Bittersweet dreams

Sywryn snapped her medical case shut and stifled a yawn. The last patient of the day, a young girl of six dangled her legs off the edge of the bed, watching her intently. She’d sat there like an angel while she poked and prodded and gave the child her monthly check-up. But Sywryn couldn’t stop thinking about the other little girl they’d rescued…they looked almost the same…but where anything but. While this one was bright eyed and eyeing her with a lopsided smile the other remained dead to the world…it just wasn’t right. She sighed once more, although not out of tiredness and shook her head. Telling herself she’d done all she could never seemed to help but she did it anyway. She fixed her bedside smile back on her face and patted her on the head.
“There we go! All done. Now that wasn’t that bad was it?” she said brightly. The girl mumbled something that might have been an agreement before leaping from the bed and joining her mother by the door. The older woman gave her a second smile. It was one reason Sywryn did what she did. Amidst the frequent tragedies she managed to conjure a lot of smiles, something that seemed few and far between these days. Sometimes she felt that she got all of them but that was of course very silly.

“What do you say to the doctor?” The girl received a gentle nudge from her mother.

“….Thank you.” Sywryn smiled back.

“You’re very welcome. See you in a month Rebecca.” Sywryn watched them leave before she started to pack away the rest of her gear. There was precious little of it since most of it she could do with magic, a few needles and instruments were still expected of her though, even if she didn’t need them. She always felt better after a day went by when she could deal with the less critical side of medicine. Seeing a person walk in smiling and leave smiling was somehow more satisfying than admitting a triage patient and watching them leave with a drug induced version….even if she knew she’d done more good. Finally she hung her rough, white lab coat on the hook by the door and gathered her bags. She spared a smile for everyone she passed on the way back to her quarters. She passed the remainder of the labs, the operating theatre and then the armoury on her way out. Healing and weapons next door to each other….such an oxymoron could only occur when people were fighting for their lives. The walk to her quarters seemed to take less time than usual and she fumbled her bags outside the uniform white door until she could push the open button with her nose.

But her good mood and high hopes for as relaxing an evening as she could get were shattered as her sapphire and silver eyes fell upon the figure lounging on the bed.

“Dante?” Her voice was filled with agitated surprise. He’d pretended not to notice her, still staring at the ceiling and whistling an amiable little tune, waiting for her to say something. But right now Sywryn wasn’t thinking about whether she was walking into a carefully baited trap. She just wanted him out.
“Wh…what are you doing in here? I thought I told you to get out this morning?” She dropped her medical bags by the door and stood with her arms folded. But Sywryn didn’t have it in her to look menacing, not enough anyway. A kind and gentle face bearing a frown was a kind and gentle face nonetheless. Needless to say her will to argue had evaporated more quickly than her pleasant mood, being replaced with the usual sombre irritation she reserved just for him. He was the last thing she needed. His heavy violet eyes fell on her from across the room but he made no sign he was going to leave.

“Oh you did? I thought that was spur of the moment, on the emotional tide as it were.” Dante’s voice was thick and mocking as ever. Sywryn bridled inside, not herself choosing to use the word ‘emotional’ to describe her state after having been harassed that morning. It’s just his game….she told herself repeatedly. That phrase had become like a broken record in her mind recently but she refused to give him the rise he wanted,

“I wasn’t emotional….I was angry. And I meant exactly what I said.” She sidestepped the door, hoping that for once in his life he’d just leave her alone. Fate it seemed had no such relief in mind for her. The sorcerer seemed to make a point of examining his nails, ignoring her completely. But for some reason the sight of him sprawled out on her bed as if he owned it, after his actions brought another bout of anger to her. “I don’t know what you tried to do to me but I don’t want you bothering me anymore.” Part of Sywryn’s voice reflected the anger she felt inside, another part the frustration and the rest was made up of a little fear that she now had for him. If Dante noticed it didn’t bother him. Nothing Sywryn knew of ever did. Finally he sat up in her bed with one flowing movement, as if his limbs were part water and even in her state of agitation Sywryn couldn’t deny the grace of his movements. Crossing one leg over the other he ran a hand through teal hair and then folded them in his lap.

“Well I can’t stay away for too long…not many people treat me with the same courtesy you do, even if you can be fiery at times.” Sywryn fought down the urge to scoff, managing it but just barely. She doubted he even bothered with anyone else….just her. How did he always know where she was or where she was going? It was as if he could see through walls but then it was likely a man of his magical prowess probably could. Half a sigh and half a groan were all that left Sywryn’s lips in the end.

