Ennui

When Li woke, Seth was in the bed with him. The degree of stillness reminded him of when he’d wake before Jonas did. The only light in the room still came from the hall light spilling through the open doorway. In that dim light, Li examined Seth’s face. He would have traced the other’s face with his fingers, but he intended to live up to the spirit of their agreement. And, he had no idea how long it was until sunset. Seth did not keep a clock in his room.

Seth’s hair looked black as it fell softly around his face. Li’s fingers itched to touch it, to feel the silkiness its luster promised. He laced his fingers and squeezed until the worst of the compulsion passed. His eyes continued to linger on Seth’s face, though. The man, even in his unnatural sleep, wore a frown. His eyebrows were a low, straight line over his eyes. Li had thought them higher, more arched. But, then, most of the time he’d seen Seth’s face, it had been mobile and enraged.

Li’s eyes continued down Seth’s face. When his gaze reached Seth’s lips, the urge to kiss him was almost overwhelming. He bowed his head, biting on his thumbs until it passed. Deciding it the better part of wisdom, he slid out of bed without looking at Seth again.

In the hallway, he examined the door. The only lock was a deadbolt, which left him with few options and a conundrum. He could leave, leaving the door unlocked. But, he doubted that Seth would thank him for that. He could take the key and lock the door behind him, but then Seth may believe he’d copied it. He could leave and pick the lock, but he believed that the worst solution. He also wasn’t convinced that Seth would want him here when he woke, but really didn’t feel that he had much choice.

The only option he could think of that would possibly work was for him to stay. And while he wanted to stay, he was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to hold to his promise. He paced the living room, not finding a clock that seemed to be set to the right time. The microwave had a vastly different time than the stove and both were painfully clean, as if they’d never been used. The refrigerator was also unused.

Li paced the apartment. Though it had been his decision to stay, he felt trapped. He wondered if he could sneak out, across to his apartment for some food. Would it be alright to order in? It was rather obvious that Seth had ordered in to feed him. He wondered if he could rearrange Seth’s furniture as its current arrangement made his pacing rather awkward. He ended up making figure 8s in the living room in order to keep moving.

Just as he thought he’d start climbing the walls, Li heard sound from the bedroom. He froze by the arm of a brown leather couch, his breath caught in his throat. Eyes wide, he listened as Seth woke, rising from the bed and coming out into the hall.

Seth crossed his arms over his chest. “Why didn’t you leave?”

“I wasn’t sure what do to about the lock,” Li replied, lacing his hands behind his back and feeling somewhat like a child being disciplined for doing so, but if his hands were together, he wouldn’t reach out for Seth. He continued, “I didn’t feel comfortable just leaving it unlocked and I didn’t think you’d want me to take your key.”

Seth grunted. “I’m sorry I don’t have food.”

“It’s okay.” Li lifted his foot and put it down again. “Do…should I go or stay?” he asked, his voice concerned.

Seth frowned. “You need to eat. There’s food in your apartment?” At Li’s nod, Seth continued, “Go then.”

Li began walking slowly to the door. “I’ll see you then,” he mumbled, head down, hands still clasped behind his back. He kept his eyes on the floor as he walked past Seth.

Seth watched him a moment. Just as Li was walking past him, he said, “Stop.”

Li stopped immediately, though it took longer for his eyes to leave the floor. “Yes?” he asked, keeping his voice carefully neutral.

“You’re not going to argue?” Seth asked, not looking at Li but rather over his shoulder. His hands twisted together in front of his waist, a gesture that looked like he wasn’t aware of what he was doing.

Li’s eyes returned to the floor. “You told me not to argue. I...I don’t want to ruin the chance you gave me.” His voice was soft, barely covering the distance between them. His hands remained behind his back.

“Look at me,” Seth ordered.

Li worked to get his eyes from the floor. When he looked at Seth, what was there surprised him. Instead of mocking or haughtiness, there was something approaching compassion. “Yes?” he forced past the lump in his throat.

“It’s…well, it’s been a long time since…I’ve had a friend, but I don’t think they walk around like whipped dogs.” He left the doorway and touched Li’s cheek. “Listen,” he began, his fingers lightly tracing a path to Li’s ear, “I don’t want a lover. Lovers leave. I want a friend.” Compassion became something more as he leaned in closer and brushed his lips against Li’s.

Li’s hands unclasped and fell to his sides. He was still afraid to bring them up and fought the desire to do so. He kept his eyes open, looking for clues in Seth’s face. “I don’t want to leave,” he whispered when Seth pulled back after a single kiss. “I’ll stay,” he vowed.

