Learning to live again

Crap, none of you fell into my mild trap? I tried to make you believe at first that Alavas was Seleno’s lover. Well, anyway, it doesn’t really matter; we all know Alavas fell head over heels for Tansa, lol. Oh and I wanted to thank the rare reviewers for their comments, they give me much needed courage! Sorry for the late update, I have a crappy internet connection and it let me down for a whole week.
On with the next chapter!

**words** is converstion in the head
"words" is normal converstion
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Tansa stood, frozen at the door, not daring to get in. Alavas laid half naked on a huge bed, his eyes closed and body more relaxed than usual. Tansa looked at the heavenly beautiful long hair sprawled on the navy blue pillow, the long, athletic silhouette and the hidden legs, and he couldn’t bring himself to move. He then realized a small tear was running down the elf’s face, Alavas was crying? Without any conscious command from his mind, his legs brought him to Alavas’ side as his hand gently cupped the pale cheek, his thumb erasing the tear from the beautiful face. A soft sight escaped the man in front of him as his hand was nuzzled and kissed.

Tansa’s eyes grew huge thinking of what he had just done and the fact that Alavas had responded to it, but Alavas didn’t move more than that and after a few dreadful minutes, Tansa realized he was still asleep. He let out a relieved sight, and tried to get his hand off Alavas’ cheek but a strong hand shot to cover his and keep it where it was. Tansa tensed but again Alavas had only done it unconsciously, so he gradually relaxed and tried to find a way to free his hand without waking up his host. Finding none due to the death grip of the other’s long fingers, he settled for sitting down next to the bed and waiting for the hand to relax.

Since he was able to get out of bed alone, he hadn’t seen Alavas sleep even once, and he wasn’t about to wake him up now. He now knew the huge house by heart even if it still amazed him. It was as if the tree in which the house was built had decided to sculpt a house within its trunk just to please Alavas. How amazing was that? He still asked himself how Alavas had been able to achieve such a house with the tree still alive at the end. Every room was nothing like what he was used to. It was like he had ended on a new planet with a completely different culture.

But Alavas himself was what fascinated him the most. He had strange pointy ears that seemed to move on their own accord, eyes that looked like two really deep pools in which you could quite easily drown. His every movement seemed graceful, yet powerful, like a tiger: all grace but deadly. Tansa longed to feel his blond hair that seemed so silky, as for his pale skin… if all his body was as soft as his hands were… Tansa shook himself he couldn’t understand his desire for the other. He had promised himself to stay far away from any man once he was free but there he was, lusting after Alavas. He felt dirty, like all these years under his master had tainted him and now he needed to be touched, his body needing the sex he was used to after 10 years of it nearly every two days. He didn’t want to taint the graceful elf with his dirty self. Alavas deserved someone much better than him.

Alavas’ gaze brought him out of his bashing of his self-esteem. He saw those deep green eyes looking at him still half lidded with sleep. Alavas nearly seemed vulnerable like that and Tansa saw the lingering pain he had been able to get only glimpses of till now.

“I’m sorry” Alavas said seeing the position they were in and Tansa sitting next to his bed. “I… Did you need something?” he said trying to get up.

“No, but you said to come see you after lunch so I came.”

Alavas closed his eyes and fell back on the bed. “I’m sorry I had totally forgotten”

“It’s okay” Tansa said with a small smile on his face. He had been here for a little more than a week now and even if Alavas spent a lot of time with him, he hadn’t learned a lot on the elf and had began to crave their time together. “Alavas?”

“Yes?” he answered bringing a hand to cover his eyes from the sun pouring from the curtain less windows. Alavas really seemed tired but to stressed to get enough sleep.

“I was wondering were your little dog is. I haven’t seen it since the first time I woke up in your house.” he said curious, and finding his change of subject quite intelligent.

Alavas’ whole body tensed and his hands tightened into fists. Oups, Tansa thought trying to understand what he had just done wrong. Tansa was going to say he hadn’t meant to cause the other pain when a firm knock was heard on the front door. Alavas opened his eyes and shot out of the bed so fast Tansa found himself still staring at the bed as the sound of the front door being opened reached his ears. Startled he ran to the door to see Alavas staring at another elf with barely contained furry in his eyes as a small ball of fur was placed in his trembling hands. Once the little thing was in his hands, he seemed to calm down and he slowly thanked the man with his usual calm voice as if he hadn’t just tried to kill him with just his eyes. He closed the door.

