Moving On

I’ve given up.

I can’t be the strong one, I’ve never been the strong one and it can’t be expected of me this time.

I know I’m supposed to move on and let things be. I’m supposed to let destiny run it’s course and blah blah blah. Well fuck destiny and it’s bullshit, I wasn’t going to let the man I loved get away from me this time. He was going to know how I felt even if I had to pin him to the ground and beat it into him.

But the moment the phone was in my hand I couldn’t bring myself to dial the all too familiar number of his cell. How do you tell someone you love them? That you’ve loved them forever and that you are just now figuring this out? How do you convey that in words over the phone?

You don’t. You can’t. It’s impossible and wrong in so many ways it hurt. I’d never be able to tell him to his face, not and risk seeing the disgust or disproval in his eyes. I didn’t have the courage to face him not knowing how he would react. He was a cold calculating bastard…and if he didn’t return my feelings he’d tell me so and in a way I wouldn’t like. It was just the way he was.

But then again, could I live with myself knowing that I hadn’t told him…my best friend, the truth? The answer, of course, was obvious and as plain as day. I wouldn’t ever be able to look him in the eyes again knowing that I was keeping the biggest secret of all from him.

But that brings me right back to where I started. How was I supposed to tell him? If I couldn’t tell him to his face and I couldn’t do it over the phone…what options did I have left? I couldn’t not tell him, that was out of the question. Fuck, why did things always have to be so complicated?

Setting the phone back in it’s cradle I drop back onto the couch and sulk. It was never as simple as telling the bastard anything, it was always a little here a little there to try and judge his reaction before I gave him the whole thing. He might not ever go ballistic on me, but he tended to be colder than normal…but this was different. This was way different in every conceivable angle you looked at it. I was going to tell him that I was in love with him, there was no way you could tell only part of that.

Come to think about it…how was it that he told me things he didn’t want me to know? Was there ever a time he didn’t just come out and tell me? He’d even told me to my face that he was moving out, no beating around the bush or even a little foreplay. It was always the truth right up front, no matter how brutal or ugly.

Sighing softly I finally reach for the phone once more and dial his number. If I wasn’t going to plan ahead I’d wing it instead. The phone rings twice before his voice floats over the line, deep and comforting in it’s rich smoothness. “Vince speaking.” he murmurs and I take just a moment to memorize the sound of that voice.

“Hey buddy, it’s Jake I-” his voice cuts me off before I can finish.

“I just got into the house and we’re unloading stuff. Can you call me back later?” he says coldly and my heart sinks into my stomach. In that moment my courage had failed me completely and only his annoyed sigh reminds me that I hadn’t answered him yet.

“Um…actually I was just calling to ask you if you’d like to come over and have dinner with me tonight.” I murmur, “I’ll cook though,” I add quickly and I hear him pause as if really considering it.

“Jake, you can’t boil water without burning it. How do you plan on making an entire meal that is edible.” his tone is incredulous and I immediately take offense.

“I can too boil water without burning it. And you just never gave me a chance to improve.” I can almost hear him thinking before he finally gives me a dry chuckle.

“Fine, Jake, I’ll be over there once I get them out of here. That leaves you an hour, think you can handle dinner in an hour?” his tone was teasing and just the sound of it made my heart leap. If he was teasing me he wasn’t upset.

“I can handle it, jackass, stop patronizing me.” I snap back and he laughs, the sound making my insides melt. Maybe this wouldn’t be as hard as I thought. All I had to do was find the right time during dinner. Dinner. Food. Jeez, I’m the fucking dumbest man to walk the Earth, I swear. Why hadn’t I thought of it before? It was Vince’s way of speaking without words. The language of food was something Vince understood very well. Cheesecake was an apology, chicken casserole-my favorite dinner dish-was a thank you, steak was usually a congratulations, and chocolate chip pancakes for dinner usually meant he was really happy with me. But what would he use for love? That really was the question wasn’t it? Maybe I just needed to be obvious.

“Jake, are you still with me?” he asked quietly and I blink slowly before nearly smacking myself. “Uh, yeah, sorry. I spaced out. I’ll have dinner ready in a hour, promise. See you then Vince.” I murmur and hang up, setting the phone back in the cradle.

