The Things Left Unsaid

Holy child molestation Batman I got two more reviews without me even noticing! I totally spaced out for like, a month. My bad, my bad. Sometimes I need to be reminded what I was doing. The only reason I even checked Adult was because my manga site was down.



Angelmay: Thank you for liking it hun! I try my best to write the darkest and most dramatic stories I can write. It’s not even close to that though, we gots a lot of work ahead of us!

Alura: Yay, I think I just got a follower! Or at least I hope I can keep you right. You never really know, you could have been right. This one will let you know at least one of the characters!~



I love my own psychosis! I can think of the most fantastic things. Let us hope that this isn’t the first and only time it lets me down ne? Now I’m gonna introduce you to the real main character! True he shares this story with Liam, but that’s just \'cause he loves him so much!



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How could I have actually said that to him? How could I be that stupid, to let those words slip from my stupid lips? He hated me, just like everyone else in this world, no point confusing the poor kid. But of course I’m an ass and I had to do something horrible and mentally painful. I just couldn’t see his fragile soul be completely devoured by the darkness of the world. Hell, the poor thing had already been through so much, he didn’t need any help. What I had found out about his mother still made my chest burn. And I thought my mother was bad, at least she hadn’t tried to kill me. Although I wouldn’t mind much if she had killed father, he kinda deserved it.



I was getting off subject though; I had to be self hating, scream at myself or my own idiocy and unwillingness to just let that boy be happy. It was like a sick thing I did without even knowing it. If I couldn’t be happy then no one could be. It was something I had done since I was young. When five year olds were playing tag, holding hands, and pretending they were astronauts I was hurting people. Plain and simple, actions brought on by sheer anger. But why did I still have to do it and why to that boy?



Another question came to mind as the first passed through, why did I even care about that boy as much as I did? Why was my chest still burning at the idea of what happened to him? Why did I hate it when I saw those damn thugs at school even looking at him? And why did I want to scream when Kevin looked at him? It wasn’t jealousy, it wasn’t anger or hatred either. It was something that made me nauseous and my entire world spin. It was something that made my heart pound and the needs to be by his side emerge. I hated it.



Those thoughts and ones similar to them were what swarm through my head on my walk home and as I lay on my bed in my room. Blue, everything was blue, but then again I loved blue. It could be anywhere between bright and electric to deep, somber, and even romantic. Blue was a colour that if I had to chose would describe my entire life. There were small moments, like the moments I lost myself with others and were with that boy, that I felt warmth in my chest and enjoyed the lighter shades of blue. Most of the time I would chose the darker shades of blue though, the shades that showed off the dark and dreary. That was my life, dark and dreary.



A sigh slipped past my lips and I sat up very slowly, the satin that I hung myself from bronze bars above my head softly touching my face. I pushed my hair clearly from my face and sat there for a few moments, seeing if I would even feel anything. Nothing came and I sighed again before standing up. It was already pretty fucking late, but as usual my mind just wouldn’t settle down enough to sleep. That’s what the little blue pills were for. Everything amazing was blue, especially my mother’s pills. His eyes were even blue. I moaned at the thought and shook my head slowly. I was going to kill one of us by obsessing over him like that.



I managed to open the door to the blue room without a single sound and took my first step into the hall. No screaming pierced my ears. No pain blossom through my body. Were those two good things? Sure there was no pain, but then again I loved the pain. Pain was just something that proved you were alive, thus the bright red scars lining my arms. I didn’t want to die, not when life was so much fucking fun, I just wanted to feel something. Anything. Pain, pleasure, it was all the same in my warped mind. Something that I think eventually the kid would understand.



I stopped in my place at the thought and leaned against the dark wood of the wall. I wasn’t sure if I wanted that. The boy had such a beautiful soul, I could see it through all the dirt and grime that covered him, but why not let it fall into chaos? If it did that then maybe I would be able to have him. If it did that then he would stop fighting me and maybe we could both have a small fleeting happiness before it ended. But if that boy fell in chaos, let the world destroy him, would he be able to bring himself back up? I was able to pull my head above the water and at least gasp for breath, but something gave me the feeling that that child would simply give up on swimming and drown. The idea made me nauseous again.



I had to do something, feel something, and those little blue pills wouldn’t bring that. They would make this numbness even worse and that was the last thing I need. I needed a hand to pull me from the water, even if it would be for a brief shining moment, and help me breathe.



