A Dark and Stormy Night

She was sobbing like a little child, but she didn’t care anymore. Tear drops splattered on the cold tile between her shoes, making a steady pinging sound. As her cheeks soaked from her crying, Katlyn wondered how she had ended up where she was. Why she was made to suffer, when she herself hadn’t done anything bad to anyone. Why so many thought her heart was just a dull plank that could be broken in half without so much as a second thought.
At the core of it all, no matter how much her mother and friends had told her how pretty she was, Katlyn found herself hating her looks. Hating how she had a round body and face, with absolutely nothing that could make guys want her. There were so many other girls in the world that had knockout bodies, and too many of them acted like they were so much better than people who weren’t as good looking as them. But her, someone who could be the kindest, gentlest, and most trusting person, she had to be cursed with her wretched flab. Cursed to be born with absolutely nothing to make a guy want to desire her. It wasn’t fair. None of it was.

She shifted her body, and heard the crinkle of a wrapper. Hiccupping softly, Katlyn lifted her head and began searching through one of her pockets. She pulled out the crumpled wrapper that James had given her. Blinking away her tears, she stared at it long and hard. Katlyn almost couldn’t believe how much meaning such a stupid little thing that she was holding in her hand could have on her feelings. The act of kindness that James had shown to her, it was something that she would have never expected from a boy. In some deep part inside Katlyn, the part that had learned a long time ago to sulk away from feelings, she had felt something change. Katlyn couldn’t explain it, but the few hours she had spent with James had meant so much for her. Talking to him about her dreams, and the nice things he had done, it made her feel warm inside. But then he had…screamed at her, screamed about not knowing about love. And had laughed about her tale of heartbreak. The verbal abuse had ripped open a colossal emotional wound within her that she had spent years covering over. It was nearly identical to the pain that that air head Marcus had caused her.

With one desperate, pitiful sob, Katlyn tossed the balled up wrapper against the wall as hard as she could. She buried her face in her knees again before it bounced to the floor. Her crying resumed. And in the complete depths of her anguish, Katlyn wondered what she had ever done to be hurt as badly as she had been, and why she seemed destined to be alone for the rest of her life.

Feeling very much like a fool, Katlyn pulled herself further into the corner and continued to pour her heart out to a seeming uncaring world. Only one thing was certain in her mind, she and it was that she didn’t want to see James again. She didn’t want to see his snickering face, or hear him laughing at her. As much as she hated being alone, she found it preferable to being around James. Katlyn had no idea how long she sat there in the darkness and her misery, but it must have been a long time. When she finally reached a point where she just couldn’t force up anymore tears, she weakly wiped the water from her eyes and rose on trembling legs. Bracing herself up on the wall, Katlyn took the time to clear her eyes and take in her surroundings. When she realized where she was, a faint gasp escaped her lips. Never in her wildest imaginations would she have thought that she would end up being inside a boys shower room. It was definitely very bland. Not at all what she had expected. There was next to nothing for her to see, and that was the last thing that she found of any interest. Sitting in the corner of a dim shower room, Katlyn knew that she needed something, anything to keep her mind off of James. Still sniffling a little, she got to her feet and started pacing back and forth in the back of the shower room. She made sure that she was in the darkness, well out of any kind of light. The blackness made it seem easier for her to let her mind fall away. As she walked, Katlyn continued to notice with increasing distaste that she hadn’t had a chance to shower yet. Her skin was itchy and she felt very uncomfortable in the clothes she had worked up a good sweat in. She knew that she could change out of them and into the pair of spare clothes, but that would be pointless as long as she remained dirty. Unless…

Katlyn glanced at all of the man showers that were at her disposal. There were more than enough for her to choose from, it would be very easy to just slip inside one.

