Moonlight Denial: Shades of Moonlight Book One

Nicoli wobbled on his feet as he came up through the teleportation tunnel. It had felt like he had been sucked down a drain and he would be happy to never experience it again. Several hands steadied him, he didn’t know who they belonged to, but he was grateful for them. When everything stopped and he got his balance back he looked around.

They were standing in Amelia’s living room. The furniture had been moved, but it was just how Nicoli remembered it. He took his attention from the room to the people standing around him as the elder Fairbrooke’s came out of the trance they had been in and the magic circle below them disintegrated into nothing.

Everyone was staring at him and the air was dead quiet. He didn’t know whether to find all of the focus on him comforting or disconcerting. Several emotions swelled within him and he couldn’t put a name to any of them. He was only overcome by the sense that every face he saw was a friendly one that didn’t wish him harm. There was no more constant fear of what was going to happen to him or knowing any second could be his last. He was with friends. He was safe.

The feelings grew until he couldn’t contain them anymore and something within him broke. It started with light hiccups at first, followed by sniffles and a little choking of his throat. Then the tears came and he couldn’t hold back anymore. He began to sob and cry harder than he ever did while with Dimitri. He covered his face with shaking hands as the sobs nearly suffocated him. His legs crumbled beneath him, but before he could fall strong hands grabbed him and pulled him into a broad chest.

He looked up and through his tears he was able to see teal eyes staring down at him. They weren’t the cold, emotionless ones he had seen in the basement of the mansion, but the warm, soft ones he had known for what felt like forever that carried such concern in them.

Nicoli buried his face into Ethan’s chest as he cried, the tears coming harder when Ethan’s arms came around him and held him tight, but also with such tenderness. Nicoli clenched his fingers into Ethan’s shirt and never wanted to let go.

“I think it would be best if we get him cleaned up and comfortable,” a soft voice said. Nicoli registered it as Cecile’s. “Then I and the others will tend to him to see if we can repair any damage that was afflicted on him.”

“Yes, I agree,” Conrad said and his voice was also strangely soft.

“Can you bring him this way, Ethan?” Cecile asked.

The next second Nicoli was lifted up into Ethan’s arms and carried further into the house. He didn’t see who came with them and who stayed behind because he kept his face hidden in Ethan’s chest.

He would have stayed that way for eternity if he could, but when he was brought to the bathroom Cecile said it would be better if Ethan wait elsewhere while the Fairbrooke’s tended to him. A part of Nicoli wanted to object, but he didn’t have it in him to speak out, let alone argue.

Ethan did as he was asked, but with much reluctance. Then, to Nicoli’s surprise, everyone but Preston left. He supposed Cecile thought he would feel more comfortable being washed and attended to by another man, though he hardly cared either way.

It was a great struggle to get Nicoli out of the stiff, blood soaked pants. The fabric had become very tough and Preston finally had to find a pair of durable scissors to help the process. He then had to use the same scissors to cut away the bandages around his torso and when they were thrown away he saw how bloody they were. He wanted to ask Preston how bad his back looked, but he refrained, not wanting to know the answer.

Once Nicoli was stripped he was ushered into the shower. The warm water gushing from the showerhead made his body jump, but he relaxed into it. Preston, who stood just outside of the tub, then began to scrub at Nicoli’s body as delicately as he could. As he did Nicoli kept his eyes locked on the drain and watched the blood, sweat, and dirt be washed away. He felt as if the remnants of Dimitri, of the mansion, of the entire experience, were trickling down. His body was being purified and cleansed and he relished the feeling, wanting to forget about everything that had happened.

Nicoli was completely silent as he was cleaned. To Preston’s credit he tried to get Nicoli to speak, to say anything, but his idle conversation starters went ignored and he soon gave up trying and left Nicoli in silent peace.

It wasn’t like Nicoli didn’t want to talk. He really wanted to say something, to break the eerie quiet. He wanted to try and make a joke about his nudity to make Preston fluster. He wanted to comment on the way the steam from the shower made Preston’s glasses fog up and had to be placed on top of his head to be out of the way and say how handsome Preston was without them. He wanted to ask about Preston being a witch. He wanted to know so much about the magical side of the family that he had been oblivious to until now, but he couldn’t. His voice refused to rise from his throat, no matter how much he tried to coax it up. He didn’t let it bother him. There would be time for all of that later. Time to have all of his questions answered and to tease Preston as much as he liked. There was time…

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Nicoli sighed as he lay on a big, plush bed on his stomach. It was nice and comfortable, much better than the cold cement floor of Dimitri’s basement. He was dressed in nothing but a pair of Preston’s pants, which were slightly loose on him. He wasn’t sure whose room he was in, but he had a suspicion that it was Cecile’s. It was the smell of lilac that permeated the room that gave it away.

He let out a shuddering breath as a warm, almost hot hand ghosted over his back. The contact made his skin tingle and almost felt ticklish. There were three pairs of hands on his back belonging to Cecile, Preston, and Preston’s mother Tabitha. He never thought his first meeting with Tabitha would be like this, but of course nothing was going the way he thought it would lately.

There was a squeeze to his hand and his eyes flickered to the side of the bed. That was where Amelia had seated herself. She wasn’t helping with what the other’s were doing, instead kneeling at the head of the bed and clasping Nicoli’s hand tightly in both of hers. Nicoli would never be able to express how much he appreciated it. Just having her close soothed him greatly.

