Of Faith and Doubt

5.

Matthew felt less uncomfortable, now Randy had something to do. They were no longer just together in the church. At least there was a reason, now. As agreed, Matthew gave the American everything he needed, during the day. Every day he provided breakfast and lunch, and as much coffee as the hard worker wanted. Matthew was getting used to him. So was the village, for that matter. In the evenings Randy helped the locals with their little chores, like mending granny Willows\' fence. Randy didn\'t have to cook often. He was invited for supper every day.



Randy worked in a particular confined space when it was time for lunch, one day. Matthew had finished his work, and went to the back to get him. “Randy? Are you here?”



“Up here, vicar!”



Looking up to the top of the ladder, Matthew grinned bashfully. “You can call me Matthew, by now. You know that, don\'t you?”



“Of course I do.” Randy climbed down, brushing dust off his shirt when he stood next to the other. “I like calling you vicar.” He winked at him. “I think it sounds sexy...”



“What?” Matthew blushed, which he tried to hide by turning his head up again. “What were you doing?” They were in an awfully tight space behind the wall. Suddenly, it felt way too narrow, especially when Randy stepped even closer to look up with him.



“I was mending your leaking roof, wasn\'t I... vicar.” Their shoulders touched. Randy looked down, at Matthew\'s face. “Matthew,” he said, softly.



The vicar sighed when he turned his blushing face away. “Randy,” he said with a slightly accusing tone, “what did I say about teasing...?”



“You should know I\'m not really listening to what you say, vicar... Because you\'re not too honest with me. C\'mon, Matt.” Randy patted Matthew\'s butt. “You\'re blushing and trying to hide your smile. Lying is a sin, isn\'t it?”



Grabbing Randy\'s wrist, Matthew pulled the hand from his behind. He was frowning. “Yes, it\'s a sin. But what you are trying to do, is an even bigger sin. Don\'t touch me, Randy... Please.”



“It\'s a sin to be touched?” Putting up his best innocent eyes, Randy stared at Matthew.



“It\'s a sin for two men to touch each other,” tried Matthew. He was raised with that belief. Why did it sound so preposterous now? “They shouldn\'t... We shouldn\'t... I mean--”



“Oh boy.” Randy\'s sigh was deeper, and he shook his head. “Just my luck, to find a gorgeous man with beliefs like that.”



“Don\'t--” Matthew stared at his friend, stunned for words for a moment. “Gorgeous?” he then asked, quietly. He realised he was still holding Randy\'s wrist, and quickly let go.



“Absolutely. Or is that a sin too? Listen, vicar... Matthew. You came to get me for lunch. Let\'s have some, and I\'ll finish your roof here. After that, I have nothing else to do, and I\'m going to take you to my house for supper. Alright?”



Matthew couldn\'t believe his ears. Didn\'t he just tell this man they shouldn\'t do anything, because he just wasn\'t allowed? \'Gorgeous\'. No, no! It\'s a sin! Shaking his head vigorously, Matthew tried to get a grip. “American fool,” he muttered.



“Tasty Brit,” bounced Randy right back. He quickly leaned over, and pecked a kiss on the vicar\'s cheek. “Lunch. C\'mon.”



Matthew fell against the wall, face burning. Randy just kissed him! Part of him was surprised he wasn\'t struck by lightning now. The rest shivered delightedly. It took a while to gain his bearings, and to leave the passage. His hand trembled when he touched his cheek. He felt feverish.



They didn\'t talk, during lunch. Matthew couldn\'t eat much, and only drank tea, sitting stiffly on his hard chair, avoiding looking at Randy. The carpenter finished eating, drank his coffee, and stood up. “Right. Just a bit more work, and I\'m done.” He passed behind Matthew\'s chair, hand brushing over the man\'s shoulder. Matthew almost dropped his tea, but he didn\'t tell him to stop.



When Randy had disappeared in the passage again, Matthew went into the church. He fell on his knees in front of the large cross behind the altar, and looked up to the tormented face of the savior. “What are you doing?” he asked in an urgent whisper. “Are you testing me?” He never got an answer, and didn\'t expect one now, but that didn\'t stop him from frowning angrily at the statue. “I\'ve always been faithful, my Lord. Always. I haven\'t done anything to deserve this. Why would you send such a man on my path, when I\'ll never be able to... to...” Lowering his head, his voice drifted off. Even his thoughts were sinful now. “Oh Lord...” he whispered, sadly now. “I\'ll never be able to withstand him, will I?”



“Hey, vicar... Are you alright?”



Matthew looked up slowly, feeling cold and stiff from sitting on his knees for so long. “No,” he said truthfully. When he moved, he noticed his legs were asleep. He staggered and would have fallen over, if it wasn\'t for the American and his strong arms. Matthew couldn\'t pull back even if he tried. He didn\'t try it at all. “Have you finished the roof?”



“Yes. It will leak no more, vicar. What\'s up, Matthew? You look... hurt, somehow.” Randy kept an arm firmly around Matthew\'s waist, and rubbed him on one arm. “I think it\'s time to go to my place, and have a glass of wine. And for once, I don\'t want to hear excuses, do you hear me? Let\'s go.”



After a last glance at the statue, Matthew nodded, and went along with his Lothario.