Katlyn shook the thought from her head. Taking a shower in a boys locker room, locked inside with a boy, it just didn’t seem right. In many ways, it made her feel kind of dirty for even allowing the thought to cross her mind. She wasn’t the kind of girl that did things like that. After all, what if James…

Katlyn suddenly stopped walking. So what if James was around? So what if he heard her? She had locked the door, that had been made very plain when James had slammed into it and had begged her to open it. And she very much doubted that he was still there, waiting on the other side in some vain hope that she would let him in. Well let him wait, she thought to herself, let him wait forever. She wasn’t going to go to him. Not after he had hurt her again. Katlyn found herself glancing at the showers again. There was little doubt in her mind that a shower would help to take her mind off of James, and that it would rejuvenate her body. It was a terrible battle that raged inside her mind. The multitudes of do’s and don’ts kept swirling around in a jumbled mush. She was about to force herself back into the corner when she remembered James’ laughing at her. It reminded Katlyn of how badly he had hurt her. Feeling herself nearing a complete emptiness with everything in her life, Katlyn decided that she was done worrying about other people. She just wanted to make herself feel comfortable, not matter what it cost. With her mind made up, Katlyn decided to follow through with what was perhaps the craziest idea she had had of her whole life. Glancing one last time at the door, with a little bit of nervousness, she listened for a long time with her breath held. When she didn’t hear a single sound other than the tiny movements she made Katlyn went back over to her bag.

There was a thought in her mind to turn the lights on in the shower room, she was sure that there must have been a switch around somewhere, but she decided against it. It had very little to do with the faint fear that somehow James would be able to somehow get into the shower room. More than anything, Katlyn didn’t want to look at her hideous body. In the darkness, she was blind to her ugliness. Comforted by the darkness surrounding her, she pulled off her shirt and placed it on top of her bag. There was one last glance at the door, which remained as tightly shut as ever, before she unstrapped her bra and let it fall as well. Quickly slipping out of her pants and underwear, Katlyn stood for one single moment completely nude, and shivered slightly from the faintly cool air. Reaching into her bag, she pulled out an oversized hand towel she kept to wipe away sweat. She hadn’t used it all night, and it would be just big enough to dry her off when she was finished. Knowing that a hot shower was what her body and mind desperately needed, she walked over to the closest shower stall. Stepping inside, she fumbled around in the dimness for a few moments until her hands found the knobs to the shower. As sure as she was that James wasn’t going to be able to get into the shower room, she looked back at the door one last time. No body had ever seen her naked, and she sure wasn’t comfortable with the thought of a boy she didn’t even know being the first. But for the last time, her mind reassured her that there wasn’t even a remote chance that James would be able to get in to see her. And even if he did, she was certain that all she had to do was tell him to not come in, and he would stay outside. Katlyn didn’t know why, but some part of her just knew that James wasn’t that bad of a guy, even though he had said the things he did. But another part felt that what he had done had been beyond forgiveness. Torn between this faint feeling of comfort James had given her and the hurt of his vicious accusations, Katlyn pushed the confusing thoughts from her mind.

She didn’t want to think or feel anymore. She just wanted to be free of all of it, even if it was just for a short time. Reassured completely, Katlyn twisted the knobs and turned the shower on. The coldness of the water that splashed her body caused every portion of her skin to tighten. Gritting her teeth, she bared through the first dreadful seconds as the water rapidly grew warmer. Once it had, she stood completely still, letting the comforting warmth splatter her weary face. The instant it did, Katlyn forgot all about the terrible emotional tearing of her heart by Marcus almost three years ago, and she forgot all about the mean things James had said to her. But so did the faint smile she had seen him give her when she had told him to follow his dreams, and the instant of sadness that had crossed his eyes when she had run away from him in tears. Everything that was bad and good in her life faded away, and she just stood there in the darkness, letting the warm water wash away all her troubles. And all the while, Katlyn wanting nothing more than for the night to just end.