Their eyes would meet every once in a while, but neither said a word. They would just look into each other’s eyes for a moment before one of them would look away, either Nicoli closing his eyes in fatigue or Amelia looking to the work her family was doing. Nicoli was conflicted. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to ask. There were many secrets they had been keeping from each other that were revealed in the most shocking of ways. They needed to talk, but Nicoli had no idea what he would say first. If there was anything he could say.

His brows rose and he turned his head a little when he felt the hands leave him, taking their soothing warmth with them.

“There,” Cecile said. “That is all we can do.”

Nicoli nearly sighed in relief, happy to be healed, but his joy dissipated when he caught the look of horror on Amelia’s face as she gazed upon his back.

“What? But-But, Mom, he’s-its…that’s all you can do?” she stuttered in disbelief.

“W-What?” Nicoli asked, the first word he had spoken since his rescue. His throat burned and throbbed, but he swallowed the pain down and tried to ignore it. “What’s wrong?”

There was a touch to his other shoulder and he turned his head the other way to look up at Cecile. She was the vision of loveliness Nicoli remembered, but her beautiful features were clouded by a subtle sadness.

“Nicoli, Preston said there was something on the bandages when he took them off. Do you know what those people applied to your back?” she asked.

Nicoli tried to think back, but it hurt to do so. He didn’t want to think about anything that had happened and he definitely didn’t want to think about Meier.

“He said that it was some kind of ointment to stop the bleeding and take away the pain. He didn’t say exactly what it was, though,” he said. He wanted to know what was wrong. He felt fine. The water from the shower had washed away the ointment and the pain had started to return, but thanks to Cecile and the others his back felt great, so why was there so much dread?

Cecile sighed and shook her head.

“I was afraid of that.”

“Afraid of what? What’s wrong? My back feels fine,” he said and tried to smile encouragingly, though it fell short.

“Nicoli,” Cecile said after another sigh. “The ointment stopped the bleeding, but…it began to heal the wounds the wrong way.”

“Wrong way?” Nicoli didn’t understand how any kind of healing could be wrong.

“Yes, instead of making new normal tissue, it accelerated the process of healed, damaged tissue. We were able to heal some of the damage, but because of that ointment…well, feel for yourself.” Cecile gently took his hand in hers and bent his arm in such a way that he could touch his back.

The moment his fingers touched skin his eyes widened. Something was definitely wrong. Instead of smooth skin he felt bumps and ridges, long ones that covered a great expanse of his skin. It was then he realized what Cecile meant by “healing the wrong way.” The ointment had mended his back slightly, but it had turned the lash marks into scars that he would carry forever.

“There has to be something you can do,” Amelia said, her voice pleading.

“We have done all that we can,” Cecile said solemnly. “If his back had only been bandaged we would have been able to heal the wounds perfectly, but we cannot heal wounds that have already been healed. No matter how poorly.”

Nicoli burrowed his face into the pillow as Cecile’s words sank in. He was scarred, damaged. He would never be able to forget about Dimitri or what had happened because he now had a permanent reminder emblazoned into his back. There was no doubt that’s what Dimitri had planned.

A hand stroked his head and he turned just enough to peek up at Cecile.

“Do not fret, Nicoli,” she told him. “You are alive and that is all that matters. Remember that.”

Nicoli nodded, but it didn’t make him feel any better. What was he supposed to do with a scarred back? How was he going to keep that from his parents? He gasped and nearly shot up, but his body was too weak for that.

“My parents! They must be so worried. What am I going to tell them? What can I possibly say?”

The comforting hand returned and rubbed the back of his neck, easing his panic.

“Don’t worry, that has already been taken care of. Your parents think you went on a Thanksgiving trip with us and are expecting you back tomorrow for Thanksgiving. They are none the wiser to your little escapades.”

Nicoli was filled with shame and fear. He wanted to see his parents so bad and yet…

“How can I possibly face them and pretend nothing happened?” he asked.

“Well, you could always tell them what you went through,” Cecile said and laughed when Nicoli stared at her with wild eyes. “A little joke, I assure you. Even I would be hesitant to tell them what has transpired. I suppose all you can do is face it head on with a straight face. If you’d like I can make some arrangement for us to be with you to try and help you through it as you readjust.”

Nicoli nodded immediately.

“Yes, I would like that very much.” He then went quiet when another, terrifying thought hit him. “What…what if Dimitri goes after my parents?”

“I’ve already thought of a solution for that,” Tabitha said, who was sitting beside Cecile. Seeing her in person Nicoli was struck by how delicate she really seemed, even more so since she looked exhausted. In her features he could see where Preston’s gentle nature came from, but her voice had a surprising amount of strength to it.

“What do you suggest, Tabitha?” Cecile asked.

“Well, Lance has been a friend to the Fairbrooke family for many years, so I see no reason why we couldn’t put a warding spell on their house to keep pesky troublemakers away.”

“Ah, that’s an excellent idea, Tabitha,” Cecile said with a pleased smile.

“A warding spell? What will that do?” Nicoli asked.

