Little Ray of Sunshine

A/N: From one fanboy to another; surprise sex is never a surprise, it’s an endearment.

And YOU should be fixing YOUR schedule to match my update speed. Because I am God.



I’ve been out of high school for almost 2 years, I’ve yet to attend a full year at college. Come fall, though.

Can you believe that my major has nothing to do with writing? Shame, I know.





Btw, I’m never going to Prom with a friend as a favor again. Fucking cunt ruined my night.





-0-0-0-0-



I hunched over the dining room table, scribbling down notes for my History homework. Yeah, I was actually doing it. It was all part of my New Plan, getting up on my academics and actually giving a shit. Yes, Julian was going to return to the school a new man. I mean, sure, my presence usually demands attention, but do I have anything to back on other than my ridiculously good looks?



A huge cock, but come on. Who pays attention to that.



But this New Julian. Yes, he was going to be the envy of the school. I’m going to actually care about baseball, and all of my classes, and – gasp! – make friends! Actual friends. Not just Colby, he’s basically my only friend (and it was proved when I told him what Shaun did to me, I’ve never seen Abercrombie Boy so mad!), but I’m going to stretch out. Actually personalize with people, find common interests, et cetera et cetera.



I smiled as I started to highlight the different sections of my notes. I’m a bit OCD when it comes to organization, in fact I use multiple bright, vibrantly colored highlighters just to outline a single chapter. You know, vocabulary, key points, names, dates. That good stuff.



“Julian, would you be a dear and get the mail?”



“Not now, mom, I’m doing homework.”



Mom poked her head around the wall that divided the dining room from the kitchen, and stared at me. I glanced up, our emerald eyes meeting – hers were a few shades lighter than mine – and I huffed.



“What’s that look for?” I asked, my cheeks puffing out so my fat dimples wouldn’t show while I pouted.



Mom shook her head and stayed silent, smiling kindly like she always does and returning to whatever she was doing. I think she over-filled the coffee maker again and it leaked everywhere. She had a tendency to be too eager when it came to getting her caffeine dose. Even though I still don’t know why she drinks it. All it does is make her pee. I don’t think I’ve ever seen coffee do anything else to her.



Maybe it’s the Splenda…



Damn you diabetics.



I finished up my notes and closed my book, placing my homework between the pages of the chapter, opening my bag and putting it neatly inside. I didn’t have any Math classes, which was awesome because I fucking suck at math, so I wasn’t worried about any other homework. In P.E. the teacher never assigned make up work, Mythology I could do in my sleep and always got that homework done before the bell rang. Oh, there was that paper he was supposed to write for TAP… I’ll bullshit that later.



I sat back in the squishy, rolly chair and rested my hands on the arms, swiveling in half-circles idly while I stared at the table. Okay, so step one to New Julian was complete: Homework. I guess there was nothing left to do… I wonder who would not run away if I walked up to them and started a conversation?



Perhaps I’ll start with the geeks first, at the lunch table. They were starting to talk to me and worship me again, but I knew they’d always be loyal no matter what. I guess I could be nice to them instead of conning them of their money and food. Haha. Buy my own lunch. What a joke.



“I think I’m going to make brownies. Wanna help?”



I huffed and rolled my eyes. “Not now mom, I’m plotting my revenge!”



“Oh, okay honey.”



-0-0-0-



The next day, school was fucking awesome. In the parking lot I didn’t cut anyone off and steal their parking spot. I turned in my homework on time. I was civil to the teachers, including my stupid sister, whom I never really saw much anyway. Did I mention that sometimes I skip fourth period just so I can be in her class and do nothing? To think, some kids actually think I should be in there ‘cause I’m there so much.



Laughable.



Lunch came, and I was typing away on my phone as I sat down. Colby and I were back on the terms we’d always been on – inseparable. We were debating how many harpoons it would take to bring down Mr. Walrus when I noticed Jared sitting down, and I smiled at the kid as I put my phone in my pocket.



“Sup?”