**

James perked his head up from his arms. He wished Kat would open up the door, at the very least answer him. But she hadn’t said anything to him over the past half hour. He was starting to get worried. The look of utter sadness on her face had caused a sharp spike of pain to surge within his chest, a pain that felt faintly like the day Clarissa had dumped him over the telephone. Only this was different. How, James didn’t know exactly how, but he just knew deep within him that it wasn’t the same. There was something about Katlyn that made him believe that she would forgive him, if only he had the chance to apologize. When Kat had locked him out, he made his mind up to camp out in front of the door until she decided to let him in. After all, she couldn’t stay in there forever. He worked over all the things he could say to Kat, to try and make her understand that he felt terrible for having caused her to cry. Dammit, he hated the thought of what he had done. It made him feel too much like Marcus.

The thought of Marcus caused James’ face to tighten, and him to clench his fists tightly. Damn that heartless bastard. He had no right to hurt Kat the way he did. James wished that he was standing in front of him right then, so he could break his nose in. Although he wasn’t a violent person, James found himself actually wanting to face the big jock down. If he could hurt him, make him pay for what he did to Kat, if only just a little bit, then somehow it just seemed to him that it would set things right between him and Kat. After the dark thought passed through his mind, James stopped his vicious thinking. Would Kat actually want him to do something like that? Would that sweet, caring girl actually want him to hurt someone else because of her, even if the jerk had it coming. Something in James told him that Kat wouldn’t want that. He couldn’t say why, but he was sure she would have felt bad about that. James sighed. Well, since he was sure that he couldn’t make things right with Kat with fists, he was going to have to make it up to her with an apology. He just hoped that she wasn’t so mad that she wouldn’t forgive him. James felt stupid for letting himself getting so worked up about the thought of not being forgiven, but he couldn’t help it. There was no way he could just walk away from this night with things the way that they were. The only thing he had left was the hope that things between them hadn’t gone beyond the line of repair.

As he sat and contemplated just how he was going to make an apology to Kat that would work, a faint sound tickled at the edge of James’ hearing. Sitting upright, he strained his ears to hear what it was. Unless he was going crazy, it was the sound of…running water. Which didn’t make any sense, the only kind of thing within the room Kat had disappeared in that could make that sound was a shower. It only took James a moment to process that though, and he felt a strong chill run through his body. Kat…was taking a shower. His eyes flicked nervously to the door as the pulse in his body picked up its pace. That was impossible. Why would Kat, of all girls, take a shower locked inside a building with him? It was impossible, there must have been some kind of mistake. But as he listened harder, it became apparent to him that there was no mistake. What was she doing? What was she thinking?

James licked his lips nervously and pressed his ear against the door to see if he could hear the sound better. He didn’t, if anything, the noise of the running water seemed muffled. James sat back and scratched his head. How could he not hear better leaning against the door. Whirling around to face the door, James sat straight up and strained his ears. He definitely heard the water running better now, but he still couldn’t figure out why. Curious, he started looking around, trying to pinpoint where he could hear it the best. His eyes curiously darted about, and in the space of a heartbeat, he found the source. His body instantly froze with the realization.

The field house had been built a long time ago, and because of that it still had some of its old design traits. And James found himself looked dead on at one of them now. Along the top of the wall to the shower room were little vent holes. Each was about the size of his fist, which meant if he could find something to stand on the wooden benches bolted to the wall, he would be able to get high enough to one of the holes, where there would be just enough space for him to…

James immediately jumped to his feet and marched away from the door, feeling his face burning with embarrassment. He paced out into the main locker room, but suddenly found himself ridiculously full of energy. Unable to keep himself still, James began pacing back and forth through the room. We each step he took, he felt his mind rip further and further apart under the strain he had unexpectedly found himself in. What he had realized, what he had thought, it was just wrong. Wrong on so many levels that he barely dared to comprehend why the thought had even crossed his mind. But at the same time, he felt himself becoming aware of a throbbing heat which had started inside his chest, and had quickly worked its way downward. The heat grew more intense as he continued to walk around, and against everything that he was thinking, James found himself constantly glancing back towards where Kat had run. At one point, he stopped right in front of the hallway, staring very hard at the corner which the door to the shower room was just around. His throat tightened as he found himself almost instinctively taking a step forward. When he realized that he had indeed moved closer to the hallway, James clenched his teeth hard and forced himself away.