“A warding spell, dear child, is basically just a protection spell around the house that anyone with magical, or supernatural sense will be able to pick up on. It will let those with hostile intent know that if they harm anyone that lives in that household that they will then have to deal directly with the Fairbrooke family and that would give anyone pause.”

“Will that be enough?” Nicoli asked.

“Oh, I assure you it will make any vampire or paranormal beast think twice before harming your parents,” Cecile said with a confident nod. “Not only do our reputations precede us, but we are well and heavily connected. If anyone were to go against us we could get a dozen or more witching families here like that,” she said with a snap of her fingers.

“…what if my parents aren’t in the house?” Nicoli asked, remembering how Omen had attacked his father while he was at work.

“You have no need to worry about that,” Tabitha told him. “The spell will be cast on the house, but it will linger on the residents of the house whenever they leave, giving a good warning to anyone who would have those same thoughts.”

With his fears quelled Nicoli breathed a sigh of relief. The Fairbrooke’s were going to take care of his family and that was more than he could ever hope for.

“But there is a drawback, Nicoli,” Cecile said, making him look up at her worriedly. “Your parents will be easy to protect since they are not meddling in anything dangerous. You, however, are completely different. Whatever your connection with these vampires is will get you into trouble, I see no way around that. With that in mind we cannot extend the protection to you if you continue on this path. Your parents are bystanders that could get hurt inadvertently, but you are going into this danger head on of your own free will. I will not place my family in that kind of danger to help protect you from everything ahead and for that I am sorry.”

The grip on Nicoli’s other hand tightened and he knew Amelia did not like that one bit. He wasn’t too keen on it either, but he understood. They were willing to help his parents who were innocent and had nothing to do with the vampires, but he had willingly placed himself in his situation. From that perspective Nicoli was sure he’d do the same as Cecile.

“I understand,” he said.

Cecile nodded.

“I’m glad.” She then turned to the other members of her family. “I think it is time we let him rest.” She smiled at Tabitha. “And I think it is time for you to rest as well. You look about ready to collapse.”

Tabitha chuckled and sighed.

“Are you my younger sister or my mother?” she asked. “But, you’re right, if I tried to do anymore today I may just crumble completely. Preston, can you help me to my room?”

Preston immediately stood and went to his mother, gently helping her to her feet. Before she left with her son she turned to Nicoli.

“It was very nice to finally meet you, Nicoli. I wish it could have been under different circumstances, but I’m glad you are safe.”

“Thank you,” Nicoli said, turning enough to look back at her. “Thank you for everything and it was nice to meet you too.”

With a smile and a nod Tabitha left the room with Preston at her side. Nicoli wondered why she seemed so frail compared to the others, but he wasn’t in the mood to start asking about the family’s health issues. His attention was brought to Cecile when she stood and smiled down at him.

“I know you’re tired so I shall leave you now too. I think you and Amelia also have a lot to discuss and I would not want to get in the way of that.” With a nod to both him and Amelia, Cecile picked up something black from the bedside table and left.

Nicoli knew what the item was. It was the shock collar that had been around his neck. Cecile had managed to get it off before they began healing him. How she was able to he didn’t know. She had no scissors or knives with her. She had just examined it a moment and the next thing he knew it was off. He was happy they didn’t question him about what it was. He wasn’t sure if it would be okay to tell them about the mind link and decided to wait till he talked to the clan.

He was so relieved that the collar was off, it meant that he was free to talk to Ethan again, but he had refrained from doing so just yet. He didn’t know why, but he wanted to see Ethan as he talked to him, not just hear his voice. He wanted to watch Ethan’s lips move and hear the voice that would come from between them. So he waited.

Nicoli waited for the door to close and Cecile’s footsteps to recede before looking up at Amelia. With what strength he had left in his body he pushed himself up into a sitting position. He expected her to stop him, but she didn’t move or say a word. When he was fully up they stared at each other. Nicoli’s tongue felt thick in his mouth. What was he supposed to say? What could he say? Amelia seemed just as lost on what to do. Finally, Nicoli decided he had to say something.

“A-Amelia…”

His voice set the world spinning again and snapped Amelia out of her staring daze. He was shocked when tears filled her eyes and she let out a choked sob.

“Oh, Nicoli,” she said before throwing herself on him and wrapping him in a tight, desperate embrace.

He sat in stunned silence as she cried against him. He could feel her tears collect on his shoulder and trickle down his bare chest. It was the first time he had ever seen her cry. She was always so bubbly and exuberant and one of the strongest women he had ever met. It was hard to see that lovable persona crumble into such vulnerability.

That was why he held back his own tears as he enveloped her in his arms. He wanted to be strong for her, even though he himself was on the edge of breaking down. It was the least he could do for what she had done to save him. It was the least he could do for everything she had ever done to save him.

Amelia cried against him for a few minutes, but when the tears ebbed she murmured something into his shoulder, catching him off guard.

“What?” he asked.

She pulled back enough to wipe her eyes with her arm.

“I-I’m so sorry,” she said as she sniveled, now wiping her nose.

“What are you apologizing for?” he asked, perplexed by it. “I should be groveling at your feet for what you did. I’m the one that’s sorry for getting you mixed up in this. You could have gotten hurt because of me,” he said, flinching at the mere thought.

“No, I’m sorry for not telling you I was a witch and not telling you right away about Ethan and just – and – I’m just so sorry. None of this might have happened if I had just opened my stupid mouth.”

