Band of Rusty Gold

See part one for disclaimers and other informative bananas. The original story isn\'t ours... if it was, do you think we\'d own up to it??

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Band of Rusty Gold. Chapter Six. The Brainless Bitch Project
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*Lij is unconscious. Billy\'s dragged him into a seat and strapped him in to stop him lolling about all over the place. From the west wall comes the sound of bricks hastily being laid. Sean can be heard sniggering. Viggo, acting uncharacteristically like a dumb fourteen year old, says \"hu hu, this is gonna be so cool.\" \"Dude.\" The last brick is laid. Darkness falls. The eternal darkness of hell. There is NO hope.*

Billy: *looks around* Who turned off the lights?

Karl: *flicks on a torch, shining it at himself. He\'s dribbling, with a handheld camera pointed at his snotty nose.* I.. I\'ve been in here for six days.. I\'ve heard.. *gulps* everything... I\'m so.. Oh God, what was that? Chapter... *croaks* six? Someone.. help.. us..

Billy: Whit the fook?

Karl: *pisses himself laughing..*

Lij: *moans*

Billy: Oh, it\'s you. What the crap are you doing down there, Karl?

Karl: Er.. nothing. So this is chapter six, is it?

Billy: Is it? I just got here.

Karl: Hoooo boy. Are you ever in for a treat. So.. who bricked up the escape route?

Billy: Beats me. Anyway. It was just a hole. *shrugs*

Lij: uhhh..

Billy: So what did I miss?

Karl: I wasn\'t really paying attention. Is that a kilt you\'ve got on? *gets off the floor to wander over and sit beside Billy.*

Billy: *grins*

Karl: There were grey fluffy gloves, and strength of power and some old lady with long short hair who seemed to be a total pushover. Oh, yeah. And the gayest hairdresser in the world.

Billy: Riiiiiight.


//Chapter 6: home sick//

Karl: No, just sick. Of this.

//Two weeks later (Four days till interview)//

Billy: What interview?

Lij: *rubs his head* Where am I?

//After much badgering and wrangles,//

All three: Huh??

//when all was said and done//

Karl: A new hit record. After alllllll the badgering and wraaaaangles. When allllll was said and doooooone dooo de dooooo.

Billy: Not bad.

Karl: A squirrrrel wore ten baaaangles... and aaaaate a currant bunnnnn. *tappity*

Billy: Not that good, either.

//Ally managed to buy
the old, summer house//

Karl: Well, which was it? The old or the summer house?

//in which she visited as a young child,//

Billy: Visited what?

Karl: My head hurts.

Lij: Mine too. Awww man. *looks around* Bean and Vigs *LEFT* me here!! I\'m fucking going to fucking kill the fucking cunts.

Karl: *stares* I thought you had such an innocent mouth!

Billy: *laughs* You won\'t be thinking that after you\'ve seen what it can do.

//now all expense was paid
to her.//

Lij: What?

Karl: .....processing..... nope. I\'m not getting anything from that either.

//She had began to get fidgety about it though; what if the real estate people made
a mistake? and a family were living there.//

Billy: That happens alllll the time.

Karl: She apparently has some question marks going spare. Thought we wouldn\'t notice if she just slipped one in there, eh?

Billy: *looks over at all the other MST-ers.* Anyone need a question mark? We\'ve got extras!

//But at the same time she felt excited and witty,
finally she could make a clean, fresh start.//

Lij: Witty slapped her hands away. Excited turned its nose up. \'Get your filthy hands off me, ho!\'

Karl: Clean, fresh start makes me think of panty liners.

Billy: *looks over at Karl. Looks away. Quickly.*

//“Are you sure you’ve got everything?” //

Billy: Who the fuck\'s that?

//Shalini laughed at Ally’s pensive expression “Of course, plane tickets, car rental form”//

Karl: Hell, that\'s all we need.

Lij: THE GLOVES!! DON\'T FORGET THE GLOVES!!!

//she patted her black side bag with a grin.//

Billy: I almost thought that said backside. Thought we were going to get some hot girl lovin\'. That\'s it. When I get out of here, I\'m going over to Cinderelly to watch the girls.

//Ally nodded and gave a sigh as she took one
final look around her maisonette, running off her check list in her head. Suit cases were
in Shalini’s blue Astra, Char had the house keys.//

Karl: Who\'s Char? And why does she have the house keys?

Lij: That\'s the sister who got dutifully introduced in one breath. Because she doesn\'t really matter... *trails off* None of this matters...

Karl: I thought she wasn\'t going with them?

Lij: Are you kidding? Ally would take the whole of London with her if she could. Except her Mum. She\'d leave her behind. She never wants to see her again. But in a *nice* way.