“Maybe if you learned to ask before walking into people’s rooms they’d be nicer to you.” She busied herself with emptying out her bags and stowing away the contents in a small cupboard by the door. She was just going to ignore him and hope he left but the eyes she could somehow feel roaming her backside when she bent over didn’t give much buoyancy to that hope. “Look, I’m very tired, I have a mission tomorrow and I just want you to go away so I can sleep.” She cast a longing gaze at her bed. “Try annoying Frost for a day or two…” Sywryn would prefer if he didn’t, she’d never palmed her troubles off on others and she didn’t intend to start with one as big as this. Frost could handle it of course…but not in any beneficial way aside from taking away the sorcerer’s ability to speak…..as pleasant as that thought may be.

“Your illustrious commander? He’d just hit me…” Sywryn bit down another sarcastic comment. It was a nice image though. “Honestly miss Alruien, just when I think you’re getting interesting you turn boring again.” He rumbled something akin to a chuckle, low in his throat. The thick sound reminded her of shadows for some reason. He folded his arms like a petulant child, grinning manically at her, all the while his violet eyes holding a different edge to the one in his expression. One that worried her……..

“Does that mean you’ll leave me alone?” She asked hopefully. She always found it so hard to look straight at him; something always gave her the urge to look away, as if his gaze were sucking unpleasantly at her face. So she settled for looking at his left shoulder, the material splayed to reveal a little of skin so pale it was almost blue. Almost glowing if she looked close enough. If she were brave enough to be alone in the dark with him it would be interesting to see if he glowed.

“Not likely….It just means I’ll have to stay longer to drink my fill of you.” The deep, rolling amusement in his voice made the innuendo impossible to miss, even to someone as innocent in their ways as Sywryn. Her face reddened even as his grin widened, revealing a row of impossibly white teeth.

“I’m not a toy…” She muttered, indignation competing with embarrassment for control. It won in the end, letting her force a glare. He spoke to her like she was a silly little tool, if she was lucky a silly little girl who didn’t know what was good for her. It irritated her so much but she didn’t know what to do about it! She tried to make her anger at him flood out whatever embarrassment or ill-ease he caused her, tried to use it to take his upper hand away from him. In practice it was a good idea but when he was standing right in front of her whatever sticky Aura it was that poured of him stilled her tongue and her fist, leaving her to babble pathetic responses. If it came to a battle of wills, words, strength or magic she’d almost certainly lose….it just wasn’t fair. What did she ever do to deserve such embarrassing and relentless torment? Dante just shrugged, oblivious to her thoughts for once.

“Maybe not…but you’re fun to play with for a while….I try to enjoy your company while I can.” Dante swooped from the bed and draped himself luxuriously over one of her chairs, kicking his boots up on the table and leaning back. Sywryn could only glare; it didn’t seem to bother him anyway. She stood there for a moment, watching him run both hands through shoulder length, bluish tinted hair….well he could sit there all night if he wanted, she’d be damned if she was going to walk into another trap twice in the same day. She crossed to the small mirror above her meagre dresser, her fingers trailing nervously across the smooth surface until she reached up and let her hair down. Ebony locks pooled around her waist. Sywryn picked up a brush and eased out the days tangles, watching herself in the mirror. Not for any regard to her own appearance, she could dress and brush in the dark and frequently did but because it allowed her to keep an eye on Dante. For the moment he seemed content to laze in her chair, whistling something to himself and yet she couldn’t help but get a sense of Deja-Vu about this morning…well at least she was dressed this time. Sywryn was ever grateful for small mercies. When she was certain he had nothing else tucked up his sleeve for the moment she crossed to her desk and flopped down in the chair, pulling out the first of a hundred forms and trying to block out his presence. It wasn’t easy, even though he was sitting a fair distance away from her she could still feel the force of his magic like a damp heat on the back of her neck. The room fell into silence except for the scratching of Sywryn’s pen and occasional whine from the air recycler in the ceiling. After a while she’d almost forgotten about him…..almost.

“I see you’ve gotten rid of that incriminating book….a shame, I was rather looking forward to reading it…..still if you’re so embarrassed about these things you should take more care to hide them.” Sywryn could barely believe her ears. How dare he bring that up and make it sound like it was her fault! He was the one that had the nerve humiliate her like that, she didn’t ask him to go poking around inside her quarters, it was his problem if he’d lost the damn thing. She whirled on him, forcing her best scowl on the blue haired man.