“Somehow I doubt that,” Nicoli said with his first genuine smile, though it was quite small.

“No, it’s true!” she insisted. “I knew Ethan was a vampire the first time I laid eyes on him and suspected you were getting into something shady and I just let it happen. I just thought that to convince you I’d have to tell you what I am and I was just too much of a coward to do that. I was selfish.”

Nicoli was silent as he reflected on her words. They had both been keeping so much from each other. Him with his involvement with the clan and her with her magical heritage and with how aware she had been the entire time. He felt horrible on so many levels.

“You were that scared to tell me you were a witch?” he asked.

“Well, until recently I was still under the impression that you didn’t believe in the occult and even seemed to hate it. Can you blame me?”

“Er, well, not when you put it like that.”

That’s when Nicoli thought back to when he had first moved to Whixton. To the angry teenager full of prejudice and was so narrow-minded. He was certain he was thinking about a completely different person, almost a stranger. How would that Nicoli have taken the news that Amelia was a witch? He didn’t even know.

How did he feel about it now? He knew he didn’t feel anything negative towards Amelia. He was simply filled with wonder and awe that his friend was something so…spectacular. She was fierce in normal regards and even more so when it came to magic. Poor Van had learned that the hard way.

“So, do you care that I’m a witch?” Amelia asked timidly and Nicoli was struck that she was actually scared.

“Care? Amelia, that is the coolest thing ever.”

Her eyes widened and she blinked at him.

“R-Really?”

“Yes, really. You were completely bad-ass in there. Anyone else would have wet their pants, but you didn’t bat an eye and then you faced the entire clan by yourself. If that isn’t cool than I don’t know what is.” His face fell when he had a thought. “Did you really think I was going to flip out on you if I learned the truth?”

Amelia looked away shamefully and her face reddened.

“It happens. I’ve heard horror stories my whole life about what can happen. Friends turn on you, families get town apart…”

Nicoli understood. Her fear was justified, but he thought it was such an unfair burden. A burden he refused to put on her.

He took her chin and turned her face towards him. He then mustered up the biggest, most reassuring smile that he could.

“Amelia, you’re my best friend and that’s even truer now after you helped save me. I would never turn on you just for being a witch. I would have to be the stupidest guy on Earth to do something like that,” he said. “And if you ask me if I really mean that, I’ll smack you,” he added when she opened her mouth.

She quickly closed it and wiped at her eyes.

“Thank you, Nicoli, you’re the best,” she said with a soft smile, which made his disappear.

“No I’m not. I’m the biggest dickwad in the world. How long have you known that I’ve been lying about pretty much everything?”

“Er, well…”

Amelia went on to tell him about what else happened at the Halloween party, about her confrontation with Ethan and also the first time she met Faith. By the time she was done telling him all about her suspicions and run-in’s with the clan he felt like the biggest ass in the world.

“So, you’ve known I’ve been lying through my teeth this entire time?” he asked.

“Basically, though I never honestly believed that you knew what Ethan was. I just prayed you really were just sleeping with him like you said…was that a lie too?”

“Um, no, that’s actually one thing I was being honest about.”

“Oh…” Amelia murmured and blushed lightly.

“God, I’ve just been a complete idiot,” Nicoli said, dropping his face into his hands and shaking his head. “Why the hell did you even keep associating with me when you’ve known I’ve been the biggest liar ever? I would have kicked my ass to the curb long ago…why did you stay with me?”

Amelia looked away as she thought over her answer. Nicoli didn’t know what she was going to say or if it was even going to make sense, but he wanted to know.

“Well,” she finally said. “I guess part of it was that…Nicoli, you’ve been my first real friend in a – in a long time and no matter what stupid stuff you were doing or even though you were lying to me, I didn’t want to lose that. And, this may sound dumb, but I believed in you. I believed that no matter what was going on you weren’t trying to hurt me. I believed that someday you would be able to come to come and confide in me and I wanted to be there for you when you did.” She looked at him sheepishly. “Pretty silly, isn’t it?”

Nicoli didn’t find it silly one bit. He was overcome by a wave of gratitude and he reached out to take hold of Amelia and pulled her into his arms. She let out a squeak in surprise, but melded into the hug easily.

“Nicoli?”

“I don’t deserve you,” he said into her vibrant, red hair. “You’re the greatest person ever and I’ve been taking you for granted. I’m sorry that I can’t explain everything that’s going on with the vampires’, but I want you to know that I won’t be keeping anything else from you and will appreciate you from now on.”

Amelia chuckled and snuggled against him for a second before pulling away.

“And I promise the same. I won’t be scared to tell you everything about me and my family anymore. No more secrets between us, ever. Oh, and, while I love the claim of appreciation, you really don’t have to worry about anything.” She tilted his head down and kissed him on the forehead.

“You couldn’t get rid of me…even if you tried.”

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Ethan shifted on the floor. It was uncomfortable and his back was starting to hurt, but he wouldn’t move even if the devil told him to. He had his back against the wall and was sitting very close to the door that Nicoli had been taken into. He wanted to go in and see how Nicoli was doing, but instead he waited patiently for some sort of permission.

He jumped when the door opened and looked up expectantly when Tabitha came out with Preston, who was steadying her as she walked. They went by without even a glance or a word and his face fell. He was just about to lean over and peek into the room when another person came out.

