Moonlight Denial: Shades of Moonlight Book One

“They’re going to know something is wrong,” Nicoli said with a sigh as he pulled on a clean pair of socks. In just a little while he was going to see his parents. A part of him was excited, he had missed them so much, but another part of him dreaded it. He feared they would somehow instantly know what had happened to him.

“Well, if you keep acting all mopey then, yeah, they are,” Amelia said. She stood off to the side holding what clothes Nicoli didn’t already have on.

“How the hell am I supposed to act?” he asked as he took his shirt from her and went to the standing full length mirror.

“Like yourself,” she replied simply.

Nicoli stared at his reflection. Himself. Right. He didn’t know how to put into words that he didn’t feel like himself anymore. His confidence was gone as was his snarky nature and quick wit when conversing. Instead he felt utterly drained and empty. What he hated most was that he was now easily spooked by his own shadow and feared that something was going to jump out at him any second. Nicoli might have escaped with his life, but Dimitri had taken his sense of security as compensation.

Nicoli turned until part of his back came into view in the mirror. He had tried not to think about the scars, had refrained from even getting a glimpse of them, but there they were. He could not deny it any longer as he stared into the mirror, gazing upon his back with its patchwork of scarred skin. Dimitri’s everlasting mark.

Amelia must not have liked the look on his face because she grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him forward.

“Stop it, Nicoli,” she demanded, but it came out as more of a plea. “It-It’s not that bad.”

He gave her reflected image an incredulous look that she shrank under.

“Okay, it is bad, but it’s not terrible. You should count yourself lucky.”

“How so?” he asked and sounded bitterer than he meant to be.

“Because it could have been so much worse. They could have scarred you more or cut off some of your limbs, gouged out your eyes, ripped out your tongue or–”

“Amelia, I get it,” he said, cutting her off before she could put more disturbing images in his head.

“My point is that they could have killed you, but you’re here and still alive and these stupid things are easily covered,” she said as she took his shirt from him. There was a moment of her wrestling it over his head and trying to shimmy him into it, but once it was on she made him face the mirror again. “See? You’re still you.”

Nicoli did as he was told and observed himself. He twisted his body to get glimpses of his back, but the shirt covered his scars. It was odd, if someone were just looking at him they wouldn’t be able to tell what he had been through. Sure he looked extremely worn out and weary, but that could just be from an ordinary, teenager ‘stay up all night because he could’ thing. For all intensive purposes he appeared…normal. However, that didn’t help him feel normal.

“Nicoliii, please stop looking like that,” Amelia begged when she saw that what she was saying wasn’t helping.

“Looking like what?” he asked.

“So…defeated,” she said. “Look, I may not know what happened to you in there, but you can’t let it get to you like this.” She placed a hand on his arm and rested her head against his shoulder. “You lived, but it will mean nothing if you don’t press on with your life. If you stay huddled in your puddle of self pity then…then Dimitri wins.”

Her words hit him hard. She was right, he knew she was. If he didn't snap out of it then his surviving would be worthless. He didn’t persevere through all the horrors he was subjugated to just to let Dimitri win in the end. The only problem was that he wasn’t sure how to move forward.

“What if I can’t ever get away from this?” he asked quietly.

“Oh, you will,” Amelia told him with a little smile. “Because I’ll be here behind you giving you a good shove every time you want to take a step back.”

Nicoli smiled in spite of himself as she took hold of his shoulders and gave him a little shake.

“Thanks, Amelia.” He rubbed his face and groaned. “I’m just glad I’ll have you with me to help me get through dinner.”

Cecile, being the benevolent Goddess she was, had arranged it so that Nicoli and his parents would be spending Thanksgiving with her and the rest of the Fairbrookes’. That way they could all help Nicoli if he faltered and had a nervous breakdown.

At first he thought his mother would flat out refuse the offer. She was strangely protective over family get-togethers’, but after some convincing, and a promise that she would be cooking alongside Cecile and Tabitha, she relented.

It put him more at ease to know he’d have Amelia by his side as he tried to pretend that he had gone for a pleasant little road trip and hadn’t been held captive by psychotic vampires.

“You have nothing to worry about, Buddy,” Amelia said with a slap to his back. “If a Fairbrooke Thanksgiving doesn’t raise your spirits then nothing will.”

His lip raised in a small smile. He could only imagine what dinner with the crazy family would be like, but he was sure it would be interesting. With little else to say he began smoothing out his shirt. He was wearing the clothes Cecile had taken from his house and it felt wonderful to be wearing his clothes again. Not Dimitri’s. Not Preston’s. His. He couldn’t explain the feeling, but it brought him a great deal of comfort.

“There we go, that’s a lot better,” Amelia said, making Nicoli look at her curiously.

“What?” he asked.

“That look is gone and you better keep it away,” she told him, pinching his cheek.

“All right, all right, I’ll try,” he said, batting her hand away.

