A Double-Edged Life

"My god, the dead has arisen." Karma remarked as she watched Meka meander down the stairs the next day, rubbing at his eyes, his hair standing out in uneven corkscrews and his clothes looking like they'd spent the night rumpled on the floor. "You're way too late for breakfast and we didn't hold lunch for you. I think there's still some cold cuts in the fridge if you want to have a sandwich or something."

"Mrph..." the raccoon grunted in reply, not caring and not hungry. His slumber had been sporadic at best...he'd doze off for an hour, jolt awake at the slightest noise and go back to tossing and turning until he was comfortable enough to fall asleep again. He hadn't fallen asleep for good until about eight that morning, explaining why he'd surfaced from his room at nearly three in the afternoon. The grogginess coupled with the fact his back and neck were killing him, and he felt completely awful. One night sleeping on the cot had been bad enough...a second night of it had cramped his spine to hell and he felt like he'd been dragged backwards through a knothole.

"And your bedframe's out on the porch whenever you want to bring it in." the frog went on as she returned her attention to the new carpet strips she was laying down and stapling in to replace what S-D had ruined yesterday. "If you need help, you're going to have to wait until we finish cleaning up yesterday's mess."

Meka padded across the family room and sank onto the sofa, groaning a bit. Everything hurt him, including his pride, and he was grateful that the vessel of his torment didn't seem to be anywhere nearby.

"Where is he?" the raccoon muttered, making Karma bring her head up to give him a questioning look.

"Who? Your 'slave'? Still sleeping as far as I know." she shrugged, bringing the staplegun down to secure the edge of the carpet she was currently laying before leaning back to admire her handiwork. "He still bowing and scraping for you?"

"No." Meka sighed, rolling his eyes. "He was faking it." Karma stifled a snort of laughter.

"We figured he might be. Star said it'd take more than him snapping at you and turning to make him feel indebted to you."

"So now -you're- going to pretend he didn't turn into a giant fucking snake yesterday too?" he asked, sounding incredibly bitter about the whole ordeal.

"Its called going along to get along." she explained. "Star said he only does this every month or so, and that gives us plenty of time to get ready for the next time it happens. And honestly, its either this or you and I move into some fleabox apartment someplace and listen to the reprobate neighbors scream at each other and screw all night." The thought made Meka wrinkle his nose in distaste.

"Shouldn't we call the authorities or something?" the raccoon pressed. "He's dangerous. What if he hurts somebody?"

"Since when do you care about anybody but you?" Karma retorted, returning her attention to stapling the rest of the strip down. "And no. Star keeps him pretty well under control on her own. The last thing she needs is for one of her kids to be hauled off and put in a cage by some monkeys in white lab coats."

"'Pretty well under control'??" Meka spat. "Yesterday wasn't a very good demonstration of 'pretty well under control'."

"Well I'm -sorry- you got your ass handed to you." the frog sighed. "Maybe he's embarrassed about it too. Maybe that's why he hasn't come downstairs today."

As though on cue, Snape-Doll suddenly appeared at the top of the stairwell, slapping an open palm loudly against his chest.

"Hot DAMN do I feel fucking great!" he announced as he bounded down the stairs, taking them two at a time and jumping the last five of them where he landed neatly on the carpet and approached as Meka fixed him with a poisonous glare. "And how are -we- today, Precious?" he asked in an oily voice, seating himself on the arm of the couch where he perched like a thin gargoyle, glowering at the raccoon with malicious playfulness.

Meka thought better of replying and turned his head away, ignoring the other boy as Karma went back to repairing the carpet.

"What's the -matter-, Meka?" S-D asked in one of the most achingly patronizing tones he'd ever heard. S-D extended a hand, prodding one finger at the raccoon's shoulder and making him flinch. "You act like I'm going to....eat you." he smirked, putting special emphasis on the last two words.

"I liked you better when you decided you were ignoring me." the raccoon snorted, not liking the even more antagonistic attitude S-D seemed to have developed now that he was back in his right mind...or as right as a mind like that got, anyway. The finger touched his shoulder again and he winced, batting S-D's hand away like a loathesome insect. "Cut it out." he growled.

"But that's no fun." the smaller boy pouted exaggeratedly, going out of his way to look hurt. Meka felt his stomach clench in distaste and heaved a sigh. A minute later, an arm dropped around his shoulders and before he could protest, S-D had placed his head forcefully on the raccoon's chest. "You were wonderful last night." he grinned solicitiously, his green eyes darting look at Karma to see if she was watching, obviously wanting the display to be as uncomfortable as possible for him.

Meka narrowed his eyes and shoved hard, not succeeding in detaching S-D from his chest. He clenched a fist angrily just as Star meandered into the room, a spent sheet of sandpaper in one hand as she looked at the couch and shook her head.

C'mon...its too early for another fight." the liontaur groaned. "And we -just- got everything back in order. The carpet looks nice in here, by the way." she said, directing her last comment to Karma as she examined her friend's handiwork.

