Into the Dark

A/N – So, I've actually had a few people point out poor Sascha wasn't included in the last chapter at all. I'm glad you all like her that much :p So...I could say it was intentional, and she's not mentioned because he's all frazzled, etc...but the truth is, I wrote the last chapter in parts, and didn't notice when I put them all together that she hadn't been mentioned once! So I've tried to give her a little extra time this chapter instead. Enjoy a chapter I know a lot of you've been looking forward to!

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Alex woke up the next morning to the sounds and smells from breakfast being made. He changed quickly, trying to hide the scar that didn't seem to be lightening up at all. There was no reason to give his sister more things to worry (or interrogate him) about. Alex dragged himself into the kitchen, where Lisa was making them breakfast. Sascha was following her around, meowing every so often. A glance at her bowl showed it was full, and the little minx was just trying to beg a few 'extras'. Thankfully Lisa knew better than to indulge her. He must have had perfect timing, because just as he sat down, Lisa set a plate in front of him before getting her own breakfast. They didn't talk as Alex ate; he'd forgotten just how good Lisa's breakfasts were. After two huge plates, with Lisa staring at him in shock as he inhaled them, he finally declared himself full. But he still couldn't bring himself to drink the coffee. He put some more cream in it; only then he was able to stomach it. That got him yet another strange look from his sister, but she still held her tongue. Alex couldn't help worrying about when the interrogation would come.

They spent the day catching up, and Lisa grilling him for details on Muranthen and Jamie. He concentrated more on Jamie, as there was no way he could give her any details – other than their sex life – about Muranthen without going into the whole truth. Jamie was like an open book, however, and Alex was able to tell Lisa mostly everything about his life, his work, his future – anything an overprotective sister would want to know. She was really impressed with his work effort and the fact that he did two jobs – one of them self-run – while taking classes. Unfortunately, the younger woman also picked up on the fact that Alex, while he genuinely liked Jamie, was not nearly as enthusiastic about telling her about him as he should have been.

From talk of his love life, he was able to change the topic back to one he much preferred – his adorable niece. She would be starting school this year, and Lisa was understandably nervous to be sending her precious daughter out into the wide world. It was a cheap trick, but it was easy to distract Lisa using her daughter, and she rambled on excitedly about school shopping and PTA meetings. Of course, tricky woman that she was, she eventually turned it back on him.

"So, does Jamie have any nieces or nephews?" Alex successfully hid his grimace, and shook his head.

"No, he's an only child."

Lisa laughed. "God, Alex, getting information out of you is like pulling teeth! So, he's an only child, does he want kids? I know you do."

Alex shifted uncomfortably. That brought back memories of the fights between Nate and him; not the most pleasant of times. "It's a bit early to be thinking of that, isn't it?"

She shook her head and sighed. "I'm not asking if you two want to play house, I'm asking if he wants kids. Has the subject come up yet?" The unspoken 'better sooner than latter' hung in the air, and Alex found himself trying to not get angry at his sister. She was only trying to look out for him; even if it did almost sound like an accusation – if he had talked about it with Nate earlier in the relationship, perhaps things would have worked out differently. Not too differently; they still would have broken up, but it would have been a lot less damaging, both personally and to his other relationships with his friends.

"Yea, I think he does. He said something about his parents wanting grandkids even if they were adopted. It didn't seem like something he minded."

Lisa nodded; obviously appeased. "Good. He really does seem like a nice guy. So you want to tell me what the problem is?"

Alex jumped, and turned to look at the clock when the doorbell rang and he realized that the topic of their conversation was outside waiting for their date. Saved by the bell – literally. "That's actually him, now, Lisa. You'll get to meet him."

She rolled her eyes. "You're getting out of answering the question now, but I will find out."

He just nodded distractedly, before grabbing a pair of shoes and dashing down to let his boyfriend in. The sound of Lisa's giggle followed him down the stairs.