Amelia was about to tickle attack him when there was a knock at the door. They both turned as it opened and Cecile stepped in.

“Hello, Children. Nicoli, are you feeling any better?” she asked.

“A bit, I guess,” he replied and winced when Amelia pinched his arm.

“Yes, he is feeling better,” she corrected him with a stern look.

Cecile chuckled as he rubbed his arm and scowled at the younger Fairbrooke.

“That is good to hear,” she said. “Now the question is are you up for visitors?”

“Visitors?” he asked, sharing a perplexed look with Amelia. “Who?”

Cecile took a step to the side and in came Conrad, Gavin, and Ethan. Nicoli was taken aback by the odd combination, but tried not to show it. He also tried not to stare openly at Ethan.

Nicoli had been upset when he had woken up alone, which he knew was a ridiculous thing to feel. He felt even more absurd when Amelia had told him that Ethan had only left to check up on his family. Nicoli knew he couldn’t monopolize Ethan’s time and energy and he had Amelia and the rest of the Fairbrooke’s. There was no reason for him to be so dependant on Ethan’s presence.

“Uh, hey guys,” he greeted awkwardly. Conrad and Gavin appeared to be all business while Ethan stood off to the side with a sheepish smile.

“Good morning. I see you are up and about,” Conrad said, his tone as formal as it could get. “I trust you are doing better?”

“For the most part, I guess,” Nicoli said with a shrug.

“What brings all of you guys here?” Amelia asked for Nicoli. “Come to give some holiday well wishes?” She sounded so hopeful that that was all they were there for.

“I’m afraid not,” Conrad said. “Nicoli, we have some very important matters that need to be discussed, preferably right this instant. Would you allow us time for that?”

Nicoli’s jaw tightened. He had a sneaking suspicion what Conrad wanted to talk about and every fiber of his being screamed, “No!” There was little he could do though, and he knew that.

“What’s so important you have to talk to him on Thanksgiving?” Amelia asked. “And just a little while before his parent’s get here at that.”

“They are clan matters,” Conrad replied curtly. He then turned to Cecile. “And it would be appreciated if we could converse in private. Will that be all right with you?”

“Of course it is fine with me, but I will only allow it if Nicoli is up for it.” Cecile turned to him with her kind, beautiful smile that had all of Nicoli’s tightened muscles unwinding. “What say you, Nicoli? Are you feeling well enough to?”

Again all Nicoli could feel was a sense of overwhelming foreboding and he wanted to run from the room and keep running. Instead he stood his ground and gave a small nod.

“Y-Yeah, I am.”

“All right, we will leave you all to it then. Come, Amelia,” Cecile said, beckoning her daughter with her hand.

Amelia looked from her to Nicoli, obviously not happy with being banished from the room. She finally relented when Nicoli gave her a nod. When the two Fairbrooke’s left and the door clicked closed Nicoli took a deep breath and stared at Conrad.

“So what’s going on?” he asked.

“I’m sure it would be better if you sat down as we talked,” Conrad replied, gesturing toward the bed.

At first Nicoli didn’t move, but when Gavin left Conrad’s side to grab a desk chair he went to the bed as directed and sat down. Gavin placed the chair in front of Nicoli and Conrad took a seat. That left Gavin standing a bit behind Conrad and Ethan wandered over to the bed and sat beside Nicoli.

“How are you doing?” he asked, glancing at Nicoli out of the corner of his eye.

“Okay, I guess, but something tells me I’m about to feel a whole lot worse.”

“Oh, don’t say that.”

“The reason I wanted to talk to you, Nicoli,” Conrad said, drawing the two out of their private talk. “Is because I have to know what went on between you and Dimitri while you were with him. I’m sure you know why I need to know this.”

“You’re afraid I squealed,” Nicoli murmured. He knew Conrad’s fear was just, but he couldn’t help but feel slightly insulted.

“Quite,” Conrad confirmed with a nod.

“Can I just tell you that I didn’t? Because I swear I didn’t tell that bastard one damn thing,” Nicoli said, almost pleaded.

“I’m afraid that won’t be enough.” Conrad leaned forward till his elbows were on his knees and he stared deep into Nicoli’s eyes, sending chills down his spine. “I know this will be hard for you, but I need to know everything that happened in there.”

Nicoli flinched as though he had just been yelled at. He had been trying so hard to not think about his time with Dimitri, but now Conrad was going to force him to relive every detail. He didn’t know if he could.

“Do I have to?” he asked. “Why do you have to know everything?” He was staring at the floor and his fingers were gripping the side of the bed hard. He realized he was trembling and he hated himself because he couldn’t stop.

“Because every little thing you can tell me about my brother’s actions could help us in some way,” Conrad replied.

Nicoli didn’t understand how anything he said could help the clan. He just wanted to curl up in the bed and never come out. When a hand was placed on his shoulder he jumped.

