Grasping

Chapter Six

As overwhelmed as Rennie was, it was all too easy for her to believe that she was the sole occupant of the girl’s washroom. A hoard of seventy to a thousand feet slamming doors, screaming, giggling, and disturbing the peace soon indicated otherwise. It was nearing lunchtime and Rennie felt that she would throw up no matter what she did. As uninterested as she was in food, it occurred to her that Hannah and Melina had this lunch together. And it wasn’t as if Melina had made any promise to Rennie not to divulge that day’s events. Even if Melina had died of the plague during the hour or so Rennie had spent in the washroom, Hannah was bound to have some questions about that phone call. Rennie had to make sure that Hannah didn’t hear Melina’s side of the story first.

When she finally reached the cafeteria, Hannah was smirking as if she had quite a story to tell. Rennie tried to appear curious, but her stomach begged to differ.

“You will not believe who called me in the middle of class!” Hannah said.

Rennie sighed. “Anyone I know?” she asked, trying to feed the suspense Hannah was trying to create.

Hannah smiled. “It was interesting, though,” she said. “I had always thought Melina would be too busy using her phone for other purposes. She mentioned having something to tell me about one of my friends and then hung up on me. She’s probably calling to whine at me about how you won’t sleep with her.”

The bottle of apple juice on Rennie’s lunch tray bounced off on its merry way. “Wait…what?”

Hannah groaned. “I know the idea that you’re attractive has never crossed your mind, but that girl wants you. It’s obvious. I don’t know if she just wants to buddy up to you to piss me off or if she’s actually trying to sleep with you but it’s definitely creepy.”

Rennie’s stomach felt as if it were being stabbed repetitively. “Where do you get this idea?”

Hannah collected a bag of chips and some cookies from the line. “Please, Rennie. Don’t try to act like you don’t notice.”

Rennie sighed. “Will you just answer my question already?”

“In Physics,” Hannah said. “She stares at you like she wants to eat you and she sits in the front row and we sit where? In the back row. There you go!”

Rennie grimaced. “Promise me you’ll never use the verb ‘eat’ indicating an exchange between Melina and myself ever again.”

Hannah nodded. “Agreed. I suppose you think I don’t notice that she needs to borrow you constantly in theater, even when you’re in the middle of doing something for me?”

“That was maybe one time,” Rennie pouted.

“One time when I actually needed you for something,” Hannah corrected.

“Makeup crew gets busy and everyone knows I can’t sew,” Rennie argued.

The two girls made their way toward the table. “I hate to say this, Rennie, but have you ever noticed how many people are on makeup crew? There are about thirty and that’s just the number that shows up on an average day. To put makeup on maybe SIX actors. Now tell me that Melina seriously needs you that badly.”

Rennie felt a smirk coming on. Melina needed her alright. “Alright,” Rennie snapped. “Where are you going with this?”

Hannah shrugged. “I’m not going anywhere. I just think you need to be careful. Girls like Melina like to take advantage of chicks like you.”

“Hannah, for the hundredth time she’s not taking advantage of me!” Rennie said. “I’m straight. I like boys. And even if I didn’t like boys I sure as hell wouldn’t have anything to do with Melina.”

“We’ve got to get you a boyfriend, Rennie,” Hannah said thoughtfully. “If nothing else it would get the bitch to back off.”

Rennie shook her head, eyeing Melina in heavy lip lock with her scummy boyfriend at the other end of the cafeteria. “No it wouldn’t,” Rennie said. “Having a boyfriend is a pretty relative term for that girl.”

“Are you guys friends?” Hannah asked.

Rennie felt a lump forming in her throat. “Am I friends with her? Gross, Hannah. Knock it off.”

“I wasn’t kidding,” Hannah said. “I see you guys together a lot and I was just wondering. I don’t really care if you are, I just want to know.”

“She thinks so,” Rennie shrugged indifferently.

“And what do you think?” Hannah asked.

Rennie sighed. “I can stand her for a few minutes at a time. We all know she’s a bitch but I can deal. I’m not stupid enough to fall for her.”