He blinked and twitched lightly, as if startled by my voice. Okay, so I’d never intiated a conversation with the kid before, but this is a bit over exaggerated. Glancing around for a second to make sure it was indeed him I was talking to, Jared licked his lips and returned the greeting.



“Hey…” he reached into his bag and pulled out the copy of the game I had rented out to him, and slid it over to me. “I haven’t really seen you, so I couldn’t give this back to you on Wednesday…” he pulled out his wallet and starting counting bills, assumingly to make up for the days he couldn’t find me.



“It’s okay.” I assured him, sliding the game back over to him. “You can keep it. I’m back into Pokemon again.” A lie. I loved Pokemon, everyone knew that, but I hadn’t played a video game in at least a month. I didn’t need a game I don’t play. Why not just give it to him?



He looked like he’d seen a ghost. Biting his lip, and like a scared wild animal looking at a human to make sure it was safe, he looked stupid so I huffed and picked up the game, stuffing it into his back pack.



“Have it.”



Before he could thank me, the rest of the troupe sat down, a seat next to me unoccupied as usual. That’s something I’d have to change later, I guess. I stood from the table and made sure I had my wallet before starting to walk away, before I heard Greg call out.



“Where are you going?”



Ah, tater tot boy.



“To get my food.” I turned around and smiled lightly, waving two fingers as I moved into the lunch line.



Oh God oh God. So I still hated getting my own fucking food, I’m a maniacal bitch and I know it. But right as soon as I stepped into line I felt out of place with the usual line-goers. They were staring at me as if I had a second head (or third, if you get technical~), and I pulled out my phone to keep my gaze occupied from staring back and opening my mouth to say “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOOKING AT”.



New Message

From: Kohl-Bee!

‘I say thirteen harpoons and a bottle rocket up his left nostril.’



I snorted and rolled my eyes, typing.



‘You think I could make the lunch line area spontaneously combust with my mind while getting my desired food at the same time?’ Send.



I kept my phone in my hands to keep them busy, but my foot was still tapping as I waited. It felt like forever when I could finally grab a tray and start putting stuff on it.



Hm, with the New Julian should be a New Diet… no fatty deep-fried stuff.



Homygawd they have deep-fried ice cream!?



The wonders of the lunch line!



By the time I reached the lunch lady I had acquired on my tray vanilla deep-fried ice cream, a sub sandwich with only turkey, ham, roast beef, lettuce and American cheese on white bread, lime green jell-o, Welch’s grape juice, and a single chocolate chocolate chip cookie.



You wouldn’t believe what temptations tugged at my taste buds that I had to ignore.



The total was pretty cheap, considering the amount of food, and I returned back to the lunch table with a sense of accomplishment. I got my own food! I have an appetite like a horse, I realized, as I started in on my sub sandwich. I guess the only meals I ate in a day were breakfast (cereal and milk) and dinner (whatever the family was cooking). Maybe that was why I was so cranky. I must have been starving!



The kids at the table were staring at me oddly, as if it were some unexplainable force that had wrecked my very soul in order to get my ass into the lunch line. I glanced around and gave a slightly awkward smile, and they all gave a relieved smile in return, continuing on with their conversation.







P.E. was definitely awkward.



First of all, it was like Shaun couldn’t look at me without blushing and getting that ‘I-feel-so-guilty-please-forgive-me’ look in his eyes.



Secondly, when I participated in basketball I thought Humphry was going to have a litter of platypus. Platypi? Multiple platypus.



Those are some fucked up animals.



Anyway.



Of course I suck at basketball, and whenever a team mate messed up, instead of yelling at them and telling them what a fuckass they are, I clapped my hands and encouraged to do better next time.



I never really was a team player.



The whole class seemed a bit startled at my new behavior, but it was soon accepted and we were all playing with smiles on our faces and sweat on our backs. All of the guys had lost their shirts by the second half, and when we drank out of our water bottles we purposely missed our mouths and dribbled it on our hair and torsos.



As I was practicing such habit, one of the jocks, I don’t know his name, looked over and smirked.



“For being so athletic, you’re scrawny.”



I should have snapped back and made fun of the slight roll of flub he has when he sits, but instead I smiled and flexed my abs, the washboard suddenly appearing as I pounded my fist against it.