//She nodded in approval and looked at
the new modern furniture she had recently brought, one last time.//

Karl: Where did she bring it from? And why bring new stuff to leave behind? And was she looking at it one last time or bringing it for the last time? And-

Billy: *claps hand over Karl\'s mouth*

Karl: *licks Billy\'s hand*

Billy: *whimpers*

Lij: Guys?

Karl: *jumps on Billy. Dirty BillyKarl seks ensues.*

//“Come on Ally, we’ll be late” Shalini grabbed her arm and started to drag her out of the
apartment and into her car.//

Lij: *as Ally* HEY! Come back here with my arm, BITCH!

Karl: *too busy shagging Billy to say anything*

//“I feel home sick all ready, maybe this was a bad idea” Ally concluded with a worried
glance back to the building.//

Lij: Home sick at the end of the garden path? There\'s no hope for the girl.

//“No you don’t” Shalini grinned as she started the car. “This is great, you’ll be fine. I’m
with ya”//

Lij: Don\'t worry, Ally. Nothing can go wrong. You have the best friend from hell. *as Shalini* Which one\'s the ignition again?

//Ally just nodded as she looked out at the passing view of the old London streets.//

Lij: Oh look, there\'s Abby Road. Man, it\'s all so old. *drawls* You guys have so much *history*. There\'s Oksford Street. Reginat Street. Picallilly Circus. Convent Garden. Finsbury Pork. Hide Park. Camden Taahn. Wow. This view\'s passing a little fast. I feel fucking sick. Shalini, SLOW DOWN, MOTHERFUCKER!!!

//She pouted as they drove past the ‘Fox and the hound’ the local pub in which she spent
many past time moments in.//

Lij: *WHOOT* *BOUNCE* The RUMPUS PUB!!! Holy Fucking Crap on a Stick! How the fuck long do you two *NEED*?

Karl: Allllmost theeeerrreee.....

Billy: *being fucked into next week* Uhhhh bu...hh.

//“Maybe we could get one last drink” she said staring over her shoulder at the fading
pub.//

Lij: Because drinking and driving is so much fun. *sings* Knock it back, and have another one, drinking an\' driving is so much fun! (Intrusional mid-fic Author\'s Note: We do not condone drinking and driving. Nope. Not one little bit. It\'s bad, mmkay?)

//“No we don’t Ally, we’ve got half and hour before our plane takes off”//

Lij: *as Ally* What? That\'s plenty of time to get shitfaced!

//“Fine by me” she chirped with a shaky voice.//

Lij: *as Ally* What, to the drinking? WHOO! Oh wait. That\'s meant to be me talking. Right.

//~***~
“How many bags” A cheerful lady grinned behind the counter, her red glossy lipstick
stood out from her navy uniform, her platinum gold hair tied back.//

Lij: Is it just me, or aren\'t you supposed to put lipstick on your lips?

Karl: That lady\'s head must be worth a fair bit. Platinum and gold.

Billy: *rearranging himself into some semblance of coherency.*

Lij: Lucky bastard. You\'ve only been here five minutes and already you\'ve been shagged senseless. Me, I have to sit through this shit on my own and... *has a breakdown*

//“Erm five” Ally said and placed her first suit cases on the converter belt.//

Karl: The next ten followed swiftly (she couldn\'t count as high as ten, after all) as Shalini the uber-hyper wonderbitch threw them across the airport from the car.

Billy: The converter belt did the trick.. the suitcases would turn up at the other end irrevocably changed. Into... er... chickens. Kilt-wearing chickens. Who can talk. And say things like \"oooh, dear. Is that *YOUR* lipstick? Mana Mana. Doo doo da doo doo.\" And so forth.

//The lady
nodded and taped in a few keys//

Lij: *as lady* Damn fucking keyboard\'s always falling to bits.

//and gave a nod.//

Karl: Usually they were ten-bob a piece, but she was feeling generous.

Lij: The lady has a real bad case of the nods.

//Ally listened as she read out the how
much each case weighed but she wasn’t listening as she watched her life go down the
belt and into the back, she hoped they went on the right plane.//

Billy: I don\'t get it. Is Ally listening or not listening? Or doing both? That\'s a pretty neat trick.

Lij: *just gets a vacant expression*

Karl: Does that help?

Lij: *nods vacantly.*

//“Thank you” The lady smiled.

“Come on” Shalini replied her face excited about what was going on. Ally followed her
wondering thoughts almost taking over.//

Karl: *doubles over laughing.*

Billy: Excited facial features? What, was her nose jumping up and down waving pom-poms?