The hand belonged to Ethan and he gave Nicoli the most encouraging smile he could.

“It’ll be okay, Nicoli. I’m here for you. Just get it over with and tell him everything. Who knows, you may even feel better afterwards.”

Nicoli doubted that. He very much doubted it, but Ethan was right. He just had to get it over with. Conrad was going to make him talk one way or the other and he would rather it be of his own free will rather than be coerced.

He took a deep, giant breath and looked back at Conrad.

“Okay…”

He started from the beginning, back to when he was walking home and the van had rolled up beside him. It felt like that had been weeks ago when in reality it was hardly over two days. He went on to talk about when he had first woken up in the mansion and meeting Dimitri for the first time. He subconsciously rubbed his neck as he explained how he had been fitted with the shock collar and the lengths to which he tried to get it off.

When he reached the part about Dimitri telling him of Conrad’s past, the circumstances of Faith’s turning and the true reason why Ethan was turned he paused to ask if any of it was true.

Conrad’s features tightened considerably, but he gave a curt nod, affirming everything Dimitri had said was true. Nicoli was amazed that Dimitri had actually been honest about something. His amazement didn’t last long as Conrad urged him to continue.

What came next was possibly the hardest thing he had to talk about. In his meekest voice he told how he had found himself at Seth’s mercy and how the psychotic vampire had almost raped him. Ethan stiffened beside him at the first mention of rape. Nicoli could have sworn he heard a low growl come from Ethan and a hand was placed on his knee in comfort. It worked to help him press on in his story and he went into his moment of helpless despair that didn’t lift until Gavin had appeared to him outside his prison window.

He saw Conrad visibly tense at that and quickly glanced back at Gavin, who remained motionless and continued to stare forward. When Nicoli was about to ask what was wrong Conrad waved him off and told him to continue.

The end of Nicoli’s story was in sight and he hurried to finish it. Hr quickly told them about the horror that came next, his failed fight against Seth and how he had tried so hard to defend himself. He stared at his hands as he did so, not believing the lengths he had gone to protect himself with little regard to the state of his person. He briefly glossed over the events that happened in the basement with the whipping, since it had all gone by in a feverish blur anyways.

Then came the final part of his tale, the meeting of Meier. Ethan’s grip on his knee tightened and he saw Ethan’s eyes were closed. He knew how painful it was for Ethan and just the thought of Meier made his own chest tighten, so he hurried through it.

“…and then you guys came and rescued me,” he finished. It felt like a great weight was lifted off his shoulders. He was so relieved to be done with his story. It had worked him up more than he had realized. His breathing was almost labored and a fine layer of sweat had settled on his skin.

“And that is everything?” Conrad asked.

“Yes, everything,” Nicoli said, wishing Conrad would stop staring at him so distrustfully. “Conrad, you have to believe me. I didn’t tell Dimitri anything. Not one little thing. I would never do that to any of you.”

Conrad stared at him in silence before looking up at Gavin expectantly.

“Well, Gavin?” he asked.

Nicoli also looked up at Gavin curiously, wondering what Gavin was supposed to do.

Gavin gave Nicoli a quick look over before giving his attention to Conrad and nodding.

“Everything he has said is the complete and honest truth. He has not given one ounce of deceit and I believe he truly told Dimitri nothing about our findings of the Heart.”

All tension in Conrad released at once and he gave a relieved sigh.

“That is wonderful news,” he said.

“W-Wait,” Nicoli said. “Why are you taking Gavin’s word that I’m telling the truth? How does that convince you?” He was heavily confused. He knew that Conrad trusted Gavin’s judgment with his whole heart, but Nicoli just didn’t understand how Gavin would know if he was being truthful or not.

Conrad raised his brows in surprise.

“You don’t know of Gavin’s talent?” he asked. When Nicoli shook his head he looked up at Gavin for an explanation.

“I have not made him aware of my…condition. With all of our dealings I never deemed any time good enough to do so,” Gavin replied.

Conrad turned to Ethan with a look of perplexity.

“Surely you have told him.”

“Uh, no, actually it never came up. Oh, come on, I don’t spill everyone’s secrets, thank you very much,” Ethan said when Conrad gave him a strange look.

“Well, wonders never cease,” Conrad muttered.

“Uh, excuse me. What talent does Gavin have?” Nicoli asked, now even more confused. With all of this talk he was reminded of when he had gone to the library with Gavin and Cora. He remembered that Cora had almost told him of something that Gavin had that made him special. Was he about to learn what it was?

“Would you mind if he was told?” Conrad asked the man beside him.

“Surely not. He would find out sometime in the future, so I see no harm in telling him now,” Gavin replied.

Conrad nodded in agreement and settled back in his chair.

“All right, I suppose I shall tell you. You see, Nicoli, even back when Gavin was just a mere human, he has had the rare ability to be able to tell when someone is telling the truth or lying.”

