Take Me From This Pain, Brian's story

\"Brian, are you okay?\" Matt asked as he tapped on the bathroom door for the second time.

Brian had disappeared into the bathroom as soon as they got back from the mall and hadn\'t come out since. It had been over half an hour and Matt was beginning to worry something was wrong. He had already removed all razors from the cabinet and knew there wasn\'t anything sharp inside, but he could hear silent groans and retching sounds emanating from within the walls.

\"Just a little sick,\" Brian\'s weak voice called through the door.

\"Let me in.\"

\"No, I\'m okay,\" Brian replied.

Just then he made more sick sounds and Matt decided to let himself in. He took a hairpin from his mother\'s bedroom close by and picked the useless bathroom door lock. When he opened the door, he could see Brian kneeling in front of the toilet throwing up everything he\'d eaten that day. Matt went over and pulled back the small blonde\'s hair. Brian\'s forehead felt clammy and he was paler than Matt had ever remembered seeing him.

\"What happened, Bri?\"

Brian shuddered and leaned into the bowl again. More of his stomach vacated into the bowl and heaved painfully, his ribs not yet healed from Gary\'s last assault. When he felt the pang of nausea recede for a while once again, he flushed the bowl to get rid of the sickening smell.

\"Don\'t really know,\" he rasped in reply. \"All of a sudden, my stomach felt like it was filled with acid. Then I needed to throw up. I held it till we got here though.\"

It took all of his energy to hold it in but he didn\'t want to get sick in Matt\'s car. He and Matt may now be friends, but how far that friendship went was still questionable to the smaller boy.

\"You feel like you need to be sick again?\" Matt was still holding back his hair with one hand, even though it was damp with sweat. His other hand smoothed back Brian\'s forehead, soothing him. It was nice to have someone look after him.

\"Could there be anything left in me?\" Brian asked feeling weaker than he\'d ever felt before.

\"You never know,\" Matt sighed. \"This is my fault.\"

\"Huh? Why is it your fault?\"

\"Because your stomach wasn\'t used to so much food at one time,\" Matt explained. \"My mom\'s a doctor, remember? She\'s told me about the anorexic cases the hospital gets in.\"

\"I\'m NOT anorexic,\" Brian protested, coughing up some remnants of vomit.

\"I know you aren\'t in the classic sense,\" Matt smiled kindly down at him. \"But your stomach doesn\'t distinguish the difference. It\'s not used to full meals yet. Breakfast wasn\'t a problem, as it was mostly eggs and not huge. But the sub, fries and cookie were a different story.\"

Brian breathed in shallow breaths trying to avoid another wave of nausea, when Matt poured some pink liquid into a plastic shot glass and gave it to him.

\"What\'s that?\"

\"Pepto,\" Matt replied. \"It should help settle things down.\"

Brian gulped it down gratefully, making a face at the taste that made Matt smile again.

\"I guess I should take another shower,\" Brian said as he looked down to his even more stained tee. \"Sorry about the shirt.\"

\"That\'s what washing machines are for,\" Matt grinned. \"And you\'re taking a bath, not a shower. You don\'t have the strength to stand for too long, I suspect.\"

Brian nodded realizing he was right and went to draw the bath.

\"I\'ll take care of it,\" Matt said, putting down the toilet seat and lifting Brian onto it effortlessly and watched as the small blonde pulled the tee over his head and dropped it to the floor. The kid needed to gain weight but he was going to have to be careful how quickly he put it on. Matt shook his head and leaned over to draw a warm bath for Brian. When it was full enough he turned back to Brian and helped him take off the rest of his clothes, trying not to let the sight affect him so much. Then he helped the kid into the tub, picked up the discarded clothes and went to their room to get clean ones.

Brian slowly washed the sweat and sickliness off his skin. With some effort, he was able to wet his hair and shampoo it but he was having trouble rinsing it off when Matt returned.

\"Here,\" the bigger boy said as he grabbed a cup from the sink and tilted Brian\'s head back.

Matt rinsed the shampoo from Brian\'s hair being careful not to get any suds in the kid\'s eyes. He though, and not for the first time that day, that Brian\'s eyes were incredibly vibrant and beautiful. He had to stop thinking that way, though, because the kid needed a friend right now. He wouldn\'t be ready for anything more for a long time, Matt guessed, if ever. That thought saddened him somehow. He wanted to help Brian heal from this pain. With one more cupful of water, the blonde hair was clean and Matt put the cup back on the counter.

