Gravity of Love

(six) (Sub) (3 1/2 years ago)

Loud music boomed throughout the room, reverberating in the walls making my teeth chatter with every pounding bass note. People laughed and talked, or grinded against one another in time to the slow, yet steady techno beat. I stood in the furthest and darkest corner of the room, feeling terribly out of place. I shuffled the weight from one foot to the other and picked on my clothing. I hated this awkward feeling, like I didn't belong. I had felt it most of my life, one would think that I'd be use to it by now. Go figure. Anyone who passed me would smile and say nice things to me, and why not? It was my party after all. It wasn't my birthday, or any special occasion I could think of but Ren was determined to throw a party for me. He's a nut that way; I guess that's why I lo—like him so much, yeah, like him. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. Guys don't love guys, that was wrong, wasn't it? My parents never did talk to me much about that, so I was left confused in high school and even more so now. Besides, Ren was my caretaker like how Bruce Wayne had that Robin fella. Yeah, I was Ren's Dick. Hmm, wait, that didn't sound right…. Anyway, you didn't see Robin fantasizing about Batman's lips or naked body, now did you?

"Don't you want to dance?" I looked around for the owner of the voice and saw a rosy cheeked blonde smiling at me on my right. I gave a faint smile back and shook my head.

"Not much of a dancer," I said with a shrug.

"C'mon," she said, her voice slightly slurred, "it's your party, don't you want to enjoy it?"

I was so not in the mood for this, but opted for being coldly polite instead of outright rude. And my Mom always said I could never be considerate of others.

"Naw," I said, "I'm fine where I am."

She frowned. "Gavinnnn," she whined, "have some fun, darling. I won't bite." She stepped closer to me, the alcohol on her breath filling my nostrils. "Unless you want me to." Her hand found it's way on my hip and slid to the precarious area right above my groin. So that's why she came over here. I thought about fucking her, or at least letting her blow me, but even that seemed dull and unexciting for me tonight. Something was seriously wrong with me, I know. I gave her a little push, not too gently either.

"Beat it, okay?"

"What? You too good for me?"

Could it be I just didn't feel like having sex with you, lady? Ren had told me I could have fun with anyone I wanted to, but right now just wasn't the best time. I was feeling mellow and slightly miserable, unable to identify what was really bothering me. And she just had to come along and piss me off. Which was good in a way because I dealt very well with anger since we were old friends. I readily embraced my old buddy and felt the delicious apathy set in, pushing away all those naughty feelings that were troubling me earlier.

"I didn't want to say it out loud, but why not since you brought it up?" I sneered, her jaw going slack with shock. "Fucking you is as appealing as sticking my dick in a paper shredder. How's that? Is that enough insults for you or do I have to think up of more to get you out of my face?"

"Asshole," she spat.

"Yeah, yeah, I love you to," I mumbled and walked past her, knocking my shoulder roughly with hers. The music suddenly died and a faster song soon boomed throughout the room, tempting to you to dance. Daring you to move your body to its trance-like rhythm. I had to admit a part of me wanted to join the sea of bodies, but couldn't bring myself to. Something was definitely wrong. Usually, I was wild at parties, grinding my hips with anyone, losing myself to the crazy beat until I almost passed out. And I have on several occasions; I danced and drank until I lay unconscious on the floor. (Soon after that Ren limited my alcohol intake, the bastard) But seventeen-year-old bodies weren't meant to party so hard; it could only take so much. At least Ren understood what I was going through, why I felt that I had to be out in the crowd and why I did the things I did. All my parents did was yell and preach, preach and yell. To hell with that, I said. I had thought about going back once, and only once, after I first came to live with Ren.

More smiles, more invitations. I shrugged off every one and finally decide to escape all of it. I slipped out the side door and stepped out into the hallway. The music from the other side of the door could still be heard, but faintly. I walked away, silently passing through the otherwise silent house. Under major renovation, I had to step over tools, plastic tarps and cans of paint to get to the other side of the townhouse. Ren had decided to go through the house and remake it in some grand design he had in his head. It was something that made him happy so I sat through the endless questions of 'which color do you like best?' or 'do you think tile or carpet would be best in that room?' I nodded and smiled, agreeing with whatever I think he would want and go about my business. Which wasn't much to start with, now that I think about it. I'd make deliveries for him, run errands to the store and stuff, and that was basically it. It wasn't a real job but I had told him that I needed to do something so I wouldn't feel like a freeloader. He found it funny but humored me.