"Jamie; I'm so sorry, I completely lost track of time. My sister showed up; you can come upstairs and meet her while I get ready?"

The blond smiled and started up the stairs after Alex. "That's fine Alex; I know she's important to you. And it looks like she's already doing you some good. I'd love to meet her! We can reschedule if you want..." It was obvious Jamie didn't want to, but it was sweet of him to suggest it.

"No, of course not, she's going to be here for a while."

Jamie smiled, clearly relieved. "Alright, if you're sure. I just hope she likes me!"

Alex grinned back, even if he was nervous, for two completely different reasons. He wanted Lisa to like Jamie, of course, but at the same time, he didn't want her to like him too much. Which was ridiculous; since there was very little chance of her ever meeting Muranthen to make a comparison. "I'm sure she will; we've been talking about you all morning and she's just as excited to meet you."

This actually made Jamie blush, and Alex felt another wave of guilt for not being more committed to their relationship. Thankfully, they were entering the apartment, and Lisa was able to take over the conversation.

His sister had practically jumped up as they entered the apartment, a grin on her face as she inspected her brother's newest boyfriend. "So, you must be Jamie. It's nice to meet you, but a fair warning – you hurt my brother and I'll hurt you."

When Lisa had told Nate that same thing, he had laughed, obviously thinking it was ridiculous that the five foot two willowy woman could do anything to him. After they had broken up, all Lisa had done was smile (quite evilly) and say that it had been taken care of. Alex was pretty sure he didn't want to know the specifics.

Jamie just nodded. "I promise I'll do my best not to hurt him."

"Good! So, where are you taking Alex tonight?" Alex grimaced at the knowledge that Lisa knew him well enough to know Jamie was in charge of the planning, but at least the younger man had passed her inspection.

He seemed to realize it as well, because the smile was back on his face. "Well, I was going to take Alex out to dinner first, but now I believe I'll have to take his lovely sister as well. I hadn't planned past dinner, which I guess works out. Is seafood okay with you?"

"I wouldn't want to impose. This is supposed to be a date!"

"I insist; part of getting to know Alex is getting to know his family, right?"

This was the exact right thing to say to Lisa, and she smiled broadly. "Well...if you insist, I suppose we can share Alex for the night."

Jamie laughed, and Alex groaned; resisting the urge to go hide. With the two of them, he was in very deep trouble.

Lisa laughed, and threw her arm around Alex' shoulders. "Oh, don't worry, we won't give you too hard of a time."

Alex shook his head. "I'll believe that when I see it, Lis. Do you need to do anything to get ready?"

His sister shook his head. "No, unless we're going to someplace fancy?"

"Nah, not really. The place is pretty casual, but it's really good food." Alex noticed the jeans and sweater, and decided that what he was wearing was fine as well.

"Alright, let me just go grab my shoes and my bag." She disappeared into the guest room, and the two men stood there in silence for a minute, before Alex realized this was the first time Jamie had been in the apartment.

"Well, while she's getting ready – because trust me, 'let me just go...' sentences always mean about twenty minutes of primping – I'll show you around?"

"That sounds great. You have a nice place."

Alex shrugged. "It works for me." He showed Jamie around, grateful that Lisa was there because otherwise the bedroom tour could have gotten awkward, with Alex' conflicted feelings. They ended up back in the living room, and he picked up Sascha. "And this is my little girl Sascha. She's a spoiled little thing, but she's cute, so I'll forgive her."

Jamie grinned, and offered his hand to Sascha to sniff. She stared at it for a minute, sniffing daintily, before butting her head against his hand, asking to be petted. "Well, hello there Sascha. It's nice to meet you." He chuckled as the cat started to purr,

"So are you guys sure you're playing on the right team? You've really got her going." Lisa stood in the hallway, an evil grin on her face. Alex' face flushed bright red, embarrassed by his sister's lewd sense of humour. "Lisa!"

