chosen

When i had finally fell asleep, mostly from pain and weariness
I had the comfort of Marius there and for the first time i actualy
enjoyed having someone next to me, holding me while i slept.
In my previous life, because that was it was known as:once human
i had never let someone get to close because it was only a matter
of time before i broke them or they broke me because i was almost
never there. Working three jobs and having a personal life i had
little time to be with my friends, and i cant blame them for not
waiting around for me.

While i tried to block out the pain of my headache, my throat was
sore and raw, and the feeling of something stabbing me in the back
caused my mind to race and i couldnt control it. Seeing myself in
my house, the one where i grew up. I had a rebelion complex and
yet i was my mother's favorite child, i still had my outbursts.
Getting arrested, getting in fights, dating my 10th grade english
teacher, being raped/beaten by my step-fathers, i was surprised thati didnt turn out to be a arsonist aswell. I was sitting in my bedroom reading, Hamlet and then a knock on the door tore me from it, it was my step-dad screaming his drunken ass off about not having his dinner where he could see it, all i could was smile and laugh at him. He didnt like that one bit, and smacked the taste out of my mouth. My head was jerked to the side and turning back to face him, i felt blood drip down the side of my mouth. I stood up and smacked him right back. He was drunk, so
whatever he felt was numbed by the liqour that consummed him. He only smiled at my fatal attempt to hurt him, and with his ringed-hand he punched
me dead inbetween my eyes. I fell back and he threw himself on top of me and picked me up to only throw me around my room. My dresser was open and cracked, it connected with my back. Every book i owned was thrown on me and he smacked me and punched me and then with his steel-toed boots,he began to kick me repeated to the ribs, the stomach until i couldnt breath.

"You like that, you bitch" he would say that everytime he hit me. I got so used to his montra, that nothing surprised me anymore. Then with him picking me up and thrown me into the wall, he held me there by my neck, i was covered in blood and i couldnt see anything. I was so close to blacking out, that i just hung my head waiting for him to finish.
He jerked open my pants, and then his own and forced himself into my body, hard and fast. He did this so many times that when he forced my head would be thrown into the wall behind me. He never wore protection and i feared daily that i would end-up carrying his seed. When he finished he bent down so we were face to face and then punch me in the crotch so hard that it brought me to my knees and i was in such disguse to his eyes, he left
me there, in the floor covered in blood, his spit and my tears.

Gasping and rising i couldnt breathe, and i was sweating because the dream had brought back such violence that i felt everything. Tears ran down my face and i couldnt believe this. Even in death, the fact of what happened to me couldnt even disapper because this was what shaped me to be. I wanted to cut my throat and
bleed out so i couldnt remember the dreams, the nightmares, the feeling of those men on me, in me, and hurting me. Getting out of bed i walked to the regal bathroom and turned on the shower,cold water only. I stripped and my wings faded into my back
as through they were tattoos. I would have marveled at this but i was too far gone with the thoughts and visions of what had happen to me so many times in the past.

I stepped in and the water burned me at first, i wondered why this had happened but I just put it out of my mind. The water felt so good on my body and it washed away the thoughts of rape, violence, torture and anger. Dipping my head under the
nozzle head the water beaded down and cleaned my face and created tears of its own.

The contrasts of the bathroom to the night sky, it was dark and very gloomy. I wondered why i was brought to this room and why not one of the other ones, but again my mind drifted to other thoughts. I could now see what i was reduced to hours ago. Being held down by my own power, as though it was kneeling down to her.
Picking me up and holding me in the air with little restraint, i felt pain and i knew it was my own fault and causing. I touched the side of my face and fingered the gash that was slowing healing i knew that i was thrown into the wall and then
dropped hard on to the floor from where i bled out my human blood.

Sighing, the water was so cold againsted my own harden icy skin was so comforting and i didnt want to leave it. Closing my eyes to take it all in, my mind racedto the event that shaped me into the person i had become after my mother's death.
I was coming home from work, exhuasted and hoping that nobody would be there tointerfere. I was dead wrong. Ray sat on the couch and turned around when he had heard me come inside. He smiled and winked at me. I was in a bad mood so i just
shrugged him off and went into our kitchen for a beer. He followed me and stared at me from the counter. "someone isnt happy to see me." he would often mentionthat when i didnt say anything to him. "and you would be right." i could counter
in the worst meaning. "you should try and like me, alittle." he would say with a flirty voice. It made me sick. I would give him the finger and he would laugh and attempt to do so. I would fight back and he would throw me into walls, into the kitchen table and the counter. Grabbing me by the face he would undo my pants
and then his own and i spit at him, he would punch me and smack me until he saw blood. "SADITS" i would scream at him and he would find that a turn on and bite my lip to shut me up while he raped me but he would go on to say that it was consentual. I would whimper and cry, this only fueled him on to rape
me inside and out.

Falling down the side of the shower, i ducked my head into my lap and cried.My body felt everything, the thrust, the breaking, the bleeding, the screams that my voice expelled, i heard and felt it all. I guess he hadnt been sleeping because i saw him come into the bathroom and open the shower door. My naked body,
i was ashamed to show it in his eyes. "Love. I'm here." he said softly and went into the shower aswell after disrobeing, he put his hard, naked body next to mine and held me but not before changing the water to warm. His body was glorious. White
skin and it was that of the god, Apollo. His nipples were pink and reacted to the cold water that was on us. His hair was long and when it was wet it smelled of jasmin. I was held close to him, crying uncontrollably and he rocked me back and
forth. His heart broke seeing me like this but he would give anything to be back in my heart, and arms again :even in this state.


*TBC*