I Hate Loneliness but it Loves Me

A/N- So I have an idea on what I’m going to do. Now that I’ve actually gotten a response to my story (Thank you CandyCaner =] ) its given me some thoughts. So hopefully by now you hate Avery, and feel bad for Mandy. Well the character of Mandy is going to be gone for a while, and I think you’ll get a chance to see more into Avery’s reason for being who she truly is. More to come!! (By the way, this was supposed to be Chapter 6, but I put both Chapter 5 and 6 into 1 Chapter because my brain hurts today.)

You know how they say the full moon makes people crazy? Two days until the full moon and I feel like I’m going insane.

I want to rip my hair out of my head; every cell inside my body is screaming for me to just…Let go, and I’ve been experiencing a very unfamiliar pain every now and again.

I’ve been sitting at home for the past two hours, thinking over and over again how a good day can just go to shit in a few moments. I keep seeing Avery everywhere, mainly around Mandy, and I wanted to confront her about it, to tell her to back off. But that wasn’t something that happened as easily as it sounded.

It was like Avery had a spell put on me. Something I couldn’t control. But for a moment I managed to break free of it and get the courage to talk to her. “Look, you know I care about you…But…You need to leave Mandy alone. Please. I can’t be with you if you’re continuously going to harass my best friend.”

“But Kat I’m not--”

“Please, let me finish.”

She fell quiet, and I could feel a slight chill in the air. Goosebumps appeared on my skin. I felt like I shouldn’t have challenged anything she said or chose to do. But Mandy was my friend and I needed to stick up for her, like she had always stuck up for me in my times of need.

“I just want you guys to like each other. I don’t want any fighting. And I know you’re bothering her. I know this because I see you around her all the time. And you both don’t look happy to see each other.”

“Kat…This is why I wanted to talk to you. We’ve been…Trying to get along for your sake. But that girl insists on coming up to me and bothering me all the damn time. She says she doesn’t like me, and that I should get away from you. How am I supposed to react to something like that?”

I felt bad for talking to my girlfriend like that, so I gave her a soft kiss and a hug. “I’ll talk to her, ok? Just please, try to get along for my sake?”

“Sure Kat.” Avery gave me a reassuring smile, and when I walked away, she went back to eating lunch. I was unaware of the whistle she pulled out; the one that made a noise no one but me seemed to hear.

Agony struck my ears in an instant, and I screamed out in pain, falling to the floor, watching as a crowd formed around me. I saw Avery run up to me, holding me as I cried from the blasting noise, wondering who the hell was making it.

Mandy then ran through the crowd of people, and I saw a bright whistle in her hand.

At that moment, the ringing stopped. At the same time the crowd left. I was happy because that moment was going to be a moment in my life I didn’t want anyone around to see.

“What the fuck were you thinking?! Where did you even get something like that? Huh? I thought you were my damn friend, but you’re just like the rest of them! You’re like those people who abandoned me! That shit hurt! It fucking hurt, and you didn’t even bat an eye! You say you care about me? You don’t give a shit about me! I don’t want you in my life anymore!! Don’t talk to me! Don’t even look at me!”

She had tears in her eyes. “Kat…I don’t know what you’re talking about! You know what? If you want to be a jerk, fine! Do it! That’s all you’ve been since you started hanging out with Avery! That’s right! I said it! I can’t be around you anymore Kat. I can’t do this! You have a girlfriend, and I tried to respect her for the sake of our friendship! I hung out with you because I know your pain! I know exactly how you feel, because I’ve felt lonely too! I’ve had no one there but you, and you automatically accuse me of hurting you? Why would I ever?! I love you, Kat. I’ve always loved you. Even when you came out, I was still proud because you were my friend! I never wanted to hurt you, and I never wanted you to stray away from me, but that’s all you’ve been doing! You’re not my friend anymore. You’re not the girl I fell in love with. So you know what? Be happy with Avery. Just go. Don’t ever talk to me again, save us both the pain! You wanted someone there who cared about you? I was that someone, Kat. You were just too damn blind and stupid to see it!”

She walked away, and I felt a press of guilt and sadness in my heart. She loved me? She really, really loved me? And I was too stubborn about everything to even notice her. I had lost the best thing that ever happened to me.

After that, I tried everything to get Mandy to talk to me. But all she managed to do was ignore me. She never picked up any of my phone calls, nor did she talk to me when we were in school together. I wanted to say goodbye to her at graduation, but she left long before I could even get a chance to meet up with her.