“I shouldn’t have to hide them! It’s none of your business!” Sywryn wanted to yell, but managed to keep her voice at a civilised level somehow. Slowly Dante swung his legs off the table and advanced on her, that anarchic smile never leaving his face. She found herself pressed back between the desk and him, the sorcerer almost straddling her legs. She felt trapped, she’d never thought he’d go as far as to do anything illegal but after the events of the morn past she wasn’t so sure anymore. Underneath his heated gaze she felt like a deer frozen in the headlights or a small mammal under the watchful eyes of a hungry wolf.

“Oh but it is…” He drawled, his face so close to hers she felt his breath on her ear. She felt her breath hitch in her throat at the touch of it. Oh gods…was he doing it again? “You have all this pent up desire inside of you.” He twirled circles on her midriff with the tip of a finger. “If you don’t let it out eventually it’s going to burst….it might be nice to watch.” Sywryn slapped his fingers away but his hands only found their way to the arms of her chair….she knew she wasn’t going anywhere.

“Shut up….” She hissed. “Don’t say things like that.” He chuckled, leaning forward so his lips were but a press away from hers, piercing eyes boring into hers. She felt the presence of a man far larger than he actually was. She could only guess the extent of his power when simply having him close was like being shocked with electric waves….it made almost pleasant shivers run up and down her body.

“Oh but the way you blush when I do say such things is adorable too.” She felt every vibration of his words on her skin. She could feel that lethargic effect spilling over her again but it wasn’t like last time….she could still think clearly but she couldn’t make herself push him away from her. The warmth from his body and magic, not to mention the caress of his breath on her cheek felt a little too good for her body to let go of…no matter how loud her decent mind screamed at it. She was also acutely aware of the pleasing ripples of heat pooling in places that shouldn’t be responding like they were. The ferocious glint in his eyes said he knew exactly what he was doing to her. “You really are beautiful you know….” Sywryn blinked, fighting back the sensations and wondering if she’d heard him right. Such words rarely left his mouth; she wouldn’t have been surprised if it were something more vulgar. He’d sounded almost serious as well.

“Wh…what?” She squeaked, her throat feeling like cotton wool.

“If it ever becomes a problem….this desire of yours, I’d expect there are lots of people in the city dying for a chance to be with you.” His hand brushed almost tenderly up and down her bare arm, raising goose bumps in its path. Sywryn squeezed her eyes shut, determined not to feel it. She couldn’t believe she was hearing this; this went far beyond simple teasing….did she really come across that way? She shook such questions from her mind and finally managed to wrestle back control of her arm, shoving him away from her.

“What are you talking about? I wouldn’t do that with just anyone!” Her pale face burned with a mixture of shame and fury. “I’m not like that!” She hissed, half expecting to advance on her again with a second round of sick taunting. But he didn’t, he stayed where he was, watching her intently, his cool gaze lingering on some places more than others. It felt like an eternity to Sywryn before he finally turned away and bounded for the door. She released the breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding, but not loud enough for him to hear. She heard the door swish open and then his voice, composed and lush as always.

“In that case….sweet dreams….miss Alruien.” The door closed behind him. She was certain she’d heard a barely contained laugh in his words but then, almost everything he said came with some malicious undertone. Just her imagination. Groaning, Sywryn sank further back into her chair, suddenly feeling all the more exhausted. She blankly stared at the pile of paperwork but any will to pick up her pen and continue had gone out the window along with his Dante’s visit. The young woman took another deep breath hoping to disperse the butterflies in her stomach. Gods….how did he always manage to do that to her? He’d never tried anything so brazen before, she didn’t know if she could handle this new weapon he seemed to have.

“I hate you….” She muttered as she headed for her bed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. Pausing only to strip off to her underwear she threw herself angrily down on the bed, trying to get the image of the blue haired sorcerer out of her mind. It wasn’t easy. His words kept rising and falling in her mind, making her think about things she’d never thought about before…or deliberately didn’t. But fatigue seemed to be on her side and she felt the warm covers of sleep finally douse the burning thoughts in her mind until she gently drifted off.

