Sinning by Default

Friday afternoon.

Alex sat on the brown, too well stuffed, leather sofa and waited for Dr Adams to look up from his papers. Papers with information on him. He felt like he was about to be dissected; someone he did not know would try to sort through the mess of his mind, as if it was a possible task.

“I’m glad you decided to come,” the psychiatrist had a deep, personal voice, fair hair cropped very short and pale blue eyes hidden behind thick wire-rimmed glasses. Alex wondered if the glasses were another way to gain the patients’ trust.

“It’s not like I really had a choice.”

“Your parents said that you agreed to try this.”

“I didn’t want an argument.” He didn’t say ‘they’re not my parents’ even though he desperately wanted to, knowing it would only lead to questions about his family life, or worse, about his mother.

“You don’t seem happy to be here.” Not quite a question but demanding an answer nonetheless..

“There’s places I rather be.”

“Like where?”

“With J... I mean I’d rather be at home.”

“I see. Not with your friends them?”

“I like my privacy.” Yeah, right, friends.

“But even so, sometimes it’s god to talk. You can see this as a sanctuary, a place where you can relax, knowing that anything you say here is between the two of us.” He stared right into Alex’s eyes, inviting.

Alex said nothing.

“We can talk about whatever you want, it does not have to be personal. What interests you?”

“Art” And having sex with men.

“Ah, that’s nice. Do you paint yourself.”

“It happens.” Pretty damn often.

After another forty minutes of what Alex considered inane questions and monosyllabic answers , Dr Adams finally let him leave, happily taking notes at his desk.


Jack paced back and forth in his studio, he couldn’t concentrate on any of his paintings, the only thing interesting him was the sketches of Alex. It was another weekend and he wished Alex could be there with him, on that chair in the studio, looking beautiful and desirable. He was even tempted to go to the club again, but he knew it would be fruitless, Alex was grounded and would not be there, and no one else would have the ability to capture his interest. His artist’s soul was focused on this boy, nurturing creativity from this obsession. He wanted to paint Alex in all the poses he could imagine, with and without clothing. He wanted to capture the real Alex on just one of the portraits and he knew that it could take maybe twenty, maybe a hundred paintings to achieve this. And Alex seemed like a complex person, even though he really could not know for sure. They had not done much talking.

But he knew Alex was a person that seldom smiled, a person who sometimes looked like the entire world was balanced on his thin shoulders. Maybe it was just the ordinary teenage angst, yet Jack was convinced it was something more, and he wanted to know what. He wanted to reveal every hidden depth, every secret, every little quirk of Alex’s personality as much as he wanted to know every detail of his body. Jack realized that this was probably worse than ever before, this seemed to go beyond all of his previous obsessions.

It was wonderful. But it could not be good.

He picked up a piece of kohl and a sketchbook trying to sketch the picture already burned to core of his mind, but it did not really work. He wanted, he needed, the real thing. He sighed and exited the studio, knowing that his frustration only would grow if he stayed.

He paced the kitchen instead, thinking about eating, but it didn’t interest him enough. He paced the living room, even turning on the television for a while but turning it off when all they would show was news and horrid reality shows.

He remembered when they would show films that could almost be considered art.

Alex’s weekend so far had been excruciatingly boring, one could only sketch for so long without the hand cramping up, and he had made the mistake of entering the living room sometime in the afternoon and he had been forced into a too long game of Monopoly with Marc and one of Marc’s friends.

When he finally managed to escape to his room again he listened to loud music on his headphones while trying not to think about how he’d rather be with Jack, in Jack’s arms.

It was late now, dark outside and Alex had been twisting around in bed for quite a while, trying to sleep but being unable to. He glanced at the red digitals of the clock on his bedside table, and saw that it was just after midnight. Too early to be in bed but he had nothing else to do.

Frustrated, he threw away the damp sheet, and crawled out of bed. He walked over to the window, glancing out, feeling like a prisoner in his own room. He needed to get away, the walls seemed to be closing in on him. He looked outside, down on the roof of the veranda, placed… conveniently just beneath his window. Quickly deciding that the roof was steady enough to hold him and that the fall would not be to high he walked over to the closet and threw on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and his boots.