I reached the stairs and went up them two at a time. Down the hall was my room, once of the larger master bedrooms that Ren insisted that I stay in. After almost two years I had stuffed the place with new things. I had to since when I ran away from home all I had was the clothes on my back. Running errands earned me some cash, not a lot, but enough to get the basic things that I wanted. The room was dark but I didn't bother with the light. I waded through the dark, bumping my foot only once and collapsed on the bed. I still felt the dim hum of the music from downstairs and sighed, torn between wanting to go back and just laying here until I drift off to sleep. Thirty-minutes? An hour? Time passed as I stared into the darkness, drifting as I became empty. I kinda liked the feeling, like I was fading away and when I really concentrated, I could almost hear noises like static or something.

A knock on the door followed by it opening slowly made me jump and I sat up, narrowing my eyes to try and see who would dare bother me.

"What are doing here in the dark?" I smiled at Ren's smooth voice. He hesitated at the door and the tone of his voice changed to something I didn't recognize. "You alone?"

I laughed. He thought I was in here fucking someone from the party.
"Yeah," I replied. He came in all the way and closed the door behind him, the room swallowed in darkness once more. Ren hardly came in here so I knew he wouldn't know the room like I did. It was simply a matter of time before he---

A loud thud filled the room. "Goddamnit!" He shouted and I heard a bit of a scuffle then another soft thud. "Spec-fucking-tacular! That's it, I hire a maid tomorrow!!" I laughed at him and, out of pity, turned the lamp on my nightstand on. It was a small lamp that didn't cast much light, but it was enough for Ren to make his way to the bed without any more bad luck. He sat down on the edge by my feet and looked at me; I was still smiling at him.

"Enjoyed that, did you?"

I nodded. "Spec-fuckin-tacular." I teased.

He chuckled and slowly his face turned solemn. "Why are you in here when there's a party waiting for you?"

I looked down, trying to find the right words that wouldn't hurt his feelings. He had done a lot to pull everything together tonight; I didn't want to seem ungrateful.

"I'm sorry, Ren," I mumbled, "I just can't handle all that right now."

He scooted further onto the bed until he was nearly sitting next to me. I suddenly felt nervous being this close to him, those nagging feeling from before coming back. His hand rested lightly on my thigh and I felt my stomach do a cartwheel. Just a few more inches and he'd be touching my groin…the thoughts going through my head now was very wrong. Bad Gavin! Bad, bad Gavin!

"It's alright, man," Ren said softly, "you still have to take the time to adjust to all this. If you wanted a more stable life…."

"This is stable for me," I nearly shout, frightened that he thought I wanted to go back to my parents. "This is home for me, you're home for me…"

Ren smiled and his hand traveled a bit higher. My head began to feel disconnected from my body, all I could feel now was the slight weight of his hand and wishing it would go higher.

"I had a gift for you tonight," he said quietly.

"Ren," I whined, "you didn't have to buy me anything; I have more than enough things."

"No, no, I didn't buy you anything…it's just—" he chuckled and shook his head. "It's silly."

"What is it? What is it?" I asked excited, forgetting about his hand for the moment.

"Well, I remember that day you caught me singing to myself in the kitchen and you said you wanted me to sing more, but I didn't," he said. I nodded for him to keep going. "I thought I could do that for you, if you still wanted me to."

I smiled. "Serenade me, baby."

Ren moved his hand and gave me a playful shove. "Smart ass, I'm being serious!"

I tried my best not to laugh. "Go ahead then, I'm all ears."

He gave me a hard glare before he held his head down readying himself. He cleared his throat softly and his smooth tenor voice filled the room. It was a song I'd heard him playing countless times; it was one of his favorites. I wasn't that fond of it, personally; I enjoyed plenty of guitars and screaming voices, but Ren singing it made it, I don't know…beautiful. I half-closed my eyes as I listened, his voice calming all the storms going on inside me. It was like the world disappeared and all that mattered was him. He looked at me and caught my eyes, and I lost myself into those two emerald orbs. He moved closer to me and my breath caught in my throat.

"And all is clear now," he sang, "I've finally found someone to love." I didn't realize until he stopped singing just how dangerously close our faces had become. I had thought about it, fantasized about it, but now that we were so close…so intimately close…why was I so scared?

"I love you," he whispered and brought his head forward that last inch and kissed me. His lips were soft and full, his tongue found it's way in my mouth and twirled around mine. He ate at my mouth with a passion I had only seen in movies and pornos. I moaned into his mouth almost desperately as I was quickly getting aroused. How could it be wrong when it felt so good? He drew back from me slowly and I gasped for air, partly from the long kiss and partly from being so damn nervous. Ren watched me carefully, his green eyes wide and searching my face for some sign, some response from the kiss and his proclamation of love. Love. He said he loved me. Me. Of all people that would be worthy of a man like him, he loved me. Some scrawny seventeen-year old. Love.