Grinning to myself I jump up and pad into the kitchen. “Now let’s see…what would make this really obvious?” I question myself silently as I pull open the fridge.

Let the torture begin.

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By the time I have everything set out onto the table the doorbell is ringing and I have to race around to put the dishes away before I bolt for the door. Pulling it open I come face to face with a very annoyed looking Vince. “Sorry, I was just finishing up.” I murmur hastily and step aside for him to move past me. He brushes past and I watch him glance at the dish where the spare key lay. “I thought I’d left you the other spare I had, apparently I left you the only copy I have.” he murmurs and my heart nearly stops. So he hadn’t left it on purpose.

“You can have that one actually. I’ve got the extra spare you made because I lost the original remember?” His eyebrow raises before he lifts the key and adds it to the key ring with his car and new house key. The moment he steps into the living room his nose wrinkles slightly and he glances over his shoulder at me. “Did something die or is that your new and improved cooking skills?”

Rolling my eyes I brush past him and into the kitchen. “Don’t poke fun, this is the first dinner I’ve made in years, years. You have to give me a little credit.” I grumble and lift the apron I was wearing over my head. The words ‘I Love Great Cooks’ across the chest were done in bold white lettering. I’d seen it hanging by the stove and couldn’t resist.

He takes one look at the table and his expression changes into something I can’t read and for some reason that worries me.

“It’s not arsenic and vomit, I’m sure it’s edible.” I say and watch as piercing blue eyes turn towards me and pin me to the spot. It is a searching look, one that leaves me feeling naked and somehow nervous. Had I been way too obvious with the food?

Glancing down at the table I had to agree with the silent assessment he had given me. It was spaghetti, something I’d seen off of ‘Lady and the Tramp’ when we were kids. Of course everything was a little burnt, even the red velvet cake I’d made was a little charred. It wasn’t anything too bad, but there was the distinct smell of burnt food in the air. The only thing I hadn’t managed to ruin, thankfully, was the red wine sitting neatly to the side with two wine glasses. They weren’t something we had used often, only on nights we were celebrating something. Tonight I wouldn’t use an excuse, I was trying to be obvious.

But before I can say a word he moves to his side of the table and sits down silently and waits for me to do the same. Hesitating for a moment I glance at him, as if willing his now blank expression to give something away. But as always he had schooled his features and left me with nothing that could serve as a clue to the inner workings of his mind. Sighing inaudibly I take my own seat and we both serve up the spaghetti silently.

Dinner seemed to pass by far too quickly for my liking. He declined an offer for a second helping, as was expected. It tasted funny anyway. But to my surprise he accepted a small piece of red velvet cake and a glass of red wine. I hadn’t been sure how the two would go together, but apparently he seemed satisfied enough with it because he ate without complaint. He never once mentioned that everything had a slightly burnt flavor to it, nor did he mention that I had returned the candles to the table, even if they were unlit. He seemed so completely oblivious to every sign I had laid out. I had thought, at first, that I had been too obvious and that he had picked up on it and simply ignored it. But I was beginning to doubt my own observational skills. He truly seemed oblivious.

By the time dinner was finished I was getting desperate. He was going to leave, and I had yet to make him see what I wanted him to see. It seemed almost a waste of time. I’d spent an hour of my life ruining a perfectly good meal only to miss my one opportunity to tell Vince how I really felt about him. I wanted to cry.

When he placed his dishes in the sink and turned for the living room, I almost did. It was his casual way of saying he was done, and with no reason left for him to be here he was going to leave. But before he could take one step out of the kitchen I was there and grasping his arm. I was surprised to find myself pinned to the spot by two uncharacteristically patient blue eyes. “Yes?” his voice was smooth and neutral, hiding something…I just wasn’t sure what.

“Vince…there’s…there’s something I need to tell you and I’m not sure how to really go about it. I can’t be brutally honest like you all the time so tonight I tried to tell you without actually telling you. I saw how well that worked so I’m only left with one option. I can’t let you walk out of that door without telling you the real reason I invited you over tonight.” I murmur softly and take a deep breath. “Vince, I lo-” the softness of his lips on my own stops me mid-sentence and every last muscle in my body freezes in place.

