Unforgivables

It was like waking up from a bad dream. A dream I couldn\'t get away from. Maybe more like a hamster in a maze. No matter where I turned I always ended up at a dead end. It almost made me smile. To think of my life like that. Mostly because it was so true. Accept in my maze there was no end where I would find some nice cracker or something. I would never reach the end of the maze to be rewarded. Oh, a better analogy. A chicken trying to find his way through a cave with his head cut off. That one did make me smile softly. Strange ideas, but still they were ideas. It was nice to have ideas.

When Marcus had told me he was sending me away I had only through of one place I could go. If they were going to send me away then I had to have one last look at the world. One last smell to remember, one last star filled sky to look at, and one last memory to keep dear. It wasn’t like it mattered. Once I was on the drugs all of those things would be taken away from me. Smell, touch, taste, thought, sound, and sometimes even sight.

Slowly I pushed myself up and took ten steps. I stared down at my feet as the water ran softly past them. It was cold. Water was always so cold and yet so comforting. Maybe that was what I loved about rivers. The fact that no matter what...they were always moving. They always changed and never stayed in the same place. It made me jealous. Here I was stuck in the same damn place for the rest of my life and everything else got to grow and become different. If I went back there...the only thing different about me would be that I would age.

“Christopher?” I looked behind me to see Nick standing there. I had to admit that in the moonlight he looked even more dazzling. There was a look of concern in his eyes. Like I was about to grab the nearest sharp rock and slit my wrists.

“Don’t worry.” I muttered. My throat still hurt. I’d never talked so much. The last time I had said so much I had been at the police station telling them what I had been doing when the fire started. As much as I hated other people talking I hated talking more. When I talked the voice echoed in my head and it was loud.

I realized just how beautiful he was standing there then. Truly beautiful. I could compare him to the river. I had not met someone I could compare to a river in a very long time. To spite everyone else in his family having blonde or brown hair his own hair matched mine. Deep black. His eyes were oddly colored. They were green but there was a thick blue outer rim to them and if you looked close enough you could see a yellow ring in the middle of the green. “What are you doing out here at three in the morning?”

Did I want to tell him? He had probably heard already because when I had left I had made no attempt to be quite. A light had come on in the house meaning that I had woken someone in that house up. It was horrible. That I would never see him again. It was sad that I had just discovered someone like him and I had to leave. Not that it would ever happen. Someone like me couldn’t be in a relationship. It would be selfish. “Thinking.”

He sat on the bank and leaned forward against his knees. “Uncle Marcus told us what is happening. Told us that you are being sent away tomorrow.” Nicholas looked up at me. “I don’t see why. A place like that...it doesn’t seem right for someone like you. I mean, yeah, you are a little strange but you’ve never seriously hurt anyone or anything like that. And your eyes...no one could look into your eyes and see something like that.”

“Nicholas...” I said softly. How much there was he didn’t know. That was why it wasn’t fair. It would never be fair. A place like that was probably the best place for me. I didn’t inconvenience anyone in there. I was just selfish and didn’t want to go because I didn’t like it.

“Would it be okay...if I came to see you sometimes?” that blew me away. Come to a mental institution just to see me? “I meant what I said when I told you that I wanted to get to know you. That still stands and I am perfectly aware of what I am asking. You hear things, I believe you, and it doesn’t scare me. Asylums are just a place to send people when other people are afraid of them. But I’m not afraid of you Christopher.”

I took a few steps towards him. The water was just barely drifting over my feet now but from my ankle down had gone numb long before. “Why do you call me that?”

For a moment he looked actually shocked. Like I had asked him a question when the answer was right in front of my face. “That is your name isn’t it?” I gave him a small nod. “They why wouldn’t I call you by your name. I’ll call you Kit, like everyone else, if that is what you want. But just in case you haven’t noticed I take a liking in not being like everyone else.”

“Nicholas!” that was Mike’s voice. It was followed by Kim’s voice and I knew they were worried he was out here with me. They were worried that I would have some strange effect on him and drag him down with me. It wasn’t a disease. Stupid people irritated me. “Nicholas get your ass back here!”

Nicholas stood and dusted himself off. “Well, you coming back?” we had a strange problem with making each other shocked it seemed. “You can’t stay out here all night let alone for the rest of your life. Now, are you gonna come back?”

I took a few steps towards him a little unsure. As nice as Nicholas seemed and as much as I wanted to trust him it had been a long time since I had allowed myself that pleasure. Trusting people was far to difficult a thing for me and -whoa! All of a sudden Nicholas’s lips were pressed against mine and I felt his hands grasp my upper arms to keep me from running away. My eyes were wide and Nicholas was staring at me.

