Love Me

AN: Only one more chapter after this! Ahh! Don't worry, it'll be gooooood. *wink*

To all the fans who wrote reviews yelling at me about the Mysterious 'Matthew', I THANK YOU! I love how upset you all were! Being able to elicit such a strong response out of you is my wet dream.

Also, to those who were CONFUSED by the ending of the last chapter (and yes, I know there were some of you who thought I had a typo and typed the wrong name on accident), let me clarify: Kale jerks off boyfriend, Kale cuddles boyfriend in post-orgasmic bliss, Kale tells boyfriend he loves him, boyfriend says another man's name! ACK! The Horror!

Keep those reviews cumming! Ah...COMING, LOL, I'm such a *mumbles incoherently*. LOL.




Kale sat huddled in the corner of his bathroom, between the toilet and the tub, trying his best to muffle his sobbing. But it was no use. It bounced off the walls, amplified by the tile and seemed to echo in his head along with the relentlessly repeating name, 'Matthew'.

Who the hell was Matthew? One minute everything was cuddly and intimate, full of what Kale thought was love, only to be shot down and torn to pieces as his lover whispered another man's name in reverent unconsciousness.

He'd slipped away from the sleeping form of his lover and run off to the bathroom before his tears had became too unruly.

Was Vander seeing another man? Was he cheating on him? Considering the amount of time they spent together, Kale couldn't see how there could be anyone else. But there was no other option. Vander must be seeing somebody else.

At first, Kale had thought that the boy had been the victim of a rape or something, due to his promiscuous ways and his penchant to shy away from permanent relationships. Plus, the way he wouldn't let Kale lay on top of him had Kale thinking that was the position he was in during the rape.

But now, it seemed he just thought that that position was too intimate. Maybe only his other boyfriend was allowed to be with him like that. Covering him with his body, pounding him into the mattress, kissing his flushed skin, dominating him and getting complete submission in return.

The thought made him shake with anger and despair.

Did his other boyfriend wonder where he was at night? Did he know he was sharing that tight body with someone else? That other hands were bringing him pleasure? Making him come? Making him scream in ecstasy?

Kale would bet everything he had that the other guy didn't know. Cause poor Kale knew now, and he felt like killing himself. There was no way that he would be able to continue this relationship. Vander was his and nobody else's. He couldn't share.

He would have to let him go. Break it off quick and clean. It wouldn't be that bad. Kale would move on and find someone else.

He stopped crying abruptly.

'Fuck that!' He thought viciously. He would not be giving up his lover! No way! He loved him too much. Even in such a short time, he was already head over heels for the blue-haired nymph.

Standing resolutely and wiping the tears from his face, Kale turned on the shower and stepped under the spray. He needed the steam to take the redness from his eyes and make him look halfway normal.

Later, when Vander eventually awoke, Kale would confront him.

And fight for him.

He had to. He loved him.

Kale knew, as he stood under the water, washing away the remnants of Vander's orgasm from his skin, that he was in love.

There was no doubt about it. This wasn't just lust, or addiction. It wasn't even a crush.

It was love.

He loved how Vander looked when he came, face contorted in ecstasy and mouth agape as she screamed Kale's name.

He loved how Vander always sought him out no matter what they were doing and kissed him. Sometimes it was soft and quick, a promise of more. Others times, he would pull Kale into the bedroom and tear off his clothes, pushing him down onto the bed and descending upon him.

He loved the way Vander slept, face angelic and body tangled in the sheet, legs thrown over the edge of the bed like he was about to run for it. Kale would pull him close and get to hear his steady heartbeat for a few minutes before the boy stirred and pushed away with a grin, claiming to be too hot.

But most of all, he just loved him. His patience, kindness, compassion. His smile, laughter, tears. His face, body, soul. Just him.

The bed smelled of him always.

There were always hair dye stains in the bathroom and faint blue smudges on the shower drain after he had just re-done his color then come over and taken a shower.

The fridge was often left open because Vander would open it to look for food, then become distracted by something more interesting. Usually Kale.