"What're you afraid of...?" S-D kept going, taking the teasing up a notch as he touched the pad of a finger to Meka's nose. "A big strong guy like you squirming away from a little wisp like me....doesn't seem natural now, does it?" As Meka tried, yet again, to shove him off, Snape-Doll caught his wrists and forced him into a reclined position, perching on the raccoon's lower thighs. "C'mon now, I didn't hear you saying you regretted it." he winked.

"Leave it, S-D." Star grumbled, passing by the couch and thumping the base of her adopted son's skull with the back of one hand as she went, making him move slightly away from Meka but not abandon his taunting. "If you want to put that energy to some use, haul your skinny butt off of the couch and go get me a glass of milk."

"We didn't do anything." Meka said vehemently, despite the passive reaction of both girls and the fact that neither of them were likely listening, let alone caring, about the implications S-D was making.

"Mm hmm, you keep telling yourself that." S-D smirked, the hand that had been holding one of Meka's arms captive attempting to venture down toward his crotch. "They -have- the Morning-After pill, y'know...its no big thing." As he'd expected, Meka angrily caught his wrist, flinging his hand away from him.

"Stop it." the raccoon demanded, scooting away and wincing as his back twinged with pain. The hand returned as though it hadn't been shooed off at all, moving down his belly with deliberate slowness.

"Stop me, then." S-D's voice whispered wickedly against his ear. For a moment, time almost stood still, and then his ear was invaded by a slimy wetness as the black-haired boy extended his tongue, deliberately and obnoxiously, making him recoil and give a cry of revulsion.

"All right, what the hell??" he demanded to know, wiping fervently at his moistened ear as S-D sat back, chortling. "Last night you wanted to tear my head off, now you're crawling all over me?"

"I'm just fucking around." S-D replied, shrugging and rolling his eyes. "God, you're not used to being humiliated, are you?" When Meka didn't answer and continued to busy himself with drying his ear with the back of his hand, Snape spoke again. "All right...answer me this, then..." he said, reaching into the pocket of his black jeans for his cigarettes. "..did I hurt you? Because I don't see any scars."

Sourly, Meka brought up his wrist where the fangmarks had scabbed over but were still painful to the touch. S-D spared the wound a passing look then waved a hand dismissively.

"Psht...I meant -real- scars, you woman." he scoffed, fishing out a cig and patting his other pocket for his lighter.

"You came about five inches from doing worse last night if that's what you mean." Meka sneered, his tail picking up an irritated lash on the cushion beside him.

"So what do you want, an apology?" S-D asked, lighting his cigarette and inhaling. "You're in for a long wait. I can't control when I shift." He exhaled the smoke in a long twining gray ribbon. "S'pose it wouldn't win me any brownie points to say you're sexy when you're vulnerable, would it?"

As Meka made a disgusted noise and moved to get up, S-D caught him by the tail, anchoring him in place. In the time it had taken him to turn around, the other boy had plucked a loose string from the tassel on one of the couch's throw pillows and tied it in a neat little bow around the tip.

"So sweet." S-D grinned devilishly, admiring his handiwork.

"God damn you..." Meka growled, reaching out to remove it.

"Ah! Bad!" Snape-Doll said sharply, swatting Meka's hand as though he was scolding a puppy. For a split second, Meka recoiled, frozen with surprise from the admonishment before recovering and angrily tearing the string from the end of his tail, taking a few strands of fur along with it in his frustration as he threw it to the floor.

He'd no sooner turned to go again than he felt a slight disturbance by his left ear and realized S-D had affixed another string, this time around a lock of his hair in a similar bow. Oh, that did it....that fucking DID it! Teeth gritted, he rounded on Snape-Doll, ready to lunge at him.

"I -said- don't start, you two!" Star snapped from where she'd been examining a scrape against the doorframe leading to the kitchen, trying to decide whether it was worth sanding and revarnishing to hide.

"What?" S-D asked, sounding genuinely perplexed, giving his adoptive mother his best "who, me?" expression. "I'm perfectly calm. But my prom date, you see, thinks I called her fat." He burst out laughing as Meka began to tremble, his hands stiffly at his sides and clenching rhythmically. "Maybe if I'd complimented her hair..." he murmured thoughtfully, ashing his cigarette onto the carpet carelessly.

Nearly frothing at the mouth with useless rage, Meka narrowed his eyes to slits and pointed accusingly at S-D. "I'M not the one who got dumped." he managed, knowing it was a weak insult, but honestly not knowing any other sore spots to jab at. S-D regarded him levelly a moment, as though waiting for the rest of it. Deciding Meka was done, he shook his head and draped an arm over the back of the couch lazily.

"So?" he shrugged, taking another puff of his cigarette. "Makes me a swingin' single motherfucker. Maybe I'll find a real man this time as opposed to...well...as opposed to you."

"Meka, go get your room put together." Karma piped up, trying to prevent another brawl before it could start. For a moment, Meka was tempted to ignore her and attack S-D anyway. What was she going to do, after all? Make him sit in the corner? With the way he'd been condescended to since moving in here, it wouldn't have surprised him.