"What? She's a female cat, and you've got her purring. What did you think I meant?" Alex rolled his eyes and prayed the rest of the night she behaved herself. Jamie just chuckled as he reluctantly stopped petting Sascha. He decided to give her a can of tuna as a special treat, so that way everyone could be having seafood for dinner. At the least it made her happy enough that she didn't care when her humans left.

The rest of the night went wonderfully, and Jamie and Lisa got along extremely well. Lisa more or less left Alex alone once they left the apartment; apparently feeling she'd embarrassed him enough in front of Jamie. It was yet another thing that Jamie had going for him; he got along with Alex' only remaining family. He even said how much he wanted to meet Lexi, and that he really wanted to eventually adopt kids of his own. It was depressing that Jamie was turning out to be the perfect man for him, and he couldn't get over someone who wasn't even human. All in all, both their meeting and dinner went exceedingly well, except for the guilt lying heavy on Alex.

At the end of the night, Jamie parted ways with the siblings with just a chaste kiss for Alex and a hug for Lisa, saying that he wanted to keep it PG around family. Alex was just relieved at another excuse not to take their relationship that next step. Lisa invited him back up for coffee, but he politely declined, saying that family came first, and that he would see Alex the following week. It was comforting to have that set date each week, but he knew that under different circumstances, he'd be looking for excuses to spend more time with Jamie.

When they got upstairs, Alex was certain he would hear about how wonderful Jamie was and that there was no question about who he should choose. Instead, Lisa just gave him a sad smile, and said that his ex must be amazing if he could have Alex questioning a relationship with someone like Jamie. She wished him luck making that choice, and retreated to the guest room for the night. Alex lay awake for hours contemplating her last comments. That choice was already made – it was simply a question of whether what he wanted was possible. His real decision was how long he would hold out hope to get back, and if he could devote himself to the relationship he had with Jamie if he finally had to give up on finding his way back to Muranthen. In the darkness and privacy of his room, Alex did his best not to cry, and he scratched behind Sascha's ears, and wished it was Muranthen next to him instead.
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The next day was when he was supposed to meet up with the rude guy from the internet. He felt so nervous he was making himself ill. Alex actually ended up having to run to the bathroom, and hide that fact from Lisa. He didn't need her worrying any more than she already was. But he knew that this was his last real chance; if this guy didn't know how to get back, or if he was as crazy as he would have sounded to anyone else, then Alex didn't know what else to do. It had taken long enough to find this one slim possibility, and if it was a dead end, he wasn't sure where else to search. It's not like this sort of thing was common, or everyone would know about it. The chances of finding someone else who had been there were slim, and the chances of finding that said someone and them knowing how to get back were even less likely. The logical thing would be to forget the whole interlude and get back to his life, settle down with Jamie and be happy. But that didn't really sit right with him. It wouldn't be fair to Jamie, to be second best, the man he had simply 'settled' for, and Alex knew that, regardless of what the cat man thought of him, he wanted to be with Muranthen. Getting back and having the man reject him was something he simply wasn't letting himself think about. Alex sighed; if there was no way back it's not like there was much he could do about it though.

Alex dressed quickly, and told his sister he was going out while they were eating breakfast. She of course wanted to come with him, but he waved her off, saying he'd be fine. Alex loved his sister, but she could be horribly overprotective at times. Unfortunately, in this case, it was called for. He grabbed the bus to the mall further away from his house, where he had agreed to meet the other man. It wasn't exactly a great idea to meet some possible whack job off the internet to begin with; he was going to minimize all possible risks. It probably would have been best to tell his sister, or even have Lisa tag along, but he really didn't want to have that conversation with her, and without a good reason (and possible even with one) she would find a way to keep him from going.