"You okay?" He asked cautiously. I nodded, having to swallow a few times before I found my voice.

"Yeah, I am. Did you say---" The pitch of my voice rose and broke, reminding me of my puberty years. Fuck, that only happened when I was really nervous or scared.

Ren smiled knowingly at me. "Yes, I said love. I love you, Gavin. I don't how you've captivated me so, but you have. I can't stop thinking about you, I want you. I want you bad."

Was the room hot, or was it just me?

"I-I don't know what to say," I finally whispered. What do you say to something like that? Did I love him? What did love feel like? Ren reached out and held my face in his hands.

"Don't say anything, it's enough that you know," he said. "Can I kiss you again?"

Wordlessly, I nod. What came after kissing? I've never been with a guy before. Did Ren want to go that far with me? I know I wouldn't be eighteen for a few more months, but did it matter? What could I possibly offer him that someone else couldn't give him ten times better? I wasn't worth loving, my parents told me so. Over ten years of that being drilled into my head, they couldn't be wrong, could they? I kissed him back, holding on to his arms lightly as he raked his fingers through my hair. He put his weight forward, making me lean back on the bed. I couldn't do this, I couldn't!

"I can't!" I said loudly, pulling away abruptly from the kiss.

"Am I scaring you?" He asked, placing small kisses on my cheeks.

"No, you're not," I lied. "It's just that I've—I've never…. Isn't this wrong?"

He frowned. "Why would it be wrong? According to whom? Religious hacks? Media? Your parents?" I looked away from him shamefully and he knew he had hit the nerve. "Gavin, I love you. Love is like gravity: there's no stopping it, no fighting it. I can back away and leave this room right now, pretend this never happened, but it won't change how I feel." He backed away from me and started to stand up. I quickly grabbed his arm and pulled him back to the bed.

"Don't go," I begged. "I'm a little freaked out and I've never been with a guy before…."

Ren laughed, his eyes sparking with mirth. "Don't worry, Gav, I'll be gentle."

I laughed with him and pulled him down for another kiss, still scared but trusting him completely. I lost myself in his kisses, his touch and the sweet words he whispered in my ears.

'He'll always love me', he murmured. He undid my shirt.

'I'll always take care of you', he promised. He helped me take off my pants.

'We'll always be together', he swore. Gently, he took my dick in his hands and began stroking it.

I cried out and arched my back, his skilled hand working quickly on my hard member. He sucked and bit on my nipples, sending delicious shocks of pain through my body. I was pumping into his hand, moaning and grunting loudly, losing myself to the pleasure and giving myself over to his love.

Ren suddenly pulled away and got off the bed. I opened my eyes and looked at him.

"What's wrong?"

"Calm down, I'm just getting undressed," he said jovially.

Somehow that just made me even more nervous. I was getting downright scared. Don't get me wrong, sex was nothing new to me--far from it--but never was there emotion to it. I fucked for the pleasure and the mind-numbing orgasm that followed; what I was doing here and now was different. Ren quickly shed his clothes and got back on the bed, positioning himself lower on the bed and pushed my legs apart so he could sit between them.

"This may seem kind of uncomfortable at first, but I've got to prepare you a bit," he said and reached down between my legs and to my ass. I stiffened as I felt his fingers probing at my anus and he laughed.

"You've got to loosen those muscles up, love. It'll be okay."

"Easy for you to say," I grumbled back, getting defensive at how amusing he was finding me.

"Take it easy," he said tenderly, "I just want this to be good for you; it can really hurt if you're not ready for it."

Always trusting, I took a deep breath and laid back down, lifting my hips a bit for easier access. The fingers returned and I tried not to flinch. He slid one in slowly and then two. It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would, but was just weird more than anything else.

"You still okay?" He whispered.

"Yeah," I said with a quick nod.

"Good." With his free hand he went back to stroking me and the gentle movement of his fingers inside me seemed to ignite a burning fire within me.

"Oh shit," I gasped as the intense pleasure rose higher and higher. He quickened the pace and soon had me bucking on the bed, moving my hips to try and ease his fingers even deeper. Again, he pulled away without warning. I made noises in protest, still unable to find my voice. He spread my legs further, pushing them up a bit and laid on top of me. He kissed me again and I wrapped my arms around his neck and pinned his legs with my own.

"Ready?"