He was not like that. He was not some sick bastard who got his kicks watching girls. But, in some back, and dare he think it dark, part of his mind, he found himself pulled back towards that hallway. Back to those vent holes. James had never seen a girl naked before, at least not in the flesh. Memories of what he had seen, and what he now had the possibility of seeing laid right in front of him like an addictive narcotic, he felt his body heat rapidly rising and his muscles stiffening. He didn’t want to cave in, to give in to what he considered a twisted temptation, not when it was against Kat. Kat didn’t deserve to be degraded like that. So James tried his very best to block the thoughts from his mind. He tried not to think of anything that would come back to those vent holes, where he could so easily see into the shower room.

Walking to the back of the locker room, James found himself fighting increasingly harder to ignore the mounting urges of his own body. Urges that were causing his eyes to keep glancing back towards the shower room. Growling in frustration, he turned his back to the hallway, and that was when he spotted the small stepping stool. Almost instantly after he laid eyes on it, James realized that it was perfectly the right height for what he needed. It would be fairly easy for him. All he would have to do is just place the stool on one of benches, climb on it, and peek in.

James shook his head and marched over to one of the lockers. Without much thought, he lightly banged his head against the metal surface. Why? Why was he suddenly overcome with this insane idea? Why was he daring to think about do such a sick and twisted thing as this? And for that matter, why in the hell would he want to spy in on Kat taking a shower? She wasn’t nearly as good looking as Clarissa had been.

He suddenly found himself stopping dead in his tracks. What right did he have to make such a vain and shallow judgment about Kat? What made him so different? After all, if he wasn’t ugly himself, why else would have Clarissa had dumped him for Marcus? Thinking about it, James felt angry at himself for a new reason. He realized that Kat wasn’t ugly, her body had its own looks that worked for her, even though she was on the larger side. Still, that didn’t give him any right to do what he felt his own body so desperately wanted him to do. And yet, against all of his better judgment, the question began to burn madly inside his mind. So much so that James felt the veins in his neck throb against his skin. And the question was, what did Kat look like without any clothes on?

A rotten feeling formed in the core of his heart at what he considered dark thoughts, but the more and more he looked at the stool, the clearer it became to him that he could answer the burning question with ease. Swallowing hard, James tried one last time to talk himself out of it. To remind himself of all the reasons why he shouldn’t do what his body was urging him to do. And failed. With his hands shaking, he walked slowly over to the stool and picked it up. Feeling his whole body trembling, he turned and slowly, methodically began walking back.

This isn’t right. He kept telling himself. She was crying when she ran in there. How can you take advantage of her like this when she’s like that?

His conscious warnings were well founded, but he was on a path now that he just couldn’t escape. Each step that brought him closer to the benches felt like a diabolical mix of learning some phenomenal mystery except that it would be one that would cost him his very life. He pulled deep breaths down his dry throat as he rounded the corner, the veins throughout his whole body pounding mercilessly.

It’s harmless. He assured himself. It’s just one little peek, that’s all. She’ll never even know that I’m still here.

Creeping up to the benches, James’ entire body was trembling as he carefully placed the stool on the wooden surface. He felt the hot blood coursing through him, especially between his legs. It propelled him on with a desire that he had never really known…since Clarissa. James had never seen Clarissa naked, and she had always been very reserved, held back even, when he tried to get a lot closer to her than just mere kissing, that he barely knew what a woman’s body pressed against his own felt like. And now, he was finding himself drawn towards that unexplained mystery that he knew was waiting to be answered to him with just a quick sneak peek. The similarities in his urges caused a deep concern inside him, but it wasn’t enough. With a great reluctance brewing in his conscious, but the unstoppable desire pulling at him, James slowly ascended the stepping stool.