Cecile closed the door behind her before looking down at Ethan. She studied him for a moment before smiling serenely.

“You have a lot of patience to sit there for so long,” she said quietly.

“How is he?” Ethan asked, rising to his feet.

“Well enough, I suppose,” she replied. “We were able to heal what we could bodily, but emotionally he will need more time and a lot of support.”

“Of course…can I see him?”

“Not at the moment. Nicoli and my little girl have much to talk about. They both did have all of their skeletons tumble out of the closet, after all. They need time, but I’m sure their friendship will only grow stronger from this experience. After they are done you can see if Nicoli is up for anymore visitors, but if he’s not I strongly advise you respect that.”

Ethan nodded and ran his fingers through his hair. He just happened to glance down and spy something in Cecile’s hand.

“What is that?” he asked.

“Oh, this?” she said, holding up a black strap with a small box attached to it. “It was a device that I had to remove from Nicoli’s neck.”

“What is it?”

“I’ve heard of them, and seen only a few. It’s a magical shock collar that makes it so the wearer is unable to make any mental function outside of the normal, like telepathy for example. If done the collar delivers a nasty shock…curious how those vampires thought he would need something like this.”

“Yes, curious indeed,” Ethan murmured, averting his eyes by staring at the collar. “You said magical, so that means they got it from a witch?”

“Not necessarily. It was made using magic, yes, but Dimitri could have acquired it from any number of places. My guess would be they bought it from the Black Market. You have no idea how long my family has been trying to shut down shady places like those and even longer trying to make sure items like these are not sold there. It gives all witches a very bad name. My guess as to why they wanted to use something like this is so that you and your family could not pick up on his mental waves and find him that way.”

“That explains a lot,” Ethan said with a touch of anger.

“Yes, I thought it would,” she said as she handed the shock collar to him. She was quiet for a moment as she looked him over and he had no idea what she could possibly be thinking.

“Ethan, I know you are hurting because of this,” she said, catching him off guard. “You feel what has happened to Nicoli is your fault.”

Ethan flinched and felt like he had been slapped.

“Well, it is, isn’t it? Nicoli would have never found himself in that position if it wasn’t for me. If I had left him alone…”

He had turned from Cecile, but a hand on his shoulder made him turn back.

“Now really, what good does self loathing do?” she asked. “You may have given him an invitation to be with you and your clan, but did you force him to take it?”

“Well, no…are you insinuating it’s his fault?”

Cecile chuckled and shook her head.

“Of course not. I’m just saying that maybe you opened the door, but many other circumstances took place to find us where we are now and they were most certainly not because of you.”

Ethan stared into her warm, comforting hazel eyes and felt a sense of peace wash over him and the knot of guilt in his chest loosened somewhat.

“Thank you, Cecile. You are a very wise woman,” he said.

“And you are a good man, Ethan. Don’t forget that.”

With a last pat to his shoulder she left him to stand alone in front of the door. When she disappeared from view he lifted his hand and stared at the shock collar he held. It was because of the seemingly harmless device that he had been cut off from Nicoli. It seemed preposterous, but the evidence was in his hand.

He slowly curled his fingers around the box and, with one clench, crushed it. The collar fell to the floor followed by pieces of the shock box. Maybe Cecile was right, maybe it wasn’t his fault. Felix had been trying to tell him that for years, but he would only believe he was a good man if he was able to protect Nicoli and make sure nothing like this ever happened again.

Ethan paced outside of the bedroom for several minutes, each second longer than the last. He tried his best to reign in his impatience. Cecile was right, Nicoli and Amelia needed their time together, deserved it, but it didn’t make him any less anxious.

He had the thought to reach out to Nicoli mentally, but was immediately against the idea. He had no idea what condition Nicoli was in and who knew if that shock collar had made him severely afraid to use the mind link.

When the door finally opened it caught Ethan by surprise and he recoiled from it. The action caused Amelia to give him a strange look as she stepped out.

“You’re still here?” she asked quietly.

“Yes…can I see Nicoli, please?” he asked and couldn’t believe how much it sounded like he was begging. Truth was he had no idea how Amelia was going to treat him now. The agreement they made was only to put their differences aside during the rescue mission, not afterwards.

Amelia regarded him for a moment before taking a step back into the room and looking in.

“Ethan wants to see you. You up for it?” she asked.

Ethan heard a soft reply, but couldn’t make out the words. His throat clenched reflexively when Amelia turned back to him.

“Go on in, but keep it short. He’s very tired,” she told him and sounded worn herself. She stepped out of the way and Ethan easily went past her and into the room. Once there he looked back at Amelia, who nodded and closed the door behind her.

With the click of the door Ethan steeled his courage and turned towards the bed. Everything in the room melted away and all he saw was the form of Nicoli, lying down on the bed on his stomach. Ethan’s feet carried him forward, even though he had not willed them to.

He took in every detail of Nicoli, from his closed eyes to his damp hair, but there was one detail that wasn’t there before that turned Ethan’s stomach. A giant patchwork of scars riddled Nicoli’s back. They streaked across the skin in a number of ways from diagonally to vertical, resembling that of a grotesque star.

Ethan stood at the side of the bed and simply stared at the damaged skin. He was too stunned to even feel anger. His fingers left his side to touch the scars, to see if they were part of reality.