Murky darkness was the first sensation Sywryn noticed. Not complete darkness, she could see just a little but it seemed like everything around her was wreathed in misty shadows. She was lying down, but on what she couldn’t tell, for some reason she couldn’t make her head turn. All she knew was it felt soft, comforting and luxurious against her bare skin. Wait…bare skin? She realised she was naked. When had she taken her clothes off? Sywryn couldn’t remember, her mind felt like mush, only taking in the things it was meant to take in. Suddenly she was acutely aware of someone else in the room with her, its presence sent little tingles and shivers across her skin like the touch of a feather. But even though she strained in frustration she still couldn’t see who it was that was making her feel this way. All she knew was that it was exciting and it made her quiver with an anticipation she was powerless to explain or describe. By this point she was certain it was a dream, it had to be a dream because otherwise she’d just make herself get up and look but the fact that she knew she was dreaming was strange in itself. Especially since she could think clearly, to an extent anyway. But it didn’t matter for long; she felt the body move from the shadows until it was standing right above her. Sywryn felt her own body go still but she still couldn’t see who it was. It felt important that she should. She felt warm breath on her neck, a looming mass of shadows above her and then glorious, soft long hair pooling over her shoulders, her cheeks, the tips brushing her chest. Finally there were lips on hers, possessing her needily. Sywryn gasped into its mouth at first, surprised, but quickly she melted into it. It felt so good it seemed wrong to reject it. His hand lovingly cupped her cheek, his tongue caressing her bottom lip, demanding an entrance to her mouth she eagerly gave. Somewhere in the part of her mind that could still work Sywryn wondered when she’d decided the figure was decisively male. But the hands of her mystery lover didn’t stay idle for long, she could feel her heated skin burning under a soft touch that trailed down the nape of her slender neck, across her shoulder and when they touched her breasts all doubts were banished. She let out a tiny mewl which was greedily swallowed, arching into his hands and trying desperately to get more friction against her sensitive nipple. A syrupy chuckle was the only response she received and for some reason it was the most erotic sound she’d ever heard. The mystery figure seemed to know instinctively what she wanted, circling around, trailing his fingers across the mound of her breast, settling on the bed beside her. But she still couldn’t see his face, from this angle all her heavily lidded eyes were met with was the drapes of hair across a face and the shadows behind. It just felt important that she should know who it was, she didn’t know or care why. His mouth descended on her right breast, long tongue swirling around the nipple in a way that made her cry out helplessly. She didn’t think it was possible to feel this good, even in a dream but right now she begged not to wake up. All Sywryn could feel were the skilful ministrations of his tongue, his hair falling over her skin like cool water and his hand gently pressing against her belly, rubbing smooth circles and stoking the heat that was building inside her. She could feel her heart beating rampantly; hear the ragged gasps of her own breathing unable to believe it all came from such a simple touch. Was this magic? The figure chuckled again, low and sexy and making her heart flutter just a little more. She could feel him brushing her waist length tresses as he pulled away from her, leaving her to writhe helplessly on the bed, trying to get the contact back, trying to finish what she started. Sywryn could only groan at him, unable to find her voice. Why couldn’t she move! She wanted him to go on kissing her, to touch her everywhere, to finish what he started but all she could do was lie there! Her foggy brain fought to know who it was who could make her burn inside like this but something was holding her back, he felt so familiar but she couldn’t make herself think beyond the throbbing ache between her legs. As quickly as it had gone that amazing tongue returned, kissing and nipping a trail from her throat down to the breast he’d neglected before. She could see a dark silhouette lavishing her but nothing more than that, all she could do was feel, his tongue, his hands, his hair, his breath. She felt like she’d go insane. His hand came to rest almost soothingly on her belly, almost calmingly, tantalizingly close to where she wanted to be touched.
“Please?” She whimpered, surprised at the need dripping from her own whispered plea. A second later she felt fingers on her aching sex, teasing, playing. Sywryn hissed as he paused and then threw her head back as he slipped a sleek, cool finger inside her, crying out to the world. A feeling of perfect rapture and ecstasy took her over and swept her away, her back arching involuntarily. Almost immediately she felt languor overcome her heavy limbs, her chest heaving as she fought for breath. Opening her eyes Sywryn could make out the shadowy figure retreating back into the shadows…..