"Yes. Please." Star agreed. "The front yard looks like a rummage sale with all of your stuff out on the porch and its only a matter of time before people work up the nerve to start running off with it." He looked from one female to the other before giving a frustrated sigh and storming out the front door. "I really wish you'd leave him alone, S-D..." she added once the raccoon was out of earshot.

"Not my fault. Maybe he should cultivate a thicker skin." he said as he laid fully back on the couch, tilting his head up slightly and attempting to blow a smoke ring ceilingward.

"He doesn't want to play. I think he'd sooner kill himself trying to kill -you-. You know that." his adoptive mother reasoned, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Good. I could use the exercise." he shot back non-chalantly, sitting up again with a kick of his legs as there was a loud clatter from outside, followed shortly by a headboard awkwardly poking its way through the front door's threshhold.

"Do you want some help with that?" Karma asked, trying not to laugh as she watched Meka wrestle the piece of furniture toward the stairwell.

"No." he growled, dropping it to the carpet at an angle and climbing over it to get to the stairs where he began the slow process of hauling it up to his room.

"Oh now -that's- fucking pathetic." S-D snorted. Meka managed to get it up to the sixth step where it teetered before he lost his grip and it toppled noisily back down, missing Karma by a few feet and miraculously not breaking anything as it fell over loudly. At this, S-D burst out laughing as Karma and Starluck exchanged a look.

"All right, -I'll- take it up." the liontaur muttered, approaching the headboard and shoehorning one of her forepaws beneath it to lift it, even as Meka approached.

"I said I don't need--"

"You're going to hurt somebody." she said sharply, silencing his protest as she juggled it a bit between her hands until she had a good grip on it, carried it back toward the stairwell and headed up with a flick of her azure-tufted tail.

"And her arms are even skinnier than yours." Snape-Doll pointed out in mingled amusement and dismay as he watched Starluck disappear into the second floor and, a moment later, a loud thump that punctuated her depositing the headboard. "You really -are- a waste." Meka, doing his damnnest to ignore the insult, headed back out to the porch to get the next piece as Star padded back down to the first floor.

"Stop heckling and go make yourself useful." she told S-D, pointing at the living room. "The coffee table isn't finished being sanded down and I want to get a new coat of varnish on it by this evening."

"M'not your errand boy." he grumbled, though he did as he was told, stopping off in the kitchen to snuff his cigarette first.

For the next two hours, everyone devoted themselves to their tasks. Star and Karma bided their time ferreting out things that S-D had ruined the night before and setting to work repairing them while S-D occupied himself in the garage with his assigned coffee table. Meka, after vast amounts of difficulty, managed to get the furniture upstairs and his room assembled. He was in the process of transferring clothes into his dresser when the door swung open and S-D entered, looking non-chalant, sawdust clinging to his white tank top.

"Dinner's on soon, pussy. Mom says to haul your ass downstairs." he yawned. Meka fetched another armload of clothes out of one of the boxes, not acknowledging the other boy's presense as he put his hands on his hips, quirking a brow. "Oh please...now you're giving me the silent treatment? What are you, ten years old?"

"I'm not coming down." Meka grumbled sullenly.

"Will you get -over- it?" S-D demanded, throwing his arms up in exasperation. "God, I rib at you a little and you act like I just told you your fucking cat died!" He strolled across the room, standing on the other side of the box that Meka was currently unloading and forcing himself into the raccoon's line of vision. "What's your deal anyway? I told you I can't control when I change. Hell, I don't even remember it when I wake up."

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe it has nothing to do with that and I just hate you?" the raccoon said, his voice dripping with venom as he came back from the dresser to get more clothes.

"Fair enough." S-D replied. "Not like you'd be the first. Can the accused ask why, do you suppose?" Meka froze in mid-grab for one of his T-shirts and stared at him incredulously. Why? He honestly had to ask fucking WHY??

"Excuse me...?"

"No, really." he invited, making a 'come-on' motion with his fingertips. "Is it because I knocked you off that high horse of yours when you first got here? Hell, I gave you a chance to get back at me last night and all you did was piss and moan until I gave up on your ass."

"Bullshit you gave me a chance to get back at you. You just wanted to watch me squirm, you dick." Meka shot back, turning angrily away, his ears laid flat.

"I wouldn't have fought back." S-D shrugged. "I figured maybe if I let you beat on me for awhile and make you feel like you won, maybe we could put this 'poor downtrodden me' shit of yours behind us and start over." Noticing Meka's back to him, S-D pulled back one of the box's flaps and peered inside. "Ooh, frillies." he remarked, reaching in.

"I don't want to beat -anybody-, I just want you to leave me al--get out of there!!" the raccoon demanded as he looked up to see his raven-haired nemesis rifling through his belongings and dropped the remaining clothes in his grasp to scuttle over and stop him. In the time it took him to reach the box, S-D had already pilfered several items and bounded across the room out of his reach to examine them.