Seth’s lips curved in a sad smile. His fingers lingered on Li’s cheek. “You need to go eat. I’ll…we’ll talk tomorrow.” He stepped back, allowing Li to leave the apartment unhindered.

Li nodded, leaving the apartment silently, his arms at his sides, still looking as if he was fighting to keep them there. As he opened the door, he turned to ask, “Any particular time?”

Seth’s lips twitched, humor curving them. “At least give me a chance to wake up,” he replied.

Li smiled and nodded. “Right. See you tomorrow, then.”

Seth waited a few minutes, until he heard Li’s apartment door close. He then showered and changed to head up to the roof. Instead of looking over the city, he sat on the wall and let his memories play out.

He stormed into the room of his friend, ordering the servants out. “Dinu, that woman is insufferable,” he declared, flopping onto the bed where Constantin, later to be known as Jonas, was sitting.

“Insufferable, Petru? You just married her. Last night, as I recall.” He rubbed his eyes, having just woken from his day’s slumber. Dinu was a few years older than Petru, Seth in later times, having once been his tutor. As Petru grew, their relationship became closer, a deep friendship. They even slept in the same room, one sneaking into the other’s room after the servants and guards had retired for the night.

Dinu taught Petru reading, writing, diplomacy and physical pleasure. In all, Petru was an exemplary student.

If the question of ‘love’ had ever come up, both would have answered ‘of course.’ They were friends, of course they loved each other. That was the way things worked, after all.

Recently, Dinu had taken to sleeping the day away and prowling endlessly at night. He still came into Petru’s room, continuing their lessons in pleasure and diplomacy if a maid or guard happened to come in unexpectedly upon hearing their master cry out. But, when Petru slept, Dinu wandered the country side.

“Dinu,” Petru complained, bringing Constantin’s attention back to him. “She just laid there, all stiff and horrid. You’d have thought I was hurting her by thinking of touching her!” He sat up, crossing his legs to face his friend. “And, when I tried to make her feel good, she got stiffer.”

Dinu forced himself not to smile at Petru’s bruised ego. “I’m sure you did your best,” he consoled.

Petru crawled up the bed. “She told me to stop, to not touch her,” he whispered. “To just get it over with.”

Wrapping his arms around his friend, Dinu laid back down. “Poor, poor Petru.”

“Are all women like that?” he asked, his lips going to Dinu’s neck, kissing the skin there, seeking to prove to himself that he was adept by making his friend incapable of talking.

Dinu hummed, laughter making it ripple as he turned his head to the side. “No, Petru, not all women are like that. You know that.” A soft gasp interrupted him before he could ask, “How many have we shared, after all?” He moaned when Petru bit his neck.

“Those were whores,” Petru complained, his lips finding a path to Dinu’s ear. “Are real women like that?”

With a laugh, Dinu rolled them both over. “They are real women, Petru. Just because your wife is carved of stone does not mean anything.” He kissed his friend deeply. “Or, did you want to prove your skills to me?” he asked, teasing, when he broke their kiss.

“I have nothing to prove to you,” Petru declared, though his voice sounded more as if he wanted Dinu to continue than as if he were trying to assert his skill. “Dinu, why do you leave after we’ve fucked?” he asked, his cheeks tinged pink at using the new word.

Dinu tried to pull away but Petru held him close. “Because I’ve changed,” he whispered.

“Changed how?” Other than sleeping all day and leaving at night, Petru hadn’t really noticed any changes in his friend.

“I’ve…” Dinu moved so he was resting on Petru’s chest. “Do you remember that one woman? The one who called herself a child of the night?”

“There were several,” Petru replied dryly. It was a phrase used by prostitutes from time to time.

Dinu laughed, his hand skimming Petru’s body, down his side and along his leg. “The one who bit us both and wanted us to taste each other’s blood.”

Petru nodded. “I remember.” It had been strangely erotic, to suck on Dinu’s neck while the whore watched them fuck each other. “She had fingered her own self while your dick filled my ass.”

Dinu moved so he could kiss Petru again. “Yes, that one,” he purred. “I recall it being quite exciting.” His hand moved to cup Petru’s groin. He laughed. “Is this from our kiss or remember that whore?” he asked, stroking the growing hardness he found there.

A groan filled Petru’s throat before he could answer. “More your kiss than anything.” He was being distracted, he knew it. After a moment, he forced himself to ask, “What about her?”

Dinu slid his hand into Petru’s breeches. “Do you recall when I went away?”

Petru’s back arched as he moaned loudly at the touch on his bare erection. “Oh, gods, yes. It was horrid. Had to get mine own self off. Dreadfully dull, that.” Another moan as Dinu’s hand wrapped around him. “Prefer to think of when you came back.” That had been a celebration taking the whole of a week’s worth of nights.