He got to the mall a little bit early thanks to the bus schedules, and grabbed an early lunch while he waited. Luckily he didn't have too long to wait; another man came into the cafeteria as he was finishing eating and looked around, before noticing Alex and heading straight for him. Getting a good look at the man, Alex knew he made the right choice; the man was tall and built, and even though he was older, probably in his late forties, he looked like he could still hold his own in a fight. Alex found himself second guessing coming at all, but it was too late to back out now. The man frowned when he got close enough to get a good look at Alex, and the smaller man felt self conscious, wondering what had caused that look.

Without an introduction, the other man sat down, staring him straight in the eyes. "You really have been there, haven't you?" The voice was gruff, and didn't sound too pleased, but with that one sentence, Alex couldn't care less. His slim chance may have actually paid off.

Alex was a bit confused at the statement however. "How can you tell?" The other man pushed the collar on his shirt down, exposing the scar left from where Muranthen had bitten him.

"Cuz you mated with one of 'em. "

"Mate? What the hell are you talking about?" He tried to will himself not to blush as he thought of just where that scar had come from.

The older man gave him a look like you would give a particularly thick child. "You fucked him, he bit you, and now you've got that nice big memento of it on your neck. Just ta let you know, it ain't gonna go away."

He felt his stomach flip, as he pulled on the collar. He had started to run out of higher shirts, but if what the man had said was true, he might have to be doing some clothes shopping soon. "Fuck. How do you know all that?"

A small smile played across the other man's face. "Cuz I've been there, same as you. I saw a lot of them cat guys, and I recognize the bite."

Alex buried his hands in his hair. "Is there any way to get back? The one I was with – well, I miss him. I was scared and I saw a chance to come home and I took it."

Unfortunately the other man shook his head. "Not really sure. I know what worked for me, but I haven't wanted to go back for a while so I don't know if it still works. Or my method might have been shit, and it was just dumb luck. It was a hell of a time, but I prefer it here. I couldn't deal with the lack of technology. Specially cars – they all walk everywhere. I just joined that group online out of curiosity to see if there was anyone else like me out there – someone who had actually been there; but until you posted there were only Trekkies and sci-fi nuts with too much time on their hands."

He couldn't help laughing. There had been way too many of those in his search, so he knew exactly the type of person he meant. "So anyway, since we skipped this part, I'm Alex." He stuck out his hand, and the other took it in a firm grip.

"Matt. I guess I should apologize, I didn't mean to sound like an ass, but when I first said I had been there on that damn site, I got a lot of grief."

Alex shrugged. "Not a problem, I guess I can understand that. Actually, it kind of made your response stick out. So I guess it was better that way. Why'd you stay on there if they bothered you so much?"

The older man snorted, shaking his head. "Well, whatever works for ya. I just kinda lurked around. After the first few weeks, when they stopped tryin to talk to me, it wasn't so bad. So what have you tried? Other than searching the web, obviously."

"Nothing, not really. Both of the doors - or portals or whatever they are - I found by sheer luck; I wouldn't even know where to begin to search. I just... it feels like every day is a struggle just to get up. I don't know why I feel like that, but I just have the feeling it will be better if I can get back there."

Matt looked thoughtful. "I had heard that there was a sort of...pull...between mates, but I didn't really believe it. That sounds like a pretty severe reaction though; how long have you been back for?"

"Four weeks last Wednesday. Are you saying it gets worse?"

Matt shook his head. "I'm not really sure. I just know what I was told, which was that once one of them was bitten they had a strong urge to return to their mate if they were separated, specially unwillingly. Best they could describe it made it sound sorta like depression. But they're still able to function; they just want to be back together. The one trader I met was miserable because his mate had to stay home, so I asked about it. I mean, my wife gets kinda lonely when I'm gone for a while, but nothin like that. I suppose it could be because of the distance. I'm not a scientist; I don't know how this whole 'other world' thing works."

"Damn. Well, I guess it can't get much worse. I've already been suspended from work; since I can't sleep at night I fall asleep during the day. And now that I don't have to get up for work, I'd probably just lie in bed all day if I didn't get hungry. That's part of why I want to get back so bad. Any ideas you have I'll listen to."