“Leaves more room for muscles, not fat.” An indirect insult, but a witty jab as well. The Unknown guy laughed and shook his head, and we returned to the court.



At the end of the day, I felt like New Julian was starting to become a hit. The girls were actually talking to me like they wanted to (instead of feeling like they needed to, I guess), the guys were joking with me, and I was being a generally friendly person.



It was an odd feeling, but it was… it was a pretty good one. I started to do random good deeds, too. A girl dropped her books in the hallway while running late, and I stopped to help her with her books and send her on her way. A Freshman couldn’t get his locker open, and I gladly showed him the ‘pressure trick’. I offered to help clean desks after class for Mr. Stinson.



The only person that didn’t seem to be pleased with my Newness was, surprisingly, Shaun.



All day he still held that depressing aura, but it seemed to increase whenever he saw me, and doubled when I did something nice. What the hell was his problem? I mean, I’m not being an arrogant snotty bitch. Isn’t that what everyone wanted? For me to turn over a new leaf? Surely Shaun, of all people, would understand.



Sure, Colby made fun of me, but Colby has always supported me even with my worst decisions. (like that one time I went to the mall dressed as a girl; I ruined SO many straight guys’ lives…) But that’s Colby. He’s been my best friend since I came to America. What, five years ago? Yeah. Believe me, that’s an accomplishment for a kid with my background.



So Shaun, who seems to be fairly obsessed with me, should totally be all for me changing for the better good. Right? Well, I guess there is the fact that he was obsessed with me while I was a huge bitch… but maybe I could get him to change his mind about that.



I paused as I walked down the hallway after school, frowning at myself and smacking my forehead. Why do I care what that bastard thinks about me anymore!? He fucked over my life, he’s the last person I should want to impress.



Pussy.



I blinked. What the fuck? Now I have a ‘little voice in my head’? Fuck that shit. I don’t need a conscience.



Consciences are for crickets.



Shaking my head and pulling out my keys, I walked out of the front of the school, smiling and waving to people as I walked along. No, it wasn’t the same as them groveling at my feet, but I was still working my way to the top.



Brilliant.



But my pride was halted abruptly and a bit violently as I ran straight into something – someone – and stumbled back again. Damn my fucking book bag! I’m going to start carrying half of my shit so I can just drop it when I run into stuff.



I checked myself to make sure I wasn’t glaring before I lifted my head up, staring into bright honey eyes that were narrowed a bit.



“Uh, hi Shaun.” I said lamely, and people turned to stare at us. No one really knew that Shaun was behind stuff, but they knew that when I was down and out me and him were best buddies. “Sup?”



His arms were crossed over his chest, and I could see a freckle on his left cheek. Cute.~ I mean. Uh.



Infuriating!



“You’re such a bastard.”



Preposterous! You’re the one that fucked me over.



I stayed silent and let him continue.



“How do you think completely changing yourself will make you become King again?”



Uhhhh, OBVIOUSLY because being a bitch didn’t work.



“Just because you act all nice and Princely to these kids doesn’t mean they’re going to like you again.”



Isn’t it working?



“Don’t you realized that people worshipped you BECAUSE you were an asshole?!”



Something inside of me clicked. Was I going about it all wrong? Wasn’t this the right direction to take? Maybe Shaun had a point. I was on top when I was confident, cocky, and ass-ish.



Hm… yes, yes, it’s a pity that I’m so fucking retarded and can’t see things so clearly.



Ah, time to take action.~



“You’re absolutely right, Shaun.” I agreed, and not only did Shaun’s jaw dropped, but so did everyone else’s. “In fact, you’re so right, I’m going to do what I should have done a long, long time ago.”



I nodded again and practically pranced over to a fellow baseball player and asked to borrow his bat. He was reluctant, like I was going to beat someone with it, but I assured him that no skulls were going to be bashed. With the metal object in hand, I dropped my book bag someplace I would remember it, and started to walk with a swagger towards the parking lot, swinging the bat randomly around. I could hear practically the whole school following me out to the area of parked cars, and they were all curious as to what I was about to do.