Sywryn shot out of bed faster than she ever had before, the sheets still clutched in one hand, her hair thrown about her head like a dishevelled veil. The images of her dream were still vivid in her mind, even though they usually slipped away after a few seconds. Never mind the images; it was the feelings that bothered her. She fell back on her pillow, the traditional night time cold of her room was very welcome for once as she tried to forget about the heat that seemed to have crept over every inch of her. What had that all been about? Sywryn couldn’t remember having a dream like that since she was in the middle of her teens, even then it hadn’t been so…..powerful. She groaned for more reasons than one and flicked the edge of her pillow irritably, fidgeting wildly under the covers to try and get comfortable again. She wondered again what had brought it on. She knew it had been a long time since she’d had a proper relationship, there just didn’t seem to be the time for her anymore. Between running around in the wastes with Frost and her team and taking care of the wounded in the city she barely found the time to sleep and eat, let alone fall in love with someone. And Sywryn had vowed she’d never turn to….other ways of relieving the tension. Just the thought of it made her blush the colour of red cherries and she was glad it was dark and she was alone. Truth be told though it had never really bothered her before, not in this way anyway. In the end she decided there was probably no point in fretting over it, it had been a…nice dream anyway. Sywryn put it out of her mind with an impressive mental shove and tried to drift off back to sleep, counting sheep like she usually did. It almost worked and her eyes had just closed when the door opposite her whirred open. Sywryn groaned and buried her head in the pillow, begging for it to not be Frost coming to tell her some important news…or worse Dante coming to continue his little game from earlier. After that dream she wasn’t sure she could take any innuendoes and she was sure as hell she wasn’t going to let him find out about it, she’d never live it down and it would just be another bullet in his already impressive arsenal. Finally she forced her head to turn to the side, blinking away the spots that plagued her vision with the light from the hallway. She was relieved to see a comely female figure in the door but it surprised her nonetheless.

“Alex?” She said, voice still thick with the cobwebs of sleep. The reply came from complete darkness as she stepped inside the door, letting it close behind her.

“Will you give me something to help me sleep?” Alexandra sounded little more awake than Sywryn although she felt it was an improvement on the despair that had laced the corn haired girl’s voice the night before. After what Frost had told her Sywryn couldn’t help but wonder if she’d simply had time to pull her composure back together. “We have a mission tomorrow…..” Sywryn hauled herself up under the covers, staring blearily in Alexandra’s general direction.
“Huh? *yawn* Like what?” She rubbed her eyes.

“You’re a medic…..don’t you have any drugs?” Sywryn didn’t like the way she said that. It sounded as if it was expected of her, needed even. She’d seen drug abuse before although it was rare these days; it wasn’t easy for people to get their hands on it when they were safely locked up in her medical stores. She could picture Alexandra standing there with a blank and yet oh so piercing look on her gentle face, wondering what was so difficult about her request. Of course she wouldn’t know what Sywryn was thinking and she felt guilty for it for some reason. Why did she jump to that conclusion? She’d just asked for something to help her sleep after all…….

“Well yes…” Sywryn admitted slowly. “But nothing like sleeping pills.” She was still tucked up under her covers, not wanting to leave them since she knew her floor and air would be freezing. But she could still hear the faint swish of hair as Alexandra shook her head gently.

“I don’t mind…..as long as it puts me to sleep.” Now that her eyes had adjusted to the gloom, she could see Alexandra standing in the corner, staring at the floor, not making eye contact. It was different this time though, not the brash denial of Sywryn’s existence that her lack of attention usually was. This was as if she were trying not to give something away but Sywryn had no idea what. For some reason she didn’t seem to be the same girl that had been laid out in her hospital bed a day past. Something in her gently spoken words just didn’t sound as if they came from the same lips but the mahogany haired woman didn’t know whether to be grateful or worried by it. She just didn’t understand her sometimes. She wished she did. She must have realised Sywryn had her eyes on her, looking up and straight at her even though it was dark.

“But I wouldn’t know what to give you.” Sywryn protested, running her mind through every medicine she owned. It was strange, all she had to do was place her hands in the right place and her magic could heal a stab wound in under an hour yet she still relied on man-made creations just to put someone to sleep. “It might hurt you; they aren’t supposed to be used like that.”

“I don’t care…I’m so tired, I just want to be able to sleep for a while.” The way she said that wove a fresh note of worry into the music Sywryn’s brain was composing about her. There was nothing in her voice that said she cared what happened to her and it made Sywryn bite her lip nervously, not even sure what she was supposed to say in response. She found herself slipping out of bed, leaving her warm covers behind and not even wincing as her bare feet touched the chilly metal floor. Alexandra watched her almost curiously, her hands tucked neatly away into her pockets.

“Don’t be silly Alex! I’m not going to do anything that might hurt you.” Her voice held a chiding as if what Alexandra had said was the stupidest thing in the world but she spoke her words so softly they should have been comforting and reassuring to anyone. She remembered her promise and took Alexandra’s hand in both of hers. It was warm if a little rough from sword practice but Sywryn was still amazed by how small it felt. That kind of delicacy didn’t go hand in hand with her reputation. There was the same twitch in her fingers as Alexandra tensed under her gentle grip, trying to shy away from contact on self imbued instinct alone but Sywryn would be damned if she’d let her say something like that and not understand how stupid it was. Sywryn met Alexandra’s lifeless look with hers, trying to will some warmth into that face. She wished she could see her eyes, to know if whatever she did, no matter how small, was getting through to her. It felt so strange, standing there in the dark with her, dressed in nothing but her panties and bra but she didn’t mind. She wanted to believe that all it would take were a few kind touches and words but she didn’t hold out much hope. She’d try anyway though. “Come on…..you’re worrying me.” She urged, finding herself hoping once more that Alexandra would just smile. She never smiled though.

