Love and broken hearts

Chapter 6.

Jesse:

I've been watching him for the whole evening, not really sure why. Joni is holding me close, kissing my neck, caressing my body. I know that by night, he would want me again.

Marko sits on Pete's lap, where Pete captured him about twenty minutes earlier. At times our eyes meet, and then he turns his gaze away from me as if he would feel ashamed. I can't help but to think what is going on inside his mind. He’s smiling, but now I can see through it, and I know that the smile just a mask of some kind.

Pete is touching him, kissing him, treading him as though he would be nothing more than just another thing that he owns. I wonder why I have never noticed it before.

We're eating outside and Joni is feeding me; I guess he likes putting things into my mouth.

Once again, I look at Marko. He is about to take some bread, but Pete removes it from his hands, placing it down.
“You've eaten enough dear, I do not want you getting fat, and I'm sure that you don't either.” I hear Pete telling him and Marko resigns, nodding his head. I frown at this. I've been watching him and I know that he hasn't eaten enough to be full. He only ate some tuna salad and for a guy of our age and size, it just isn't enough. After looking at Kim's direction, I notice, that he too stops eating at this. Pete is such a jerk! I think to myself.

“Baby, you should eat some more.” Joni urges and gives me a sandwich that he made. I look at him with a warm smile; I'm glad that my man isn't keeping me in hunger.
“Did you hear what Pete said? He's such a jerk, controlling Marko's eating like that. That guy needs more to eat.” I whisper to him.

“What do you care of it? It's not our business hon. and besides; Marko is a big boy already, he can take care of himself.” Joni whispers back to me. ”Later tonight I'm going to give you that massage we talked about earlier.” Joni changes the subject and kisses my cheek. I know what would follow that massage. It's seems to be impossible for Joni to handle my naked body without it leading to sex and more importantly; his cock ending up into my butt. That guy loves anal-sex; but only if he gets to be the one on top.

The air is getting chillier as the evening progress; the sky is painted with the colours of pink and gold. The others are starting to move inside. I watch as Marko is walking to the shore and sitting at the end of the pier. He’s only dressed in shorts and a t-shirt.

“Are you coming honey?” Joni asks.
“I'll be there in a moment, okay?” I tell him with a soft smile.
“Okay.” Joni answers, kisses me and leaves inside.

I dress more warmly and get my coat, one quick trip into the kitchen and then I'll return back outside. I walk towards the pier and Marko turns his head to look at me briefly. I sit next to him.

“Here.” I say as I give him one of the puddings he bought and a cheese sandwich. His eyes brighten and he looks surprised.
“For me?”
”Well, I wouldn't be giving them to you if they weren't.” I tell him with gentle amusement. He takes them and smiles back carefully.
“Thank you.” I can see that he's cold, the blond hairs on his arms and legs are slightly up - I take my coat and place it gently on his shoulders, I get even more surprised look back from him. I am a little surprised as well from my sudden care for him. Wasn't it just this morning when I still hated the blond sitting next to me? Well maybe hate is too strong for it, but at least I didn't like him much, and now? Now something is different; something that leaves me confused and curious about him. Suddenly I feel the need to get closer to him, to solve the secret of him.

I look at him quietly when he eats; he almost devours the whole sandwich. He looks at me in an embarrassed manner.
“I'm sorry; I usually have much better eating habits.” He explains.
”I don't mind...” I tell him. Marko smiles and then starts eating his pudding.
“Is it good?” I ask him.
“Yes, you wanna taste it?” He offers it closer to me.
“No, it's your delicacy.” I chuckle softly. He looks at me with curiosity and smiles back. For a moment we are both silent.

”A penny for your thoughts?” I ask then. He looks at me, laughs quietly.
“Shouldn't it be a cent from your thoughts? We're living in the euro time after all.” He grins and I notice some very light coloured freckles on the sides of his nose. I've never noticed them before and now it only makes his face even more interesting to look at.
“Why change something old and proven good?” I grin back.

He gazed towards the horizon and sighed deeply.
“What is it?” I ask quietly.
“Why are you so nice to me all of a sudden?” Marko asks our eyes meeting.
”Um... well I... Maybe I want to get to know you better.” I tell him.
“Well, you shouldn't be so nice to me, I don't deserve it.”
“Why do you think that way?” Taking a deep breath he answers:
“I've done a lot of things, things that I'm not so proud of, things that... Well, I've you knew everything about me, then you would never want to speak to me again.” He says, without looking at me.
“Maybe you just think that those things are bad, when they're really not.” I try to comfort him. He smiles slightly.

”What changed Jesse? Just this morning you hated me or at least thought that I was just an airhead blond, whose whole world stops when seeing a mirror somewhere...” I'm opening my mouth to protest. Marko laughs. ”Don't even try to deny it. I'm not stupid, I know how the world sees me and maybe... just maybe, they're not entirely wrong.” A moment of silence passes between us before he continues. “So, what changed? Why this sudden friendliness?”
“Maybe I saw a different side of you today, a side, that for some reason or another you're trying so desperately to hide. And maybe I got interested; maybe I've been totally wrong about you.” I answer. I dimly realize that alcohol is affecting on the things I say, but every word is true.

”What in the world; Jesse Swanström admits that he might be wrong? Has the world gone mad?!” Marko laughs and I look at him with a raised brow. His laughter stops.

”I'm sorry; I'm not so good when it comes to serious conversations.” He tells me and wraps my coat around himself more tightly; I notice how he is exploring it with his hands, a small smile on his lips. “No one has ever before given their jacket for me, when I've been cold.” He says then, looks at me and smiles. But even now, he can't look at me for a long-time so he turns his eyes back towards the lake.