Karl: Gimme an \'A\', gimme an \'L\', gimme another \'L\', gimme a \'Y the fuck are we still reading this??\'

//“We better head straight to the gate” Shalini looked to her watch “We have five minutes”
she smiled and looked to Ally.//

Karl: *shouts* RUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!

//“Great” Ally gave a short smile//

Lij: *mumbles* As opposed to a long one.

Karl: *leans over Billy to kiss Lij*

//and looked down at the white tiled floor.

“Ally, look everyone has told you, you’ll be fine”//

Billy: Everyone! That\'s the entire population of London, Manchester, Azza baa... er.. Yeah. Everyone.

//“I know I’m just nervous about flying” //

Karl: *busy kissing Lij senseless*

Billy: Reminds me of Sean. The flying, not the... *oof* Well.. you know, don\'t mind me or anything.

Lij: Mmmmmmmmm.

//Shalini nodded knowing Ally’s fear of flying, she nearly laughed one time, when they went
to Cyprus to shoot a short film.//

Billy: Why? What did the film do to them?

Karl: *looks up for a moment* A short porn flick?

Billy: She only nearly laughed. Couldn\'t quite get up the energy for an actual laugh then? Some friend she is!

//She grinned as she remembered Ally, back straight, wide
brown eyes and her fingernails bedded in the blue chair of the air craft.//

Billy: Her fingernails got laid! Can fingernails really join the mile-high club..?

//Before long they were boarding the plane ‘Britannia’.//

Karl: The plane has its own name now? Wow.

Billy: Rule Britannia, Britannia .... thingy... Oh Flower of Scotland... la la la laaaa. Look, Lij! I\'ve got nothin\' on under my kilt!

Lij: *fights Karl off to get a look*

//Ally showed her seat number to
the tall, refined,//

All Three: -gay-

//male air steward and walked slowly, looking at other passengers with an
assured smile.//

Lij: The other passengers looked back with disinterest. Once she had passed, the whispering resumed. Ally got paranoid. Then she got shitfaced.

//She finally found their neatly, refreshed seats//

Karl: *thinking of panty liners again*

Lij: *as Ally\'s seat* Ahhhh. That\'s better. AH. AHHH!!! HOLY SHIT!!!! RUN AWAYYYY!! OH FUCK I\'M A SEAT! *cries* *finally notices he can\'t move* Who strapped me into this fucking thing? *looks at Billy, then Karl.* Which one of you *BASTARDS* is the bondage freak?

//and slumped down in the
chair away from the window. Shalini who sported a grin from ear to ear sat near the
window,//

Karl: *ignoring Lij* Shalini\'s famous ear to ear grin puts in another cameo appearance.

//she looked around watched the other passengers board, she glanced at Ally
and noticed her fingers clenched over a leaflet she grabbed on the way to the gate, her
knuckles turning white and her face was pale.//

Lij: Whose? *distracted by the sheer stupidity of this \'writer\'.* Shalini\'s? Ally\'s? The gay steward\'s?

Billy: Ha. HA HAHA. Gay Steward. *drifts off into daydreams about Sean.. as Boromir.*

//“Relax” Shalini laughed and looked out the window. wardens running about getting the
flight ready “This is going to be a long journey” she whispered to herself.//

Karl: Wardens?

Lij: Of course it\'s going to be a long journey you dumb bint. What, you thought crossing the atlantic was going to take five *MINUTES*?! HOW FUCKING STUPID ARE YOU?!

Billy: Uh.. Karl? I really think we need to get Lij out of here soon.

//Ally rolled her
eyes and shook her head as she looked at the flight magazine in her lap, how could she
relax when it was ten hours on a plane thousands of miles up, she shivered at the
thought and closed her chocolate brown eyes as she felt tiredness started to drag on,
she tried to keep awake but her eyelids took over and slowly closed.//

Karl: Again with the facial features having a mind of their own...

Lij: *as gay air steward* Chocolate eyes.. get your chocolate eyes here!

//Shalini looked at Ally a again and noticed she had dozed off, she smiled smugly to
herself she new putting those flight tablets in her tea was a good idea.//

Billy: Ally will wake up and be able to fly? Cool!

Karl: All Mary Sues need a special power. And let\'s face it, doing makeup isn\'t very special. Or at all powerful.

Lij: *looks around* Was that the end?

Karl: *waits. Nothing happens. Waits some more, because Mary Sues do that sometimes.. just to trick you, catch you off guard.... Nothing.* Yep. I think so.

Lij: Can I leave now?

Billy: Err... yeah. Just as soon as we figure out how. To get out of here. Karl? Help?

End.

For the moment.