Avery was still around, and she managed to lift my spirits from all the pain that I had gotten after my best friend walked out of my life.

Who was I kidding? I was the one who pushed her out…



Three Months Later…

That’s enough! You could kill someone!

I turned towards the woman and growled at her, quickly turning away.

Get over here. Now.

She didn’t give me a chance to walk over to her. She just grabbed my shirt and pressed her hand on my heart. It surprisingly calmed me down immediately.

Listen to me, Willow. You don’t know what you’re capable of. I know you. I’ve known you since you were just a pup, and have been looking for you since you had the accident. You don’t want to harm anyone. You’re not that kind of person. I know how it feels. I know exactly how you feel. How angry you are because of everything that’s happened. Your memory hasn’t fully come back yet. But its normal to feel this way. Its going to be ok. It will in due time. You’re my mate; I wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you.

She licked my ear, and for a moment I felt like I was going to melt when she put her arms around me.

Then I woke up.

I was sweating like crazy. The dream felt so real, like I had reached out and touched Avery as if she had been standing right there in front of me. Looking down, I blushed eight shades too deep when I realized that I had also managed to wake up…With no clothes on.

In my dreams, I heard it again. Willow. It frightened me. Frightened me to the core, and made me nervous as to why I was hearing that name in my dreams. I remember just a while ago Avery called me that name. She never mentioned it again, so why was it coming back now? I let out a soft sigh and walked over to my closet, putting some clothes on.

It had been about three months since that day that Mandy walked out of my life; and about 5 months since Avery and I had been dating. And in my deepest heart of hearts I could tell that there was something more in her eyes than she led on. Like she wanted to tell me something, but she couldn’t. Like there was a deep dark secret. I didn’t feel like she was with someone else. That’s not what she gave off…But it surely was a feeling I couldn’t get a hold of.

That’s when I heard the knock on the front door. It was more like a banging, like an urgent request for me to open the door. When I did, I saw my girlfriend standing there, and before I could ask what was so urgent, she punched me square in the stomach and once again, I was out like a light.

This time when I woke up, I wasn’t in a hospital, but instead still in my home. Chained to my bed. Avery stood there and I tried to rattle free.

“Um, babe, listen…If this was something you wanted to try, all you had to do was ask, not…Come at me blindly.”

She stared at me with hard eyes and I tried to get myself to look elsewhere.

“Something happened last night, Kat, and it made me realize that you’re in trouble. You can’t control yourself. And tonight…Especially tonight…If you don’t control yourself, you will kill someone. I’m sorry.”

I leaned up, skin hitting the chains. This made me scream in pain. “What the fuck?! What did you do?”

She walked over to me, planting a soft kiss on my lips. “That, my dear, is a lining of pure silver. And if you manage to break free, the skin on your wrist will probably sear off. I’m sorry. But I can’t let you run rampant and try to kill someone.”

I was so confused. “What are you talking about?”

Then she smiled, like the smile from the hospital so long ago. The one that could freeze someone solid.

“Oh Willow, I wish I could tell you. I wish you remembered, but you’ll have to experience for yourself…”

I was so confused. “Why…Why do you keep calling me Willow? My name is Kathryn.”

“It’s only a matter of time, so I’ll tell you what happened. What really happened.” She looked down at me, avoiding the chains around my wrist.

“You won’t like this story. In fact, I’m really not sure if you’ll believe what I have to tell you. You won’t be happy with it, and you’ll have tons of questions that I don’t think I can simply answer. But I love you, and I will do the best I can to help you.”

She sat in a chair across from where I was chained up, looking at my body; gazing at my face and eyes with a sad look that I had never seen before from her. Then she stood up and reached into her back pocket, pulling out a picture of…

Me.

It was me, and I looked so different then that I didn’t even recognize myself at first glance. With her arms around me was Avery, and she looked so different than she did now. Whoever the person used to be in that picture was really, really happy.

“I don’t understand. Avery, please, tell me what’s going on…” I tried so hard to remember the past; to remember the person in the picture, but all that managed to come up were splitting headaches that stopped my memories cold.

“You may not remember, but…I wish I could help you. Your name is Willow Thompson. And in the little time we have left, I’m going to tell you everything there is to tell about who you really are, and why you’re like this. And hopefully you’ll remember. Because if you don’t…Then what’s going to happen to you in the short period of time will be too excruciatingly painful for you to bear.”