Vander had made his mother laugh. For that, Kale would always love him.

She'd come over about 7 days after their affair had started and found the boy asleep on the couch with the kittens curled up on him. Kale had gone out to get some more condoms, and when he'd returned, he found the two of them having coffee and gabbing away like old friends.

Clothing ranging in colors from light blue to almost black indigo littered the apartment floor. Kale had found out that Vander was an artist after he'd asked why the boy only wore one color, Vander had smiled and replied that “It's the color that I am right now.” Kale had only furrowed his brow in confusion, but smiled and accepted the answer because he didn't like to pry. The teen had laughed and jumped on him, crushing him to the couch and smiling widely. “Don't you want to know what I meant by that?” he'd asked. Kale had admitted that he did indeed what to know, but didn't want to force anything that Vander didn't want to share.

He had meant in all things, not just the clothing and it had been understood. Vander then told him about his art and his need to wear only one color. Deciding to pry a little more, Kale had asked if it was like his hair. The teen nodded slowly, almost thoughtfully. Then Kale asked him in a quiet voice how long he usually stayed one color.

But he never got a reply. Vander's stomach had grumbled and he'd been off, rooting through the fridge for something to eat.

The shower grew less steamy as the water cooled, so Kale turned off the water after rinsing and stepped out of the tub. He dried off and wrapped the towel around his waist.

As he entered the living room and sat on the couch, he mused at how ironic it was that this was exactly what he was wearing the first night he and Kale had sex. How fitting. Because after today, either the boy would be In or Out of his life. An end or a beginning.

He hoped it was a beginning.


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Three hours later, Kale was still sitting on the couch, as Vander emerged from the bedroom, looking much healthier than the night before.

His sleepy eyes widened at the sight of Kale. “What are you doing out here? I woke up alone, you know.” Smirking, he crawled into Kale's lap and wiggled enticingly against his thighs. “I feel much better today. So, we can have sex now and I won't get you sick.” He paused for a second, adorable confusion on his features. “Uh...Speaking of which, my skin is a little sticky...Did we do it or something last night? Cause I've been asleep all night, annnnnd, I'm pretty sure I'd remember if we did.” His nose wrinkled as he giggled. “Did you molest me in my sleep?”

Kale didn't react and kept his face passive. It seemed the boy didn't remember the events after falling asleep for the first time. Not the bath, not the high keening need for orgasm, not the tragedy of saying the wrong name. Or maybe he was pretending it hadn't happened.

Like he would let that continue.

“Who's Matthew?”

For a second, there wasn't any reaction. But then Kale could feel the other boy freeze up in his lap. Goosebumps raised up along his arms and owlish eyes turned to Kale with seeming dread in them.

“What?”

The reaction confirmed Kale's suspicions. “Matthew. Who. Is. Matthew?”

Abruptly, Vander shimmied out of his lap and almost ran to the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. The lock clicked into place.

Of all the reactions Kale was expecting; denial, shame, embarrassment, the cold shoulder, he certainly did not expect the blind panic he saw in those eyes and his running away. It was almost comical.

Almost.

With a deep breath and resolute shake of his head, Kale stood and went to the door. He tried the handle and it was indeed locked tight. He knocked once. “Van.”

The voice on the other side was shrill with terror. “Go Away!”

His tone was surprising. All Kale did was ask about his other boyfriend, and now he was freaking out. Did he think Kale would hurt him or something? That wasn't possible. “Van...Look, can you just come out and talk about this. I'm not mad. I'm unbelievably hurt, but not mad. You never gave me clear boundaries or anything....so it's kinda my fault for expecting complete monogamy. But I won't hit you if that's why you're scared.” One slightly shaking palm pressed against the door forlornly. “Van...I would never hurt you. Please, just tell me the truth and we can figure this out.”

There was no response, then he heard scuffling and the door clicked open, wild puzzled eyes meeting his from the small opening. “What....What are you talking about?”