“Don’t.”

The sharp warning pierced through his mind and made his hand still. He realized that Nicoli’s eyes were open and they gazed at him wearily.

“I want to pretend they’re not there…just for a little while longer,” he explained.

Ethan nodded and pulled his hand back. A tremor passed through him after Nicoli’s voice faded from his mind. He had gone without hearing it for so long and it broke his heart to hear how exhausted and drained it sounded, but he was at least happy to know there was no lasting fear from the collar.

“What did they do to you?” he asked.

Nicoli sighed as he readjusted on the bed and buried his face farther into the pillow.

“Plenty, but from what I understand nothing was nearly as bad as what they could have done.” He hefted a sigh. “I don’t want to talk about what they did. It’s far too…recent. I don’t want to relive it already.”

Ethan nodded. It was reasonable enough. He wouldn’t want to recount what had happened either so shortly after rescue. An awkward silence fell between them and a cold sweat broke out over Ethan’s brow. He didn’t know what to say or do. He had wanted to see Nicoli so badly, but now he felt that maybe the decision was too quick. He should have let Nicoli rest first and collected his own thoughts.

He stared out the bedroom window as a means of escape. Night had settled fully and he could make out a few stars that peeked out from a cloudy sky. The star gazing did not last when one simple question wrenched him back down to Earth.

“When were you going to tell me you had a twin brother?”

Ethan’s head whipped around, but he immediately looked away in shame when he met inquisitive blue eyes. The question or the eyes were not angry or accusing, but Ethan still could not stomach either. He fought with his words. In what order could he possibly explain his actions?

Finally he simply sighed and rubbed his face with his hand.

“Honestly, I was hoping you’d never find out.”

“Well that’s a rather stupid thing to hope for. You and I both know it was bound to come out eventually.”

Ethan groaned as he sat down on the side of the bed and bowed his head.

“I know, and you deserve so much better than that, but, it’s just…Nicoli, you have no idea how hard it was back then. How hard it is now. Finding out that not only did my brother hate me, but that he was the cause of so much death in my life. It’s hard to think about, let alone tell anyone.”

The bed moved slightly as Nicoli turned onto his side and tentatively touched Ethan’s arm.

“Can you at least try? Give me some kind of idea, make me understand.”

Ethan sighed as he took Nicoli’s hand in both of his.

“You’re really going to make me do this, aren’t you?”

Nicoli quirked a brow at him.

“Don’t you owe me that much?” he asked.

“Yeah, I guess I do,” Ethan said softly as he rubbed Nicoli’s hand between both of his. Even after everything Nicoli went through his skin was so soft. Every time Ethan’s fingers brushed close to Nicoli’s wrist he felt a pulse and it eased Ethan somewhat. Nicoli was alive. He was still solid and warm, not some apparition that haunted him with his mistakes.

“Well?” Nicoli prodded.

“Are you actually going to be talking to me at anytime? Why are you just using the mind link?” he asked, finding any excuse he could to stall.

Nicoli closed his eyes and almost looked like he was about to fall asleep.

“My throat is killing me. Dimitri…really made me use it in my time with him. Then talking to Amelia and her family didn’t help things. The mind link is just giving me a little break. I can talk to you normally if you really want me to, though,” he said, opening his eyes again and Ethan was sure there was the smallest of smirks playing on his lips.

“Er, no. Rest your voice.”

Nicoli’s hand gripped Ethan’s tightly and he looked at him imploringly.

“Ethan, please, just tell me why Meier hates you. I just don’t understand how someone can hate their own brother so much. Even Dimitri spoke fondly of Conrad from time to time. What happened to you two?”

Ethan dropped his head again and sighed. He busied himself by running his thumb over the back of Nicoli’s hand.

“God, I wish I could give you a straight answer,” he finally said. “Even I’m not really sure what’s going on in Evan’s head, but I can tell you what he told me and what I’ve learned over the years.”

“Anything will help.”

Ethan collected every ounce of will he had before delving into his story.

“I suppose it started back in our human days, when we were kids. You see, I learned that Evan didn’t come into these feelings on his own, they were sowed into him at a young age by someone we trusted most.”

“Who?”

“…Our mother.”

Ethan felt the jolt that went through Nicoli and wide eyes stared at him in disbelief.

“Your mom!? Your mom made Meier hate you? But-But why? Why would she do something like that?”

Ethan shrugged. He could hardly comprehend Evan’s hatred for him, putting his mother’s wrathful feelings into words was even harder.

“I don’t know her full motivations behind her actions, but I knew growing up that Mom was a little…off. I didn’t know till many years later that she was mentally ill. Back in those times there was nothing we could do for her but send her off to an asylum, and Dad was too proud of a man to admit something was wrong with her, so we grew up with a mom that just wasn’t quite right.”

“Do you know what kind of illness she had?” Nicoli asked.

“No, till this day I still don’t know what was really wrong with her. We never took her to a doctor for it, so she was never diagnosed. She was always just closed off, jealous, extremely paranoid, believe me, we were all accused of trying to kill her at one time or another, and she was the master of mood swings. She would be fine and calm one second, even affectionate, and the next I’d have to duck from something being thrown at my head as she went into a full on tantrum, spitting and cursing all the while.”

