Silent Attraction

Part 5


The only way for Adam to stop his churning thoughts was to throw himself into his work with a fervor bordering on manic, even venturing into the office on the weekend and staying late so when he returned home he was so exhausted he merely fell into bed to sleep before rising to repeat it again. His team was inspired at his dedication, although he had more than one concerned comment about his physical well-being which he brushed aside with a reassuring smile. It was only when he was fully occupied with work that he gained even a moment of respite from his confused thoughts.

Yet as much as he continued to drive himself, trying to bury his feelings, he found that he couldn’t stay away either. His thoughts still drove him to distraction. No matter what he did, the image of Kyle’s eyes and the feel of his kiss intruded on Adam’s thoughts, sliding out of the deepest corners of his mind to wash over him like a tsunami, carrying him back to that moment they had shared, stealing his breath away all over again. So he had no choice; he had to return. He had to see Kyle again and find out what he had meant by that kiss. He had to see Kyle to try to resolve his own feelings, especially that single thought that he refused to acknowledge.

Yet after reaching this decision, this seemed an impossible task as he searched through the club, eyes seeking one person. He barely noticed that his drinks were still free; his only interest was in finding Kyle. No matter how meticulous he was, even frequently checking the bathroom and occasionally peering into the darkened corners at the couples ensconced there, his hunt bore no fruit. Each night found him returning to his dark silent home, more and more despondent.

A few times he thought he had seen Kyle in the distance: a fleeting glimpse of a tall figure that reminded him of how Kyle stood, a brief glance of a familiar profile, the flap of a suit coat from the corner of his eye pulling him in that direction. Each time he pursued these hints, but whenever he reached the place where he had thought he had seen him, Kyle was nowhere to be found - if he had ever truly been there.

Adam no longer knew what to do and this feeling of helplessness was foreign to him. He was used to being in control of anything he did. He always had a plan, a goal to aim for, and a way to achieve it exactly as he envisioned. Only this time it wasn’t working out that way. This directionless searching was not how he did things, yet there seemed no other way. It was only now he realized how little he knew about Kyle. He didn’t know his last name, he’d never asked him about his vocation so he didn’t know where Kyle worked or what as, or what area he lived in. In fact, he knew absolutely nothing about the man. Now he wanted to know everything about Kyle.

Even after checking with some of the regular patrons, thinking that one of them would be able to give him some information, resulted in nothing. He couldn’t understand it. Kyle was good looking, and his attire would have made him stand out in this crowd. After all, Adam had noticed him quickly enough, but when he asked around no-one else seemed to recall seeing him. Even the bartender remained silent, just shrugging in response to his query. It was as though Kyle had never existed, and Adam was beginning to doubt his own sanity. Could his own tiredness have conjured Kyle up and he was nothing more than a figment of his imagination?

Yet the memory of that kiss was too real, too easily remembered for Adam to believe it hadn’t happened. No, Kyle was flesh and blood, but now it seemed Adam would never find him again and that thought made his heart throb with a dull pain. Still, he just couldn’t give up.

So once more he was here, picking up his drink and making his way to a corner where he could view the crowd more easily before moving on. His eyes never ceased their flickering movement from face to face, looking, searching. Still nothing.

“Honey, you look like you’re about to cry.”

Adam turned to see Marcus behind him, dressed in a tight singlet top, the arm draped around his shoulders belonging to the burly man at his side.

“Hi Marcus,” Adam said a little absently, his eyes automatically returning to his search as though he were afraid that if he stopped he would miss Kyle.

Marcus raised an eyebrow at his distraction. “Is that all you have to say, ‘hi’? That’s hardly much of a greeting, love, after this long.” He looked Adam up and down, then turned and patted his partner lightly on his bare chest. “Do get us a drink will you, sweetie? I just need to have a quick word with my friend.”

The man eyed Adam, obviously deemed him no threat to his relationship, and left obediently.

“You’ve sure got him whipped,” Adam commented, watching the man leave.

“Hardly. He’s just a very considerate guy,” Marcus stated, leaning back against the wall, scrutinizing his friend.

“Sorry. Forget I said that,” Adam apologized although Marcus hadn’t seemed to take offense at the remark. Still Adam knew it had been uncalled for.

“Hmm,” Marcus said. “So what’s your problem?”