It takes a moment before my brain catches up to the moment and by the time I realize what had happened he was pulling away and I was left wanting. “I know,” he murmurs softly and my resolve crumbles. “Vince I-” again, soft lips cut off my reply and cool fingertips grasp my chin firmly before he leans back once more. “I love you too Jake.”

This is all too confusing for me. I had been sure he hadn’t picked up on my obvious hints and he’d endured an awful dinner only out of politeness this time. “How long?” My voice sounds feeble, even to me and I watch his expression go soft. “The moment I walked into the kitchen an hour ago.” he replies calmly and my breath leaves me in a relieved sigh. “So you didn’t move out…I mean, it wasn’t because of me?” I ask softly and he smiles, a rare and genuine smile that warms me from head to toe. “Actually…I decided to move out because I couldn’t stand the thought of being so close to you and not having you. Jake you’re too thick headed for you own good…I’ve been in love with you for a lifetime.” he murmurs softly.

Too stunned to speak I merely gape up at him, lips parted in shock and amazement. Vince loved me, he had loved me forever, possibly longer than I had loved him. How long had he been keeping this a secret? “Sorry it took me so long to figure things out..” I finally whisper and he chuckles lightly, stepping away. “Sometimes you have to lose something before you realize just how precious it is to you.” he says softly and turns for the living room.

Letting relief seep into my tension heavy muscles I relax finally and grab for him once more, but this time I don’t just stop when he turns to look at me questioningly. I move into him, lips parted as I crush his to my own. Right then I didn’t care how long it had taken us to reach this moment, how many painstaking years it had taken me to realize what I had in front of me. We were here now and I had god knows how many years of making up to do.

His lips part beneath mine and I plunge forward, tasting him as he was meant to be. He tasted of wine and sweet icing, a warm flavor that had me forcing his mouth open further as I pressed against him and dove past his parted lips eagerly. His deep groan rumbles beneath my fingertips as I lean in against his chest, his strong arms finding their way around my own slightly smaller frame in a tight embrace. He only pulls away when the need for air draws us apart and I gaze up at him, delighted to find his eyes half lidded and dark with a heat I understood all too well. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.” he murmurs, his tone breathy and just the sound sends shivers dancing up my spine.

“I think I can imagine.” I whisper and press my hips forward, chuckling softly when he moans and his knees nearly buckle beneath him. But the sound stops abruptly when he pins me once more with his intense gaze. “Don’t tease me Jacob, I’ve waited too damn long for this. My control isn’t infinite.” he growls and my pulse speeds up. I’d never been with a guy before, never even thought about it until Vince, but just the thought of what those words implied had me trembling with anticipation. I know he’s not bluffing and that only adds weight to his warning. But even the fear of the unknown was not enough to stop me from leaning up and pressing the full line of my body against his own. “Then stop trying to stay in control, Vince, you’re not superman.” I murmur and capture his lips in a searing kiss.

I can feel the slight trembling in him as he fights against me for a brief moment before the tension melts from his muscles and strong arms crush me to him. When I make no protest he buries his hands into my hair and takes control of the kiss, plundering, ravaging, conquering my mouth until I am hard and aching with need.

We break apart for air and his expression is enough. He doesn’t have to say a word because I know what he wants, what he can’t seem to put into words. I’m not even sure I’m ready, not yet anyway, but right that moment I couldn’t have denied him anything and I knew what he needed right now probably better than he did.

Stepping away from him I raise my hands and begin unbuttoning my shirt. His eyes follow the path my hands make hungrily and I smirk when his breath catches after watching my shirt slide from my shoulders and onto the floor. Possessive eyes rake over the exposed half of my body and I tremble beneath his gaze.

I had never thought of myself as ever being submissive to anyone. I was too hard headed for that and too stubborn to let someone else control things. But looking back in this one moment I realized there was one person I had relied on my whole life. No matter what it was, Vince was in control, why should sex be any different? It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that even in this Vince would not be willing to give up his control…and I wouldn’t argue.