"Never pegged you for a red man." he smirked, letting a pair of burgandy briefs fall to the floor, darting aside just as Meka reached him. "And look at this!" he exclaimed, holding out a green T-shirt with a large smiling peanut on its front. "How adorable..." As Meka made a grab for hiolenolen clothes, S-D leapt backward again to avoid him, his flight ending prematurely as his back struck the wall with a grunt. He didn't protest as Meka rudely reclaimed his property and instead watched him with unbridled amusement, like a child reading his favorite storybook.

"Look! Leave my shit alone and get the fuck away!" he yelled, pointing at the door.

"I never touched your shit. I'm not into that." Snape shot back slyly, reclining against the wall a bit more with no intention of going. "Sure like barking orders, don't you? Bet you like being on top." His smirk broadened to a full-mouthed grin as Meka blinked twice, fishtailing for a response.

He liked Meka better when he could keep him off-balance, S-D found. He was already easily-manipulated and that made it even easier. Hell, if he pushed it a little more, maybe he'd get the dumbfuck to really believe he -had- taken advantage of him the night before.

"Too bad you suck as a dom." he needled, deciding to keep the iron hot as the raccoon silently turned to put the recovered clothes in his dresser. "That's assuming you even get any, of course. People looking for normal guys all probably think you're an asshole and people looking for -real- doms walk off once they realize what a whining sack of fag you are."

Meka froze, his hand stuttering on the air in mid-reach for the drawer as his rage, a pulsating red dot in the corner of his picture of thought, suddenly began to expand, blotting out all else. He whirled to face S-D again, not sure what was going to come out of his mouth until he began to speak.

"And what the fuck is a 'real dom' exactly?" he demanded to know. "Someone who keeps you tied down while he fucks you every night and starts yanking out your hair if you aren't making enough noise for him? Or maybe its someone who tells you he loves you right before he breaks your wrist and then tries to make you jerk him off with that hand. Is that the kind of shit you're talking about??"

Meka rattled off one scenario after the next for nearly a solid minute. The words were leaving his mouth before he could even think them, and he found that he was unable to stop. An inner dam had broken due to the constant prodding and the tide of anger was overwhelming as things he'd vowed he'd never tell another living soul spilled into the open like a foul rush of bile. The mocking grin that had been on S-D's face slowly slipped away as his eyes widened and his jaw fell slightly slack, listening to Meka rant.

At first he'd thought the raccoon was inventing random gruesome scenarios to try and make his point seem valid, but as he'd gone on and was -still- going on, he realized it had to be more than that. It was too accurate for him to just be pulling out of his ass.

"Good god, man, who the hell was -your- last boyfriend??" he asked, awed, once Meka had paused in his tirade long enough to get a word in edgewise. Meka, seeming to snap out of whatever angered trance he'd fallen into, turned away again.

"Just go away." he said, his voice cracking a bit and sounding small and humiliated.

"You have a name for this guy to go along with that 'charming' description?" he pressed, shoving off of the wall to approach Meka, eyeing him critically.

"I don't want to talk about it..." he moaned sickly, inwardly kicking himself for losing his temper and opening this particular can of worms. Especially to the last person he'd want to know.

"Why not? You already are." S-D goaded. "So c'mon. Who is he?"

Thankfully, Meka was saved from having to fabricate another excuse as Star's voice floated up the stairs.

"Guys! Food!" she announced as Meka hurried for the door, trying, without much success to pretend to be leaving to answer her summon as S-D looked on, the look in his eyes clearly indicating that this was only over for now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rest of the evening was fairly touch and go as far as Meka and S-D were concerned. A few times, Snape-Doll attempted to get a rise out of him with further harrassment, but he was able to dodge all attempts and gladly retired to his room at the first opportunity that arose.

At first, Meka had busied himself with getting the rest of his belongings in order until everything had been put away and situated, and then had laid down, listening to the noise of the rest of the household. He was still deeply troubled by S-D's malicious fixation on him and had a sinking feeling it was only going to get worse as time went on. It was already off to a bad start considering his outburst just before dinner...fuck, if things kept going at that pace, who -knew- what else that little prick would get out of him?

Well, then, he just wouldn't talk to him anymore, he decided. It was as simple as that. He was sure Starluck and Karma would eagerly stand behind that decision and it would sure as hell save him a lot of stress.

His thoughts derailed at the sound of footsteps on the stairs and he froze, his muscles tensing. Someone -- it had to be S-D, he reasoned -- moved down the hallway at a brisk, shambling gait toward his room. Feeling his tail begin to bottlebrush outward, he lifted his head a bit, ready to give the pale bastard a piece of his mind as soon as the door opened.

As he heard a door further down the hall sweep closed, the raccoon all but deflated in relief. Thank god...Snape was going back to his own room which meant no further torment that night.