“Right,” Hannah said. “Especially since you’re straight.”

Now Rennie was getting frustrated. “What is with you and my orientation?” Rennie snapped. “Is it so hard for you to believe that just because I’m not spreading my legs for every guy I see doesn’t mean I’m a lesbian?”

“I don’t think that’s what I was saying,” Hannah mused.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Hannah said.

Rennie could feel her temperature rising. “You can’t say something like that to me and not finish it. Why are you attacking me all of a sudden?”

“Why are you betraying me all of a sudden?” Hannah demanded. “I know you hang out with that girl a lot and you can’t be dense enough to think she’s interested in your mind. I’m telling you, she’s using you to piss me off.”

“And obviously it’s working,” Rennie said calmly.

Hannah pounded a fist against the table. “I am not pissed off!” she shouted. “Fine, maybe I am a little pissed off. But I have a right to be.”

“And I have a right to be pissed off that you of all people think you have the right to pass judgment on who I associate with,” Rennie said.

Hannah sighed. “Look, all I’m saying is if you’re really straight Melina is going to backstab you like no other. And if you’re not, and I’m not saying you’re not, she’s going to do whatever it takes to pick you up. You don’t want to end up with someone like her.”

“For the last time,” Rennie seethed. “I’m not interested in girls. Stop lecturing me about my orientation. I like boys. This discussion is over.”

As the day progressed, the idea of having a boyfriend sounded better and better to Rennie. Most of her boyfriend fantasies involved gushing to Melina over IM about how handsome and perfect her boyfriend was, and showing up with him outside of Physics to give the girl a taste of her own medicine. If all went well, perhaps a boyfriend would facilitate leaving Melina. Once she had a boyfriend and was clearly labeled as straight, people would be much less likely to believe that she had any bi or homosexual tendencies.

“The guy I like has this class,” Rennie told Hannah, as Hannah slid into her usual seat. “so will you be totally offended if I go sit with him?”

Hannah’s face lit up with interest. “Really? Who’s the guy?”

Rennie’s mouth went dry. She hadn’t really thought that far ahead. Once every student had filed in, Rennie’s focus zeroed in on the spinal column with a head that sat in a lonely back corner of the room and spent every block playing calculator games he programmed himself. To Rennie’s knowledge, he didn’t have a girlfriend.

“Hey, Peyton,” she said enthusiastically, setting her backpack down by the seat beside him.

“What do you want?” Peyton asked indifferently, not bothering to look up from his game.

“I was wondering if I could sit here,” Rennie said almost apologetically.

“Go ahead,” the boy said. “I’m not sitting here, I just exist.”

Rennie had no idea what he meant by that, but he gave her one of those irritating glances that indicated she was supposed to laugh at whatever he had just said. So, she did. “You’re funny,” she breathed.

“It’s been a while since you’ve talked to me,” Peyton whined. “How come you never ride the bus anymore?”

Somehow, the bus rides they had shared the previous year had completely escaped Rennie’s memory. “Oh,” Rennie said. “I usually get rides.”

“Lucky,” he said. “It kind of sucks being the only junior on the bus this year. All those freshmen think I’m lame.”

Rennie restrained a laugh. “You’re not lame,” she said. “Your dad’s lame for not letting you get a car.”

Peyton nodded and his stringy blonde hair barely moved. “He says if I want a car I have to get a job,” Peyton said. “I’m thinking I might work at a video game store but those are kind of for nerds.”

Rennie nodded, completely dumbfounded. “Uh…yeah. That’s not at all someplace I could see you fitting in.”

He nodded. “We’re still friends, right?”

“Yeah,” Rennie said. “Of course.”

“Cool,” Peyton said. “Because uh…I was you know thinking that maybe uh you could, you know maybe come over to my house and you know maybe we could um…”

Rennie almost breathed a sigh of relief. She was getting somewhere. “Yes?”

“I’ve got this CD and you have to listen to it and then we can go play this new game I just got. It’s where there are these big guys and these really hot chicks and they fight each other and it’s really awesome.”