Nicoli blinked and furrowed his brows.

“So…he’s really good at reading people?” he asked.

“It is more…complicated than that,” Gavin said, taking over for Conrad. “When I am conversing with someone and they lie to me, I am not only aware that they are lying I can see that they are lying.”

“You can see it?” Nicoli said. “How-How does that work?”

“It is difficult to explain,” Gavin said. “I suppose the easiest way to put it is that I can see a person’s aura and when they lie it changes, though a part of me doubts it is “aura’s” that I see. I can just see the deceit that is within people and know when they are using it.”

“Wow, so you’re basically like a vampire lie detector,” Nicoli said in awe.

“You could put it that way,” Gavin said with a shrug of his shoulders.

Nicoli couldn’t believe it. He had heard that some people were so good at ‘reading’ people that they knew when someone was lying, but Gavin’s ability seemed to take it a step further. A question he had forgotten he had was now answered. What Gavin had said way back when they first met now made sense.

“He is of the purest innocence and harbors no ill intent towards us. He offers no lies or deceit that I can sense.”

Gavin must have given him a quick once over with his special sight to see if he was going to pose any harm to the clan.

“And can you use this sight whenever you want?” he asked, wanting to know more about this incredible ability.

“It is not like a light switch. I cannot turn it off and on. I see this way at all times and have ever since I was born. I know of no other way.”

“Wow, that is so cool.”

Gavin’s features became solemn and his eyes downcast.

“Knowing at all times if someone is lying to you is not a gift.”

Nicoli blinked at Gavin, but then he really thought about it. After all the lies he had told and all the ones that he knew others could and do tell he could see how being able to know every time someone lied to him would get vexing.

A jolt went through him when he had a thought.

“Wait a minute. If you know when someone is lying then how did you not know that Meier was the traitor?” he asked. “He was secretly working for Dimitri for a year before revealing he was the traitor, wasn’t he? How could he go so long undetected?”

All three vampires simultaneously became uncomfortable.

“My vision is not perfect, Nicoli,” Gavin finally said. “Over the years I have come across people I cannot decipher, no matter how hard I try. Andre is actually one of these people.”

“You can’t read Andre?” Nicoli asked in bewilderment. Andre seemed like the most open person he’d ever come across. He thought Andre would be the easiest to understand.

“That is right. Andre is one of the most skilled at covering his true intentions and what his words really mean. Even after all the years I’ve known him I still can never tell if what comes from him are truths or lies.”

“Wow…I never would have expected that,” Nicoli murmured. “So what about Meier?”

“He has always been complicated. I was never able to properly read him, but not in the way I cannot understand Andre. The air about him was always turbulent and confusing and I could never get a full understanding of him. That didn’t change when we knew a traitor was among us, so I could never confirm if it was him.” A glimmer appeared in Gavin’s eyes and Nicoli wondered if it was grief. “If I had been able to a lot of death could have been prevented.”

“Do not blame yourself, Gavin,” Conrad said. “None of us saw it coming.”

Ethan was silent beside Nicoli, but nodded solemnly. Ethan’s hand was still on Nicoli’s knee and he placed his own hand over it to give his own form of comfort.

“Well,” Conrad said after an uneasy silence. “I have what I wanted to know, so we will leave you to your family gathering.”

“Wait,” Nicoli said as Conrad was about to rise. There was something nagging him and he had to get it off his chest before it drove him crazy.

“Yes?” Conrad asked, leaning back in his chair.

Nicoli bowed his head and he noticed that his foot was wiggling anxiously. There was no sense in dragging it out.

“Are…are you going to ask me to leave the clan?” That was something Nicoli had been fearing and waited with bated breath for Conrad to answer.

“Why do you think I would ask you to leave?” Conrad asked slowly.

Nicoli took his hand from Ethan’s to rub the back of his arm. He hoped Conrad was asking in a state of disbelief of Nicoli thinking he would be kicked out of the group, but Nicoli doubted that was the case.

“I know that I am the weakest out of all of us. I can’t fight, I’m much more perishable, and whenever someone wants information they always seem to think it's a good idea to come after me. So…if you did want me to leave I really couldn’t blame you.”

Conrad stared at him for a moment, making him squirm a little.

“Do you want to leave?” Conrad asked quietly.

Nicoli was taken aback. He hadn’t expected Conrad to ask something like that. He thought the leader would simply agree and leave it at that.

“Do I want to?” he echoed, thinking if his mouth formed the words he could process them easier.

“Yes, do you wish to stop helping us? While you have been adamnet in your assistance this fight is not yours. You have been dragged into a family war that has been going on for ages, but that doesn’t mean you have to keep suffering through it. So, I ask again, do you want to leave?”

Nicoli closed his eyes as he thought. How many times had he been faced with this decision? It seemed like a hundred. Should he stay and keep risking his life or should he go back to safety and his normal life? For once since his journey had begun, he already knew the answer.