Feeling a bit better, Meka turned onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. So where did he go from here? He hadn't thought on it terribly much while living at Karma's because he'd known from the start it would be a temporary arrangement...but now that they'd moved and, as far as he'd been told, had no agenda to go anywhere, he supposed he should have a plan of some sort.

It would only be a matter of time before he'd be asked to get a job, he guessed, so that should probably be the first thing to take care of. Hell, while he was at it, he could start squirrelling money away to get out on his own too.

He stretched and reached up to scratch his chest, feeling drowsy. As he slipped his hand down his belly to distractedly adjust himself, he realized he'd grown hard. It didn't seem to be for any real reason...just one of those random erections that were the bane of the male existance. The ones you would get shortly before having to stand before an audience and give a speech, for instance, even if you weren't particularly nervous.

Shooting another quick glance at the closed door, as though someone might have crept in without him noticing, he gently squeezed his member through the fabric of his jeans. It had already begun to go flaccid again, but the touch, nonetheless, sent a tingle of warmth through his body. How long had it been, he wondered idly? It had to have been at least a couple of months since he'd been in a tral enl enough frame of mind to even entertain touching himself.

Not that he was in a tranquil frame of mind now, either....in fact, thanks to S-D's badgering, he was more rattled than he'd been in weeks. But.....feh, to hell with it, he thought sourly as he unzipped, sliding his jeans down around his lower thighs. If anything was going to get him to sleep at a reasonable hour tonight, this would be it.

As he gripped his cock around its base, squeezing it again, he could already feel it swelling back to life. He pumped it once, narrowing his eyes and allowing a soft grunt to escape him as his body responded to the touch with a dissolving wave of arousal. Slowly, he began to stroke himself, allowing his eyes to slip closed and his ears to fold back.

His mind, as he'd trained it to be, was blank as his free hand stole between his thighs to pull and knead at his sac while he worked his erection at a quickened pace. It didn't take much for him to near the edge...he'd pent it up for far too long. As a clear runnel of fluid trickled from the end of his sex, Meka's jaws parted a bit in a silent cry. He could feel stirring deep within himself as the base of his length tightened and searing heat churned. Almost....

Suddenly, there was a crash as his door was kicked open and he barely had enough time to jam a pillow over his groin, wincing, as S-D strode in, looking purposeful.

"I think we got off to a bad start, what do you think?" he asked, sitting on the edge of the mattress and giving Meka a pinning look. Panting, slightly disheveled, and wincing from the denied orgasm, the raccoon felt like crying. When would it stop? When would he just fucking give it up and go away??

"What do you want...??" Meka demanded through gritted teeth, trying to keep his voice level and failing. S-D, seeming indifferent to the awkward position he'd caught the elder man in, pawed into his pocket for another cigarette.

"What I -want- is for you to tell me who this psycho ex of yours is so I won't be lying awake wondering about it all night, you fucking tease." He found the pack and offered it to Meka who turned his head stubbornly to the side. "But..." he continued, fishing one out for himself. "I'd probably have better luck getting you let me dye your tailrings pink."

"If you knew that, what the hell are you doing here?" Meka growled, the warm buildup of sexual excitement fully having deflated as he fumbled with his pants beneath the pillow.

"Sometimes I'm wrong." he answered simply, watching Meka get himself situated with a glimmer of amusement in his eyes. "And then sometimes I'm -abyssmally- wrong. But go ahead and finish, I can wait." he chuckled, lighting the end of his smoke.

"Fuck off." Meka hissed, jerking up the fly of his pants, the small golden teeth of the zipper narrowly missing catching the head of his cock. That would have been the -last- thing he needed, honestly, as he tossed the pillow off of his waist and sat up angrily to glare at Snape-Doll.

"Unless you plan on getting off your ass and throwing me out that door, I'm not going anywhere." he remarked casually, leaning back and propping himself up under one elbow. "And this time I can't make any promises about not fighting back, so if you don't want to take another tumble down the stairs, why don't you stop being a jackass and let's talk?"

"Talk." Meka repeated, spitting the word out like a bad taste. "I have nothing to say to you."

"Well, why don't we start with something easy? Like why is it that you keep acting like the whole world's out to get you? Or that people aren't allowed to make one fucking mistake in your presense without you flying off the handle?"

"I never said--"

"Or how about why you can't take a goddamned joke? I've seen dying men with more of a sense of humor than you." he continued, cutting Meka off. "I mean, what? Is your life -that- terrible? Is it so awful that someone keeps you out of trouble and gives you everything you need and doesn't even make you say 'thank you'?? With the way you treat Karma, I'm surprised she--"

He was seized suddenly by his shirt's front and hauled forward so that he was nose-to-nose with Meka who held him there a minute, eyes narrowed and lips tight.

"Shut. Up." the raccoon said quietly, letting S-D go again.

"Don't like it when I hit close to home, do you?" he muttered, straightening his tank top again and brushing his black bangs out of his eyes.

"You're not hitting close to home." he snapped. "You don't even -know- me."

