Pink lemonade

Elliot and Boris moved away from their old home with Miranda. Her belongings were shared between her mourning relatives, Elliot knew the best thing to do would be to wash his hands clean, try to forget. But still at night he was confronted by nightmares of her face looming infront of his, blue and swollen and fear stricken. Boris and Elliot moved into a small apartment not unlike the one Elliot had been kept prisoner in. After the experience with Razzle Elliot decided to follow his childhood dream and open a pet stall. The pet stall was beneath the apartment he bought, he mostly sold rodents, fish, reptiles and pet accesories. Time heals all wounds and as the physical marks went away the trauma began to fade, hidden behind the mental equivalent of concrete breeze blocks. He still thought of Razzle, however, wondered how he might be. How he was coping. They would be slowly conditioning him with medication and therapy in whatever hospital he was locked in to believe he was not Razzle, the imaginary friend, but who would they condition him to believe he was? Elliot knew where Razzle was. Featherson's Institution, it was a forty minute drive from where he lived.

Elliot lived with a man now, also. A detective, Jon. They didn't have sex, even though they'd been together for two years, everytime they had tried Elliot had gone cold, rigid and strange. Jon had been infatuated from the second they had met, but his patience ebbed fast, the relationship was rocky. Elliot often woke up startled and sometimes even screaming, and that would wake Jon. Each time Elliot withdrew into himself and began spending all his time with Boris, or on the allotment he had bought, Jon felt more and more like he was just never going to make the grade. Stupid, selfish feelings he berated himself for, but he also knew they were atleast half true.
Elliot came upstairs at five o' clock, as always. He would go back down at seven to check on the animals once more. Like clockwork, he followed a rigid routine. He made macaroni and cheese tonight, it was ready for 6 o' clock when Jon returned. Jon was the perfect person for Elliot's situation. Kind, experienced, he also possessed the strong kind of look that made Elliot feel secure in his arms, broad shoulders, he was tall and fairly well built, dark and a little rugged looking. He seemed to never be able to get rid of the stubble on his chin and cheeks, his nose was a little crooked, and he was missing a tooth. When he came home he always shrugged off his leather jacket, undid his tie, untucked his shirt, and went to the kitchen. Elliot would be there wearing an apron, stirring a pan of something. He would curl his arms around him and plant a soft kiss somewhere, the cheek, the temple or the head usually. Sometimes the back of the neck.
'That smells good,' he murmured. Elliot smiled. But Elliot's smile was always a halfhearted affair now.
'Good,' he responded. 'It's ready so why don't you sit down,'
'Don't I get a little kiss?' Jon puckered his lips and Elliot smiled again and planted a chaste butterfly kiss there. Jon made a little 'mm'ing noise. Rain pattered against the window, and from somewhere, the song 'Rescue me' was playing. It sounded strange as it was coming from outside, and to Jon, that song was always the kind of song you listened to in the summer when you were having a barbeque and a couple of beers.
Jon sat down at the table and Elliot bought the dishes over and sat opposite him. They ate in silence for a few moments as they were both hungry. The clock was ticking quietly on the wall.
'Did you have a good day?' Elliot inquiered politely. Jon nodded.
'You?' Elliot nodded and smiled. Jon forked a piece of paste and offered it to Elliot, he ate it off the fork, and Jon squirmed a little in his seat. Three years, and not a single bit of nookie. This had to be love.

'I uh... I've been thinking about something...' Jon glanced to Elliot expectantly. He was curled up against Jon's side, his head resting on his shoulder. 'I think I'm going to visit Razzle,' a frown piqued Jon's brow. He stiffened in his seat and pressed his lips together in annoyance. He began to mentally count to ten. 'I just would like to see what's happening to him. I think it would help me...'
'It wouldn't,' Jon blurted out quickly. 'Please don't go to where ever they have him holed up. Just... Why can't you just forget about him? He's a sick motherfucker, you shouldn't worry about him in any sense anymore. He's locked up tight and he's never gonna be discharged from that place.' silent hung in the air between them bar the television. 'I just... I've watched you change, everyday you've looked just a little bit brighter, I know that going to see him, even if you just look at him, it'll set you back to how you were. You'll be scared again.' Jon exhaled slowly and closed his eyes. Sometimes Elliot could be stubbourn. He feared this was one of these occasions.
'Okay...' Elliot whispered. Jon smiled and kissed him on the cheek.
'Thanks. I love you,' Elliot didn't answer. He just moved closer.

