; out to a place that I knew I'd never be able to return to. Was I being dramatic? Or perhaps it was my apprehension creating this overwhelming fear? Don't know, don't' care. The room door opened and Ren came in.

"In the dark again? Goddamnit Gavin, what's your problem?"

Hmmm, let me think. The fact that you're whoring me out to your friends, maybe. Can't be too sure. Remembering the tussle we had last night I shook my head.

"I'm not comfortable with this," I said softly. He came over to me and pulled me up from the bed, facing him. I held my head down, refusing to look at him.

"Gavin, we talked about this yesterday, didn't we?"

I nodded. Actually, we didn't talk. You yelled and hit me in the face and knocked me against the wall. How exactly does that classify as talking, you ass?

"I just don't want to do this," I said softly.

"Do you love me?" Taken aback by the sudden subject change I didn't answer at first.

"Do you?"

"You know I do," I said quickly.

"Not right now I don't," he snapped.

My body seemed to shut down and I couldn't breath like someone had just dumped me into a tub of ice water.

"W-What? You know I love you!" I clutched his shirt arm, looking up at him almost pleadingly. He had to know how much I loved him. Wasn't letting him fuck me enough? I had to screw someone else, now? He yanked his shirt from my grasp and backed away slightly.

"Gavin, I know this might be a bit hard to adjust to, but I wouldn't have given you this job unless I knew you could handle it. All I want is for you to have some fun with Mannix, it's not about love or any of that shit; it's just a fuck. It's just your body, but what's here," he rested his hand on my chest over my heart, "is mine. I want you to be with me in all things, Gavin, I love you that much."

"By whoring me out?" I asked in disbelief. I fought to keep myself from relaxing against him, to pull away from his warmth and intoxicating cologne, but couldn't. I squeezed my eyes shut and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Please don't make me," I whispered.

"You love me?" He asked again.

"More than anything," I nearly sob.

He kissed the top of my head. "Then do this for me, love; just do what I tell you and it'll be okay."

His voice was so soft, so calming and I was being sucked in. A small voice in my head screamed for me to wake up, but I pushed it down.

"Promise?" I said weakly. God, my voice didn't even sound familiar to me anymore.

"I love you, Gavin and Mannix knows that; he'll behave. You just might enjoy it."

I pulled away from him, doubt eating away at me again.
"But—"

"No 'buts', Gavin," Ren said, his voice going cold like last night, "either you love me or you don't, the choice is yours. There are no gray areas when it comes to loving or being with me. You mean the world to me and I don't want to lose you, but you're going to have to decided what you want."

"I want you," I said miserably, feeling worse and worse by the second. Ultimatums, why did it always have to be ultimatums? Why couldn't I just love him? Why wasn't I ever good enough?

"Prove it," he said and suddenly let me go. I stumbled back and watched him walk out, closing the door softly behind him. I began pacing the room. Was there much of a choice? I had grown to be so dependent on Ren emotionally, what would life be without him? Would it be so bad to just let Mannix ride me, get his kicks just to have Ren's acceptance? Was this worth his love? Anyone's love. No, it wasn't. It shouldn't ever be. But…but…

There are no 'buts'.

There are no 'buts'.

Either I do or I don't.

God help me, but I do. I really, really do. I love him. I need him. I went to the door, hand shaking slightly as I turned the knob. Taking a deep breath I walked out the door and headed downstairs. I never knew love had such a high price, but it was one I was willing to pay to keep him.

********************************************************

As I neared Ren's study I heard raised voices.

"He's taking his sweet time, isn't he?"

I recognized that voice instantly as Mannix's. Ren said something low and laughter soon followed. I took a deep breath before I went to the door and slid them open.

"See," I heard Ren say as I entered, "I told you."

I looked around the room and saw Ren lounging at his desk, feet propped up on the edge and Mannix sprawled—for lack of a better word—on the small couch to the right of the desk. When he saw me he smiled and got up.

"You look better every time I see you, Gavey."

"The name's Gavin," I snapped. It's not that I hated the nickname, that's what my mom called me on those rare moments she wasn't totally boozed up or high. I just didn't want him using it.

Mannix only laughed. "When I've got you on my dime I can call you whatever I want, Gavey-boy."

I opened my mouth to tell him where he can take his dimes and shove them, but Ren quickly interrupted.

"Don't mind him, Mannix. He just needs to get used to it. Remember what I told you?"

"Yeah, yeah," he replied, but not like he really meant it.

Ren put his feet down and stood. "I guess I'll leave you two alone. The door in the corner leads to the bedroom, a nice touch don't you think?"

Mannix shrugged. "I really don't care."

Ren smiled. "Would you care more if it was your little whore in there?"

Mannix didn't seem perturbed by the comment. "He's as good as any, besides he's got experience and," he said looking at me, "he's TRAINED and doesn't talk back."

I thought about doing something juvenile like sticking out my tongue or even giving him the finger, but thought better of it.

Mannix shrugged again. "I have a soft spot for him, not too often when that happens."