“What do you suggest then?” Sywryn sighed, her hope for the moment broken as Alexandra tugged her hand free. She couldn’t miss how harsh her tone was, as if she were doing nothing but wasting her time and Sywryn found herself once again unable to lock gazes with the shorter girl.

“I don’t know, there are others ways of getting to sleep though.” Her hands brushed back and forth through the tips of her hair, an action she always resorted to when she felt dejected. She racked her brains for something that might appeal to the depressive girl before her but nothing came to mind. In the end Sywryn decided on something that always felt good for her, she wanted to believe that Alexandra was human underneath her stony exterior after all. “How about a glass of warm milk and a hot bath?” She enquired, pushing away her disappointment at her efforts being brushed off again and forcing a sunny smile. She just seemed to shrug dismissively in the gloom, it was so like her.

“I don’t have either of those….” Sywryn could only have expected something like that. She smiled, a little more genuinely this time, preparing to close her hastily arranged trap.

“Well I don’t have any milk but I have a bath. You can use mine if you don’t mind pink towels.” Sywryn glanced at the fluffy shadow lying on her table. She’d never seen Alexandra garbed in anything but all black but for some reason she could imagine her in pink. It might make her seem a little lighter. Of course she’d have to knock her out first but it was just that when Sywryn looked at her she could imagine Alexandra in a pink turtle necked sweater, laughing and joking and doing all the things Sywryn had wanted to see her do since first laying eyes on her. She saw the potential for so much life in the depths of those pained chestnut eyes but didn’t know how to go about it releasing it. Standing this close to her made it all the more frustrating. She realised she was probably staring, lost in her own thoughts and covertly averted her gaze. Alexandra’s response made her heart fall.

“…..it doesn’t matter.” She turned to leave, not giving her a second look, not intending to say goodbye and for some reason she didn’t want her to go. She hadn’t wanted her to stop talking last time and she didn’t want to let her get away so easily this time. Sywryn was determined to get through to the girl if it was the last thing she did.

“No no no no no.” Sywryn said firmly, grabbing her wrist gently. “I’m awake now so I might as well help someone else to sleep.” She tried reeling Alexandra back into the room and was surprised at how little resistance she put up. Sywryn doubted it was her efforts though, more than likely she just couldn’t be bothered to put up a fight. Looking down at her Sywryn realised she looked more of a fatigued wreck than she could manage on the worst of sleepless nights. Heavy bags framed her eyes, her shoulders drooped, her hair was rumpled and looked like it hadn’t been combed in days. Sywryn had known Alexandra barely slept for a long time and found herself giving though to why she’d never come to ask for something before. ‘Insomnia must be worse at night’ Sywryn thought. “You’re always so tense.” All she had to do was run her hands lightly across her arms and shoulders to prove that, she could feel the knots of sword honed muscle beneath her porcelain skin. Sywryn had to resists the urge to reach forward and gently massage her shoulders, they were the perfect height in front of her but she expected Alexandra wouldn’t take kindly to it. She’d probably storm off and not speak to me again, she thought bitterly. “A hot bath will do you a world of good anyway, you should have asked earlier…..Shall I run it for you?” She asked helpfully, sensing the imminent build up of awkward tension between them.

“No, I can do it.” Alexandra brushed past her suddenly, heading for the only other door in her quarters with one of the quickest change of hearts Sywryn had seen from her.
The door closed behind her, a moment later Sywryn heard the sound of running water and a body being immersed. She was left standing in the cold and the dark with a bemused expression on her face. It was a start wasn’t it? She was fairly certain Alexandra wouldn’t have just agreed to take a bath in anyone else’s quarters, now that she thought about it, it seemed fairly to her as well; she kept expecting her to just leave without a second though, her mask set firmly back in place once again. She could see cracks in it, she thought maybe she’d pried one open tonight; there was just no way to tell with her.