When he pulled away I just stared up at him. “I’m nineteen. I could take you with me. I could legally have you live with me.” it was an offer. An offer I was so very tempted to take. It would be selfish though. So very selfish to ruin his life like that. “If I tell them that I want to take care of you, show them that I can, then you wont have to go to that place. It wouldn’t be a burden on me. I could use some company with me.”

My head hung and we stood there for a moment. “It would not be fair to you.” I looked up at him again. “I cannot do that...to you.”

This time when he kissed me my eyes shut. He let go of my arms and I felt his arms slink around my waist. It was wrong. It was so wrong, but I felt my arms wrap around his neck and I kissed him back. I wanted it to last forever. To be in his arms forever and feel safe forever. I felt a small moan escape my throat as his tongue ran along my bottom lip and I opened my mouth for him. It was divine. Exquisite. He tasted like ice-tea and something else I could not place. God it was the best drug I had ever had.

“Nicholas!” Jenna yelled. “Kit! Where are you?” the kiss ended and I dropped my head against his chest. Why? Why did adults have to be in this world? No, better question. Why did adults have the worst timing?

“We should go back.” Nicholas whispered. “They are going to call the cops pretty soon if we don’t show up and I don’t want to get you in any more trouble.”

“I don’t want...to go back.” I said softly. “If I go back...I’ll go away...” that was not something I wanted now. If I had not wanted to leave before I really did not want to leave now. Not when I was in someone’s arms. Not when that person was holding me so gently and treating me so normally.

When we got back to the field Jenna ran up and hugged me close. I returned the hug and then she pulled away. “My god Kit! You scared me to death taking off like that! Why would you do that?”

For a moment I didn’t answer. I lowered my head and stared at the grass as it moved in the wind. “I didn’t want...to leave...”

She sighed and wrapped an arm around me as we walked back to the house. She stayed with me in my room that night. I don’t know if she fell asleep or not because when I finally fell asleep she was still awake and stroking my hair. I was beginning to this she had a thing for hair. Maybe it was just a mom thing, I didn’t remember enough to tell.

Light was pouring through my window and I groaned. Jenna was gone. There was no one else in my bed with me anymore but I couldn’t tell if someone else was in my room or not. I didn’t want to know if someone was in my room or not. I didn’t want to wake up to having to leave. That was not something anyone wanted to wake up to.

“Kit?” that was Jenna. I opened my eyes to see her sitting next to my bed. There was a smile on her face even though there were tears in her eyes. “Umm, Ms. Richardson is here.”

That name. I hated that name. In fact I hated the woman more but her name was not something I enjoyed hearing all that much either. She was incredibly rude and treated me like I was two and didn’t understand English. That was how she had always treated me. In the beginning I thought it was just because I was young and in pain. Now I knew it was because she really thought I didn’t understand.

Pushing myself up I got dressed and looked back at Jenna. She held my hand in her own and we walked down the stairs. Ms. Richardson was in the living room, sitting on the couch talking to Marcus. No one else was in there. That was good. I didn’t want anyone else in there. When the two noticed Jenna and I were there they stood.

“Hello Kit.” Ms. Richardson smiled. “It’s nice to see you again. Mr. McKinney has informed me of what has happened. I’ll give you some time to get your things and we can go.”

“I don’t have anything.” I told her. “It’ll be...taken away anyway.”


Two men in white came into the room and I hugged Jenna close. I knew those men. I knew they had a shot somewhere with them and I knew what that shot was filled with. It was filled with drugs that would immediately turned me into a living zombie. Jenna just held me close and I felt that shot go into my arm.

Everything began to spin and I felt myself slump. I didn’t know what I was seeing. I didn’t know who was holding me or where they were taking me. God everything was so screwed up now. “Hey there Kitty-cat.” it was her. God what did she want with me? “What’s the matter huh? Can’t fight back anymore. Can’t talk anymore? Well, this should be fun now shouldn’t it Kitty-cat?”

No! No! No! No! No! Please god no...

A/N : he he he he he. Yes, that’s right. I did it and I feel wonderful about it! Forgive me for doing it but I swear on my grave that it will be made up for later. You will see. Oh...you shall see. For now though, I am having fun torturing you. *smile face* Oh...and I didn’t want to do this, I didn’t want to be like everyone else and do this...but I swear to god if you don’t review...you don’t get another chapter. So there. And I had such a good plan for the next chapter to...how sad.

-Much love