One step.

Two step.

And then, he was there. The old ventilation hole lay before him like it was the very gateway into heaven, or perhaps hell. This was his last chance, his mind begged of him. If he were to just climb down and put the stool back where he found it, that would be the end of it. Kat would never know the dark desire that she had awoken inside him, and he would probably sleep better at night for it. But no matter how much he so badly wanted to pull himself away, no matter how much he told himself that what he was doing was wrong, he couldn’t stop himself. James had come too far, had too much built up inside of him to turn back now. He had to know. He craved to know.

His heart pounding against his ribs and his body shaking almost as if he were having a seizure, James pressed his body against the wall, leaned up on the tips of his toes, and looked through the hole at what was on the other side. It wasn’t quite what he had been expecting. The room was very dim, so dim in fact that he could just barely make out the shapes of the shower stalls. But he could easily hear what was going on. A shower was indeed running, and when comprehended that he was listening to the sound of streams of water splashing against bare flesh, he felt a deep shudder run through his body. He also heard humming. Grabbing hold of the vent hole’s edges, James strained to get a better look inside. Then, like some cosmic divinity appearing before him, he saw her. There had been a thought, though James didn’t know if it was a hope or a disappointment, that he was imagining things and that Kat wasn’t really doing what he thought she was. Only now did he realize how very wrong he had been. A faint breath escaped James’ lips, and he found no strength or desire to draw in a new one. He was completely frozen in mystical awe. It was obvious to him that Kat was inside of the shower stalls, and that she didn’t have any clothes on. She. Was. Naked.

In the near dark of the shower room all he could really make out was her outline. But there was enough for him to see to let his mind make up the rest. He watched at she gently caressed her hands across her bare form, letting what was no doubt very comforting water flowing along her whole body. She arched her back, and he knew without really seeing that the water was splashing across her bare chest. A faint, slightly pleasurable hum drifted into his ears over the sounds of the shower, and James nearly lost all control over himself. Barely conscious of what he was doing, one of his hands slipped from the vent hole and silently slithered its way downwards the mind crushing throbbing between his legs. When his fingers brushed against the mass of quivering flesh down below, James found himself completely stunned when it crashed through his mind that he had a hard on. A surprised gasp came from his mouth before he even had a chance to stop himself.

From within the blackness that lay before him, a sharp, startled cry came from the stall with the flowing water. James instantly ducked out of sight, and lost his balance. He gripped the edge of the vent hole with all his might as the stool nearly fell out from under him. The deep pain in his chest exploded again, and he had to clench his teeth tightly to keep from howling in pain. That didn’t stop the noise that he had made from almost falling over. Holding his breath, James pushed his face against the wall and held his breath.

“J…James?”

He froze at the sound of her voice. It was concerned, and full of worry.

“Is that you?”

He wanted to answer her, to explain that everything was fine and that she didn’t have anything to be scared of. But how could he? How could he say anything to her, after what he had just done? Slipping off of the stool, James ignored the throbbing pain that had replaced his mounting lust, which was now all but forgotten. He picked up the stool and slipped away as quietly as he could. As he walked away, James felt as if his insides were being torn in half. He felt terrible for having spied on Kat, which seemed a lot like taking advantage of her while she was otherwise clueless. And worse, he didn’t know why he had been so consumed to see Kat like that. Walking back into the locker room, James put the stool back where he had found it. Exactly where he had found it. As he placed it down, he felt how tight his pants had suddenly become.

Standing back up, he looked down at himself with a mixture of shock and disgust. The hard on was still there, and it was causing a deep burning in the back of his mind. Growling under his breath, James smashed his fist into one of the lockers without a second thought. The pain that jolted through his arm instantly took his mind off of his aching privates. Clutching his now injured hand, he walked to the front of the building where the slit windows where. Hoping that a little bit of fresh air would keep him from thinking, or lusting anymore, James climbed up on a bench and peered out of the narrow window. His guess had been right, the cool night air brought a much needed relief to his burning face. Signing with immense weariness, and shame, he rested his chin on the hard concrete edge and stared out into the darkness.