He carefully opened the window, as not to wake anyone in the house. He climbed outside, landing with a thud on the roof below, and crouched down, waiting silently, convinced that someone had heard him. But he seemed to have managed unheard, and reached up to shut the window almost entirely, leaving it open enough so he could get in again from the outside. He climbed down from the roof and landed unnoticed in the slightly damp grass.

Alex ran down the streets, just enjoying the night air and the freedom. But he stayed away from the clubs and the nightlife not wishing for dance or sex with anonymous strangers.

Somehow, he finally ended up outside Jack’s house. He had not planned to go there, had not consciously moved his feet in that direction. But his mind had been occupied with thoughts of Jack for so long now, so where else would his subconsciousness lead him?

And now, when he was here, it would only be stupid not to go inside, walk up the stairs and knock on the door of the apartment. He practically flew up the stairs, taking the steps two at a time, and soon enough he was just outside, his hand raised to knock. Then he hesitated, suddenly very cautious. After all, what if he disturbed Jack? What if the older man was asleep? What if he did not want to see Alex? But the hesitation did not last long, his need was greater, and he knocked on the wooden door, hard, very clearly, nothing that could be mistaken for anything but a visitor.

He stood there in the harsh light of the hallway for what seemed to be an eternity, but in reality could've been no more than thirty seconds, before the door opened slowly and revealed a ruffled looking Jack, dressed only in a pair of loose pants and nothing more.

They stared at each other as if neither could believe the other was actually there. But finally Jack stepped back and opened the door widely.

Alex stepped inside the dimly lit apartment, escaping the unforgiving brightness, and the door closed behind him.

Before he had the chance to say anything, to try to explain, he was enveloped in warm arms, and his mouth was probed by an insistent tongue. Well, it seemed he was actually welcomed.

Alex was pressed to the wall of the hallway, immobile as his body was covered with Jack’s. One hand tugged violently at his shirt while another softly caressed his abdomen. Alex grabbed fervently at Jack’s shoulders, moved his hands to caress well muscled arms, his hands desperate for hot, naked flesh. Eventually Jack managed to get rid of the offending t-shirt, only ripping it slightly and left the discarded clothing on the floor as he tugged the body with him into the living room, onto the couch.

Alex suddenly found himself staring at the roof, his naked back almost cold against the leather. But there was no more time for consideration; as once again lips, hands and tongues were everywhere. He managed to kick off his boots; thankful he hadn’t bothered to tie them up properly. One of Jack’s hands fumbled with the buttons of his jeans, slowly freeing his already aching hardness. Alex decided Jack had too much clothing on too and sneaked his hands down Jack’s pants, touching the warm length, before helping Jack to get the pants off. Soon enough they were both without a scrap of clothing and could touch, kiss, lick and even bite with no barriers.

As their touches turned more and more feverish, Alex decided that he wanted more, trying to twist around, indicating what he wished for. And Jack got the message, blindly reaching gout underneath the table and actually finding the jar he was looking for.

“Please…” Alex thought the sound he made could almost be classified as a whimper and he realized that it was the first thing anyone of them had said this night. But it did not matter as he felt slick, slightly cool fingers at the entrance of his body, probing carefully, belying the force of the kisses. Of course there was some pain, but it was not unwelcome and Alex couldn’t wait to actually feel Jack’s cock inside of him again, wondering if it would be as wonderful as he remembered it.

Only a couple of minutes later he realized that it was even better, he had longed for this since their first time, the desire to be as close as possible to this man only growing with time. And it felt as if Jack had the same desire as their sweat-slicked bodies moved together, as Jack thrust in and out, one hand supporting his weight, as not to crush Alex and the other one sneaking around, working on Alex’s cock, bringing them both to ecstasy a little too quickly. They climaxed almost simultaneously, Jack only seconds after Alex.

And then Jack collapsed on top of Alex, both breathing hard, their bodies entangled. Jack seemed to realize he was way too heavy to be lying on top of Alex, and leaned back, bring Alex up against his chest.

“I’m glad you came,” he said, his voice rough. “I’ve been thinking about you constantly.” And Alex was glad that Jack had voiced exactly what he felt himself as he had not known how to say it.

“Me too,” twisting his head around and smiling.

“We should clean up. Or we will be stuck together forever.” Jack did not sound as if he though that would be too bad.

“We should.”

But it would take awhile before they worked up the energy to move at all, the will to separate.