“No, I don’t want to leave.”

“What?” Conrad asked and even Gavin and Ethan stared at him in surprise.

“I don’t want to leave,” Nicoli repeated. “I may have only known all of you for a short time, but I consider you my friends. And after everything I’ve learned of what’s happened, to know how much all of you have been hurt, I can’t turn my back on that, on you. Besides, knowing that a man like Dimitri is also after the Hearts and thinking how much more dangerous he will be if he gets them makes me want to stay all the more to stop him. I may not be much help, but I want to give all that I can.”

He let out a cynical chuckle.

“I admit I’m being a little selfish, too. I want to make those bastards pay for what they did to me and I can’t do that by running away. So, please, Conrad, don’t make me leave. Please.”

Conrad closed his eyes, digesting Nicoli’s reasoning’s. When he was done he opened his eyes and nodded.

“I won’t make you leave,” he said.

“Really?” Nicoli said and realized Ethan had said it too.

“No, it would be a waste of time if I did anyways,” Conrad told him.

“What do you mean?”

“You are already fully involved and if you left that wouldn’t change what you already know. If you went back to your life that doesn’t mean Dimitri would leave you alone. It would be well within his power to re-involve you. I’d rather avoid that altogether.” Conrad hefted a sigh as he stood. “Besides, you are still the only one who can touch the book. In that respect it would be foolish to let you go, so your decision to stay is a step in the right direction.” Conrad adjusted his coat and gave Nicoli a final nod. “Now it is time we leave. We have business to attend to and I know you have to get ready to receive your family.”

Nicoli nodded as Conrad walked towards the door. He bent forward and buried his hand in his hair, clutching at his scalp. His body trembled as his eyes burned with unshed tears.

He couldn’t explain it, but Conrad’s matter-of-fact reason for letting him stay with the clan hurt. He didn’t want Conrad to have him stay just because it was convenient. It was silly to expect more from Conrad, but he wanted more all the same.

He also wanted to know that what he had been put through hadn’t been for nothing, that his efforts against Dimitri were appreciated in some way. It was petty, but he wanted Conrad’s approval and gratitude and it felt like a stab in the chest not to get it.

Ethan placed a tentative hand on his shoulder. He sniffled before lifting his head to snap at Ethan. He didn’t need nor want anyone’s pity. His snarl never formed, however, as he saw that the hand didn’t belong to Ethan, but to Conrad.

“Uh…” was the only intelligible thing he could say as he stared into Conrad’s steel grey eyes that seemed different from before.

Conrad worked his jaw before sighing.

“Nicoli, I want to say that I am sorry for what you’ve been through. Like I said this fight is not yours and for you to suffer as you did is unfair. I commend you for how you handled it. There are many that would have succumbed to their fear, but you persevered. Then to be able to resist my brother’s charms is an achievement in itself.” Conrad paused, taking a moment to compose himself. Nicoli realized just how hard this was for him. “You are an incredibly brave young man. Don’t ever forget that.”

Conrad’s hand slipped from his shoulder as the clan leader stood to his full height. Without giving Nicoli a chance to process what just happened Conrad turned and exited the room.

“Come, Gavin, Ethan,” he said as he left.

Nicoli stared after Conrad blankly. He wasn’t sure if that had just happened or if he had suffered a hallucination. He was drawn out of his amazement as Gavin went to follow Conrad, but he paused just long enough to give Nicoli a small, warm smile and then he was also gone.

“Wow,” Ethan said, snapping Nicoli out of it fully. “He’s just full of surprises.” He said this wistfully with a little smile playing on his lips.

“You told him to say all that stuff, didn’t you?” Nicoli accused him, still not fully believing Conrad would give him the verification he had been craving.

“I did no such thing,” Ethan said, offensively. “That was Conrad putting down his walls and swallowing his pride for just a quick second. You should feel flattered. You’ll probably never see that again.”

Nicoli agreed with that whole heartedly and felt elated that he had not only witnessed Conrad’s rare moment, but that it had been for him. It was then that he felt that maybe Conrad wasn’t such a bad guy after all. He was just someone with great walls that had to be chipped away little by little.

“Well, I better get going too,” Ethan said as he rose to his feet.

Nicoli’s moment of intense happiness was shattered and he stared up at Ethan with wide eyes.

“What? You’re leaving? Already?” he asked, also getting to his feet. His face flushed, realizing how pitiful he sounded. It was made worse when Ethan laughed.

“Awe, don’t sound so wounded,” Ethan teased.

“I-I’m not,” Nicoli snapped. “I just thought you’d be staying a little longer,” he murmured.

The laughter drained from Ethan’s face and he reached up to cup Nicoli’s cheek, who leaned into it.