“I became like her,” Dinu whispered, pushing Petru’s shirt up, his lips brushing the skin along his friend’s stomach. “I go out at night to feed.”

“You ate last night,” Petru panted, though he couldn’t actively recall what Dinu had eaten.

“It doesn’t stay down,” he murmured. “And, I need another food,” he added, licking over Petru’s heart.

“Dinu,” Petru whispered. He didn’t understand the meaning, and in the moment, he didn’t care. “Please, take me,” he begged, shoving his breeches down frantically while trying to keep in contact with his friend.

“You call me by a child’s name and beg me to take you,” Dinu laughed. His hands moved to help

“You’ve always been Dinu,” Petru whined. When his friend pulled away, Petru relented. “Constantin, please,” he begged.

Constantin moved closer again. “You are a man, now, with a wife. You should call me by a man’s name.” He pushed Petru’s shirt up, off his body. He had slept bare as the slipping of the sheet revealed. “Surely, you can do more than lay there and moan, Petru,” he teased.

Spurned on, Petru turned them so that Constantin was under him. “Indeed, I can,” he declared and proceeded to kiss Constantin. His hands wandered, caressing the smooth skin of Constantin’s shoulders, finding the rough hair of his chest more to his liking than the smoothness of his wife’s breasts when she had finally deigned to let him touch them. Or maybe it was the willingness and hunger for the touch he preferred, for he found the breasts of whores delightful as well. Regardless of which it was, the excitement traveled through his arms and into his body. He kissed trails down Constantin’s face to his neck.

“How do you feed?” he asked, his lips tickling Constantin’s throat as he spoke.

Petru had a vicious streak in him, and in that moment Constantin was reminded of it. He either answered or he would be left to his own devices. “On…on blood,” he panted. When Petru paused, he added, “I take blood from whores while fucking them.”

“Is it good?” Petru asked, continuing his path down Constantin’s body. As long as he was answering his questions, pleasure would continue.

“Yes,” Constantin moaned.

“And for them?” Petru pressed just before biting at one of Constantin’s nipples.

Constantin groaned, low and long, his back arching into Petru’s body. When he found his voice again, he panted, “I take at the moment of climax.”

With one hand, Petru roughly rubbed up Constantin’s shaft before circling it in his fingers and stroking more gently. “Will you take from me?”

And while he wanted to deny Petru, to spare his friend, Petru was entirely too good at pleasing him, at touching him just the way he wanted to be. “On…On one condition,” he panted, the struggle to speak thick in his voice.

“What’s that?” Petru’s mouth hovered over Constantin’s stomach, pausing from where he was nipping and licking down his friend’s body. He licked the head of Constantin’s shaft where it had slipped free of the foreskin.

Later, when he was sane again, when Petru was pressing him to change him, Constantin regretted this moment. “Suck me,” he panted. He’d wanted to tell Petru to never ask him to bring him over, but that carnal touch had driven that request out of his mind.

A chuckle rose in Petru’s throat. “Is that all?” Before Constantin could answer, he ran his tongue under the foreskin, licking all the way around, stealing any chance Constantin had of correcting his error. While Constantin moaned and called for him, Petru drew the foreskin down and took the head of his shaft in, sucking on it, licking its slit. He kept his fingers tight around Constantin’s flesh, preventing his climax as he took his time drawing out his pleasure.

“Please, please, please, Petru,” Constantin begged, unable to form more than those two words.

Petru rolled his eyes up and watched his friend’s body quake with need. “Should I finish you?” he asked, making sure his breath hit the damp skin.

Gooseflesh fled over Constantin’s body. “Yes,” he moaned, the word a soul hungry longing for release.

Petru wrapped his lips around Constantin’s shaft, pulling the skin tighter as he slid down. Before he released his fingers, he teased Constantin with his tongue, bobbing until he was begged to allow Constantin to climax. Petru sucked harder while his fingers relaxed their hold. It was a brief moment before Constantin’s body tensed and his seed flooded into Petru’s mouth.

He swallowed, wrinkling his nose at the taste. He crawled over Constantin’s body, his chest, still bare with youth, brushing against the older man’s body as he moved. When his erection touched Constantin’s he circled his hips, teasing. “Is it my turn now?” he purred, his body relaxing, preparing to take Constantin’s shaft within.

“Give a man a minute to recover, child,” Constantin groused, though he reached up and caressed Petru’s cheek.