Gaining my confidence back I sauntered past him, smirking slightly as I headed for the bedroom and I paused in the doorway to glance over my shoulder at him. “Are you going to stand there all night or are you going to join me?” I tease, “It’s no fun alone…” I give him my best pout and disappear into the room, leaving the door open for him.

By the time he steps into the darkened interior of the room I’ve already shed the rest of my clothes and I lay back on the bed, perfectly on display. The casual display of my naked form was too slutty for words, but the look on his face when he spotted me was more than worth it.

His long strides across the room are not carefully controlled this time and I can practically see the excitement humming around him as he slides easily out of his casual business attire. Lips pursed in concentration he works at untangling himself from his tie before the whole thing is simply pulled over his head and discarded with little care for where it landed. The shirt came next, a few buttons popping off when he finally growled and snapped the rest of the shirt open when one of the buttons refused to move. Tossing it aside as well he made quick work of his shoes and pants before he was finally finished, standing there before me in all his naked glory.

I’d never thought of a man as being attractive. Yeah I’d always thought Vince was handsome, but it had always been in a brotherly way. You can admire someone’s good looks without finding them attractive. But at the moment I was having a very hard time telling that to the throbbing ache resting against my stomach as I watched every inch of that soft white skin slide into view from beneath his usual suit and tie.

Lips parted in anticipation, I couldn’t quiet the soft pants that escaped as he took a cautious step toward the bed. His eyes were dark and guarded even if the rest of him hummed with anticipation. “Jake…you really don’t have to do this. I…I love you but…if guys really aren’t your thing we can-” I hold up a hand to stem his needless flow of words, somewhat surprised that I had earned a speech from him. “Vince…if you don’t get on this bed right now and have your wicked way with me I’m going to drag you into this bed myself and molest you until you can’t even stand. I. Want. You.” Okay so it was a little exaggerated, he would still be able to walk, just not very well.

I knew in that moment that it wasn’t’ men in general I was attracted to, it was just Vince. I couldn’t say that I liked men, because I don’t, not in the general sense. It’s only ever been Vince and there will only ever be Vince…I didn’t need to be sure about my sexuality to know I wanted this man. There was only Vince for me and if he couldn’t deal with that it was his problem.

I watched as his eyes widened slightly and his lips parted as if he would say something in return but the moment our eyes met, his resolve crumbled. I gave a soft sound of wonder when he slid onto the bed and over me, the heat of his skin sliding against mine with ease. He was trembling and for some reason I didn’t think it came from being scared.

All higher thought processes seemed to stop the moment his lips found mine again and I melded easily into his trembling embrace, grasping at the sleek muscle definition of his shoulders. Lightning arced through me when his constant shifting brought the heated flesh of our erections together and the soft muffled cry that came from me was swallowed by his lips and tongue only to swallow another when he ground against me, deliberately causing delicious friction this time.

I was blind with need, the sexual tension building within, a steady pressure that threatened to burst from me at any moment. Our tongues danced and his hands were everywhere, kneading the tension out of my muscles only to bring it all rushing back when he brushed a sensitive area. I’d had sex more times than I could count and yet none of the lovers I’d taken could ever compare to the man moving over me now.

His mouth was like fire, burning down the side of my neck with sweet kisses and hot, languid sweeps of his tongue. I couldn’t breath when he finally captured one hardened nipple between his lips and bit down lightly, eliciting a deep groan from me. And still he kept on, covering every inch of skin with a soft kiss or a sensual brush of his tongue. I was so lost in sensation that when he paused, his breath scorching along the underside of my cock, I had to open my eyes and peer down at him through the dim light of the room.

“My turn?” Even to my own ears my voice sounded thick, sleepy. He could have asked me for anything in that moment and I would have torn down heaven and hell to bring it to him.

The wicked smirk he gives me sends chills dancing up my spine and flowing over my skin in the form of goose bumps. I have to suck in a sharp breath when his tongue flicks out to wet his lips. Would he do it?