“Hey, come on now, don’t look like that,” he said, and Nicoli wondered how many more people were going to tell him that today. “I’d stay if I could, but I doubt I’d be welcomed for Thanksgiving. The Fairbrooke’s are nice, but I’m sure they wouldn’t like a vampire crashing their party and your parents will probably be sitting there the whole night wondering who the dashing stranger who doesn’t eat is.”

Nicoli snorted and Ethan smiled in response.

“That’s better. You’ll have the Fairbrookes’ tonight, so you’ll be in good hands and if you really need help, remember I’m one thought away,” he said, tapping his head.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. You better go catch up to Conrad to help with his “important” matters then,” Nicoli said, not wanting to sound like a total needy bastard and send Ethan on his way.

“Eh, he can wait. I actually have another matter to attend to. I have to go do a little ghost hunting.”

“Ghost hunting?” Nicoli asked quizzically with a strange look.

“Yes, Felix has up and disappeared. Apparently he left the house shortly after the clan went home to rest and we haven’t seen him since. He does this from time to time,” Ethan assured Nicoli when he gave a worried look. “He’ll often wander away when he wants to be by himself, but he’s never been gone this long before, so I’m a little worried.”

Nicoli was worried too. Who knew how Felix was after being in the same vicinity as his murderer. He could just imagine Felix somewhere dark and dreary as he sulked all by himself. It was a pitiful image, and Nicoli hoped that wasn’t what Felix was doing.

“Do you think you’ll be able to find him?” Nicoli asked.

“Oh, I’m sure. I can always find him even when he doesn’t want to be found…why? Are you concerned about him?” Ethan asked teasingly with a grin.

Nicoli visibly bristled and shook his head.

“What? No, that’s ridiculous. I’m just…curious as to what he’s up to. That’s all.”

“Riiight, we’ll leave it at that,” Ethan said with a knowing smile that Nicoli wanted to wipe off. “Okay, give me a hug before I leave,” he said, holding out his arms.

“What? Why should I hug you?”

“Because you need it.”

“No, I don’t,” Nicoli said defiantly, crossing his arms and huffing.

“Yes, you do, now come here.”

Nicoli struggled half-heartedly as he was pulled into a hug, but the moment he was wrapped up in Ethan’s strong arms he relented and gave into it. He wound his arms around Ethan’s torso and simply held on, relishing the feel of having the other man around him. He took more pleasure out of pressing his nose against Ethan’s chest and inhaling his scent. When had Ethan become such a form of comfort for him?

“Are you going to be okay?” Ethan muttered against the top of his head.

“Yeah, I think so. Like you said I have the Fairbrookes’ to help me and I’ve got the mind link. I’ll be fine,” Nicoli said, and was actually starting to believe it. There was a minute more of hugging before they let go of each other. Nicoli turned to finish getting ready and not have to watch Ethan go.

“Hey,” Ethan said, not making it easy.

“What?” Nicoli asked as he turned, but instead of an answer he found lips pressed against his own in a soft kiss. He stilled in surprise, but his body took over and he kissed back. Their lips moved against each other and Ethan’s tongue even dipped into Nicoli’s mouth a little before he pulled away.

Nicoli felt like his breath was stolen from him and all he wanted to do was kiss Ethan again. To have such soft, intimate contact made all of his bad thoughts go away and he wanted more of that. What stopped him from going in for a second kiss were the teal eyes that stared into his.

“Conrad’s right, you know,” Ethan said quietly. “You are really brave and you are a lotstronger than you give yourself credit for.” He smiled and ruffled Nicoli’s hair. “I hope some day you see that.”

One last, quick kiss and a muttered goodbye was all Nicoli was given before Ethan left him standing in the room all alone. His tongue peeked out to lick his lips, getting the last remnants of Ethan’s taste off them. He then sighed and raked his fingers through his hair, fixing it and messing it up at the same time, as he sat on the bed. He sat there in silence for a while as he thought over everything. The mattress squeaked as he flopped back and stared at the ceiling.

“My life is just so fucked up right now.”

************************************************************************

Plates and glasses clattered and clinked as Nicoli and Amelia set the extra long table.

“Man, It’s hard to believe that there is going to be this many people here,” Nicoli said as he adjusted the eleventh and final plate.

“Fairbrooke holidays are always a big occasion, but, yeah, this is a lot even for us,” Amelia said with a huge grin as she finished arranging the silverware.

Nicoli wasn’t sure he was so happy about it. Sure, the more people there were the less chance his parents had of noticing him acting off. But that meant it was going to be really loud and wild and just the thought of the noise volume and all the activity was enough to make him sweat. He just wanted it quiet and relaxed, but he doubted that’s what he was going to get.

“You okay?” Amelia asked, making him jump.

“Uh, yeah, I think so,” he said, fiddling with the plate he had set so he didn’t have to look at her.

She came around the table and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay. You can make it through this.”

“I hope so.”