\"Ready?\"

Brian nodded and Matt lifted him out of the tub. He handed him a towel and went to give him some privacy, but Brian dropped it and Matt realized he was still too weak from his bout of nausea. He picked up the towel and began to gently dry the kid off, careful to keep his face neutral.

\"I\'m sorry,\" Brian said barely above a whisper.

\"Not your fault, Bri,\" Matt smiled up at him. \"We have to get you stronger, but I have to be careful that you don\'t do things too quickly.\"

Brian nodded mutely and allowed Matt to help him with his clothes. Matt then carried him out to the kitchen and set him on a chair at the table. Brian looked adorably bemused, but Matt didn\'t say anything, just set about heating up some chicken broth he\'d found in a container in the fridge.

\"No more food,\" Brian said weakly when he realized what his friend was doing. \"Please.\"

\"Just a little broth,\" Matt answered giving him a warning look. \"Not too much. But you need to get some strength back.\"

\"But I don\'t want to give my stomach anything else to toss back up.\"

\"I promise, it\'ll be cool,\" Matt assured him as he stirred the contents of the pot on the stove. \"My mom made it from scratch. You\'ll love it.\"

\"Where is your mom?\" Brian suddenly realized she wasn\'t home.

\"Working the ER tonight,\" Matt shrugged as he ladled a small amount into a bowl and set it and a spoon in front of the pale teen.

Brian looked at the bowl warily then back up at Matt who laughed at his expression. He made himself a bowl and a salad and sat down with Brian, who dipped his spoon tentatively into the bowl and stirred his broth.

\"You look pensive,\" Matt said breaking the silence.

Brian looked up startled and then back at the bowl. \"I\'m just worried about Kevin.\"

\"I know. He\'s got to go on Saturday, though, Bri. We need him safe.\"

Brian nodded sadly. That was another thing that worried him. But the main cause for concern was Jason. He trusted the boy. He really did. But Brian couldn\'t shake the feeling that Kevin was oblivious to the fact that he was going off with someone who was completely in love with him.

\"There\'s more, huh?\" Matt asked.

\"Do you think Jason will try something on Kevin before he\'s ready?\"

Matt spit out the soup he\'d just spooned into his mouth and gaped at Brian.

\"You know Jason is gay?\" he finally choked out.

\"Yeah, didn\'t you?\" Brian was watching him quizzically now and Matt found himself mesmerized by those eyes again.

\"Uh, no, well, I suspected, but I didn\'t know for sure.\"

\"So you DID see it,\" Brian said triumphantly. \"I\'m NOT crazy.\"

\"Well, not about that,\" Matt smiled. \"But what\'s the problem if he is?\"

\"He looks at Kevin weird. Like he\'s a gift or something.\"

\"That\'s bad?\"

\"I don\'t even know if Kevin likes girls or guys,\" Brian huffed out in exasperation. \"We avoided those subjects for obvious reasons.\"

Obvious meaning your sick ass stepdad, Matt thought.

\"I\'m sure Jason won\'t do anything to Kevin considering he understands what the two of you have been through.\"

\"I trust him,\" Brian shrugged. \"I just wish Kevin wouldn\'t be going so far away. I\'m used to looking out for him.\"

Matt looked at Brian sadly. This had to be hard as hell for the kid to accept. He knew they were all doing the right thing to keep Kevin from Gary\'s hands, but could Brian really survive without his brother? Maybe Matt was being selfish insisting that Brian stay with him. Kevin and Jason could probably help him just as well.

\"Do you want to go with him?\" he asked, dread filling the pit of his stomach as he said the words.

\"No!\" Brian gasped then flushed and looked down. \"I mean, only if I\'m too much of a burden for you.\"

Jason\'s words came back to Matt then and his heart lifted. He had bonded with the small blonde and the kid did only feel safe with him. When push came to shove, Matt won out over Kevin. He probably shouldn\'t feel so elated but he couldn\'t help it.

\"Well, you\'re definitely NOT a burden to me,\" Matt smiled. \"You\'re staying.\"

Brian looked back up and gave Matt a small smile in return.

\"As for Jason,\" Matt went on. \"I think it\'s cool. But I\'ll talk to him tomorrow and make sure for you, okay?\"

\"Thank, Matt,\" Brian grinned and dug into his soup.

Matt smiled as he watched.