Kale stepped back to give him room. “I mean, I'm not gonna just let you go. I'll fight for you. I know that there's something between us and I know you feel it too. If you tell me right now that there's no hope of us being together then I'll let you go back to him right now. But if there's even the slightest chance, the slightest chance, then please tell me. Cause I want you in my life. More than anything.”

By now, Vander had opened the door all the way and was staring at Kale with a mixture of extreme confusion and slight alarm. “Kale...I...I really have no idea what you're talking about...”

“Then who's Matthew?! If he's not your boyfriend, then who is he?!”

The boy evaded the question, darting his eyes away. “How do you know that name?”

Kale was near hysterical. Vander hadn't responded to his plea like he wanted him to. In fact, he seemed to be avoiding the whole issue. “You said it last night!”

“I couldn't have...I was sleeping.”

“You woke up! Twice! The first time, you had a fever, so I cooled you down in the bath, then the second time you woke up, you were so hard it was painful, so I jerked you off to make you feel better!” Kale rushed to his little lover before he could shut the door again, and grabbed his shoulders, making the other flinch at the contact. “Now please! Tell me who Matthew is! I can't take it!”

Vander blinked at him for several tense seconds. Then he ducked his head and pulled away, sighing in surrender. “Kale...He...Matthew was...He's the only boy I've ever loved.”

Kale wailed, his worst fears confirmed. “I knew it! Goddammit, why didn't you-?!” He stopped, the words from the other registering slowly. “Wait...'loved'? You mean you're not seeing him anymore?” Hope was rampant in his voice.

Again, the boy was silent. Then, tears formed in his eyes and fell unrestrained down his cheeks. “No, I can't...He's dead.” He fell to his knees and wept brokenly.



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It was some time before Vander calmed down enough to talk again. Kale had moved him to the couch and sat waiting patiently for him to relax. His words had shocked him. Was Kale competing with a ghost?

“So...you want to hear the whole story?” Vander asked, sniffling thickly, dragging Kale out of his thoughts.

“Uh...Yeah. I mean, if you want to tell me...”

“I at least owe you that much.”

Kale didn't want to ask what he meant by that, the words sounding oddly final to his ears.

“Matthew...”

Kale waited for him to continue.

“He...I loved him so much...We were next door neighbors, played with each other as kids. Went through puberty together and fell in love, eventually dating. He was my first everything. Friend, boyfriend, kiss, I lost my virginity to him. We were young, and not too experienced...We only ever did it one way. Him on top, pressing our hearts together...” Overcome, he paused for a moment to compose himself. His voice was thick when he continued. “He's the only one who can be on top. I know it's stupid, but I don't want to think of him when I'm with other guys...”

Ah, so that was why. Kale didn't think it was stupid at all. Instead, a small spark of hopeful joy was beginning to burn brighter in his chest, helping reassemble his broken heart. But Vander was still talking.

“I thought we would be together forever...But when we were 16, the day Matthew got his license...He took me for a drive. We were so excited, so free. I wouldn't get my license for 8 months, so Matthew was enjoying his little power-trip over me...” He laughed sadly at the memory. “It was January, the roads were icy. But we didn't care. We were young, and invincible. We didn't see the truck coming until it was too late...”

“Oh...Van...” Kale wanted desperately to go to the boy and hold him, but he wasn't sure if it would be accepted, so he remained on the other side of the couch.

There was a dark laugh. “Kinda cliché, isn't it? Two young lovers, on the cusp of adulthood, only to be torn from each other in a tragic accident? Sounds like some cheesy romance novel. Fucking bullshit is what it is!” Vander punched the arm of the couch violently, then buried his head in his hands, wheezing uncontrollably.

Overcome with pity and the need to comfort, Kale slid over and cautiously placed a hand on Vander's shoulder, squeezing gently. It was allowed.

“We were going around a corner, too fast of course, and then we saw this huge eighteen-wheeler, turning too wide. It took up too much of the road and we couldn't stop. It was going to hit us dead-on.” At this point, Vander's voice was almost devoid of emotion. “We were both going to die...Then Matthew did this stupid thing! He turns the car and makes it spin to its side! His side! He turned so the truck would only hit his side! He risked his life for me! And I can never repay him! Never let him know how much he means to me.”