“I’m being silly aren’t I?” She smiled to herself a little, imagining what Alexandra would say if she could read her thoughts. Sywryn felt her way to the table and felt around blindly on it for the battery powered lamp she kept, closing her eyes before she flicked the switch to keep from blinding herself. With soft yellow light filling the room it looked at least a little more welcoming in all its sanitary white glory. Throwing herself down on the bed rather roughly she crossed one leg over the other and inevitably started to think. Her thoughts fell back on her dream, still just as vivid in her mind now as when it was fresh. She was certain that figure had been familiar….it was someone she knew; she just couldn’t put her finger on it! Frost had long hair but she knew she’d have to be insane to be dreaming about him that way. Daelan? No, he didn’t feel right, the presence in her dream had been slow, luxurious and knew exactly what he was doing, not that the thought repulsed her but she could imagine Daelan being a little more brash and energetic. She still shivered with excitement at the memory of being touched like that, no-one had ever been able to do that when she was awake. It was sad really. She knew forgetting it would be the best idea but she could think of nothing better while waiting for Alexandra to finish. Then a horrible thought crept over her. Sywryn groaned and thumped her pillow in irritation as she realised it. It was Dante…there was no denying it now her mind had fallen into that track of thoughts. The chocolaty voice was the same, the hair, the way he moved all fit. And maybe he hadn’t been teasing her with words but he’d been doing it all the same. She wasn’t even sure how to react, except with utter humiliation. Her cheeks filled with colour as she remembered how warm and fuzzy the dream had left her feeling. But this was Dante she was thinking about, she hated the man! She wondered if it could it have been some kind of magic, she hoped to god it was true. He had been acting strangely the past day or so, coming closer, pushing more boundaries, but would he go that far? Of course he would, she thought resentfully, there was no way she could prove it and he’d know that just as well as her. She could see him grinning sardonically as he schemed behind closed doors, plotting how best to humiliate and worry her the next time they met. The urge he’d stirred up that morning to just punch him returned although the simple knowledge of his power was enough to shy her away from doing it. She could tell Frost but he’d assume it had just been a dream she conjured up out of frustration. Or she could tell Daelan but knowing the young man he’d head straight off looking to punch the sorcerer in the nose. Sywryn knew exactly how that would turn out. No, it would be best to just let it lie in her memories no matter how embarrassing it had been, she would just pretend it had never happened. Unfortunately her reverie had completely dashed her will to sleep, feeling filled with anxious energy she needed to rid herself of. She slid her legs off the bed once more and padded across her quarters to the desk in the corner and the pile of paperwork which had been brought to light. She couldn’t help but whimper at the sight of it, choosing instead to pace the room, carefully avoiding a certain section of her brain. But saviours could come in many forms, hers came as the bathroom door swung open to admit the damp and naked figure of Alexandra into her room. It hadn’t been Sywryn’s intention to stare but almost of their own accord she took in the length of her slender legs, the way they disappeared into a toned belly through curvaceous hips and then upward to the generous swell of her breasts. She observed a tiny droplet of water that settled on them, slowly running down between the valley and out of sight. Perfect, she thought. But why the hell had she been thinking about that? Sywryn looked up, meeting her eyes while simultaneously trying to hide her embarrassed flush. Her face was beautiful too, soft, smooth and warmly pale in the light from the lamp, her whole body was the shade of fresh cream. She had to slap herself once more, she was certain her dream was putting funny thoughts into her head. ‘Maybe I’m more frustrated than I thought’, she wondered. Even so Sywryn’s eyes eventually found the scars that criss-crossed her skin, some fresher than others and the silver and blue of her irises filled with a glint of sadness. It didn’t seem right that this one girl had been hurt so much more than her.

“Um…you might want to…you know…cover up a little.” Sywryn stuttered, not even sure why it bothered her. Alexandra just grabbed the towel from the table and wrapping it around herself, not even looking at her.

“Don’t be so naïve. You undressed me when you put me in the hospital. I don’t have anything you haven’t seen before.” Sywryn couldn’t help but smile at some of the things she said sometimes. It was just Alexandra being herself, as usual. She did wonder why it was only now the idea of how comely Alexandra looked dawned on her. She ran a hand through her hair, easing out the tangles she found in there.

“Well….it’s not really the same.” She muttered. Stripping the torn and bloodied uniform from a wounded soldier in order to have better access to a wound was a far cry from this. It was rare that Sywryn ever had the chance to admire how someone looked, she was too busy caring for them, too busy keeping them alive and it wasn’t her sense of ethics that stopped her. The thought simply never crossed her mind.

“Am I making you uncomfortable?” The sudden question surprised her. It wasn’t like the corn haired woman to care but her eyes said she wanted an answer.