“Nothing,” Adam returned his gaze to the crowd.

“Sure there isn’t. You always say that only when there is.”

Adam flicked a glance to his friend. “That doesn’t make any sense at all.”

“’Course it does. You’ve always been like that, pretending nothing is wrong when something is bothering you the most. You know, you can ask for help once in a while.”

“Hey,” Adam suddenly said, turning to fully face Marcus. “You haven’t seen that guy that used to be here; the one always in a business suit, short dark hair?”

Marcus pursed his lips for a moment in thought. “Business suit, hmm? You don’t mean that guy you went after a while back when I saw you last?”

“That’s right!” Adam said excitedly, almost shocked that there was someone who actually remembered Kyle. So he wasn’t going mad after all! Marcus had seen him too!

“Why are you looking for him?” Marcus queried, not divulging anything more.

“I just need to see him,” Adam answered, not noticing how his friend’s eyes narrowed a little at his answer.

“Really?” Marcus continued to peer intently at Adam, one varnished finger nail tapping against his chin. Suddenly his eyes widened. “I don’t believe it. It’s finally happened!” he exclaimed.

“What?” Adam looked at his friend in puzzlement.

A broad smile split Marcus’s face. “You’ve finally fallen in love!”

Adam felt a wash of coldness through his body, and then he recovered swiftly to say, “What are you talking about? I just want to find the guy.”

Marcus shook his head at Adam’s attempt to brush the remark aside. “Oh no, this is far more than that.” he declared.

“You’re imagining things,” Adam said, turning away from his friend again, trying not to wonder why his face felt hot. “Besides I’ve been in love before, you know that.”

“Actually all I’ve seen is your partners in love with you,” Marcus said. “You, my friend, have been in love with the idea of being in love.”

Adam turned to glare at him. “That’s bullshit!” he said bluntly. “I’ve always been there for my long-term partners and done everything for them.”

“Ah, that’s true, and that is the thing,” Marcus said, arms crossing over his chest and fixing a steady gaze on Adam. “You’ve given them things and enjoyed being with them, but you’ve never really let them truly be a part of your life. When it has come down to it, you’ve always let them just drift away. When have you driven yourself like this for any of them?”

“I would for anyone who was important to me.” Adam declared.

“Exactly, even though you haven’t till now. So what does that tell you?” Marcus said.

“This is completely different!” Adam defended his actions. “Don’t read more into it than there is! I just want to talk to the damn guy!”

“Fine, be in denial!” Marcus threw his hands up in a gesture of surrender. “It’s none of my concern if you won’t admit the truth. Just don’t come crying to me if you miss this one opportunity because of your pigheadedness!” Marcus flounced away to meet his boyfriend who was on the way back with drinks in hand and they moved off into the crowd.

Adam watched him go, still feeling angry at his friend’s hurtful assessment. He’d been in love before; he knew he had, this had nothing to do with that. So why did it hurt so much more now?

The club was crowded more than usual due to the approaching holiday season as Adam pushed through the throng, protecting his drink as best he could, seeking a quieter place. It looked like Kyle wasn’t coming back, yet Adam couldn’t bear to think about it so he still came here, always hoping that tonight would be the night that things would change.

Watching the plethora of couples enjoying themselves only made him feel more downcast and for once he truly wanted to try to forget, to erase the memory of that kiss which only continued to tear at his heart. Throwing away his usual control he set to doing exactly that. He was already onto his third drink in the time he would normally have one, and he had no intention of stopping. As his drinks benefactor continued to supply him with free alcohol he intended to take full advantage of it. He no longer cared what happened. He just wanted the pain to stop.

He tossed back his fourth drink as his gaze drifted across the faces around him. They were already becoming a little hazy as his focus faded in and out. Not yet; he couldn’t pass out yet. It was not nearly enough. He could still feel that ache in his chest.

Suddenly he saw a figure in the distance, a figure that he knew only too well. He froze, drink half-way to his lips, eyes fixed on that one spot. Could it be? He rubbed a hand over his eyes, squeezing them shut so tightly that they hurt, and then looked again. Yes, it was the same stance, the dim lighting showing the same profile…it was Kyle!

He set his glass down so hurriedly on the nearby table that it tipped over, spilling the liquid contents across the top to drip to the floor but he didn’t notice as he pushed through the crowd, absently apologizing when he was too rough, trying to keep his eyes fixed on the man he’d seen.

