Your Wish Is My Command

A BIG BAD FOR ALL SEASONS

“So!” the gypsy plopped down across the table from her visitors, after the tea had been served, the biscuits had been warmed and the lamp had been placed ominously on the tabletop between them. She did not continue, but happily sipped from her steaming cup, ancient eyes crinkling in a way that Madison did not quite like.
“Yeah, so,” the college student added impatiently,” You sold me this lamp.”
The gypsy-a Ms. Otto Hammershammer, if the mailbox was any real identification-held her bony hand to her forehead in dismay,” Sold? No, no, never! I simply passed it along.”
“Fine,” Madison corrected herself irritably,” Passed it on. Well, now I’m passing it back.”
Ms. Hammershammer shot a surprised glance in the Genie’s direction-he was happily admiring the cozy kitchen as if he were an archivist in a room full of rare books,” Is he not satisfactory?”
Madison felt herself blushing again-she was positive she’d never blushed so much in her life as she had in the last few hours,” He’s… well, I mean…”
The old gypsy, her golden tooth shining in the stale light of the kitchen light fixture, leaned forward and winked slowly and deliberately. “Satisfactory in bed, ducky!”
“I haven’t attempted to find out!” Madison snapped.
“Oh?” the Gypsy glanced again at the Genie,” Strange. Most of his previous masters couldn’t manage to restrain themselves for more than a few minutes while in his presence.”
The Genie suddenly chuckled, while still examining the woodwork of a nearby rickety high chair,” I recall my 175th master, who had the misfortune to rub my lamp in the middle of a crowded city street, and before I could even introduce myself was on top of me and-“
“Wait a second. You know what he is?” Madison cut in.
“Naturally, ducky, naturally,” the Gypsy sniggered,” Where do you think I got him from?”
Madison moaned in agony. “Oh my Lord in heaven, I can not be hearing this.”
For the first time, the Genie turned and looked the old woman up and down. After a few moments, his face lit up in surprise,” Why, I remember you! You enjoyed the inclusion of food to lovemaking, did you not? Bananas seem to come strongly to mind…”
Madison clapped her hands over her ears,” I can’t be hearing this, I can’t be hearing this…”
Ms. Hammershammer reached across the table and patted him fondly on the cheek,” You were such a good lad. And quite a romp in the after hours, I might add.”
“Maybe I died in a terrible train crash or something,” Madison muttered to herself, palms still firmly clasped to either side of her head,” Yeah, that’s it, I died, and this is hell.”
“At any rate,” the gypsy continued as if she couldn’t hear Madison at all,” Our time was, alas, brief, for I soon discovered that I had been given this Genie to protect him, and pass him on to his true master. You.”
Madison opened her mouth, incensed, but it was the Genie who spoke first, his handsome face contorted in disbelief. “You must be mad, old woman! There is no probable way this pathetic creature is my eternal master!”
“She is,” the gypsy said simply,” And has been since the dawn of your existence. So it was written, and I knew her the moment I saw her.”
The Genie only glowered back at her, every trace of innocent adoration gone. But the gypsy was unmoving; she only stared back, her old face calm and patient.
Madison looked tentatively between them,” Did I miss something?”
The gypsy did not take her ancient eyes from the Genie’s face. “There is a prophecy, handed down through the world, following wherever the lamp may go. It is said that a great villain will rise to harness the Genie’s powers and turn the world to his rule-but a savior will appear, the Genie’s true master… and the only who can combat the Great Evil.”
“Great Evil. Of course. There’s always a Great Evil,” Madison sighed,” Look, for once I’m gonna have to agree with Mr. Fluffy Pants here. There is no way I’m this prophesy person, and there is NO WAY he can be my genie or-whatever. I mean, I personally think it’s a hoax!”
“You cannot escape your destiny,” the gypsy replied simply.
“I’m a frigging history graduate! How the heck could I save the world? With a SEX GENIE? What am I supposed to do to combat this great evil… have wild, hardcore, unstoppable intercourse with him?”
“Yes.”
The Genie snorted in contempt. “It’s impossible. I have never met such a frigid, appetite less human in all my life. Old woman, she is still a VIRGIN. And look at her!”
Madison scowled and elbowed him sharply in the rib cage.
“We have been expecting you for many years, and the signs are all aligned. She is your true master-and girl… your destiny lies in him.”
“And if I refuse to have a genie?” Madison crossed her arms defiantly.
“You have no choice. You rubbed the lamp-he is eternally bound to you.”
“I’d rather be bound to a pack of ravenous hyenas,” Genie snapped.
With a sigh, Ms. Hammershammer climbed to her feet and took away the tea that neither of her guests had touched. “I’m afraid nothing more can be said. You two are stuck by fate-I suggest you start getting used to it. And, oh.” She smirked at the pair of them,” Don’t forget the bananas.”