"Why's it so important that I know you to think you're being a dick?" he questioned, flicking ash off the end of the cigarette. "And anyway, that's what I'm -trying- to do if you'd let me take a shot at it instead of jumping up my ass every time I say something you don't like." There was a long pause between them. "I've got it." he said suddenly, pointing the glowing tip of the cig at Meka. "We can trade off, how about that?"

"What...?" he asked skeptically.

"I'll tell you something ugly about me, you tell me something ugly about you. Deal?"

"No." the raccoon replied flatly as S-D gave a sigh of disgust.

"Dammit, I'm going out of my way to be social here and you're ruining it."

"You just want to listen to me spout off some more." Meka replied defensively. "And I already told you that I don't want to talk about it."

"What'll happen if you talk about it, Meka, huh? You'll turn into a pumpkin? So this guy obviously liked to lord over you. I imagine if he got off on trying to break your wrists he'd have to." S-D went on, trying to bait him into speaking.

"Not 'try to'. Did." he corrected tersely, and immediately gave himself a swift mental kick for answering at all as the smaller boy cocked a brow.

"See that? You DO want to talk about it." S-D said, his tone only slightly accusing as Meka cringed a bit. His stomach was churning and he felt sick as he rose from the end of the bed, suddenly wanting nothing more than to put as great of a distance as he could between himself and the other male as he crossed the room to the window. "So who was he?" he questioned, taking advantage of the newly-vacated space by sprawling across the mattress in an almost feline manner.

"Look...I'm tired. I was trying to sleep." Meka sighed, running a hand over his brow and through his hair.

"Sleep? Looked more like you were in the middle of rubbing one out to me. Stop looking for excuses, you headjob. Just give me one thing and I'll leave you alone for the night, scout's honor. Tell me his name."

Meka hesitated, shooting S-D a brief glare as he debated with himself. A name wasn't terribly tall of an order, he supposed at last and hitched a deep sigh.

"Roan. His name was Roan. Now go." he said flatly.

"Roan??" S-D asked incredulously. "That's even more dumbfuck of a name than Mekakushi." He flipped onto his back. "And you let this guy fuck you up for -how- long until you finally woke up and walked out?"

"You said you'd leave." the raccoon snarled.

"I say a lot of things." he shrugged, smirking as Meka turned sharply away from the window to glare at him. "You're not the only one ever to get the business end of a bad relationship, you know. Take me, for instance. First time I ever got fucked, I was covered in scratches and bruises. AND the guy who gave them to me decided he was going to test his theory about whether or not blood made a good lubricant. That was one hell of an afternoon."

"Why are you telling me this?" Meka groaned, wincing at the unwanted mental imagery.

"I'm telling you this because I'm sick of you acting like you're the only one who's ever gone through shit. I'm willing to bet money on it that I've had it worse than you and do you see -me- climbing up on the fucking cross every chance I get?"

"And I'm supposed to take words to live by seriously from someone who tears up the house and throws a shitfit whenever he gets angry?." he snorted. S-D rolled his eyes.

"Did you work hard at mastering being stupid or does it come naturally? For the last fucking time, that's not something I can control." He turned onto his belly. "All right then, top me. Prove you've had it worse."

"I'm not doing this." the raccoon muttered, reaching out to open the window slightly as the room, all at once, seemed much too suffocating.

"Oh, come on." he prodded. "What do you think I am? You think I'm going to go running down the stairs yelling whatever you tell me for the entire house to hear?" Meka's lack of response was answer enough. "Well, I'm not." he shrugged. "So you've never talked about this with anyone...have you even -tried-?"

"Would -you- want to tell people you'd let some sonuvabitch who was old enough to be your father use you for a year?" he asked, his voice low and sullen. At the hint that they might actually be getting somewhere after all, S-D's interest perked a bit.

"Not particularly, but what's keeping it all to yourself doing for you? Does it make your balls feel big that you're carrying it all on your own with nobody's help or what? Fuck, I'm not proud of anything I've done either, but I've at least talked to people about it. Sometimes talking's all you've GOT to keep from going batshit insane."

Another long stint of silence passed between the two of them.

"You act like he tried to kill you or something, ya know it?"

"He did." Meka said, forcing the words out. S-D's thin brows shot up in mild surprise.

"Well....guess that explains a lot, then." he remarked, watching as Meka reluctantly came away from the window. "And why didn't you run? I mean...it HAD to have crossed your fluffy little mind that it wasn't a good situation."

"Because it didn't seem that bad at the time..." Meka sighed as S-D, again, offered him the cigarette pack. This time he accepted one and grabbed for his lighter off of the nightstand.

"How could that have NOT seemed bad??" S-D demanded to know. "He's breaking your wrists and god knows what else and no warning bells went off??"

"I--he---" the raccoon faltered, not sure what to say as he attempted to light the end of the cig with a shaking hand. Hell, HE didn't even know.