Adam saw Kyle turn and move deeper into the shadows, fading from sight, and in desperation he surged forward, not wanting to lose him when he was so close. How long had it been since he had seen him? Too long, far too long. His heart was pounding in his chest, thumping against his ribs, almost making his whole body vibrate. He wouldn’t lose him again!

“Kyle!” He called out as loudly as he could above the din. “Kyle, wait!”

The man paused, turned, and Adam lengthened his stride to reach him. He stopped in front, breathing heavily, feeling his senses swimming a little from the alcohol he’d consumed and the sudden exertion. Kyle stood in darkness, the dim lighting here only barely showing those familiar features.

Now he was here, Adam was suddenly at a loss for words. What did he want to say now Kyle was before him? Did he look like the complete fool that he felt like, behaving with so little dignity? What would Kyle think of his behavior?

“I’m sorry,” he blurted out, ignoring decorum and not wanting to waste time with trying to look or sound sophisticated. If he wasted too much time Kyle might just walk away and after taking this long to find him again Adam wasn’t prepared for that to happen. He also knew that Kyle wouldn’t open the conversation. It just wasn’t his style, so it would be up to Adam to begin if they had any hope of resolving this. “I’m sorry for what I said last time. I was angry at what you did because you gave me no warning.”

“Is that so?” Kyle’s voice sounded different to Adam’s ear but it was difficult enough to hear over the noise of the club.

“Yes. You caught me by surprise. It’s not that I found it …unpleasant. I just wanted you to explain why?”

“Why? Just what are you referring to?”

“The…kiss,” Adam felt his body heat as memory flooded back even more vividly than previously now that the person responsible for it was standing before him.

“Ah. That. I see.” There was humor in Kyle’s voice.

Adam was beginning to feel a little perplexed by the way Kyle was acting. At first glance he seemed like his usual calm and aloof self, yet there definitely was something different about him. Adam’s inner warning bells began to ring as his eyes narrowed trying to pinpoint what was bothering him.

“So,” Kyle said, stepping closer and now Adam could see that a smile was on his face, a smile that seemed more like the smirk similar to that time so long ago. It still didn’t look right. “Does this mean I can do it again?”

A hand reached out and curled around Adam’s cheek, running smoothly over his skin as Kyle’s dark head leant towards him. Lips pressed against his and he felt the other hand immediately slide around his hips to curve over his buttocks, pulling him closer so their groins touched.

This isn’t right, Adam thought as a tongue pressed forcefully against his lips demanding entrance. This isn’t right at all. Kyle’s previous kiss wasn’t like this. Although it had been powerful, it had also been gentle. When he had kissed Adam last time he hadn’t demanded anything, and the kiss had given as much back as it took. This…this was wrong!

Adam tensed up to break free from Kyle's hold yet before he could make any move, he was pulled away, dragged back against a firm body behind him. Looking over his shoulder, he gazed in stupefaction before saying, “Kyle?”

“Back off, Rhys!” Kyle snarled, showing an intensity of emotion Adam had seen only once before when they had kissed. Adam could feel the waves of anger emanating from the man, and tension in the body he was leaning against. “I told you to stay away from him!”

“What’s it to you?” the other man said, shrugging. He stepped out further into the light so now Adam could see him more clearly. “You’re the one who ran off and left him. Do you think you really have any say in this now?”

Adam gazed at the man standing before him. The stance was the same, even the way the suit hung on him was identical, although now he could see the shirt was unbuttoned lower than Kyle normally wore it. The features were the same: straight nose, square jaw, grey eyes. Their dark hair was cut in almost the same style, though this man wore his a little longer at the back. My God, Adam thought, trying to get his head around what he was seeing. He shot a quick glance at Kyle’s face beside his. They were twins!

“I warned you to leave him alone!” Kyle growled, not releasing his grip on Adam, still glaring at his brother.

Rhys ran a hand through his hair, smirking again as he challenged Kyle. “Why are you so bothered? You said there was nothing more to it. All’s fair in love and war as they say. Besides, he came running after me.”

“I didn’t!” Adam declared hotly, finally finding his voice. “I thought you were Kyle! You never said that you weren’t!”

“Does it matter then?” Rhys said, looking intently at Adam, his smirk fading. “You couldn’t tell the difference between us so wouldn’t I do just as well?”