”Do you love Pete?” I ask quietly. Marko laughs again and stares in front of him.
“No.” Is the quick reply without any hesitation. “I do not love Pete anymore than he loves me. This relationship is only based on sense; we both get what we need out of it; he has the money and I've got the youth and the looks. Love is a just a fairytale...There is no such thing as love, not for real. And the sooner you learn it; the better... Someday Pete will get tired of me, I'll grow too old for him and he’ll want someone younger.”

I wonder what's happened to him, to make him so cynical already at the age of 19. What has happened to this boy, to make him hide who he truly is? I've seen a glimpse and I know now that underneath all that act lays someone so much more complicated person, so much deeper than what I've given him a credit for.

“I don't know what kind of life you've been living, but it's pretty sad if you don't believe in love.”
“Do you think that Joni loves you? Do you love him?”
“Yes I do, and I know that he loves me as well.” Marko shakes his head, looking even sadder now. ”Joni is my first and my last. I believe in us.” I add. He looks at me in amaze.
“Do you really believe in that?”
“Why shouldn't I? I believe that a man can live his life with just one partner. Why should you be running around, always searching for something new, when you've already found one good person to care for?”
“You really are sweet Jesse.” Marko sighs, silence follows.

”A confession; at junior high school, I had a major crush on you, from the beginning of seventh grade.” Marko finally brakes the silence.
“Oh, you had?” I ask with a surprise. He nods his head slowly, smiles and nips his bottom lip.
“You were so incredibly cute back then; your hair all rumpled up, big, curious blue eyes... Well, you're still cute and your hair is just the same. You’re just the same as then, but in grown up packet. Though, I'd say that now you're more handsome than you are cute.” Marko blushes slightly, again; he doesn't seem to dare to look at me. I'm so surprised that at first I don't find words to say.

”Why didn’t you come to talk to me before, if you felt that way?” I ask finally.
“Would you have listened? I mean lets face it Jesse; we were hanging out in totally different groups. You were first-class student; good grades, good in sports, good in everything. You were liked by everyone; teachers and students and as for myself... well I was the little trouble maker, the one who talked back to teachers and did so poorly in every subject. And I did notice how you and your little Swedish group always looked at me; like I wasn't worthy, and you still do that. But because of you, I wanted so much to do better, to be better... but I was never strong enough to make it, and I'll never will be. I'll always ruin everything, everything important.” Marko speaks quickly and then he looks frightened.

“Marko, I...” I start and try to take a hold of his hand, but he quickly stands up.
“Thanks for lending me the jacket.” He says, takes it off and hands it to me. The pier sways from his quick steps and I look after him as he disappears inside the cabin.

I stand up slowly, run my fingers through my hair and sigh. Suddenly I'm more confused than I've ever been. A part of me would want to run inside after him, hug him, kiss him, and tell him that everything is alright. Somehow I feel like he needs someone to tell him that. What's wrong with me? I love Joni...

Only when I get to the terrace, I notice Kim sitting there, on a chair that's pulled close to the railing. He looks straight at me, smoking a cigarette; I thought that he had given that habit up ages ago. His gaze is so intensive that it makes me shudder

“You've had a busy night.” He says with dark voice. I bend my head slightly to the side wondering why he sounds so hurt. I walk closer.
“What do you mean?”
“You haven't really even noticed my existent.” Kim says, still staring at me. I know right away that he's drank too much. I sit down on a chair next to him.

”It's been an odd day. You could have come and talk to me yourself, if you wanted.” I answer and lean backwards on the chair. Kim puts his cigarette away. I close my eyes.
“I saw you talking with Marko.”
“Oh...”
”And all of a sudden Marko is nice from your opinion?” He asks and I open my eyes. I look at him frowning. He seems so odd about this.
“Well yes, actually Marko is pretty nice.” I tell him, watching his reaction. He lifts his hands up on his face and sighs deeply, almost with hurt. He then looks back at me again.

”Jesse, you're my friend, my best friend and I... I must be honest with you, there's something that I've been hiding for too long and I can not stay silent for a moment longer.” Kim takes my hands in his. I'm too confused to react; I'm just staring at him, my face revealing my complete surprise. Kim sighs, his hand moves up on my cheek and he caresses my skin with tenderness.

“I love you Jesse.” And at that moment my whole world stops for a moment, but not in a pleasant way. No, not this, anything but this! I feel frozen, I can't move. “Joni is not good enough for you... he cheats... you deserve better... you're beautiful… Let me love you...” Half of what he's saying goes un-heard by me. I stumble as I’m standing up. He stands up after me.

“Jesse, listen...” He presses me against the wall, and then it happens; his lips on my own, his bigger, fatter body is keeping me on place and the kiss is wet and awkward. His tongue forces its way into my mouth and I feel sick, literally sick. Kim is my friend, my best friend, like a brother to me. I feel really ill. No, not this, why is this happening? Alcohol, it must be the alcohol. I try to push him away and finally I have to use all my strength to succeed in it.

He stumbles backwards and looks at me in confusion and with hurt, we are both breathing heavily.
“This was a mistake Kim, you've drank too much… a mistake. I'm with Joni. You've drank too much, yes, that's just it; drank too much. It will all be back to normal when the morning comes.” I keep repeating in some kind of a panic state. I rush towards the door and into the cabin. The door closes after me.

”Jesse, didn't you hear me? Just listen to me!...Dammit...”

TBC.

A/N: it's been a long time since I edited this story, but you may continue reading it on my own website:

http://www.my-secret-shore.net/lovebroken1-13 (there's 27 chapters, still ongoing story though)

Those who remember this story from before the last chapters have gone through a major edit that leads the plot to a different lighter direction than what the previous chapters did.