"Lemme guess...he pulled out the I'm sorry's and I love you's right after he did a number on you and told you it'd never happen again. And you, like a dumbass, believed him every time he fed you that line because it was less work to wish it would get better than it would be to get out with whatever dignity you had left." For a brief instant, Meka's face was ugly with guilt as S-D sighed, looking disgusted with him.

"I was scared." he blurted in his defense, his voice wavering. "Okay? I--god dammit, you weren't there! You don't know what he was like!"

"People like that are all cut from the same cloth." S-D answered, finishing his smoke and snuffing the butt on the side of the bed's baseboard before tossing it at the wastepaper basket. "Something's not giving them what they want out of life so they take it out on some other poor bastard. MOST of those people manage to wise up and get out, though."

Having said so, he sat up and stretched. "And apparantly those who don't, turn into self-absorbed, whining shits with no backbone."

"Fuck you!" Meka hissed, tears starting to spill down his cheeks.

"Yes, 'fuck me'. That's your final say on everything, isn't it? The truth's a bitch, I'll give you that. You'd think you'd have realized you were this way and done something about it to help yourself by now, but you're just--"

"I'VE TRIED!!" Meka yelled suddenly, breaking down into a fit of crying in utter frustration as S-D blinked twice, startled by the outburst. "I've tried..." he repeated, choking on a sob. "Counseling doesn't work, pills don't work, fucking meditating and self-help books don't work, what the FUCK do you want from me??"

"Well....at least you looked for a -little- help...." S-D muttered lamely after a pause, looking a bit chastised as he realized the goal he'd been driving toward, to make Meka completely lose his composure, wasn't quite as glorious as he'd hoped. Unlike what he'd previously thought, the older boy's problems seemed to run rather deeply. They weren't entirely the result of wanting something to whine about and clearly vexed him very much.

As Meka slowly got himself under control again, trying to summon the strength to tell S-D, yet again, to leave him alone, his eyes fell to the cigarette he had lit, and then forgotten about. Tweezed between his middle and forefinger, it had burned down to the filter before going out, showering his pantleg in ash in the process. "Son of a bitch..." he groaned disdainfully. As if he needed anything else to go wrong at the moment...

S-D followed his gaze to the mess on his pantleg and smirked faintly. "Want mine?"

"What...?" Meka asked, wondering if he'd heard him right as he began to brush it away. "No."

"Oh no, it was all my fault. I insist." the raven-haired boy said quickly, standing and fumbling with his fly, making a great show of the fact he was going to take his pants off. As Meka turned his head away, confused and fed up with him, S-D backed up a few steps, forcing his rear against the raccoon's shoulder and the side of his head.

Meka, making a sound like a strangled question mark, attempted to twist away and, instead, succeeded in toppling himself to the floor. As one hand blindly groped for something to break his fall, his fingers snagged the seat of S-D's black jeans even as he hit the ground. Dazed, but unhurt, he blinked slowly and sat up, finding Snape-Doll standing over him. His pants were around his knees and he looked thoughtful as he stood there in his black boxers.

"Hmmm....now....what exactly would we tell someone if they were to walk in right now?" he mused aloud.

"I didn't do it on purpose." Meka grumped, rubbing the back of his head to check for lumps.

"Ooh, I know!" he exclaimed, ignoring the raccoon. "I could tell them 'I offered him my pants, and he just couldn't wait to get me out of them'." Noting Meka's look of annoyance, he broke into a smile. "No? Okay...how about 'He wanted to get into my pants but was a little too eager'?"

"Shut up." the raccoon sighed, pulling himself to his knees to stand.

"I've got it!! 'His cigarette caught him on fire and I was hurrying to piss on him to put it out'!" Meka paused in mid-crouch, his shoulders faltering and then shaking a bit with laughter in spite of himself. "Yes! YES!! It -can- be done!" S-D cheered at Meka's slight dissolve in foul mood as he reached up to grab at himself, pretending to urinate. "GO! GO, LITTLE MAN! Hurry, this poor boy's on fire!! Ssssssssss!"

"All right, stop...stop...!" Meka chuckled dryly, standing and straightening his shirt before clearing his throat, the smile slipping away just as quickly as it had come.

"Christ, lookit you. You don't stay happy for longer than two seconds, do you?" S-D remarked, hitching his pants back up around his thin waist and refastening them.

"Might be easier to be happy if people weren't riding me about it every time I turn around." he muttered, sitting on the edge of the bed once more.

"Ever occur to you that maybe they bug you BECAUSE you're not happy?" As Meka favored him with a questioning look, he elaborated. "Look, I hate people. That's pretty obvious...but I can fake it like a motherfucker when I have to."

"That wouldn't fly. Not with people like Karma." he replied with chagrin.

"No, seriously. You smile, nod, tell'em what they want to hear, and they'll piss off and leave you alone most of the time. Hell, if you'd done that the first time I started in on you, I probably wouldn't have kept it up. Nobody pays any attention to happy idiots."

"You don't look like you're faking it very hard." Meka pointed out with a tone of suspicion.