They even have that same piercing look that just cuts right through you, Adam noted, but where Kyle’s stripped him naked and bared his inner soul, drawing out everything from deep within him, Rhys’ merely scraped the surface of his psyche. Compared to Kyle, Rhys’ was very shallow.

Adam felt Kyle stiffen behind him at Rhys’ words, but his grip still didn’t lessen on Adam.

“It’s true you look very alike in the dark,” Adam said in a steady voice, staring down Rhys. “But I can tell you now that you’re very different from Kyle. Your kiss says it all. Kyle’s was passionate yet considerate; yours is selfish, only trying to take what you can get for yourself.”

“Couldn’t you get used to it?” Rhys said, stepping closer and reaching out to touch Adam’s cheek lightly. The dark eyes looked at him intensely, and suddenly Adam couldn’t see any sign of his earlier amusement. “For you I’d be willing to try to change. I’ve been watching you for a long time, you know.”

“Watching me?” Adam gazed at the man before him, not quite as straight forward to read as he had thought. Damn it, he’d miscalculated. Stupid really. This was Kyle’s brother after all, and Kyle was the hardest person Adam had ever met to try to fathom what he was about. It was only natural that his brother wouldn’t be any easier, despite first impressions.

“Yes,” Rhys continued, not removing his hand from Adam’s face. “I couldn’t approach you whilst you were with someone, and then,” he flicked a sharp glance towards Kyle still standing behind Adam, “he had begun to monopolize all your time. Still I tried to show you someone else was interested. Didn’t you like the drinks?”

“That was you? But why?” Adam said, surprised.

“I just wanted to do something for you. Sometimes you looked so lonely, yet still so very entrancing.” Rhys leant in closer, smiling again. “Besides, we had a nice chat once.”

Adam frowned, trying to remember, and Rhys supplied the answer. “We talked about pets.”

Adam jerked at the memory, eyes widening. “That was you? No wonder you seemed different!”

“Ah, and I thought I had fooled you completely. That’s a pity.” Rhys ran a finger lightly over Adam’s lips. “I had hoped to continue that conversation.”

Kyle reached out and grabbed his brother’s wrist, jerking it away from Adam’s face.

“You could have come and spoken to me again,” Adam declared. “I’ve been here on my own plenty of times so why this ‘cloak and dagger’ charade?” Especially lately, Adam thought, thinking of his desperate search for Kyle.

“Well, someone told me you were off limits at the start.” Rhys pulled his hand free from Kyle’s and stepped back. “So I was trying to abide by that and not interfere.”

He reached into his jacket and pulled out a cigarette case, removing one and placing it between his lips. “Although when I was told that there was nothing going on anymore, why shouldn’t I act when you approached me?”

Rhys was looking at Kyle as he said this, the flame from his lighter casting a glow across his face, giving his countenance an almost demonic appearance for a brief instant. Kyle remained tense at Adam’s side, so much so that Adam feared Kyle would throw himself at his brother. Then Rhys’ words sunk in and Adam spun around to face Kyle.

“Nothing going on?” He stared at Kyle. “Is that true? Do you think you can just brush me off as if nothing happened between us?!”

Kyle now focused all his attention on Adam, forgetting his brother for a moment. “Huh?” He blinked a couple of times, adjusting to Adam’s unexpected verbal attack. “I thought you wanted me to leave you alone.”

“Well, of course I said that when you acted like such a jerk!” Adam glared at him. “You didn’t even apologize for it! You just up and walked away as though it meant nothing!”

“Of course it meant something!” Kyle’s voice rose, emotion showing in not only his face but his entire body. Adam found himself fascinated at how quickly this calm man became so animated right before his eyes. “Do you think I go around kissing just anyone?!”

“I don’t know because you didn’t say anything!” Adam shot back.

“I thought I made it more than clear!”

“Well, you hadn’t! I thought I was just a friend. Your brother seems to know more about it than me!”

“Because I had to make certain he didn’t try to make a move on you. I was trying to protect you!”

“From what? An amorous advance? A proposition? Do you really think that little of me that you don’t think I can take care of myself and make my own choices?!”

“I didn’t want anyone else taking you away from me before I got the chance to tell you how I felt!” Kyle yelled, and then he snapped his mouth closed. He was breathing hard now, just as Adam was as they continued to stare at each other.