Rennie’s eyes wanted to roll back in her head, but she knew she couldn’t risk it. “Awesome,” she said flatly.

In her peripheral vision, Rennie noticed that she was not the only person entirely unfocused on her homework. The girl she had given head hours earlier sat in a tense pose with her legs crossed, her sharp eyes closely examining Rennie, just as curious as they were jealous. Glancing at Melina, then at Peyton, Rennie knew she had to do something to make talking to Peyton worthwhile. The thought of touching him was entirely repulsive as it probably would be to any girl, gay or straight, with any kind of standards. So instead, she started to giggle in his general direction, hoping that Melina would perceive it as flirtatious.

Peyton drew back in alarm. “What?” he demanded. “Is there something on my face?”

Rennie shook her head. “No, I’m sorry. I just thought of something, that’s all.”

“And you’re not going to tell me what it is?” Peyton asked, almost sounding hurt.

Rennie shook her head, feeling a warm wave of vindictive triumph flowing through her body as Melina turned away in disgust, returning to her physics homework which she usually copied from someone else anyway. “You had to have been there,” Rennie added hastily, despite being eternally glad that Peyton hadn’t been there.

By the time class was over, Rennie and Peyton had exchanged phone numbers and she apologized for the zillionth time for losing it when he gave it to her the previous year. Rennie was relieved and excited to have found someone deprived enough not to care that she “didn’t want to rush” any kind of intimacy.

Hannah looked completely bewildered when she met Rennie at the door. “Wait,” Hannah hissed. “That’s the guy you like?”

Rennie forced a giggle. “Yeah. What’s wrong with that?”

“What color are his eyes?” Hannah inquired, crossing her arms dubiously across her chest.

Rennie shrugged. “I don’t know. But…they’re definitely nice eyes.”

Hannah shook her head. “Rennie, Rennie, Rennie. What are we going to do with you?”

“I got his phone number,” Rennie said matter-of-factly. “and I’m going to his house this weekend.”

Hannah’s nose wrinkled. “To play Mario Cart? Great, Rennie.”

“Hannah,” the younger girl said pleadingly. “I think this guy might actually like me. Nobody has ever really liked me before. Can’t you give him a break?”

“Yeah,” Hannah spat. “Nobody’s ever liked you because you avoid guys like the plague and you’re scared of being kissed! It has nothing to do with you not being pretty or you not being interesting or you not being special enough to get one. You really don’t need to be wasting your time with the biggest geek in school just to prove some completely irrelevant point. You know you’re straight. So why do you have to prove it to anybody?”

“Because people like you won’t leave me alone about it,” Rennie snapped. “Besides, Hannah. I don’t know what in your opinion is so wrong with dating a guy who isn’t using you for sex.”

Hannah groaned. “Rennie, could you for once not pester me about my sex life? I know what I’m doing and just because I’m having sex doesn’t mean I’m irresponsible about it.”

Rennie’s eyes involuntarily darted to Hannah’s stomach, which was growing a tiny bit fuller every time Rennie bothered to notice.

“Don’t you dare judge me, Rennie!” Hannah warned.

Rennie shrugged indifferently. “I’m just returning the favor.”

Rennie didn’t know who to hate more. Melina for taking advantage of her, Hannah for taking zero responsibility for getting knocked up, or herself for putting up with both. The mere fact that it drove both Melina and Hannah crazy was enough to make Rennie want to pursue a relationship with Peyton.

He called the minute she got home and babbled to her for hours about Grand Theft Auto. Much to her delight, Melina instant messaged in the middle of the conversation.

Melina: Nice boyfriend you’ve picked out.

Rennie: Why is it your business?

Melina: It’s not. I just wonder how long this is going to last.

Rennie: I could ask him right now if you want.

Melina: You know, if you’re going to try and make me jealous at least pick someone you’re actually interested in.

Rennie: I’m interested in Peyton. I’ve been interested in Peyton for about a year and a half now. And I think something’s finally going to come of it.

Melina: Beg me to believe that one, will you?