But I think some of them were smart enough to figure it out, since some people were laughing and egging me on.



It only took me a second to see the fake-black-haired kid in the parking lot, with his MCR bag in tow. He drove occasionally, I knew that much, but I didn’t know which car was his. Now I do, it’s the shitty Pinto that he was unlocking and trying (unsuccessfully) to start.



It took him a second to realize that I was standing in front of the hood, baseball bat concealed behind my back as my face was split by a smile. He stared suspiciously, and that suspicion grew when he saw the mob behind me – Shaun in the front.



I saw him mouth the words ‘what the fuck’, as he was still sitting dumbly behind the steering wheel, his car not starting.



I decided to get the show on the road.



“Need some help starting up?” I called, knowing he could clearly hear me with his window down (it actually looked broken), but I was making it so the whole crowd could hear.



Jake shook his head, and I shrugged.



“Let me give you a hand.”



As I pulled the bat out from behind my back, I could see it all, like I was having an out-of-body experience. Everything was slow-motion. The metal of the bat glinted with the afternoon sun, my hands perfectly aligned for the ultimate comfort. Maybe I should have worn my batting glove for affect. I’m the all-star batter on the team, a leftie, and when I brought the bat back it was perfectly parallel to my shoulders. The crowd held their gasp, Jake’s eyes were wide in sudden realization, and then all of a sudden time sped up as I swung evenly, just like a mini Ichiro.



The sound of his headlight caving in beneath the precious aluminum was music to my ears. Almost as pleasing as the pathetic sounds I managed to bring out of Shaun.



People in the crowd cheered, and Jake sat there in a stunned silence. Pieces of the headlight came crashing to the asphalt. And I pulled the bat back, resting it on my shoulder as I gave the car a perplexed look.



“Hm… that didn’t seem to work. Try jiggling the key?” I suggest as I rounded to the other headlight, doing the same damage I had done to the other one, only I hit it twice. One accompanied by a fierce grunt. “Golly-gee, I wonder why it’s not working? Maybe the problem is under the hood.”



The crowd was still cheering at the right intervals, and then finally Jake managed to get out of the car and shout a loud “NO!” just as I popped the hood. I turned and blinked large eyes at him, conveying utter and complete innocence.



“No? Don’t you want your car fixed?” It’s already a piecer, not like what I’m doing is making it uglier. I tilted my head and smiled sweetly, using one arm to slam the bat down onto the engine. Yes, I’m very aware of the fact that I could cause a massive explosion. I’ve worked on cars, I know where the spark plugs, gas, oil, and fuses are. I’m not gonna kill us all.



Then who would I rule?



Jake looked like he wanted to bodily stop me, but it was pretty much obvious how lethal I am with a bat. Some steam started to come out of the hoses, and I tapped the bat on my shoulder in thought.



“Hm… I wonder what could be wrong with your car?” I strolled to the passenger side, and then smashed the door in. Ah, the sound of denting, rusty metal was so beautiful. I should have someone record it so I can put it on my iPod and listen to it over and over and over again.



This went on for about ten minutes; by the time I was done I was hunched over, using the bat as support, while Jake pulled at his hair and walked around the car, assessing the damage. Haha, I can’t believe he just watched while I mauled his car. Ahaha. Panting a bit, I straightened up and brushed my bangs out of my eyes, looking at the crowd, who was waiting for something.



I raised the bat above my head as a sign of victory, and the crowd cheered.



While Jake tried to hold back tears while he called his mom and said his car ‘got jumped’, and Shaun broke out in a smile, and Colby shook his head but was still grinning a bit… it was then, that I knew.



I knew that I was once again on top of the school.







~*~*

A/N: I like how on the back of the bag of baby carrots it says “Ingredients: Carrots”.

Maybe if I chopped Julian up into little pieces and put him in a bag, I could put “Ingredients: SLDFDHG(*@#$2w4098rulkJFLKSJFLSf”.



I think I’ll try to get the FDA to approve it.

Oh, and post-script: This is not the end.



JULIAN NEVER ENDS.