A Carton of Cigarettes and a Bag of Double Bubble

6


John had one nice motherfuckin’ car. It was fuckin’ fire red, with a supercharger and a blower on that motherfucker. Jesus, it was a nice fucker, but I was too busy bleedin’ the hell all over the full fuckin’ leather interior to give too much of a damn. It’s funny I didn’t even realize I had fuckin’ stole a goddamned car until about an hour later. It was two in the fuckin’ afternoon and I was cruisin’ around, still bleedin’ like a motherfucker when all of the sudden it come flyin’ way outta the backside of fuckin’ hell that I had stole this motherfucker. I didn’t fuckin’ care, I doubted John had even rolled over yet as hard as I fuckin’ nailed him with the goddamned tire iron. I almost felt sorry for the fucker.
Well, I was fuckin’ tired. Jesus H. Christ I was so damned tired I almost wrecked the damn car fifty times! I didn’t even realize where the hell I was headed until I rolled up in front of my house. I stumbled in the front door like a goddamned drunk madman fucker. I made my way up the stairs, takin’ one fuckin’ step an hour, then I stumbled into the bathroom and fell down hangin’ from the goddamned sink.
I pulled myself up to look at myself in the mirror, I couldn’t even tell who the fuck I was. I filled the sink with cold water, and put my head under. Jesus, that sure as hell woke me up! I come up spittin’ and sputterin’ like a motherfucker. Then I washed all the blood off my face. I looked at myself in the mirror, started talkign to myself.
“Heheh. Motherfucker, we’re gonna kill these bastards. Its our fuckin’ mission in life, man, we fuckin’ kill!” I jumped back and pointed my finger right at my reflestion. “Come on, man, lets burn!”
. I didn’t even think about sleep, I wanted to get the hell outta that house so goddamned bad I almost jumped outta the motherfuckin’ window. I was just about to leave my room and go downstairs, when I remembered John’s gun.
In the two previous weeks I had bought some goddamned bullets for the motherfucker, just in case I decided to fuckin’ go postal. I decided if it was ever gonna fuckin’ happen it would probably be then, so I stuck the box of bullets in my vest along with the gun. I picked my knife up fromt eh desk and made a long slash down my arms and drank it. Seemed every fuckin’ times I did it I cut a little fuckin’ deeper. I wiped my arm off, and stuck the knife in my vest and headed out.
Inside John’s car I looked at my watch, Jesus, it was only two-thirty. So I cranked that motherfucker and drove along my merry fuckin’ way. You know it’s funny as hell about me. I’ve lived in New York my whole fuckin’ life, but I can’t tell you the name of one street. I know this town like the back of my motherfuckin’ hand, but the names come in one side of my head and go right outta the fuckin’ other side. The same holds true about school, I fuckin’ love history, but I’m sittin’ in the class listening one minute and the next I’m a million fuckin’ miles away. I can’t fuckin’ help it, I really fuckin’ can’t, man.
I was talkin’ about New York, I know a lot of motherfuckers who say Eastside, or Westside, but it’s all the fuckin’ same to me, man. New York is New York to me, and Central Park is Central Park. There are no fuckin’ north’s or south’s to me. Bugs the hell outta me when I hear it, but what the hell, you can’t have everything, right?
I popped a few more pieces of double bubble into my mouth and headed for my school. Tell me if this makes any fuckin’ sense at all. When school lets out for the summer there are usually more kids there than during the fuckin’ school year. I swear to Jesus, it’s fuckin’ insane. Usually they are hanging out in the library or in study hall, or out in the main courtyard, so I drive by the main courtyard.
When I was goin’ past it I saw some of the girls I had seen last night with John and right there with them was ole Burlik. They all started wavin’ like hell thinkin’ I was John, so I hit a button and the top folder back, and I drove right across the main goddamned yard. I swear to Jesus, those girls and Burlik almost had a fuckin’ heart attack when they saw me behind the wheel. I pulled to a stop right in front of Ronald with his goddamned mouth catchin’ flies at forty yards.
“What’s up, man?” I go friendly as hell.
“That’s John’s car.” He kinda stammered like he was about to faint or some fuckin’ thing.