He answers my silent question with a slight tilt of his head as he lowers his lips to the base of my cock, flicking his tongue over the soft skin curiously. The sensation floors me and I have to bite my lip to keep from crying out. Seemingly encouraged he presses his tongue to the thick, prominent vein on the underside of my cock and drags the warm appendage up only to pull up short. My small cry of protest draws a deep chuckle from him and his warm breath cools the glistening trail of saliva he left behind.

I shiver from the sensation and grip the bed sheets tightly in my fists. “Vince…please.” I breath, moving my hips slightly in emphasis. “Where’s your lube?” he questions and I can’t seem to comprehend why on earth he was asking for my lube when that hot mouth was inches, just inches away from my leaking cock head. “Bedside table..” I whisper breathlessly as he moves to straddle my hips in order to reach the bedside table. His cock is suddenly within reach and I stare at it in fascination. Much to my surprise, I don’t feel any revulsion at being this close to another man, quite contrary. As if unable to stop myself I reach forward to grasp the thick weight of him and he freezes above me, going completely rigid. Not moved by his sudden stillness, I give his cock a light squeeze and a slow stroke from base to tip, brushing my thumb through the bead of pre-cum that had gathered at the tip. He shudders above me and I glance up to see him watching me intently, his pale blue eyes fixed on my face. That look quells the heat in my body and suddenly afraid that I had done something wrong, my hand slowly starts to fall away.

But before I can pull away from him completely his hand us there, wrapping my fingers back around his pulsing length firmly. “You look incredibly hot like that, Jake…” he breathes and the fire comes rushing back. His eyes flutter closed as he moves his hand over mine, showing me how he likes to be stroked and something about the image steals my breath away. I’d never seen anything more stunning in my life than Vincent letting go of his control and allowing me to touch him so intimately. He really was gorgeous and the thought made my chest tighten. He was all mine.

“I…was going to stretch you a bit while I sucked you off…but you seem to have distracted me.” The sound of his voice so strained brought with it a sense of satisfaction. I’d managed to distract him…maybe I could manage to work my way on top too?

But that thought vanishes the moment he gently coaxes my hand away from his heated flesh and gives me a grin that melts me on the spot. “If you don’t stop that I’m going to finish too soon…” he breaths, his voice still strained and somewhat soft. “Then get moving or I’m going to finish without you.” I whisper back and his laugh sends chills dancing up my spine once more.

“So eager…” he whispers as he dips down to press a scorching kiss to my lips before moving down once more until he is nestled between my legs and grinning up at me.

His eyes dance with laughter at my impatient moan and I open my mouth to tell him to quit teasing only to have my voice fail me when his lips close around the leaking cock head that had been waiting so eagerly for his hot mouth. For a moment my world tilts and I almost don’t notice the cool lube slicked finger gently probing at my entrance.

Giving a choked gasp I open my mouth to protest only to have words fail me once more when he suddenly swallows me down. I know it’s to distract me from what his fingers are doing but I can’t bring myself to care. All I can focus on is that hot mouth sliding over my swollen cock, teasing me almost to the point of orgasm before letting up and starting over again.

When his mouth pulls away from me for the last time I actually start to protest, wanting badly to finish right then only to trail off into silence when the smooth head of his own straining erection is pressed against my stretched opening. My chest tightens as I meet his gaze. There is such hunger in that gaze, a need that I had denied for years. I can tell he wants to move quickly but he hesitates, his blue eyes wide and uncertain. I know if I reject him now it would wound him and we might never have a true relationship. But I can’t bring myself to deny him this part of me. I had shared everything else in my life with him, why not this too?

Swallowing nervously I give a slow nod and the relief on his face is obvious. “I’ll be gentle.” he promises quietly and begins pressing into me, inch by painful inch. I hurt a lot more than I had imagined but I didn’t once whimper or protest at the discomfort. He wanted this…no he needed this and I was the only one who could give it to him. I’d be damned if I took this away from him too.