I closed my eyes, wanting to say yes and no at the same time. I wasn't completely sure if this was what I wanted, but I knew this was the only way to get closer to him. I wanted to be more to him than an errand boy, I wanted to be more than just some kid he took care of, I wanted to be with him. He promised so many things and I knew he'd follow through, he always does. I knew things after tonight would be different; he could show me what it meant to love. What it meant to be loved and I needed that so bad. I needed to know that I was worth something, that there was someone out there that knew I existed.

"Love me," I whispered, my voice shaky with desire, anticipation and fear. I clutched to him tighter and placed quick, frenzied kisses over his face to urge him on. "Love me, please."

"Just try and stop me," he whispered back. He reached down to grab his dick and he guided it to my ass. I took a deep breath and held it, freezing in place as he slid it in slowly. It was much wider than his fingers and he moved much more tentatively. When it seemed I couldn't take anymore, the nudging stopped and I opened my eyes.

"You in?" I asked cautiously.

He chuckled. "Yeah, I'm in. It'll feel a lot better if you stroke yourself."

With that he drew himself out, and pushed his dick back in. It was like that for a while, those small, careful movements, but soon they became steadier and a lot more forceful. I reached down between us and started stroking my dick as he pumped into me. The pleasure was there, but it was faint and I had to concentrate hard to keep my mind off the pain. I winched and grunted, praying it would be over soon. Ren's pace quickened and he started ramming into me, moaning loudly. I cried out with pain.

"God, Ren…stop. Please stop!"

He did, slowly and looked down at me.
"What? What is it?"

"It's hurting….bad. Could you not….do it….as hard?"

He smiled down at me. "Sorry, love, I keep forgetting how young you are. I just want this to be good for you, too." He started again, slower this time and I stroked my penis in time with the thrusts. Okay, this was better. This I could handle. Pleasure was coming back, the pain all but small pinpricks that I could easily fool myself to believe felt good. We began a steady rhythm and I was soon moaning along with him. Again, Ren started plunging into me and this time I let him since I was so caught up with the rising pleasure. I ignored the pain and let him love me. He was making loud intelligible noises, rising in pitch with every thrust and I soon felt an odd sensation; like I stuck a water hose up my ass and turned on the water full blast. I hate to admit it , but it felt kinda nice.

Ren collapsed on me, breathing hard. "I love you so damned much," he panted. He rose off me and looked down, confusion set on his face. "You didn't come yet?"

I shook my head, now feeling embarrassed. He must have sensed my change of mood and gave me a long kiss.

"I didn't mean it like that, Gavin. I just thought you were enjoying it."

"I-I was…I did," I stammered, "but it's just that…"

Ren got off me and lay on his back. "Come on, I've loved you, now it's your turn to love me."

I looked at him uncertainly, but got up and laid on top of him in a push up position. With a knowing smile on his face, he moved my hips into position and guided my dick to his ass. Uncertain, I brought my hips forward and slid into the small tight hole. I pumped into him slowly and carefully like he had done with me, but it was hard to keep that pace as the blissful sensations began to spread through my body.

"Fuck me faster, Gavin," Ren ordered, "harder, too. I won't break."
He only had to tell me once. I drove into him with total abandon, panting heavily. I humped him somewhat awkwardly since I—up until this point—had only been with women, but after a few minutes and I had gotten the hang of it. I didn't care if it was wrong, I didn't care if I'd burn in hell, I didn't care what it made me; all I cared about was him. I loved him. I loved him. Orgasm hit me like a wrecking ball to a building, without warning and enough force to make me stop breathing. I choked as I came, the electricity of pleasure rising from my feet and up to my chest, constricting it. Unable to hold myself up I collapsed on top of him. He wrapped his arms around me, hugging me to him and laughed. I listened to the rapid beat of his heart and relaxed on him.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" He teased.

"No," I said, my voice low and hoarse, "no it wasn't."

I finally pulled myself out of him, but he still held on to me, entwining his legs with mine. He ran his fingers lovingly through my hair and I sighed with contentment.
"Why don't you grow it long," Ren said quietly.

I shrugged. "Do you want me to?"

"Yeah."

I snuggled closer to him. "Then that's what I'll do, but you've got to promise me something."

He gave me a squeeze and kissed me on my forehead. "Anything."

"Let me in your life a bit more, I want to do more work than just errands."

He chuckled. "I don't know if you're ready for the more business part of my life Gavin, you might not like it, but I'll give it some thought. Anything else?"

"Never stop loving me."

"That's an easy promise to make," he whispered. "You just try and stop me."
I smiled and slowly drifted off to sleep in his strong arms.