“That’s right, ole John felt so bad about what happened last night he practically ran me over apologizin’. Told me I could even borrow his fuckin’ car. Goddammit, he’s a swell son of a bitch ain’t he?” lyin’ right the hell through my goddamned teeth. I’m fuckin’ good at that. Burlik just sorta stood there lookin’ like a goddamned statue, except his mouth was kinda openin’ and closin’ like he was tryin’ to talk. I didn’t give him the chance. I put the car in gear and burned rubber the hell outta there, headed aound the school grounds to the library. I had this book that was due back and I had had it for like three fuckin’ month overdue so I had grabbed in while I was in my room.
It was an OK book, not anything I would read again, but it was pretty good. It was about this expedition up to the Arctic, and they found this huge motherfuckin’ mountain. And, well it’s kinda hard to tell the whole fuckin’ story and it make any fuckin’ sense at all, but if you ever heard of “At the Mountain of Madness” by a motherfucker named H.P. Lovecraft you should read it. Its fuckin’ alright.
So anyway I pulled my hat down over my eyes like I always do when I go anywhere at my school and went into the library. For some damn reason when somebody can’t see your eyes you kinda got a power over them. The do every motherfuckin’ thing but stand on the goddam head to get you to look up. But with me, I can be lookin’ right into their eyes and they can’t see my fuckin’ eyes, that freaks them way the hell out. I remember this kid named William Tokely, he had these funny kinda eyes, damn they were unearthly almost. Anyway he was kinda a shrimpy guy, never was very big, but let me tell you something about Willy, he was a bad motherfucker. Never got in a fight, never talked shit to anybody, nice a motherfucker you ever wanted to meet, but I remember when Sid Harley, this fucker from the basketball team, tried to bully William around.
William was in the locker room after gym, and I was in there cleanin’ up my locker, it can get pretty goddamned messy, when Sid come waltzin’ in like he owned the whole goddamned school. He always kinda slid, the bastard never did fuckin’ walk, well he walked over to his locker ignoring both of us until he saw ole Willy pull outta wad of cash from his locker. Willy never did use a wallet, no he used a rubber band and kept his cash in his front pocket, he told me that’s because there was not a pickpocket in the whole fuckin’ world to try that shit on for size.
I swear to Jesus, Sid’s eyes got wide as motherfuckin’ saucers. Then I saw it happen, that sour assed evil grin of his come chargin’ across his face and he slammed his locker and started across the room for Willy. Willy didn’t see any of this and kept right the hell on mindin’ his own business.
“Damn Willy, where the hellja get all that goddamned cash, man?” like he was just a curious kinda guy. I knew that chiselin’ bastard would do anything for money. And I mean anything, man. I knew Willy’s parents were fuckin’ loaded, but Sid didn’t have one motherfuckin’ idea.
“Work.” Willy said colder than hell.
“Don’t fuck with me, you faggot,” he was showin’ what kinda bastard he really was now, “Just shut the hell up and give me that roll of dough.” he was tryin’ to swell up and loom over Willy, but despite his build he was a short fucker.
Willy got this wierd look in his eyes. God, those eyes, man, they looked like diamonds, man. Fuckin’ diamonds, craziest damn shit you ever seen. Well anyway he started to snicker and then he started chuckling and then he started straight the hell on laughin’. But it was this crazy high pitched laughin’ like a goddamned maniac. Then ol’ Willy reached in his locker and pulled outta goddamned baseball bat and swung way the hell around like he was fixin’ to knock Sid’s head right off his goddamned shoulders.
I watched Sid during all of this and believe me that motherfucker was scared as hell, man. As soon as Willy did his baseball bat trick, Sid beat it the hell outta there with only his goddamned shorts on. I heard later that he run right through the goddamned cheerleading practice in the gym tryin’ to get the hell away from Willy and his crazy laugh. Well, Willy put that fuckin’ bat back in his locker and went right the hell on like nothin’ fuckin’ happened. He moved away that year and went to Oklahoma to live with his grandmother after his parents died in a fire. Ol’ Willy was a bad motherfucker. I wish I had his phone number or address or something, but, what the hell, you can’t have everything, right?
Well, I went in and dropped the book off and walked right the hell back out to the car. My car, I guess. I was bored as hell, wondering what the fuck I was even doing. I tell you, man, I go through motherfuckin’ years when I have no goddamned idea what the fuck I’m doing. Jesus Christ, I have actually went into the girls fuckin’ locker room by mistake, I’m so fucked up. Some of them think I’m a goddamned pervert, but most think I’m a fuckin’ loony. But then again so do I, so what the fuck does that mean?.