“So,” Adam said in a more normal tone. “You like me?”

Kyle turned his head away and replied, “Yes.”

“I see. So do you mean ‘like’ as in a friend?”

“No.”

Adam waited a moment longer but Kyle didn’t expand any further and he began to feel his anger build again when he glimpsed the look on Rhys’ face from the corner of his eye. Kyle’s brother was laughing!

He turned to glare at him. “What’s so funny?” he growled.

Rhys looked at them both and just shook his head, removing his cigarette and exhaling before he spoke.

“You are both the biggest pair of idiots,” he said, still chuckling. He looked at Adam with a smile. “If you’re expecting to get Kyle to have a deep and meaningful discussion with you, you’re going to be waiting a long time. Trying to get anything out of him is like squeezing blood from a stone. He’s always been like that since he was a kid. This is the most emotion I’ve seen him express in his entire life so I think you’ll have to be content with that. He watched you for years before he finally made his move. He’s a bit slow like that.”

He then turned to Kyle and frowned at him, flicking the ash from his cigarette away in a gesture of frustration. “As for you. If you really want something, you have to learn to talk about it, and not just to me. If you want to truly have a relationship with him, you’re going to have to meet him half way. You can’t expect him always to be trying to figure you out. He’s not a frigging mind-reader and he shouldn’t have to be. So start being honest and tell him how you really feel or you are going to lose him for good.”

He dropped his cigarette to the floor and ground it underfoot, still glaring at his brother. “Just remember that I’ll be waiting to step in if that ever happens.” Rhys then turned and walked away, leaving the two of them staring after him.

Adam turned back to Kyle to find him looking back with that piercing gaze. Yes, it was very different from Rhys’. Kyle’s made him feel as if each layer of his soul was being peeled away, going deeper and deeper. It was frightening and yet at the same time, highly exciting, and something Adam had never felt with anyone else.

Suddenly the jumble in his mind all fell neatly into place as enlightenment struck. He began to chuckle, before actually laughing outright. Gods, he really was a fool! Marcus was right, he thought. He had been absolutely right, the little bastard!

“Are you laughing at me?” Kyle suddenly asked. His expression indicated he wasn’t particularly happy about it.

Adam held a hand up to placate him, shaking his head. “No. Just thinking about something a friend said to me, that’s all.”

They fell back into silence again which continued to stretch.

“So…just how long have you been watching me?” Adam asked finally.

“A while,” was Kyle’s noncommittal answer.

Adam rolled his eyes. Rhys had been right; it was damn hard to get anything out of Kyle!

Kyle noticed Adam’s reaction. “Since you started coming here,” he added reluctantly as though every word was being dragged out of him forcibly.

“That long?” Adam said with surprise. It really had been years. “How come I never noticed you before?” Surely he would have done so. Kyle wasn’t someone who was easily overlooked.

“I...didn’t come down to the bar,” Kyle admitted.

“You’re telling me that you never came to the bar in all that time? Why not?” Adam found that more than a little strange for Kyle didn’t seem the shy type.

“I didn’t see any point.”

Adam ran a hand through his hair in frustration. This was getting them nowhere and he was getting a headache trying to figure out what was going on inside Kyle’s head.

“Can I ask you something?” he suddenly said.

“What?”

“What do you do for a living?” Adam waited for Kyle’s answer.

“Me? I own this place.”

Adam’s jaw dropped; he physically could feel that it had but he couldn’t do anything about it either. All he could do was stare at Kyle in shock as the other continued speaking, “Well, it belongs to both Rhys and I in partnership.”

“You’re…the owners?”

“Yes,” Kyle looked back at Adam. “That’s why I didn’t approach you earlier. I didn’t want you to be interested in me just because of that.”

Adam stood in silence for a moment, trying to take it all in. Kyle was the owner of the club. Okay, he shared that responsibility with Rhys, but that would explain why he had nearly always been dressed in a suit and looked like he had just come from work. In actual fact, he had still been working and it certainly explained why he had seemed so familiar with all the ins and outs of the club and personnel. Now it all did make perfect sense and Adam wondered how he could have been so dense not to figure it out earlier. Probably because his brain had been in such a mess lately he couldn’t see what was right in front of his nose!