Rennie: You seem awfully intimidated considering you don’t even believe I like this guy.

Melina: Don’t believe? More like I don’t care.

Rennie: Which is why you’re messaging me about it?

“Did you hear what I said?” Peyton asked into the receiver.

“What?” Rennie asked. “Oh yeah. Of course.”

“So do you?” he asked, breathing heavily into the phone.

“Do I what?”

A tacky smile could almost be heard through the receiver. “Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

Rennie’s mother called from the bottom of the stairs to indicate that dinner was ready. “Yeah,” Rennie said hastily, barely breathing as she posted an ‘away’ message for Melina and ran down the stairs. “but I’ve got to go though. It’s dinnertime.”

“Aww,” Peyton sighed. “Can you call me after dinner?” he pleaded.

She sighed heavily. “Sorry, Peyton,” she said softly, still not completely able to breathe. “I would if I wasn’t bogged down with Physics homework.”

Wrong answer. “I’m in your class,” Peyton reminded her. “We don’t have homework today.”

“I know,” Rennie sighed. “But I didn’t really understand last night’s homework so I really need to go over it.”

“You got an eighty-nine on it,” Peyton said. “Chill out.”

Rennie sighed, realizing she had lost. “Okay. I’ll call you.”

She didn’t call Peyton after dinner. The thought of what she was doing almost made her more nauseous than what she had done with Melina earlier. The moment Rennie got back to her computer, hoping to get some work done on her English paper, a message from Melina popped up. Figuring Melina was the lesser of two evils, Rennie finally forced herself to read it.

Melina: You know, I wouldn’t have really told Hannah about us.

Rennie: Then why did you say it?

Melina: Hey…you say you’re “confused” to keep me from losing interest, and then you date a guy to keep your stupid bitch of a friend from finding out about it.

Rennie: You have no right to say that about her.

Melina: My bad.

Rennie: Why do you insist on being horrible? I mean, sometimes you can be such an amazing person, and the next day you’re blackmailing me into eating you out. What is wrong with you?

Rennie’s heart was racing as she pressed “enter” to send her message.

Melina: I don’t want you to date Peyton.

Rennie: What’s it to you?

Melina: Never mind. I’m just going to leave you to your homework.

Melina’s “away” message popped up before Rennie could do anything about it. It seemed impossible to her that the same girl who made her feel like there was someone in the world who needed; who thrived upon her existence could do something as low as to threaten her with Hannah for sexual favors. A part of Rennie just wanted to call Hannah and tell her everything. But a deeper part of her didn’t feel that anyone needed, let alone deserved the truth.

Just when she had thought she was off the hook, the phone rang and Rennie knew it would be indecent to ignore it.

“I told you I’d call you when I finished eating,” Rennie said.

Peyton scoffed. “It took you an hour and a half?”

Rennie threw herself onto her bed, silently praying for death. “No, I guess not. My parents were getting all chatty. You know how that is.”

“Yeah,” Peyton chuckled. “So listen. About Friday night…”

“Yes?” Rennie asked.

“I was wondering if you were doing anything,” Peyton said.

Rennie forged a smile, hoping it would come out in her tone. “Why?” she said, semi-sweetly. “What do you have in mind?”

“Well I was thinking that maybe you could come over and we could play Grand Theft Auto,” Peyton suggested. “It’s a great game plus my mom said you can stay for dinner. She really wants to meet you.”

Rennie ran the idea by her parents, who were a bit skeptical. They arranged themselves into a family in the living room that made Rennie feel like she was in the principal’s office.

“Your father and I,” her mother stressed, “are very proud of you for finding a nice guy.” She paused. “But, I don’t think it’s a good idea for your first meeting with him to be at his house. I’m not comfortable with you going over there until I meet him, because this may sound old-fashioned but you’re the girl and boys can sometimes be dangerous…”

Rennie wondered what her mother would think of the girls she knew. “Okay,” Rennie said. “That’s cool.”

Her parents proceeded to lamely joke with her about the “cutie” she scored. Rennie found this neither amusing nor especially uplifting given the circumstances.