“That sounds horrible. It must have been hard growing up with a person like that, let alone your own mother.”

“Well, it wasn’t the easiest thing in the world, I’ll tell you that much. So, to let you get a sense about how Evan could have been manipulated by our mother, I think you have to know what we were like when we were little. Obviously, I was the outgoing kid that had a ton of friends and was fearless and just the life of the party.”

“If you weren’t I would be shocked,”Nicoli said and Ethan beamed when he was given a smile. It made him happy to see it.

“Yes, well, Evan was my complete opposite. He was painfully shy and socially awkward at times. The only friends he had were the ones that I made, and since Evan was usually glued to my side my friends were his friends. While I was at home being outside and a rough and tumble sort of kid he was much more comfortable staying inside and reading a book or practicing the piano. The more artsy stuff, I guess.”

“Wow, you two really were opposites.” Nicoli said in awe.

“Yep, and I guess it was the perfect ground for our mom to start planting her seeds of hate into Evan’s head.”

“I still don’t understand why she would do that. I mean, I get that she was mentally unstable, but why would she try to pit you two against each other?”

“In short, I guess you can say it was mostly because of our dad.”

“Your dad?”

“Yes, while he didn’t intentionally do anything to make Mom do what she did, he certainly didn’t help matters. You see, it was tough for my dad to deal with my mom’s psychotic behavior. I don’t think she was really bad when they first got together, but over the years it certainly got worse. Why he didn’t just divorce her and then had kids with her I’ll never know, but after Evan and I were born Dad redirected his entire focus onto me.”

“Like how?” Nicoli asked, furrowing his brows curiously.

“He spent all his time with me, teaching me, playing with me, just anything he could just so he didn’t have to be around Mom.”

“Wait, what about Meier…Evan, whatever. Didn’t your dad spend as much time as possible with him too?”

“No, and I believe that helped in Evan’s corruption. Dad didn’t really want anything to do with him, just me. He, um, kinda wanted a manly man son and according to him Evan didn’t fit those qualities, given his demur personality.” Ethan smiled and chuckled. “He actually called Evan a sissy once tome privately.” The smile was quick to fade, remembering it was actions like that that had turned Evan into what he was now.

“Wow…no offense, but your dad seemed like kind of a douche bag,” Nicoli told him.

“And many would agree with you and because Dad wasn’t all that into Evan, Evan was with Mom a lot. Back then I didn’t see any problems with it. I spent time with Dad he spent time with Mom and we would spend time with each other when we didn’t want to be with our parents. It’s only now that I think back on it do I realize that warning signs had begun to emerge back then. Every time Evan would be with me after a long period with Mom he seemed withdrawn and even angry towards me, but after a while he’d go back to being my shy little brother with a cheery smile, so I thought nothing of it. I never fathomed that Mom was slowly turning Evan against me because of her anger towards Dad’s neglect. Telling Evan that he would never measure up to me, that he would always be in my shadow as long as I was around, everyone would always prefer me over him, that no one loved him but her…then came the moment in our lives that I think sealed the fate of what he was to become.”

“What? What happened?” Nicoli asked anxiously.

Ethan sighed and bowed his head with his eyes closed. It hurt to think back on his human days. The situation as a whole was better left forgotten.

“When we were fourteen our mom–she…she killed herself.”

“She what!? Ethan…I’m so sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about. It was all a matter of time anyways. She had been suicidal for years, but I never thought she would go through with it. The truly horrible thing about it, though, was that Evan was the one that found her. She had hung herself in her room and I found Evan crying and screaming, kneeling in front of her swaying body and I had to drag him away forcefully because he refused to leave her.”

“Oh, God. That must have seriously messed him up.”

“Yes, he was never the same after that. He became very quiet and fully withdrawn from me and everything around him. He seemed to hold everything around him in disdain and his great smiles became few and far between. I always had a suspicion that he blamed me and Dad for her death and I was proven right just a few years ago.”

“That’s so sad…but there’s something I’m confused on.”

“And what’s that.”

“Supposedly Evan has hated you since then, right?”

“Yes, that’s what I believe.”

“And you never picked upon his hatred until he betrayed you? That’s a lot of years to be in the dark about that. How could you not have known?”

“I guess it’s partly because I didn’t want to see that he truly loathed me and the other part it because Evan has always been fantastic in hiding his true emotions. Hardly anyone can read him, even myself and I’m his brother. I suppose it was also hard to believe he hated me because, from time to time, I saw glimmers of the old Evan. In very rare, precious moments he would want to spend time with me like he used to and his smiles would return and he’d even be affectionate. That helped in my delusion.”

Ethan thought back on those wonderful times and always hated that they never lasted long.

“…Okay, there’s something else that I’m confused on, though. From what I was told, he met Dimitri only ten years ago and left your clan nine years ago to go be with him. If he hated you why the hell would he stay with you for so long as both human and vampire? That makes no sense.”

“You know, I have wondered that same question for years and I really have no idea why. I wish I did, but I don’t. Maybe, even though he hated me, he felt bound to stay with me because he didn’t know of any other way to be. We are twins and we were together through every part of our lives, but that’s only a theory and not an actual fact. My guess, though, is that whatever it was that kept Evan with me, Dimitri was able to break him free of it and turned my brother into a murdering bastard.”