Finally he responded, “Did you really think I would be that way?”

“I didn’t know. It has happened before,” Kyle said, pushing both hands into the pockets of his trousers.

“To you?”

“To Rhys. All the time.” Kyle snorted. “He’s usually the one that does most of the floor work so the customers get to know him. There are plenty of guys who are only interested in him for his money and some can get pretty difficult. Although Rhys doesn’t seem to mind having a reputation as a playboy which is fucking annoying!”

“Why?” Adam asked, curious. “If it doesn’t bother Rhys, what’s the problem?”

Kyle frowned fiercely. “Because I keep getting mistaken for him and have to deal with all the fall-out! That’s why I keep out of the way as much as possible and the staff know to not give out my details.”

“Ah, I see.” Yes, Adam could see how that would piss Kyle off. In fact, he had to be careful not to laugh at the vision of Kyle being chased by some raving fan-boy who was mad keen on Rhys. Rhys seemed the sort to love it; Kyle on the other hand would hate it passionately. It also explained why he’d had no luck in finding out any information about Kyle.

Adam brushed his hair back from his face again. “So if you thought I might be like that, why did change your mind and come down to the bar?”

Kyle didn’t answer immediately and as the silence lengthened Adam began to wonder if perhaps he wasn’t going to.

“I decided to take a chance.” Kyle finally said, looking directly at Adam. “But as soon as I did you started going out with that young guy.”

Ah, that was Glen, Adam thought as Kyle continued.

“Even though I could see you had a partner, and you actually looked happy at first, I couldn’t make myself leave again. Not after you had noticed me.”

“It really meant that much to you?” Adam was surprised.

“Yes,” Kyle replied. “I decided to bide my time, so when the opportunity arose to speak to you directly I took it. I thought if we became friends things might develop into something more eventually.”

“Sounds like you had it all planned.” Adam didn’t know whether to be flattered or angry at the clinical way Kyle explained it.

“I did,” Kyle said straight forwardly. “I just had to find a way to keep you from chasing after anyone else, and Rhys away from you. Though it didn’t go quite as I intended.”

“So what was the flaw in the great master plan?” Adam was sure he was pissed about Kyle's manipulation now.

“I hadn’t expected to feel so jealous seeing you with someone else. I hadn’t felt like that when I watched you before, but once I had begun to get to know you, it was different.”

“So you really are the possessive sort,” Adam said, thinking about what Rhys had said once before.

“Only with what is truly important to me.” Kyle gazed at him intently.

Silence fell between them again as Adam tried to think things through calmly. What did he want from this? What had he been seeking? He kept his gaze fixed on the man standing before him and warmth infused his entire body as a soft smile curved his lips.

Ah, he thought, that was it. Yes, that was what he had been searching for all this time. That was why he hadn’t been able to walk away from it. This man could touch a part of his soul that he hadn’t even known had existed before now, apart from a shadow of the reality. He felt like a moth flying headlong towards a burning flame, knowing that it could very well destroy him, yet still completely mesmerized and drawn to its beauty with the hope of it being eternal.

Neither spoke, nor did they move, eyes fixed only on each other’s face. Kyle appeared tense; Adam could sense it from the way he stood. When had he become so good at being able to read this man’s body language? He might not be able to read Kyle’s mind but for some reason he could, if he concentrated, read Kyle’s body. Perhaps communication wouldn’t be so hard for them after all, but what should he say next?

Suddenly, Kyle sucked in a deep breath and said, “Ah, to hell with this!”, and rapidly crossed the distance between them, pulling Adam towards him and into a deep kiss.

Adam felt fires flood through his body at that contact. Yes, this is how he remembered it. That was why it had felt so strange when Rhys had kissed him. How could it be so different? Was this really what it meant to be ‘in love’ with someone? Everything Kyle did, every touch was so much more intense, creating sensations deep within that Adam had never experienced before.

The kiss seemed to last a lifetime yet may have only been a few moments when Kyle finally drew back a little so he could gaze into Adam’s eyes.

“I like you as more than just a friend,” Kyle said in a low voice. “Much more.”

Adam slowly smiled, reaching out a hand to touch the side of Kyle’s face, feeling the man lean into it slightly. “Why didn’t you say so in the first place, idiot,” he said softly, leaning forward so their foreheads rested against each others. “I thought I was the only one.”

~End~