Before Amelia could give anymore encouragement they heard the front door open. Nicoli’s heart leapt into his throat, thinking it was his parent’s, but the voices that sounded weren’t his parent’s at all. A little girl with a sheet of black hair appeared and launched herself at Amelia.

“‘Melia! Happy Thanksgiving!” Nicole cried out as she tackle-hugged her cousin.

“Hey, Nicole,” Amelia said with a laugh as she hugged Nicole back.

Nicoli had the wind knocked out of him as the girl attacked him next.

“Hi, Big Nic!” Nicole said into his stomach, making it tickle.

“Uh, hey, Nicole,” he said awkwardly as he loosely put his arms around her. His mid section was constricted as Nicole tightened her grip to the point of pain and she glared up at him.

“You’re supposed to call me Little Nic,” she growled.

“Ow, okay, okay. Hi, Little Nic,” he corrected and the vice on him immediately released.

“Better,” she chirped happily.

“Ah, I see that my little girl has already taken a liking to you,” a man’s voice said and the owner soon appeared in the dining room.

“Uncle Lloy-Lloy,” Amelia said cheered, running over and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“Hello, my little niece,” he said with a smile and a big hug. “And how are you, Nicoli? Haven’t seen you since the Halloween party.”

“Doing good,” Nicoli said, Nicole still wrapped around his middle. Based on Lloyd’s good natured question it was safe to assume that Hailey hadn’t told Lloyd about what happened to him, which was a good thing.

The next second Hailey appeared and gave Amelia a kiss on the temple.

“Hi, Aunt Hailey,” Amelia said with a return kiss.

“Hello, dear. I see you guys are getting everything set up,” she said, looking at the table. Her eyes then found the two Nic’s. “Nicole, what have I said about clinging to people?” she chided.

“But he’s so huggable,” Nicole argued, tightening her hold on Nicoli.

Hailey pursed her lips, but Lloyd stepped in before she could reprimand their daughter.

“Nicole, I’m sure your other aunt’s and Preston are waiting for their hugs.”

“Oh yeah, where are they?” she asked, releasing Nicoli and bouncing on her feet.

“Mom and Aunt Tabby are in the kitchen and Preston’s probably in his room,” Amelia told her and there was a clatter of feet as Nicole sprinted pass her parents and out of the room.

“Nicole, don’t run in the house!” Lloyd called after her then sighed. “Who knew the second love of my life would be such a handful?” He left the room to follow Nicole, but poked his head back in a second later. “Oh, Nicoli, your parents should be here any second. They weren’t far behind us in their car.”

“Nicoli was sure he paled slightly.

“Okay, thanks,” he said and Lloyd disappeared in the direction of the kitchen.

Hailey stayed where she was and eyed Nicoli for a moment.

“How are you?” she finally asked and there was a note of concern in the question.

“Um, I-I’m okay,” he replied, hating how his voice caught in his throat.

Hailey was silent before nodding.

“Good…I’m glad,” she said.

Nicoli stared after her as she left to follow her daughter and husband.

“Well…that was different,” he said to Amelia when she was gone.

“Yeah, I think Aunt Hailey’s feelings have changed about you after she saw how…vulnerable you were yesterday,” Amelia said.

“You mean how much of a crying, broken down mess I was?”

“I was trying not to say it.”

“Why does she hate me anyways?” he asked. He knew Hailey disliked him, but he didn’t know why since he had never done anything to her.

“She doesn’t hate you. She’s just wary about you.”

“Wary about what?”

Amelia was silent as she played with a lock of her hair.

“Look, I’ll explain it later. It’s a happy day today. We can only talk about happy stuff,” she said, poking him in the ribs.

“Whatever you say.”

They were doing finishing touches on the table when the doorbell rang. Nicoli froze and had to swallow down his heart again.

Cecile appeared for a second as she went to the front door.

“I’ll answer it,” she said as she went by.

“You’ll be okay,” Amelia whispered to Nicoli as his breathing become heavier.

He repeated that to himself over and over. He would be okay. He would be okay. He could pull this off.

There were voices and then footsteps came towards them. A moment later, like a vision, Lance and Laura appeared behind Cecile. They were just as he remembered and they had big smiles all for him.

“There’s my baby,” Laura said.

Normally it would have irritated Nicoli to no end to be called “baby,” but he didn’t mind at all now. Without a word he went to her as she stepped forward with her arms open and enveloped her in a tight hug.

Tears sprung up in his eyes and he fought to keep them from falling. He had been so scared to see his parents, but now he just wanted to hold his mother forever and never let go.

“Wow, maybe you should goon trips with your friends more often,” Laura said with a laugh. “You’re never this huggy.”

Nicoli sucked down a sniffle and pulled back with a smile. What shocked him was that it wasn’t a forced one, just seeing his parents made a real smile shine through.

“Thanksgiving is a time for hugs,” he said simply with a shrug.