“No…well not really.” She wrung her hands nervously a little. “I mean I suppose I’m just not used to having naked people in my quarters, even if they are women.” Sywryn wanted to say she just wasn’t used to seeing her looking so vulnerable. Naked and damp Alexandra just looked different somehow to how she usually did, not as icy perhaps, the exact description didn’t seem to matter. She stopped herself though. She watched Alexandra shrug and head for the bathroom, collecting her clothes and laying thm out on the table.

“You stop caring after a while, I’ve been in the hospital so many times, the number of people that must have seen me this way, it just doesn’t seem to matter anymore.” She let the towel fall and went for the underwear on top of the pile, stifling a yawn as she did so. “I’m going home, I’m about to fall asleep.” Sywryn smiled; glad her home-made remedy hadn’t been a complete disaster. She’d hoped a little warmth might open her up somewhat but it seemed not be so. All else aside though she knew going home would destroy any chances of getting the sleep she wanted.

“Wait a minute Alex, you can sleep here tonight if you want. It’ll ruin the effect of the bath if you go home now.”

“No.” Such blunt replies were what Sywryn had expected. Although Alexandra’s tone was final she still stood by the table, clothes in one hand, not moving to put anymore on. It was hardly the action of someone who wanted to get away as quickly as possible.

“I don’t mind.” She added, hopefully.

“And I don’t want to sleep with you Sywryn. I’m not that easy to befriend.” Alexandra’s tone had slipped back to being cold and scornful and it hurt Sywryn, someone who wasn’t used to being spoken to like that. Sywryn wondered she was being too open, but her tone had been so venomous as if she shouldn’t even be trying. Or had she taken it the wrong way…she did only have one bed after all. She realised Alexandra was shivering and suddenly noticed the bite of the chilly air against her own skin.

“Oh you can have my bed; I’m done with sleeping for the night I think.” She said, feigning that her words hadn’t bothered her. She went to the hook on the wall where she’d left her nightgown and took it down. “Come on…you’re shivering.” Sywryn slipped the soft, satiny material around Alexandra’s slim shoulders. It was a little longer on the shorter girl, dangling around her knees instead of mid-thigh but it looked good on her. The splash of colour made her seem a little les hostile than usual, it even suited her.

“Blue looks good on you.” She said tenderly, giving a soft smile. It’s nice to see you in something other than black……” Alexandra didn’t respond, she seemed to be staring at a point behind Sywryn’s head. Alexandra’s hand played gently with the hem of the robe, out of sight. Sywryn could see a mental battle being waged behind her eyes, trying to decide wether to stay and give in or get out while she had the chance. Either way Sywryn would be happy, she’d been expecting her withdrawn and self assigned charge to simple flee a long time ago. She remembered what Frost had said, that Alexandra might see something of her old self in her. She tried to be comforting, tried to be supportive and kind to everyone but how she came off was anyone’s guess but hers, if Alexandra wanted to see herself in a different pair of eyes then she could only take it as a compliment. The signs of the better victory showed themselves on Alexandra’s face as she sighed and moped across the room to the bed. Sywryn watched her silently as she pulled the cover over herself and up to her chin, lying on her side with her eyes softly closed. She lay perfectly still once she was in there and Sywryn wondered whether she’d dropped off to sleep instantly.

“Why are you being this kind to me?” Despondency and emptiness laced Alexandra’s quiet voice once more, barely above a whisper, and Sywryn found herself searching for the right words. She wasn’t even sure herself, it had just come over her that she should try and help her, did she even need a reason? But Alexandra had really answered her own question. No-one should have to ask it. Sywryn just wanted her to laugh, to smile, to stop feeling all the pain that she had obviously built up inside. She’d hinted at it but Sywryn couldn’t imagine what it must feel like to live without anyone around you and to be afraid that those who could take away your loneliness could be snatched away from under your nose. She could understand it…..but she couldn’t imagine it. She tried to smile warmly for Alexandra’s sake.

“What are friends for?” She asked brightly. Alexandra’s only response was to briefly open her eyes, fix her with a blank, slightly confused look and then close them again.

“Friends?......Oh…..” At least she hadn’t completely brushed off the offer like she had before, maybe she was just too tired, Sywryn didn’t know her well enough to tell if anything she’d said was getting through. She settled in her chair, pulling her tunic around herself to keep warm and watched her like a mother until her breathing slowed. Sywryn spent a long while just watching before slipping on the rest of her clothes and crossing as quietly as she could to the bed. She couldn’t help but let a small smile cross her face as she pulled the covers a little more snugly around the sleeping girl, ‘she looks adorable when she’s asleep’ Sywryn thought.

“Sweet dreams once again.” She whispered and clicked the light off…..