“I am a man, now,” Petru reminded Constantin, nuzzling into his hand. “If I were a child, I could call you Dinu, but you said I must call you Constantin.” Petru moved up a little more. “So, now we are both men,” he purred, letting his weight come to rest on Constantine’s chest.

Constantin rolled them both over, pressing Petru’s head into the bed with a deep kiss. His tongue flowed into Petru’s mouth, tasting his seed there and finding it erotic, waking his flesh again.

“Ah, it seems you’re not such an old man,” Petru teased when his mouth was free. Constantin’s erection pressed hard into the crack of his lower cheeks.

A chuckle, dark and laced with promise, rumbled up through Constantin’s body. “Not an old man. And, I will have you retracting that remark, boy.”

“Boy, am I, Dinu?” Petru spread his legs, opening himself up for Constantin to enter.

“What was that?” Constantine growled, moving as if to leave the bed.

“Constantine, fuck me,” Petru begged, looping a leg high up on Constantin’s back while his other leg bent on his side. With one hand he held Constantin’s arm and the other reached for a vial of olive oil. He poured it over Constantin’s shaft, between their bodies. “Fuck me,” he demanded, his voice low in his throat.

Constantine moved his hips so that his erection slid into Petru’s body. The both moaned, long and low in the chests. “Fuck you?” Constantin panted. “Where did you learn such language?”

“From you,” Petru gasped. His eyes were crossed, not focusing on Constantin’s face, though he tried to. Both hands clung to his friend, both legs now wrapped high up on his back, allowing Constantin full access to his depths. “Please,” he whimpered. He needed more, needed movement.

“Since you ask so prettily,” Constantin teased. He pushed deeper in, hooking Petru’s legs over his shoulders before pulling out. He set a rhythm that is deep and satisfying and just a bit slow, keeping Petru on the edge of completion for as long as possible. He has already climaxed. He could go the whole night if he wanted to. But, he wanted, needed Petru to be insane with need, for his orgasm to be intense to steal away any pain there may be when he feeds.

Petru’s head rolled slightly. “Girls ask prettily,” he protested weakly.

Constantin allowed one of Petru’s legs to slide off his shoulder so that he could kiss him easier. “You ask prettily when you want to, Petru,” he murmured, his voice a rough imitation of itself. “And when you ask prettily, I want to give it to you,” he panted.

“Please, feed. I want to feel it.” He’d been incredibly aroused when they’d shared blood before. His anticipation of the same pleasure increased his need for Constantin to fully claim his body. He rolled his head back, exposing his neck.

An almost animalistic growl rose from Constantin’s throat and he took the too tempting offering into his mouth, his teeth piercing the skin as he moved to push Petru into climax. The combined sensations had the desired effect and Petru let out a strangled scream as his shaft spilled between them. Constantin’s hips continued to thrust, harder and harder until he released Petru’s throat with a yelp and evidence of his climax filled the younger man.

As Constantin’s body relaxed, he eased Petru’s leg down to the bed. He remained as close as he could, though. Petru preferred taking his time, luxuriating in the closeness of their after glow before they rose for other activities.

“Dinu,” Petru purred contentedly. “So good, Dinu.”

Constantin chuckled. “You almost proved yourself a man,” he teased.

Petru laughed a little, a cynical sound that belied the contentment in his face. “Tell my wife that.” It still rankled him. He was an adept lover. Why wouldn’t she just let him show her?

“Give her time. She’s nobility and you know noble girls are supposed to be proper and chaste and all that crap.” He kissed Petru’s forehead and then his lips. “Until then, you can relieve your frustrations with me.”

“Yes,” Petru murmured, his eyes closing, his breath slowing. His face was a little pale, but not overly so. A night’s sleep and a good breakfast would see him right.

Constantin remained with him until he was sure Petru was asleep. He then called in a servant to clean the bed while he took Petru to his room through the door that joined their chambers.

Though she never learned to take the pleasure Petru struggled to give her, Petru’s wife eventually fell pregnant. When the child born was male, Petru stopped forcing his affections upon her and took pleasure with Constantin and the occasional whore he brought in.

When the child was ten, Constantin’s lack of aging could not be hid anymore. The servants and guards whispered behind their hands, and sometimes to his face, of the strangeness of his continued youth.

“Take me with you,” Petru ordered when Constantin told him he had to leave. “The boy is old enough to take my place. If you are not here, then I have no need to be here.” He jut his jaw out, looking still very much like a stubborn child for all his nearly twenty-seven years.

Constantin turned from his packing. “What are you saying?” he demanded.

