Seren's Story

All I remember after that was the baby being taken to the nursery, and I think I saw one of the nurses talking to Chase, then my eyes, weighted heavily with exhaustion, closed and I slept.

When I woke, it was dark. I was in a dimly lighted room with pink walls, and there were a few vases of flowers near a small sink in the corner. I could hear some quiet chattering outside the door. I sat up slowly and felt the dull but persistent ache set in. I put my hand on my belly, and it was flatter than I remembered. And soft. There was an IV in my left hand, and a bag of fluids hung at the end of the bed.

“Chase?” I called out quietly, still trying to remember what had happened. Had I had the baby? What day was it? What time? “Chase?” I called a little louder.

“Why hello, Seren. I’m Ella.” A smiling nurse with a slight southern drawl came into the room a few moments later. “How are you feeling? You certainly have been a sleepy one today.”

I didn’t answer her.

“Go ahead and lay back for me, I need to check you out real quick.” She had a friendly and gentle manner about her. “Do you want to see your baby?” She asked when she was finished.

“What… what did I have?” I stumbled over my words a bit.

“You had a beautiful baby girl. 6pounds, 3ounces.” She smiled at the mention of my baby. “Do you want me to bring her in?”

“I’m… I can’t keep her.” It hurt to actually hear myself say it. “I’m giving her up for adoption… I don’t think it would be a good idea.” I felt tears burning at my eyes.

“Oh, sweetheart…” Ella sat down in the chair next to the bed and gave me a sympathetic smile. “That’s a very brave thing to do, you know. You should be proud of yourself!”

“Where’s Chase?”

“You mean that nice young man that was sitting here all afternoon? Is he your boyfriend?”

“No…” my voice trailed off.

“Well he certainly fancies you. He was sitting here all day with you, just waiting for you to wake up, and watching you sleep. He held the baby, too. I think he fell in love with her.”

I couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Chase holding my baby.

The nurse left a short while later, and I fell back asleep.

I was discharged the next afternoon. I dreaded going home, but I didn’t have much choice. Chase picked me up, and drove me home with no baby in my arms, no car seat in the back, and no diaper bag. I had him drop me off a block from my house and I walked the rest of the way. My heart was numb and felt empty. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t have any tears, and I wanted to die, but didn’t have the energy to kill myself. I was simply relieved that my father wasn’t home.

I dragged myself up to my bedroom, buried myself under mounds of blankets and slept more. I hardly got out of bed for nearly a week. I didn’t eat, I didn’t drink, I didn’t shower, I didn’t change my clothes. I cried once, but didn’t feel any better after doing it. I made myself throw up, but didn’t feel any better after doing it. So I took two valiums that had belonged to my mum, and I slept more.

I know that my father had come to my bed several times in that span. I had woken up briefly to him fondling my full breasts, but I didn’t care.

I returned to school in the last week of March. My friends had all abandoned me, so as a welcome back, all I got were hushed whispers and stifled giggles from people with their backs turned to me.

Chase finally found me right before Chemistry, and he came up and gave me a big hug. “How are you doing, Seren?” He asked, not concerned with the spiteful stares from our classmates.

I didn’t say anything, but I just let him hold me. I buried my head in his shoulder and did my best not to cry. It felt good to have a warm embrace from a true friend.

“Do you want to skip class today, and we can go somewhere that we can talk?” He offered, feeling me start to shake.

I shook my head and wiped the dampness from my eyes. “No…” I said my voice small and wavering. “I’ve missed too much class already.”

“Okay.” He rubbed my back gently and led me to our lab station.

After a few weeks, I was nearly back to normal. The hushed whispers and stifled giggles had stopped, some of my old friends had begun to reincorporate me again, and my grades had recovered from my week and a half absence. I adopted a new outlook on life that had something to do with living in the moment. I partied… hard… on the weekends when I didn’t work. I experimented with drugs, but they weren’t my thing. Mostly I drank. I drank and went out dancing. The drink helped to numb the pain when I would get home and my father would repeatedly rape and beat me. If it was a party night vs. a club night, I would sometimes drink so heavily that I blacked out. People would tell me things that I did to which I was oblivious. Strange guys would see me and act like we’d had sex. I had no idea how bad it really was.

Just over a month after graduation, Chase was going to have to return to Australia. Some of his friends threw him a going away party.

Going to that party was like part of reality hitting me square in the face. Chase was going to leave, and I may never see him again. It hurt more than I had realized. If Chase left, my stability would be gone. I would have nothing.

“Seren… come with me…” Chase approached me and took my hands before I drank too much. He led me to an upstairs bedroom and closed the door behind us. He sat me down on the bed and kissed my forehead gently.

“I know you’ve been through a lot this past year. I can’t even begin to imagine how you feel.” He began. “But I really wish that you would talk to me, so I can help you. You’re beautiful, you’re intelligent, and you’re sensitive, I know you are, but you’ve been holding back where maybe you shouldn’t, but… well… I guess it’s probably none of my business… but I wanted to say…” He paused and looked into my eyes.

I stood up and put my finger to his lips. “Shhh…” I said quietly and pressed my lips to his. “I know.” I whispered.

He kissed me back passionately and deeply, easing me back onto the bed. Our tongues mingled and twisted together just like our bodies did as he removed my top and made quick work of unclasping my bra. His hands roamed my body and gently caressed my breasts, kneading them until my nipples were hard and erect. I stifled a giggle as he slid my pants off and slowly guided my hands to remove his. I rolled on top of him, wearing nothing but my underwear and enjoyed the feel of a warm summer breeze on my bare skin that made the candles in the room flicker gently, as if teasing. I sensuously and slowly crawled backwards towards the foot of the bed, taking his pants down with me. I ran my tongue from just below his belly button all the way up to his neck, along his collarbone and kissed him deeply again. He crawled on top of me, removing my underwear, and pressed himself against me.

“Are you okay?” He whispered in my ear gently and breathlessly as he nibbled my ear.

“Yes…” I replied softly, completely taken in the moment.

His hands ran up in between my thighs, and I had to stifle my moans. After several minutes he entered me slowly and gently, kissing me deeply at the same time. We rolled around on the bed, caressing each other, making love, and kissing for more than an hour. We came together, and did it again, and again.

After wearing each other out, we lay under the covers and held each others naked bodies. “I love you, Seren.” He said finally.

“I love you, too.” I replied, nudging my head into his shoulder. I hadn’t felt this happy in over a year.
We fell asleep just like that, and didn’t wake up until late morning. I awoke, and it was obvious that he had already been up for a bit. He was sitting against the headboard, and my head was resting on his belly. “Mm… good morning…” I stretched a bit and rubbed my eyes.

“Seren… I was thinking…” He began with hope in his voice. “Why don’t you come home with me? I mean, my parents would love to meet you, and we… well… I was thinking… if you want, I mean… that we could, you know… get married.” He paused, waiting for my response.

“I….” I was taken aback for certain. After a moment of thinking, though, with even just a glance at my current home-life, and everything that had happened over the past year, I knew my answer. “Yes.” I smiled. “yes.”