Blinded

How many times have I woken up only to lose consciousness once more? For the past few hours I’ve been trapped inside a Monet – colors are blurring into each other seamlessly, the world is rendered in broad, uneven strokes. I cannot recall last night with much clarity; my memories are as foggy as my vision is right now. I remember eating dinner and the rest is oblivion. Charlie told me that after we fucked, or “made love”, as he put it, I was out like a light. Something is wrong, but I am too tired to care. I’m not in any pain, I just feel… numbness all over. At least these sheets are soft and inviting – I almost don’t mind the lethargy. In fact, I don’t want to leave. Under these linens the temperature is perfectly attenuated. To leave now would be to disrupt this perfection. Besides, Charlie has been rather attentive today, catering to my every need. Unfortunately, I had to cancel that movie with Andy, I just wasn’t feeling up for it in my current state. Oh well, another time.

Charlie enters the bedroom and sits down next to me. He’s brought me breakfast, or perhaps it’s lunch now? Those strong fingers push through my hair with surprising gentleness. I smile at him and he kisses me – it’s long and deep, tongues and all. It’s so good that my mouth waters. He swipes the spit away with his thumb.

“How you holdin’ up? Feeling any better? I made soup… and by ‘made’ I mean I opened a can and heated it up.”

“I’m a bit better.” That’s a lie. I sit up with some difficulty, propping my back against the headboard. “I’m really sorry about all this. I don’t know what’s going on with me. I think maybe I had an allergic reaction to the dinner or something.”

A hand is placed on my forehead. It’s cooling. “What’s important is getting better. Luckily, it’s the weekend so you have some time to recuperate ‘til classes. Now…” He brings a spoonful of soup to my mouth. “Eat.” He nourishes me, like a parent would a child. Every portion is carefully cooled before it enters my mouth. I’ve never been fed as an adult before. It feels strange, but with Charlie, it just somehow feels right.

“Okay, time for a bath.”

“Are you saying I smell?”

“Yes.”

I laugh and attempt an exit from the bed only to immediately fall to the floor. I guess you don’t really know just how weak you are until you stress yourself. Luckily, I landed on the carpet. Charlie picks me up, cradling me in his arms. I’m treated like a child again, but I don’t mind. I’m quick to wrap my arms around his neck and breathe in his smell. I feel secure. It’s unfortunate they don’t bottle his scent. Eau de Charlie, it would be called. He sets me down near the tub, but my arms are still wrapped around him, staying faithful to my simian heritage. After turning on the water, he undresses me rather awkwardly since I have to brace him to steady myself. After some wobbling, I make it into the tub. The water is a tad hot, but the warmth is soothing. I have my head resting on folded arms and Charlie is washing my back with a soapy cloth. It calms me.

“I never noticed how nice your bathroom is.”

“You think so, huh?”

“It’s like DIY magazine good.”

“Well you’re a bit delirious so that helps.” He chuckles, showing those nice teeth of his. I can tell it’s not a forced laugh by the way the sides of his eyes wrinkle. I look down at the elaborate tiles, counting them. Then, I break the long silence.

“How come… how come you like me?” By the change in his face, I seem to have caught him off-guard with that one.

“You say that like it’s a very difficult thing to do.” He smiles reassuringly, running the rinsed cloth down my naked back. “Well…for one, you’re rather adorable.” So are teddy bears. Is there anything else?

“Um…” That he has to think about it is worrying me. “Well you’re kind…” Everybody says that about everyone. “Trustworthy… hardworking… courageous—“

“Courageous?”

“Yeah. You went to college instead of wasting away on that stagnant farm. It takes lots of guts to defy authority and follow your own path. It’s very admirable.”

“Hmm… I never thought of it that way.” Another long silence.

“What do you like about me?”

“Your cock.”

“Very funny.”

I recline back on the porcelain, letting him wash my chest while I make circles in the water with my finger. “Well, you’re smart… successful… caring. Oh, you make these cute little sounds when you’re asleep, like a puppy. Um… you think economics is actually fun.” I get a splash for that one. “And you think that I think economics is fun.” Another splash, this time with a pinch and a laugh. Another pause.

“When you hold me, I feel safe… and wanted… needed even.” Our gazes lock. His expression changes to one of surprise, with the kind of stark realization that comes with suddenly remembering what was forgotten or ignored. The washcloth stops moving. He seems upset, his thoughts preoccupied.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

“Ah, nothing. I just remembered… something for a lecture. It’s nothing.” He offers a smile and holds my face before kissing me gently. He whispers to my lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He wrings out the cloth and wipes my face. “You know, you stay over here nearly every night, maybe you should just…well… move in? It’ll save on you having to paying rent and you can just pay me with the odd sexual favor.” I flick water at him.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be a leech. I can pay for the food or bills and stuff. That loan money has to go somewhere.”

“Save it for a rainy day. Honestly, I don’t mind. I told you about my parents, money isn’t really an issue.” We look at each other for a while.

“’Kay.”

 

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Isabel Dreamland - Thank you for your comments and for being the first to review. I appreciate it.