Petru moved closer, pressing into Constantin’s body. “Without you here, what purpose do I have? I have no joy apart from our time together. Please, do not leave me here without that.” Petru tilted his head so it rested against Constantin’s chest. He never gained any significant height and looked like a child leaning against the taller man, the top of his head low enough that Constantin could hold his arm out at shoulder level and it would clear Petru’s head.

“I am leaving tonight,” Constantin replied. He had yet to successfully deny Petru anything.

The answering kiss was quick as Petru ran from the room. In short order, he had a case packed of camping necessities and a note left for his wife and other retainers, outlining what is to be done with regards to his disappearance and naming his son as his successor and his son’s tutor as regent. His wife was to be given the option to stay or to return to her parents’ house, whichever her pleasure was. He himself was to be considered dead.

He returned to Constantin’s room just as the second watch was about to begin. “I am prepared,” he whispered, his voice trembling with excitement. He didn’t see the sadness that tinged Constantin’s smile.

“Let us go then. We’ll need to find shelter before dawn.” Constantin led them through the maze of corridors that were the servant’s passages. He pressed Petru to a wall as a guard walked past the servant’s entrance on his regular patrol. By the time the guard passed by again, they were long gone, outside the walls and laughing within the forest that surrounded the estate.

“There is a cave,” Petru said between giggles.

“It will be a hard hike in the dark,” Constantin replied, taking Petru’s hand in his. “I won’t be able to fuck you tonight.”

Petru’s laugh became indulgent. “I can survive a night without, Dinu.”

“I haven’t heard that name in ages,” Constantin teased.

“I am no longer a man and no longer married, therefore I can call you what I wish,” Petru declared defiantly.

Constantin kissed him and led him through the forest. Though only a couple hours hike from the estate in the light of day, the dark of night stretched it into a watch-long trial. Dawn was tinting the sky as they reached the cave’s mouth.

It was a deep cave, its mouth facing north, only a haze of light penetrating its depths even on the brightest of days. A jog of stone blocked a section from the mouth entirely. It is behind this that Constantin and Petru covered themselves with their cloaks and fell asleep in each other’s arms.

Petru was so exhausted that he didn’t wake until Constantin was shaking him the next night. “It is time.” There was a note of anxiety in Constantin’s voice that kept Petru silent, made him obedient to the order to move, to leave their shelter and continue their journey.

A week of nights led them to a small village that had never heard of Petru. Here they settled for years, watching as the village became a town. Only when whispered comments of Constantin’s odd youthfulness and their habit of never being seen during the day became unavoidable did they move.

This move, however, Petru insisted that Constantin make him into what he was. The whole of their journey, Petru pressed him. When they reached their next sanctuary, a medium sized city, Constantin gave in. The first night they were safe, he drained Petru until his heart faltered and his breathing almost stopped. It was the first time he took blood without the trappings of sex. He needed to be utterly in control of what happened.

When Petru’s body hung limp in his arms, he laid him down on the bed. He opened his wrist with a belt knife and forced it into Petru’s mouth, forcing him to swallow. Though he didn’t bleed for long, it felt like an eternity. A tinge of blood red, an unnatural blush colored Petru’s cheek as his body stilled. Constantin collapsed with relief and didn’t move during the three days it took for Petru to rise again.

A wave of a mild sleeping sickness washed through the whores of the city, an odd illness cured by extra sleep and broth. Very few were afflicted with anything more. A couple did die, and a couple more disappeared, but no connection between them could be found. After half a year, it passed and no one remembered it later.

Petru found that his relationship with Constantin no longer satisfied him as it once had. Something was missing, some final release when they had sex. Something he found with the whores. He knew what it was, that it was his own doing, but didn’t want to admit it. On the eve of what would have been his fiftieth birthday, forty-five years after Constantin was assigned to be his tutor, twenty-three years after they fled his previous life, ten years after he begged Constantin to bring him over, Petru announced they were to part.

Later, he didn’t know what was worse, their parting or that Constantin didn’t fight against it. They wrote, coldly formal letters of their surroundings. These stopped after a time.

It wasn’t until his most recent in a string of failed love affairs ended that Seth could admit to himself that he had loved Constantin, that he had sabotaged that love when he’d begged him to cross over. That he had sabotaged every love affair he’d had by pushing the other person away.

It was a bitter pill, but one he had to swallow, one he had to get past if he was to figure out what he was to do now.

A cold wind, one promising rain, pulled Seth back from his thoughts. Though clouds hid the sky, he knew dawn was not far away. He reached up, his face feeling colder than it should. Wetness glistened against his fingers, reflecting what light there was. Wiping off his face, he returned to his apartment. To his relief, he saw no one. In his apartment, he curled around the pillow Li had slept on and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before day stole his consciousness.