Kale took notice of how Vander was referring to his ex in the present tense, but he didn't point it out. Some things were better left unsaid.

“When it hit us...Oh god...I blacked out, but when I woke up, there were flashing lights all around. They were trying to cut off the door to get to us...And Matty was holding my hand, but he was already...” Vander was slumping against Kale, voice a whisper and hoarse. “He must have...died...while I was unconscious...For his last minutes alive...I was unconscious...But he grabs my hand...He's holding my hand...I can feel it...my hand...” The voice became quieter, alarming Kale with its hitched tone.

He shook the boy. “Van, snap out of it!”

In his arms, the bluenette seemed to come out of a trance. “...Huh?”

“It's over. You're not in that car anymore. You're here in my apartment, with me. Come back to me.”

He did, blinking the wetness out of his eyes and focusing on Kale. “I know...I just get lost in my memory sometimes. I haven't talked about that for a long time. It's...a little difficult.”

Kale embraced him fully, resting his chin on the top of blue hair. He stroked down his back soothingly. “It's alright. Thank you for telling me...For letting me know about your past. See, now we can move forward. We can work through this and it'll make us stronger. I'll help you get over him.”

He was pushed away abruptly. “What do you mean, 'get over him'? There's nothing to get over!”

Kale blinked at the sudden anger. “I mean, I can help you overcome your fear of letting yourself become attached to someone. I care about you Van. I want you to care about me too.”

“Bullshit! I don't have any fear! And I won't be 'getting over' anything!” He spat out harshly.

Kale had never seen Vander this angry. In fact, he had never seen Vander angry at all. He wasn't quite sure how to deal with it, so he sat back as the boy got up and began to pace.

“Look, Van, you're obviously upset about this-”

“Hell yeah, I'm upset! I didn't tell you that stuff so you could sit there and analyze it! I just figured you earned it. Since the accident, I haven't had any...I've been with you the longest! And now you want more time?! You don't seem to realize, I don't care about you! I've never cared about you! You're just a good fuck! Someone to pass the time with! The only one I'll ever love is Matthew! He sacrificed himself to save me and I wasn't even able to say goodbye! No one will ever take his place! EVER!”

Though crushed by his words that he was nothing, Kale couldn't bring himself to believe them. “I don't think that's true. I think you're just afraid of caring about someone new! You think they'll be taken away too, and I'm not going any-”

“NO!” Vander screamed. “That's not it! Don't you get it?! He loved me! I loved him! He died for me! Sacrificed himself! Matty died just like...just like...forget it! It doesn't matter! I can't love anyone else! It would betray him!”

Though Kale was sure the boy had been about to say something important, he too distracted from the fact that Vander thought he had to be alone to honor his old lover's memory. To believe that was shocking, and Kale had to convince the boy otherwise. “That's nonsense! You can't really think that. Look, if he really loved you, then he would want you to move on with your life! No one, if they truly love someone, wants that person to live their life alone. He would want you to live, Van. Live and love again.” He tried to approach him, but he was swatted away angrily.

Furious eyes met his own. “You know nothing of what he would have wanted.”

Vander whirled away from him and stomped to the door, tearing it open and slamming it behind him as he left.

It happened so suddenly that Kale stood in place, staring in open-mouthed shock at the door. But then he followed, quickly running out into the hall and then down the staircase to the front door of the building. Out on the street, there was no sign of the boy. “Van! Evander!” But there was no answer.

It was then, when he was sure it was too late to catch the boy, that Kale realized he had no idea where Vander lived. He didn't know his phone number or even if he had a cell phone.

There was absolutely no way to contact Vander.

He never saw the blue-haired boy again.


AN: Don't worry fans, I still have some tricks up my sleeve. You will NOT be disappointed by the next chapter!

So, til then,

TO BE CONTINUED!