"Oh please," Ren said as he walked from his desk and towards the door. "I doubt you can feel anything that doesn't involve your dick." Mannix laughed but made no comment. Ren spared me one last glance and then winked at Mannix. "Have fun you two." And then he was gone. Mannix looked at me and rubbed his hands together with excitement.
"C'mon boy, let's fuck."

I frowned at him, the disgust on my face plain and I wanted it to be. 'C'mon, let's fuck', what the hell was that?

"I'm supposed to be turned on with a line like that?" I asked, adding a light tilt to my voice to make it seem like I was joking. He laughed softly and headed for the door Ren mentioned earlier that led to his bedroom.

"Don't matter," he said over his shoulder, "you're going to do whatever I tell you to, anyway. Now come on."

I took a deep breath. Okay, I can do this. I can show Ren how much I love him, how much I want to be with him. I followed him. Another step further into the void, deeper into a place that I didn't want to go. There was no backing out now, not if it meant losing the only person that's ever given a damn about me.

Only two small lamps, casting heavy shadows on everything, lighted the room. The king size bed was already turned down and ready; I think I'm going to puke. I was so busy staring at the bed that I didn't notice Mannix come up behind me. I jumped when his hands rested on my shoulders and didn't relax as they traveled down further. I kept my best to stay still and quiet as he slowly felt me up. I can do this. His lips found my ear and he nibbled at the lobe gently.

"Relax," he whispered in between nibbling. "I'll take good care of you. Get undressed and get in bed, okay?"

Swallowing hard, I nodded and stepped away from him. I slipped out of my tattered jeans and socks and pulled off my t-shirt. He was watching me as I did it, but not in the way I liked. I went to the bed and sat down, the cool sheets sending a shiver through my body. Mannix took the time to undress and came to stand in front of me.

"You've got such a smart mouth," he said, "let's see what other tricks it can do."

I made a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob. I felt so…so dirty. Holding back tears, I took his cock in my hand and soon took it in my mouth. I think what made the difference is that until this point the only man I've touched like this is Ren. Not to mention the only time I'm going to have sex without wanting to. I pretended as hard as I could that it was Ren that I was sucking off, anything to try and take my mind off of what I was doing. Anything…

He soon started pumping into my mouth, holding on to the back of my head, guiding it as I quickened the pace. If I made him come just doing this maybe the night would be over sooner? After a few grunts he pulled away from me. Guess not.

"On your stomach," he ordered.

I quickly obeyed, propping myself up by the elbows and staring into space while I waited for him to do whatever he wanted. The bed shifted as he got on and a small whimper escaped my throat without meaning to. Why was I being such a baby? Mannix's hot tongue played across my shoulder blades and the spine of my back. When he got to my ass and started probing I froze, making him laugh.

"You've fucked before haven't you?"

"With Ren," I said miserably.

Mannix made no response and instead rammed his dick where his tongue was only a few moments earlier. I cried out from the searing pain, tiny white spots flashed in front of my eyes and my head went light. Fucking Christ, didn't he even lube up first!? He didn't start out slow and shallow like Ren did, small thrusts that went deeper and deeper as he went along, making you want even more. No, this was like driving in a jackhammer, seeing how deep you could go or even better yet, if you could come out the other side. Mannix's heavy rhythm shook the bed and the mattress and us squeaked with protest. He muttered incoherent words, all of them dirty and profane as he fucked me. I bit on my bottom lip, trying to find some pleasure in the pain, but couldn't. I only prayed he came soon before he tore my insides out.

Think of something else. Be somewhere else. Be somewhere….

I tried not to think about Mannix on top of me, about the pain. I just wanted to fade. And that's when I heard it. The most beautiful sound that I'd ever come to know. A weird static buzzing, almost like white noise from a television. It led to a place that was filled with stillness, a dark place where it didn't matter what was happening. A place I desperately needed right now. Was I going crazy? I floated in that nothingness, fading as I fought to escape reality.

Mannix drove himself into me faster, going deeper if that was even possible. It wrenched me out of the darkness and brought me back as he reached down, pulling my arms out and pinning them to either side of me.

"You're my beautiful little whore, aren't you?" he panted.

I only sobbed, choking on my words. I don't think it really mattered whether I answered him or not, he didn't see me, just a shell of flesh that felt really, really good. He cried out loud as he came in me, his body shuddering above me. He pulled out of me and got off the bed. Slowly, I closed my legs and turned over to look at him.

"Did—did I please you?" I asked.

Mannix was already gathering his clothes. "Did you? Ha, Gavin that was great. Your body….Ren's got himself a prize." It didn't take him long to get dressed again and as he zipped his jeans he came over to the bed and sat down.

"Just learn to loosen up a bit and you'll be a bit better in bed next time, I think."

Was this fuck serious? Next time? I only nodded, not trusting the words that might come out my mouth. He gave me a chaste kiss—the first and only one—and left the room without another word. I did it. I showed Ren what his love meant to me. So why did I feel so awful? Like a discarded piece of trash? Too tired and sore to move I curled up in the bed, pulling the thin sheet over my naked shivering body. I hugged myself wallowing in the misery of what I had just done as the tears I refused to shed all day finally found their way out.

(end promise sub)