Tansa stood, not understanding what had just happened. Alavas seemed intent on the unknown thing in his hands. His legs gave way under him but he didn’t seem to care. He knelt on the floor cuddling the small object and murmuring soothing words to it. A tiny tong began to lick his neck as a little paw made its way next to the licked area of said neck. Alavas’ whole body seemed to relax as he cuddled the little animal hidden in his arms and hold it close to his heart, his whole body trembling a little.

After some long minutes the tiny creature leapt out of Alavas’ arms and carefully made its way to Tansa. It was the strangest animal Tansa had ever seen. It wasn’t bigger than a cat but moved with the same grace. Its gold fur seemed to catch the light as the little muscles of his four legs played as he walked on all fours, its long furry tail brushing the air. It had a cute little head with huge long ears that were pointy and white at the end. His front paws looked a lot like a little four fingers hand but his back paws looked like normal cat’s paws only with longer claws and more powerful legs to support it. It had huge beautiful green eyes exactly like its master’s the only difference being that they seemed more innocent.

Tansa felt himself drown in the eyes as the little creature stopped just in front of him and looked at him with an intent look worthy of its master. Tansa felt naked and vulnerable under the gaze but couldn’t bring himself to look away. Having found what he wanted, the little furry ball jumped on a startled Tansa’s shoulder and nuzzled his neck. Tansa looked at Alavas who was clearly dumbfounded. He couldn’t help himself as a soft laugh escaped his mouth, the strangeness of the situation catching up to him and Alavas’ expression just too much to keep the laugh in.

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Alavas stared in shock as his Nama searched Tansa and then leapt on his shoulder and nuzzled his neck. Tansa seemed as shocked as him but then brought his eyes to his and a soft beautiful sound escaped his lips. Realizing Tansa was laughing, and laughing at him, Alavas pulled himself together and smiled despite himself. Nobody really understood Namas and seeing that beautiful teen with the most intimate part of himself didn’t make him as afraid as he should be.

Tansa took the cute creature in his two hands to have a better look at it and said:
“It’s so cute! What is it?”

“My Nama” Alavas answered, not really wanting to answer.

“Nama? What is that exactly?”

“You remember when I told you I was an elf?”

“Yeah, I do”

“Well every elf has his own Nama and this is mine. When we turn a certain age, a forest sprite comes to us and merges with a little part of our soul. What is created is called a Nama. ”

“So you mean I’m holding a part of your soul in my hands?! I’m sorry I didn’t know! I…” Tansa panicked and tried to give the Nama back but Alavas only laughed for the first time in a long time.

“It’s okay, he considered you worthy of it so I have nothing to say to it.”

Tansa brought the Nama in front of his face while still holding carefully in his hands to have a better look at it and was rewarded with a little lick on his nose.

“There is something I don’t understand. If this cute creature is so precious why was it with that man?”

“It’s too complicated, but don’t worry it’s nothing important.”

Alavas said as he hoped against hope that the intelligent being in front of him didn’t understand the sacrifice he had done for him. He couldn’t get too involved with Tansa, he knew that as the head of the family he was supposed to take a nice elf as a wife and he had had no problem with it one month ago. The elders would severely punish him if he ever did something as disgraceful as taking a human partner.

Micha he called but the Nama looked at him and refused to move from the perch it had found on Tansa’s shoulder.
**Don’t push him away, he needs you.** It purred.
**Micha** he pleaded needing the comfort of the little creature, after a long week without it.
**You won’t need my comfort if you let him in. I’m not leaving him unless you change that stupid decision** it said moving its long tail from right to left tickling Tansa’s neck in the process and making him laugh again and cuddle him. **You started to help him already by bringing him here. You were ready to sacrifice our link a week ago and I’m not letting you go back on your decision now. The week was hard for me too but don’t stop now, help him till the end.**
Alavas closed his eyes and took a couple of deep breaths. His Nama was right of course but could he bear the loss of his Nama when that week had been so difficult? And could he bear the loss of another precious person? Because once Tansa was healed he would go back to his own reality and leave him alone. He wouldn’t stand that. But he couldn’t abandon Tansa now, he needed his help. Opening his eyes he decided he would sacrifice himself again like he always did even if the cost was higher then usual. It was his way of living and he would follow it.

With what looked a lot like a smile his little Nama disappeared from Tansa’s shoulder to appear directly into his arms, licking his master affectionately it said **You can trust him, don't worry**.

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So? how was it? If there is things you didn't understand say so, I will try to explain more...