James hated it. There were no lights anywhere around the football field, and everything outside was turned off. The blackness made him think of an endless void, one that he could easily relate to his own heart. But now, staring out into nothing, it didn’t feel that way. Something was different, something had changed inside him. He didn’t feel so empty anymore. That didn’t make things better though. Instead of the harsh path of loneness that he had become aware of for the last two weeks, nothing was clear to him anymore. James’ mind had become an impossible tangle of so many different thoughts and feelings circulating around in mass confusion. James shut his eyes tightly and wished it all would just go away.

A faint rumbling tickled at his ears. Opening his eyes, James peered hard out into the darkness. Far off, he saw a small flash of light. Many seconds later, the rumbling echoed softly through the open crack. James knew right away what it was. “Damn,” he muttered to himself. “Sounds like one hell of a storm is coming.”

There was a much louder boom from the back of the building. James snapped around, almost falling off the bench. The sudden movement caused all of the hurt parts of his body to explode in agony. James clutched at his injuries, almost falling off the bench. Stumbling to the floor, he began walking back to where he had heard the sound. “Kat?” he called out in a low voice. There was no answer.

“Kat? Are you alright?” he asked in a voice on the edge of breaking.

The thudding of a door closing caused a nervous twitch to go through his face. Had Kat heard him? Had she seen him? And if she had, what would she do? The thought of being caught caused a fear to slice down into the core of James heart. He didn’t want her to know what he had done, especially now that he regretted having ever spied on her. Swallowing hard, James peeked around the corner. He had to do his very best to keep his breath from leaving his body forever.

Kat was standing in front of the door. Thankfully, she was clothed. She was no longer wearing her marching band outfit. Now she was in a light pink short sleeved shirt and jeans. That still didn’t cover up the fact that her skin had a sort of eerie sparkle to it a bit from being wet. She stared at him with a nearly blank face without a word. And it scared him, because he didn’t know what she knew. Heck, he didn’t know anything anymore, except that there was no turning back from what he had done. Stepping out reluctantly into the hallway, James never took his eyes off of Kat. In the silence between them, their eyes locked, and hours of conversation were read by each of them in their separate iris. “Kat…” James whispered, terrified that she would flee back into the shower room, leaving him alone again. Loneness, James had suddenly discovered, had transformed from his greatest desire to his darkest fear. If he fell into that old lonely road again, he didn’t know how he was ever going to be able to pull himself out of it. Or how he would ever find the desire for anything good in life ever again.

Kat said nothing for a moment. A deep sigh passed from her lips and she slung her bag over her back. When she began silently walking towards him, James felt his entire body freeze. Closer and closer she drew, each stride increasing the pounding inside his chest. And then, as if it had happened in the blink of an eye, she was standing only inches away from him. Kat slowly raised her head until their faces met. James stared down into her captivating brown eyes, searching for the thoughts that lurked in the depths beyond her pupils. In that moment of contact he had, James wanted nothing more than to tell Kat the truth. To tell her what he had done, and how very sorry he was and that he would never do it again. More than anything, he wanted to tell Kat how much it had hurt him to know that he had made her cry. She was so close to him now. So close for him to wrap his arms around Kat, like he knew he should have done so many years ago, and tell her that she would never be hurt by him ever again.

“Kat…” he whispered, feeling his arms starting to rise.

Kat pressed a finger to his lips, abruptly silencing him. The touch made James feel as if he were going to have a heart attack, but he wouldn’t have traded the feeling for anything in the world. Then, she slowly slid her finger from his lips and brought her hand back to brush aside a clump her now glistening dark hair.

“I told you my sad story, J.” Kat said in a soft and nurturing voice. “I think it’s time you told me yours.”