Ethan finally let go of Nicoli’s hand and laced his fingers together then rested his chin on top of them. His mind trailed through the bitter memories that overshadowed the good ones he had had of him and his brother.

“I can’t believe you had such a difficult life. I would have never guessed with how pleasant you always seem.”

“I guess you’re not the only good actor around here,” Ethan said with a wry smile.

Nicoli looked away, as if in thought, but it was just a moment before his eyes found Ethan’s again.

“Ethan, I…I know what happened to Felix. About how Evan killed him.”

Ethan was taken aback, but then again it didn’t surprise him that Evan would reveal that information to Nicoli. Evan most likely gloated about it and hot fire coursed through Ethan’s veins at just the thought.

“Does that mean you know that Felix and I…” He was unable to complete his sentence.

“Were more than just friends? Yeah, he told me that too.”

“Does that make you feel weird at all since we’ve been sleeping together?” Ethan asked nervously, not knowing how Nicoli would react to it.

“Well, I admit that that may make things a little awkward, and sucks that I’m getting his leftovers, but I pretty much guessed that’s what was up between you two. You had your cutsie little tender moments that were just too intimate to be just friendly.” Nicoli’s face fell and he shook his head.

“I just can’t believe he was killed like that. It’s so messed up. I may not like Felix, but to be betrayed and killed like that is just so fucked up. It’s no wonder he’s so moody all the time.”

“Yes, he’s taken it all a lot better than anyone ever should…” Ethan had no idea what else to say on the subject. He hated talking about the horrible night Felix died and he wasn’t about to talk about it now. “So, are you angry with me in keeping all of this from you?” he asked, changing the subject.

“I’m way too tired to feel anything at all, let alone anger,” Nicoli said, closing his eyes again. “I’d have to wait till I’m rested in order to know if I’m pissed off at you, but somehow I don’t think I am.”

“What? Really?” Ethan said in genuine surprise.

Nicoli verbally chuckled, and the sound was raspy at best.

“Yes, really. What you went through was just so painful, I can understand not wanting to talk to anyone about it, let alone some little punk you haven’t known for that long. I’m kinda hurt you didn’t tell me, but I understand, so, no, I don’t think I’ll be angry with you.”

Ethan smiled and a knot he hadn’t realized was in his chest released and a wave of relief came after. He placed his hand on Nicoli’s upper arm and rubbed it tenderly.

“Thank you, Nicoli, it’s more than I deserve. I guess I should let you rest now. You really need it,” he said, taking his hand away and made to stand up, but before he could stand fully a hand grabbed his arm desperately and held on tightly.

“Wait.”

Ethan looked back at Nicoli and noticed a small spark of fear had come to his eyes. Ethan covered Nicoli’s hand with his own with a worried expression.

“What is it?” he asked.

Nicoli took his hand away and seemed almost embarrassed.

“Could-Could you stay with me for a while? I don’t want to be alone.”

“Are you sure you want me to?” Ethan asked. “Wouldn’t you rather want Amelia or something?” He felt he had broken Nicoli’s trust too profoundly to be the one to give him comfort.

Nicoli curled on his side and averted his eyes.

“She won’t hold me the way I want to be held.”

A sense of warmth filled Ethan’s chest at that confession, but he resisted it. He didn’t deserve it and they both knew it.

“I don’t think I –”

“Get in the fucking bed!”

Ethan was so taken aback by the outburst and the glare he received that he actually gave a full laugh, which felt nice after everything and he decided to relent.

“All right, all right, I’m getting in the bed,” he said.

He kicked off his shoes and slipped off his jacket and plopped it on top of the footwear. He paused when he got an eyeful of his clothes. His shirt and pants were torn, tattered and bloody. Cecile would most likely not be too pleased to have her bed sullied, but Ethan figured it was for a good cause. The shirt was the only article of clothing to come off before he slipped into the bed with Nicoli.

They moved around a bit before they were comfortable. Ethan wrapped his arms around Nicoli and their bodies were pressed against each other as close as possible as their legs intertwined. It amazed Ethan that Nicoli felt so much smaller and fragile in his arms than he remembered and he could feel the damage on Nicoli’s back and cursed Dimitri and the others with all his might.

They laid in silence for a while and Ethan was sure Nicoli had gone to sleep, but a soft voice in his head told him otherwise.

“Ethan, can you just talk to me? When it’s quiet my mind goes to bad places.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Anything.”

“Okay, I–”

“No, not like that,” Nicoli said. He pulled back and looked into Ethan’s eyes. “Talk to me in here.”

Ethan’s eyebrows rose, but he smiled and nodded and reached out to touch Nicoli’s mind and reveled in how good it was to do so.

“I’m so glad you’re okay.”

Nicoli closed his eyes and Ethan felt the shiver that ran through the body he held. Nicoli then released what Ethan could only call a giddy giggle, which threw him greatly.

“What?” he asked in confusion.

Nicoli opened his eyes and a true smile blossomed, lighting up his whole face.

“I just can’t believe it,” he said and, with his hand resting on the back of Ethan’s head, he pulled Ethan towards him and leaned up till their foreheads touched. “I actually missed having you inside my head.”

Ethan smiled and rubbed his thumb against Nicoli’s cheek.

“I missed it too.”

===============================Ch. 58 End