Featherson Instituition didn't look scarey. Infact, surrounded by lush green grass and trees, the large, beige coloured building just looked like any old hospital. Elliot slowly walked up the graveled path, he had closed the shop for a couple of hours, eaten his lunch and now he was going to do what he'd claimed he wouldn't. Elliot had called in advance and had been told that he could visit Razzle if he wished, and that visiting hours were between twelve in the afternoon and three. Elliot pushed through the spinning doors and signed himself in at the reception. A man in a clean, crisp, white coat lead him along the corridors. The plastic flooring squeaked underneath his sneakers. A scent of bleach, chlorine, general strong cleaning products assaulted his nose.
'Razzle's been getting much better recently, but we've still handcuffed him to the seat, the seat is very securely attached to the ground, so don't worry about him harming you. We know about your situation, so a nurse will be present outside the door to remove you should you feel uncomfortable.' the man smiled at him reassuringly. His name badge read that his name was Mark.
'Thanks, Mark,' Elliot responded shyly. Elliot was standing infront of the door to the visiting room. It was segregated from the others due to Razzle's dangerous nature. Elliot stepped through the door and Razzle looked different, limp, his eyes were dazed. Elliot knew this must be his medication, but a spark of recognition shone in his eyes, and a big smile curled his lips. Elliot sat down in the plastic chair opposite Razzle. His face was stiff, he couldn't smile.
'You're the only person who's come to visit me, Ellie,' Razzle remarked. Elliot nodded a little. 'I have to have lots of injections here, but they're teaching me a lot of new things.' Elliot felt something slowly melting inside him. It was insane, as insane as Razzle himself, but he couldn't seem to help feeling sorry for Razzle. An awkward, crooked smile curled Elliot's lips.
'Well that's good to hear. Mark told me you've been feeling much better.' Razzle nodded.
'Mark is a kind man.'
'Yes, he seems it.' silence was thick again. Razzle was staring. Elliot remembered the night Razzle raped him. The dead body of Miranda. The Razzle sitting in the chair opposite him seemed incapable of such things. 'Remember Mom?' Elliot suddenly asked, quietly, so the nurse outside couldn't hear. Razzle nodded and smiled. 'She's dead,' Razzle's smile faded.
'I'm sorry...' Razzle looked down at the table. Sympathy was an emotion the other Razzle wouldn't have really been correctly capable of.
'It's cool. So um. What do you do in here, Razzle?' Razzle shrugged a bit. The windows were barred, he looked through them for a moment.
'I mostly paint pictures of things. Sometimes I paint pictures of my friends here, like Mark, or outside things that... That they said I'll get to see again, if I'm good. And if... If someone can take care of me.' A lump formed in Elliot's throat.
'Well... Maybe... You could show me your pictures tomorrow. When I come to see you again.' Razzle processed the words, his head bowed and a big smile curled his lips, as big as the crazy one from the tiny room, but the eyes weren't leering with dementia.
'That would be the best, Elliot,' he answered. His voice was choked. A tear fell and splattered on the metal table between them. It glistened in the harsh, artificial light. Elliot didn't mention Razzle's tears. Visiting time was coming to an end and he stood up. 'Before... You go... Could I ask you to do just one thing? Please?' Elliot waited. Razzle swallowed loudly and lifted his head. This rainbow hair looked brighter than ever in this cold, white place. His dark eyes didn't look dead anymore. They shone with moisture. 'Would you kiss me?'
A pause. Elliot looked over his shoulder, somehow he felt if the nurse caught him, it would be a bad thing. He leant close and planted a kiss, it lasted, held there, their lips touching. Flashbacks burnt Elliot's brain and he wondered what he was doing. Razzle's lips were soft and warm. He pulled away.
'I'll see you tomorrow.'

Elliot walked down the gravel path. His mind spun but he wasn't upset. Razzle was kind of his responsibility. Maybe it was time to stop playing this charade with Jon. A pang of hurt accompanied the thought, Jon was beautiful and kind and everything he needed, but nothing he wanted. The car revved into action and Elliot wondered if Razzle could hear it in there. He sincerely doubted it. Slowly, he pulled away, and drove down the road back to the pet stall. As the road opened up, he looked at the turns, one went right, and the other left. Of course, to go back to work, he had to turn right, and he did that. But he wondered, what would happen if he turned left? If he just drove far away. Probably nothing. He'd just come back. Running away never makes sense. When he pulled up outside the pet shop, Jon was standing there, his face a little steely, his jaw clamped. He opened his mouth to speak as Elliot climbed out the door, but Elliot spoke quicker.
'I'm sorry Jon. But this... What we have, I love it, but it's not right for me. I hope you understand.' Jon's face fell, as if the news crushed him. He stood still. Then his jaw tightened again.
'You're nuts,' he muttered quietly. He stormed inside the stall and ran upstairs. Elliot walked inside and crouched over the rabbit section, checking their water. Jon returned with a suitcase quickly. 'I'll come get the rest of my stuff tomorrow.' there was no official goodbye, Jon just left. Elliot didn't turn around, he shared his secret smile with the rabbits instead.

THE END.