"Because I'm not." he said simply. "I'm talking about smiling and pretending you're shitting sunshine when some idiot tries to play Cheer-Up with you. Nobody's forcing me to be here right now and if I hated you, I'd damn well be keeping my distance."

"So you're trying to say you -don't- hate me now?" the raccoon asked incredulously.

"I don't HATE you, but I still think you're a fuckwit." he replied with an offhanded tone that infuriated Meka all over again.

"Get out." he snapped icily as S-D, deciding he'd pushed things far enough for one evening, shook his head and left without another word, hooking the door closed behind him with one foot. Relieved to be left alone again, Meka slumped to his side on the edge of the bed and drew his knees to his chest. He felt exhausted, both mentally and physically, and wanted nothing more than to just rest without bothering to undress or turn out the light.

However, his and S-D's exchange still jangled loudly around in his mind like a jar of shaken pennies and wouldn't let him relax. Why had he even talked to him? Why had he thought, for even a MINUTE, that it might help? True, he hadn't said much and a lot of it was left up to S-D's own assumption, but even then he knew more than Meka was comfortable with him knowing.

Feeling miserable, vulnerable, and even angrier than he'd been before, Meka squeezed his eyes shut and tried to force sleep to come.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Snape-Doll let himself into his room and closed the door. He, like Meka, felt a bit drained after the confrontation and was intent on going to bed. He hadn't been entirely sure what he'd expected to happen when he'd gone in to further harrass the raccoon out of curiousity about his earlier explosion, but that hadn't been it. It had started off the way he'd visualized it...barging in on him and interrupting him in the middle of whatever he was doing, trying to keep off-balance while Meka bitched at him to get out, but then it had gone to hell from there.

Instead of wearing him down and getting him to grudgingly tell the entire story, he'd reacted like an animal in a trap and had had a damned breakdown over it. Part of the reason he'd left without getting what he'd come for, in all honesty, was to avoid giving in to the urge to tell the fucker he was sorry. Sorry for WHAT?

Still fuming over it, he slid his shirt off over his head and tossed it to the floor, his pants and boxers soon following. Naked, he crawled into bed and wrapped himself in his bedcovers with a sigh. For as much as he hated having to put up with other people, sleeping alone depressed him. The times he actually woke up with Eddy still in the bed with him were few and far between as he was usually gone by morning. But still...in the rare instance he WAS there, it had filled some inner void in him. It had made him and their relationship, such as it was, feel normal.

And now, Eddy had vanished with no way to get in touch with him. Hell, for all he knew, he'd never see him again. As the thought of Edodrian being truly gone had cemented and made itself final in his mind over the past couple of weeks, he'd grown steadily angrier about it. It was bad enough he'd been kept in the dark for most of the duration of their time together...it was even worse that, more often than not, he was second-guessing his lover and trying to decide whether to expect a caress or a punch in the mouth from him. But now he'd gone off for whatever reason and left him, yet again, in the dark and wondering.

When he really considered it, he didn't know Eddy at all. He knew just enough about him that they'd been able to limp along in their grotesque parody of a relationship for the past year, but he was always being blindsided by things. For instance, just before his disappearance, S-D had finally, after trying for hours, been able to get ahold of him on the telephone. They'd spoken for a short while when Snape had questioned an unfamiliar female voice in the background. After some faltering, Eddy had admitted he was visiting his kids.

His fucking KIDS. Never a word of children before, and then suddenly, boom! There it was. After the initial shock and anger had passed, he'd let it slide...he'd let a -lot- slide, really.

Snape-Doll turned over, facing his bedside table, and reached for the top drawer. After sifting through the contents a moment, he found what he was looking for and drew out a slightly-bent photograph that Evil had snapped a couple of months ago. He and Eddy were in the front yard, looking like they'd been interrupted mid-conversation and were both flipping the camera the bird...not a kodak moment by any means, nor was it even an attractive picture. It was simply one of the few pictures that existed of he and Eddy in the same shot.

As he held the photo now, staring intently at it as though he expected it to come to life, he tried to summon any sort of feeling for it at all and felt numb. There were vague twinges of remorse, yes. Betrayal as well...but the searing anger he'd been frothing over for the past weeks just wouldn't come. Maybe he was finally getting over it, he thought with a sort of dismal hope, as his grip on the photo loosened until it teetered on the pad of his thumb. As much as he didn't want to count Edodrian out of his life, he couldn't wait in the wings forever, S-D thought angrily as he let the photograph flutter to the floor and tossed onto his back.

He should just give it up, he thought detachedly. He clearly wasn't normal, so why try and convince himself he could do something as mundane as hold a relationship? That sort of thing was for stable people. For people who'd actually been born. For REAL people. He thought he'd loved Eddy, but the more he thought about it, the more he wondered if it never -had- been anything more than beating on each other and fucking.

"Fine, then..." he muttered aloud, closing his eyes and pulling the covers over his head. He'd wasted enough time waiting and it was time to get on with himself. First thing tomorrow, things were going to be different. One way or another...