I turned on my heels, heading back towards the blue room, and made sure my foot falls made as much noise as they could. If either of them heard me then I wouldn’t have to call him. True I could end up calling someone else, but Kevin was just so convenient. He gave me exactly what I wanted. The pleasure that pulled me from the waves of despair and then the pain that would throw me right back in. It was like a drug that no matter how hard I tried I could never rid myself of. But there was a question there; did I even want to try? That was how I lived, it had always been how I lived, and I doubted that would ever change. I didn’t want it to change.



I slammed my door and stormed over to my bag in the corner of the blue room and picked it up. My phone sat there at the bottom, a deep near black sleek thing that held all their numbers. My little black book turned digital. I could hear rage filled voices calling down my hall and I paused over the green call button. If he came in then I would be able to stop, but if he didn’t then I’d need Kevin. His voice got closer and closer and I could feel my heart pumping faster. Adrenaline pumped through my body and I bit my lip, just waiting to see the door fly open. And then it did.



“What the fuck is wrong with you child? Do you even know what time it is?” I could feel a smile touch my lips and it was what always got him. The man glared with hate filled eyes and closed the door behind him. Now he just needed a little push before I got what I wanted. I rolled my eyes up at the sky and tapped my bottom lip in fake thoughtfulness.



“It has to be past midnight; why else would you be walking among the living?” And that was what it took. Simple words that were thrown at him with a look of sarcasm and a hint of mockery and it threw him into a rage.



Pain erupted in my face before I even saw him move towards me and I grunted before falling backwards. It was amazing, like a wave of pure ecstasy that would overtake me no matter where I was. A shattering blow that would break anything, but not me. It was like I was unbreakable sometimes, protected against anything he could do. I wonder if anyone even thought that was true. He grabbed me by my shirt and I let my head roll to the front. He always hated that. It made it seem like I was mocking him and truthfully I was.



“You think you’re so fucking smart when your nothing, do you know that?” Silence spread between us for a moment before another blow struck my face and it took all my strength to hold back a shiver. “A pathetic insult to sentient beings.” That was a new one. “I should just let Aze keep you.” That was what got my head to snap back up and I glared. Now it was his turn to play with me.



A smile spread a crossed his face, a smile that made my smile look like a nun praying to god. Aze was my father’s pet name for his brother and the one person I couldn’t stand touching me. He was somehow the only person that could make me feel dirty and hate myself even more and that man knew that for a fact. Hell, he was the one that told him to keep me over the summers, and that was after I had told him what happened. Summers spent in Italy was something I dreaded with my entire being and not only because I didn’t speak Italian. He leaned in, pressing his cheek again my own, and sighed. He chose my blind side on purpose I know. He was the one that destroyed my eye after all. He was the one that turned my eye black after all.



“You’d hate that wouldn’t you boy?” I nodded but only to please this man. My father, Raphael Saber Silvane. Next to his brother he was the vein in my existence. “Then shut the fuck up and I wouldn’t have to send you to him forever.” He threw me then, causing my small body to slam against the wall, my head hitting it with a loud noise. Mother would hear it, but she wouldn’t come, she never did.



I closed my eyes as the pain flowed through me. Everything spun and seemed to dance as he slowly walked towards me. The sound of his shoes clicked softly against the wooden floor of the blue room and he pulled me up by the scruff of my shirt again. His touch was soft against my exposed neck and it actually made me shiver. Soft touches were always followed by something that would scar me, and if I was going to use my body I wanted it to be unscathed. His nails dug in, causing my throat to bleed. Warm iron trickled down my collar bone and I could feel another smile come a crossed my face. Father scoffed at that and threw me again, my body falling like a limp rag doll on my bed.



“You’re sick Raenis; now get your ass to bed.” He closed the door, both his words and the soft click echoing in my head. I smiled sadistically up at my ceiling and laughed. I didn’t know why I was laughing, but in itself that was the reason. I was sick. I was crazy. I was about to drown.



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v00t! Next chapter will be a bit more explicit; I just wanted to introduce Raenis a little better. This story is his story after all. You will learn more as you go so no worries there, just be patient. Hope you liked it and hope you will review. Hopefully I won’t forget this exists and update soon. Ciao everyone!~