The Best Man
A Life to Lead
A/N: So I've come back due to a review I received recently (Rain, I'm looking at you). I can't believe it's been two years since I last updated; the story is coming to a natural conclusion as it should have done all that time ago. I will work on getting that out before July 1st. For now, please enjoy this short addition, while I figure out how I want this to end.
Sera hesitated, her fingers hovering over the keyboard. It had been a year and a half now since she last spoke to Dev. After that stint in the hospital, she walked away from everything she'd ever known. The divorce was finalized, she was in therapy, and every painting in her spacious two-bedroom apartment made sense to her. The furniture she'd picked out was in her style, the fabric in her colors. She ate what she wanted and if she wanted to let the towels hang from the corner of the bathroom door instead of perfectly refolding them she did. Life wasn't perfect, but Sera was finally discovering who she was. It had taken moving across the country, as far from her family, Rick and Dev as possible to really make any progress. For years she had allowed them to consume her thoughts, mold her until she was their perfect idea of what a person should be. Moving across the country, changing her phone number, and emails had given her a sense of freedom she never experienced. She was Sera, freelance novelist and artist, with the bohemian chic apartment and the wide assortment of flowy skirts for all occassions. Her new life and all its small pleasures didn't stop her from thinking of Devdan (the man crossed her mind at least once a day) but something about it was holding her back from actually reaching out to him. Part of her was afraid.
After the hospital released her, he'd offered to move their life together forward, putting aside whatever squabbles he'd had about Sera still being legally married. She remembered listening to all his dreams, the sweet way he described the life they would have together. A beautiful three-bedroom house, complete with dog and cat, and vacations to Monaco. They were beautiful dreams, but Sera knew in her heart of hearts that they weren't meant for her. Sera knew that it could never last, no matter how attracted they were together, no matter how he thought he felt about her. The truth was Sera wasn't a damsel in distress, and he was no white knight. They were two people who were attracted to each other, who had bonded during a time of tribulation. And that wasn't a good enough reason to be together. Nor was it a good enough reason for Devdan to change who he fundementally was as a person. Where had that man with all his principles gone? Who would so easily toss aside their sense of right and wrong for one woman?So when she told him that it couldn't work out, not like this, Sera wasn't surprised that the phone calls and texting stopped. It hurt of course, that there was no argument, no attempt to change her mind. But after a few months Sera liked to think that he knew she was right. She'd become addicted to the idea of a life with Dev, but like all other addictions, it was a way of feeling like she was in control. In those moments with Rick when she allowed herself to dream of the future she and Dev would share, she kept herself from actually making any changes. Hope allowed her to weather the terrible storm that was her marriage. Those moments of passion, however deeply ingrained with emotion, had allowed her to forget Rick was out banging her sister, that he was abusing her, that she would need to stand up to him. At the time she thought the happiness she felt with Dev was what moved her to fix up her life, hindsight made her wonder if that happiness was a bandaid. She wondered if feeling the misery and despair would have gotten her out sooner, before the abuse even started.But now she was away from all that. For the first time in her adult life, Sera was making her own choices: moving far away to take a job that payed little but meant her happiness, going no-contact with a family that never supported her, divorcing the abusive ex-husband and filing charges of assault and battery. As much as she knew she loved Dev, she never could have made those changes when she relied on him so much for her happiness.Sera sighed loudly, shutting down her computer without ever typing a word. It was 7 A.M. on a rainy Seattle morning. And she had a life to lead.