I drove for like a goddam hour just thinkin’, wonderin’ what the hell I was doing with my life, well actually thats only partly true. I have always planned on being a motherfuckin’ ambulance driver, or an EMT I think they call it. Don’t ask me why, but I just always knew that’s what the motherfuck I was going to be. My parents try their best to fuckin’ discourage me, tellin’ me its not a pretty job and about the motherfuckin’ blood and guts I’m gonna see. I don’t care, I just wanna fuckin’ help people. I found out way the motherfuckin’ hell ago you can either help people or fuckin’ kill’em. There is no motherfuckin’ even ground. Help or fuckin’ kill, man, I’m gonna motherfuckin’ help.
I remember there was one counsellor, Gary Tutor, funny fuckin’ name considering what he actually was. Anyway of all the counsellors I liked him the best, he was always straight on with me, never fuckin’ bullshitted me about anything. He died in a wreck in ’97, fuckin’ killed me. I went to the funeral, I think I fuckin’ cried. I despise myself when I fuckin’ cry, but I do it alot anyway.
I remember the last time we fuckin’ talked, it was right after I fuckin’ busted that computer monitor, he just looked at me for a minute ewhen I walked in and plopped down. Then he started talking. Told me I was like a fish in a fuckin’ net and that I was thrashing this way and that. Told me I was tearing myself to fuckin’ pieces right before his eyes, and how he hated to see me self-destruct like that. I kinda liked that, killing myself by tearing myself apart I mean, a fuckin’ torn mind I guess. Anyway he told me I had to take it easy, not take everything so goddamned personal. I tried I really fuckin’ did, but I just fuckin’ couldn’t. I’ve never had any fuckin’ control of myself, I see something or something happens and there I go, off into the wild-blue fuckin’ yonder again.
I was wondering what the hell Tina was doing, I wonder what prostitutes fuckin’ do during the day? I wondered if Tina had a pimp, Jesus H. fuckin’ Christ, it pissed me way the motherfuck off to think of some bastard beatin’ the hell outta Tina.
Then I fucked myself over.
I was drivin’ along thinkin’ when who the hell do I fuckin’ see but Slim and Shorty talkin’ to these two girls who went to my school. My school. They looked like they were bein’ charming as motherfuckin’ hell, and the girls were giggling at this or that, but whatever they were sayin’ all I could see is that motherfuckin’ knife. Goddamn, the music was screaming it’s fuckin’ head off! I wheeled over to the curb and jumped the hell outta the car. I made sure I had my revolver in my fuckin’ vest. The girls stopped laughing when they saw me coming, but Slim and Shorty started laughin’ their goddamned head off.
“Finally pick yourself off the subway floor, fucker?” Slim said loud enough for the whole goddamned state to fuckin’ hear. Shorty joined in laughing, I didn’t waste my breath. I pulled the gun outta my vest and started twirling it around on my finger like a goddamned cowboy. Their motherfuckin’ eyes started bulging outta their skulls.
“Yeah, man, that was a hellova good beatin’ you fuckers gave to me. Hey ladies.” I did this big motherfuckin’ theatrical bow. “You know, these boys right here really get a kick outta carvin’ up little girls like you? I had to beat ‘em off one last night with a motherfuckin’ stick, and here they are today ready to carve up two more, Jesus Christ!” I still just kinda twirled the gun around, playing with the idea of killin’ Slim and Shorty. I really was. Then I hear somebody screamin’ at me to drop the gun and Slim and Shorty start fuckin’ runnin’ like hell. And the next thing I knew I was laying on the ground and my fuckin’ shoulder was hurtin’ like a goddamned bastard.
I been stabbed, man. That was the first thing that went through my mind. Then, I been hit really fuckin’ hard. Then, I been motherfuckin’ shot, man. I know I’m bleeding, because you can always tell, its like you feel you fuckin’ life slippin’ outta you. I hear a lotta screamin’ and somebody fuckin’ runnin’ my way, so I scramble the hell up and over to the car. Man, I was bleedin’ like a motherfucker, hurt like hell, I tell you that. Anyway I was sitting in the car when I see a cop fuckin’ running at me, Jesus Christ that scared the hell outta me. I put the fuckin’ hammer down, man, I beat it the hell outta there, bleeding all over the goddamned place.
I headed straight for Tina’s. Don’t ask me why the fuck I did, but I beat a fuckin’ trail over there, man. I didn’t even realize where the fuck I was until she opened up the fuckin’ door. Picture this, man. I’m standing there, blood runnin, down the front of my vest, and I smile and say,
“Hi, Tina.” then I fuckin’ blacked out, man.