Alex looked up to see Matt staring at him with a strange look on his face. "What are your symptoms again?"

He shrugged, "It's like really severe depression. I can't sleep, I'm miserable all the time, I can't focus on anything."

Matt rubbed his hand over his hair, clearly reluctant to continue the conversation. "But you have a bigger than normal appetite and feel tired all the time? I really hate to have to ask this, cuz it's really none of my business, but ... were you the pitcher or catcher?"

Alex blushed, embarrassed with the blunt question. "What does that have to do with anything?"

The older man was looking decided uncomfortable. "We should probably go somewhere else for this conversation."

"No, I really think I want to know what my position in bed has to do with my depression."

Matt sighed and looked up, not quite able to meet Alex' eyes. "Alright, let's put it this way. While you were there, did you notice any females?"

Confused at the abrupt subject change, Alex just shook his head. "Well, unless you count my cat that got dragged along with me."

The other man nodded. "So, if there are no females, how do you think they procreate?"

Alex stared at him. "There's no females at all? But...how is that possible?"

Matt shrugged, "I'm a little fuzzy on the story, I've been back for about ten years now, and they only gave me the quick version anyway. I was in a different part of the world, but I noticed that all the pairs of the cats were male, and asked out of curiosity. Long story short, their whole society used to be extremely technologically advanced, more so than us at one point, but they combine technology and what you or I would call magic. It's not; but I wouldn't know how else to describe it. Anyway, at some point in the past, they managed to wipe out all of their females by accident. I think they were trying for a cure to something and ended up just making things worse. They found a way around going extinct with the mating thing. The bite was a side effect; what they had originally planned was the extended first 'mating'. I'm sure you noticed that?" Alex blushed yet again and nodded. This had to be one of the strangest and most embarrassing conversations of his life. "Well, that, basically, prepares the one male's body to, uh, carry children. They tried to explain the details of it, but when I started lookin' green they gave it up. Something about hormones combined with their weird tech. That first time is to start the process; change the one guy's body a bit, and, well, allow him to get pregnant."

Alex scoffed. "You're trying to tell me that I'm pregnant? Sorry, I believed you at first, but there's no way I'm buying that." He was disappointed; it had finally seemed like his search was leading somewhere. Though he supposed that's what he got for thinking someone off a forum like that would be sane. Alex stood to leave, but Matt grabbed his arm.

"Wait wait. Come on; is it really that hard to believe? You can have sex change operations here, there's even been studies done on male pregnancy. This is a completely different world. Plus, I imagine a few days after you mated, you experienced severe stomach pains. Am I right?"

Alex collapsed back in the chair, mind wheeling. He had experienced what he thought was a stomach virus or an allergic reaction. But Muranthen had seemed to expect it, and thinking back, he was constantly petting his stomach or nuzzling against it. He thought what sounded like baby talk was aimed at him, simply because he was so much smaller than Muranthen, when actually it was aimed at...well, a baby. The symptoms that Lisa had complained about with Alexis he had passed off as stress and depression simply because there was no reason to think of that alternative. As crazy and impossible as it sounded, he couldn't deny the facts.

He started shaking, and he had the feeling that even if he couldn't feel it, tears were streaming down his face. Alex buried his head in his hands; his head hurt, his chest hurt, and all he wanted to do was curl into a ball and sob. If Matt was right – and as crazy as it sounded, Alex had a strong feeling that he was – his stupid mistake of coming back here had caused more harm than just him missing Muranthen. Subconsciously, he knew he was hyperventilating, but he couldn't seem to stop himself, and even when he bothered to open his eyes, his vision was dark. Alex was only vaguely aware of Matt helping him outside for air, and his worried voice as he spoke to someone on the phone.
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A/N – it is freaking hard to describe someone having a panic attack when you've never had one. If anyone wants to point out any glaring errors, please feel free, as I'm not a medical professional.