“So how was your little trip?” Lance asked, ruffling up his son’s hair.

Nicoli had to remember the story Cecile had told his parents. He had been on a road trip with the Fairbrooke’s. Not in a house of horrors with a bunch of blood sucking monsters.

“It was good. I had fun,” he said, fighting to keep his smile up through the lie.

“Good, you need to get out more, buddy,” Lance said, getting his arm around Nicoli’s neck and drawing him into a one armed hug.

Nicoli eagerly hugged him back and fought the tears again. He had thought he would never see them again and to be able to hug his parent’s and have them with him was the greatest gift he could have asked for.

When he pulled back, however, his smile faded when he saw Laura eyeing him strangely.

“What?” he asked, his gut twisting.

“Are you all right? You look a little sickly,” she said, touching her fingers to his face.

And there it was. Laura’s mother intuition was in full swing. Nicoli’s mind went blank. He didn’t know what to do or say, but luckily Amelia was there to save the day.

“He’s okay, he just got a little food poisoning last night from a diner we ate at. He’s still recovering a little,” she said with a big smile and Nicoli thanked God for her quick thinking.

“Food poisoning? Ugh, this is why I hate places like that. They never have good hygiene. Are you going to be okay for dinner tonight?” she asked worriedly.

Nicoli chuckled.

“I’ll be fine, Mom. It’s pretty much passed, but I may be a little off tonight.” He could kiss Amelia. She had given him the perfect excuse for any weird behavior he might have that night.

“Eh, you’ll be fine. You're a tough kid,” Lance said with a knowing grin.

Nicoli smiled, but nearly jumped when something tugged on his pant leg. He looked down and his eyes widened when black eyes set into a furry, golden face stared up at him.

“Beethoven?” he said, and the dog whined back at him and pawed his leg again. He hadn’t realized that his Father had been holding a leash and that Beethoven had been sitting patiently at his side the whole time.

“Of course, Beethoven,” Lance said as Nicoli got down on his knee to pet his dog. “He’s part of the family, we couldn’t very well leave him at home.”

“Cecile was kind enough to let us bring him,” Laura added with a smile to said woman.

“I didn’t see any reason not to. Pet’s are just as essential to a family as parents and children are,” Cecile said.

Nicoli tangled his fingers into Beethoven’s mane of fur before hugging his dog fully. Beethoven whined again and rested his muzzle on Nicoli’s shoulder. He let out a shaky breath as he nuzzled Beethoven’s fur. It was official, he was home with the people he loved and his sense of security slowly trickled back into him. He was safe and he was loved.

************************************************************************

Thanksgiving started without a hitch. Laura, Cecile, and Tabitha had worked away in the kitchen and the spoils of their efforts were now laid out on the table being devoured. The atmosphere was pleasant and cheerful as everyone talked and laughed.

It wasn’t long till the older members of the group started telling stories about when they were young. Lance, Lloyd and Roderick nearly fell off their chairs as they spoke of old teachers they used to mess with and how much trouble they used to get in. Lloyd was teased endlessly about his tries to woo Hailey during high school and how every time he did something disastrous happened.

It was revealed that Cecile, much to Nicoli’s shock, was something of a wild child back when she was young, much like how Amelia was currently. Tabitha and Cecile both encouraged Laura to tell of her childhood and life since she was the only one who hadn’t been born in Whixton, excluding Nicoli, and she did so with enthusiasm.

Nicoli stayed out of the conversations mostly, letting everyone talk over each other as he simply observed. Amelia and Laura sat on either side of him and he enjoyed hearing them talk as they went on about this and that.

He nibbled on his turkey as he looked around at all of them in turn. To the men who were talking with full mouths and would slap each other on the back every time there was an explosion of laughter. To Tabitha and Cecile, who were conversing more quietly with each other. To his mother as she begged Hailey to tell her where she got her nails and hair done and to Amelia, Preston and Nicole, who were flicking peas at each other every time they thought the adults weren’t looking.

He absentmindedly pet Beethoven, whose head was in his lap. The dog had been given his own Thanksgiving plate and had taken a spot at Nicoli’s side when he was done. After a while of watching the families talk and bond he smiled and laughed.

“What’s up?” Amelia leaned in and whispered after dodging a piece of stuffing aimed right at her head.

“Nothing, it’s just…I’m so glad I’m here,” Nicoli replied after making sure his mother was completely distracted by Hailey.

“What?”

“I’m just so glad I could be here and get to see all of this. To think I could have missed it is just horrible, but I didn’t and now I get to appreciate this more than I ever would have. This is going to sound cheesy, but this has to be the first Thanksgiving that I am truly thankful for what I have.”

Amelia smiled and took his hand that was resting on the table top in hers.

“That’s the best cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard.” She gave his hand a squeeze. “I’m thankful you’re here too.”

============================================Ch. 60 End