It seemed like forever before he was laying against me, breathing heavily from the effort it took to hold back, but he was nestled deep inside and the relief of it was plain as day. It was a discomfort I could live with, honestly. If he took his time like this every time I wouldn’t mind it. Giving his arm a soft squeeze and offering him a gentle smile of encouragement he begins to move and the sensation steals my breath away.

The initial penetration had been uncomfortable but this, this was so much better than I’d imagined. I could feel every stroke as he pulled out and thrust back in into my body slowly, carefully. I could tell he was still holding back and a soft smile curved my lips.

Slipping my legs up and around his narrow hips, I pulled him towards me to press those soft lips against my own. “You can move Vince, I won’t break.” I promise and he pauses, as if unsure before tension wins out and he really begins to move. It was uncomfortable at first, but once I got used to it…it actually felt pretty good. Flushed with his workout, Vince looked like a marble statue come to life. His lips were parted and glistened as his tongue passed over them repeatedly and his eyes were only partially closed as he panted for me, letting me know just how much he was enjoying himself.

I was so caught up in watching his pleasure play across his face that when he switched angles and struck something inside of me, it caught me off guard and I cried out. He froze, looking down at me as if I’d startled him. “A-are you alright?” he whispered, voice strained and breathy.

“Oh gods…do that again, please don’t stop!” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. The sensation had made my nerve endings sizzle and my body impossibly tight. I was surprised to find that I hadn’t cum immediately the moment he had brushed against that spot.

He seems unsure but when I writhe beneath him, encouraging him to continue, he gives a soft grunt and pushes forward again, hitting that spot that made me see white. I urge him on, pulling than leanly muscled body against my own frantically as he nails that spot with the height of almost every stroke. “Nghh….oh god…please Vince…harder!” His groan is loud in my ear as he snaps his hips back and forth, finding that spot again and again until I’m sobbing with the intensity of it. My orgasm hits me hard and I feel my cock jerk between us as I spill my seed over my stomach in short spurts. I could care less about the sticky mess I’m leaving because a moment later Vince gives a deep moan and empties himself inside of me.

We are frozen like that for what seems like hours as he fights to catch his breath and I struggle to calm the racing of my heart. It couldn’t have been long that we stayed like that because when he finally slid to the side, drawing me into his arms, the seed on my stomach was still warm and it clung to us in messy patches.

His soft chuckle warms me and I find his lips, eagerly delving into the warm recesses of his mouth to swallow his soft moan. When we part it is only because I need to breath and even then it is only minutely so that his warm breath scorches my lips as I lay there, curled into his arms like a sated cat. I can’t think of anything to say that wouldn’t sound corny or stupid so I stay silent and he doesn’t see fit to break the silence either.

It isn’t until some time later when I was almost asleep that he finally spoke at all. His voice is quiet and for once I have to strain to hear him.

“Jake…move in with me.” His quiet request stuns me and I have to lean back a little to look up at him. “Are you serious?” It’s not that I wasn’t grateful, but…

“Yes I’m serious. My house is really close to your work so if you’re late getting up you won’t have to worry too much. There’s only one bedroom but I can sleep on the pullout bed if you’d like. And that store you like so much, the one that sells your favorite snacks is just down the street…you could take Max to the pet park on the next street over and-” I cut him off with a light kiss and he gives me wide and endearingly uncertain eyes. “You don’t have to explain it to me Vince…I’ll move in with you. No use having two houses when I’m going to be glued to your side most of the time anyway. And as for there being only one bedroom…well. I think we can work that out.” I murmur with a mischievous grin. “Now get to sleep, we both have work in the morning.”

He gives me a soft smile and pulls me closer before he closes his eyes.

So much for moving on, but you know, I could get used to this. I started out life with Vince in it and I was going to leave it with him by my side. There wasn’t anything that was going to pull us apart this time, I wouldn’t let it.

Mental note: Poison new next door neighbor. Can’t have him charming his way into Vince’s life.

With a smug smile I settle into a light sleep, content for once with every little aspect of my life.

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Okay so apparently when I put up chapter Five it cut it off halfway through. I'm really sorry about that and thanks so much to Anna and Anon! I never would have noticed it had you guys not told me. This final chapter was made possible by you guys. So please enjoy!