Crush

“So when did you know you were gay?”



Chay, sitting cross-legged on the floor, paused in the act of sorting through his assortment of DVD’s. It was one of the few boxes he’d yet to unpack.



An unplanned visit from Drew had changed all that. Chay hadn’t had the heart to turn the young man away. Ever since Drew confessed to Chay that he was gay, they’d shared a kinship that made Chay feel not so alone in small town Brighton.



He felt somewhat responsible to be a positive influence on Drew. There were enough naysayers out in the world. The fact that Drew had confided in Chay made him feel honored with such a precious secret. He would never turn Drew away as long as he needed someone to talk to; Even if talking meant answering some embarrassing and probing questions into his personal life.



Running his finger over a row of comedies gave Chay something to do other than look Drew in the eye. “Well, I guess I was about fourteen when I knew for sure.”



Drew shifted on the couch and Chay flicked a helpless gaze in his direction. Drew had leaned forward, elbows resting on his thighs, loosely clasped fingers dangling between his long legs.. His blue-gray eyes were focused intently on Chay. “How? How did you know?”



Chay blinked, licked his lips and said, “I—I was kissed by one of the girls at my school. She was the first girl I’d ever wanted to date. I thought she was pretty. She was fun to be around and she was smart. I thought to myself that she would make the perfect girlfriend. That maybe with her I’d prove that I was into girls. But, she kissed me and I felt cold. It felt wrong.” Chay plucked a movie at random from the box and turned it over and over in his hands. “She had an older brother named Randy. I thought Randy was even better looking than her, and when I looked at Randy…”



Chay’s voice fell away as his brain scrambled to dredge up an accurate description of some of the most frightening weeks of his life some ten years ago.



The silence buzzed loudly between them, as if it too needed to hear Chay’s answer.



“When you looked at Randy?” Drew said softly, coaxingly.



The words tumbled out. “I didn’t feel cold. I felt alive.” Chay pressed a hand over his belly, remembering the unsettling feeling deep inside as he realized that no amount of kisses from Shiann would make him feel as aware as just one glimpse of her big brother.



So he was gay.



It wasn’t the end of the world.



Not the world, really. Though life, as he had known it, was over. Chay had held on to his secret for as long as he could, but a truth that big ate away at him like acid. Bitterly sick with living a lie, Chay had no choice but to come clean to Grandfather. He’d known it would end his relationship with Cochise Ulhas, but it wasn’t any better to keep pretending he was dating this girl or that woman. By the time Chayton was twenty-three, and no longer had his education to hide behind, Grandmother had started asking after him for grandchildren.



He couldn’t take it anymore. So he told the truth, and Grandfather’s rejection broke him. Then he'd picked up the broken pieces of himself and headed to Brighton. Brighton, even the name promised a ‘bright’ future.



Chay lifted his gaze and settled it back on Drew. Drew's expression was unreadable.



“I knew I was gay when I was twelve,” Drew said without hesitation. “There was this sixteen year old boy. He was known around Brighton as the town ‘fag’. There was a nasty rumor going around that he’d give any man a blowjob for five bucks.” Drew’s thin lips twitched up in a half smile and his eyes twinkled. “I don’t know if it was true, but I sure as hell wanted to find out. I got his address from one of my friends. Lied and said I was going over to teepee his house with toilet paper for being queer. Instead I biked over there with my allowance, prepared to hand him the whole twenty dollars.”



Drew looked Chay straight in the eyes. “Bet you won’t guess what happened next.”



Chay’s mouth felt dry. He would die of curiosity if Drew didn’t finish his story, but he couldn’t quite shape his lips to make a guess. He asked a question instead. “What happened?”



“I returned home with my full twenty dollars. Jeremy said that I was cute. He blew me for free.”



Chay’s mouth fell open and his eyes grew wide.



Drew fell back on the couch laughing and holding his middle.



“You’re joking,” Chay accused.



Drew shook his head, wiping tears from the corners of his eyes. “No. It’s true. Even back then I was big for my age. Jeremy thought I was at least fourteen. He was pissed when he found out I wasn't even in my teens. Couldn’t get any lip service after that, but it didn’t matter. I had what I needed.”



“The answer to your question?”



“Yeah.” Drew sobered and sat back up. “So, what are we watching?”



“Think fast.” Chay tossed the DVD in his hand.



Drew caught it effortlessly and read the cover. He grinned and Chay found himself smiling back. He couldn’t help it. Drew’s moods were infectious. “Bad Boys?”



“Whatcha gon do when they come for you…” Chay sang.



***

What's the most you ever lost on a coin toss.



Sir?



Drew smiled with his eyes closed as he listened to Chay gasp under his breath and whisper,



“He’s gonna get killed.”



The most. You ever lost. On a coin toss.



I don't know. I couldn't say.



Call it.



“Oh no, don’t call it. Run.”



The couch dipped beside Drew as Chay hid under his woven blanket. They’d whittled the night away by working their way through a stack of movies. They’d already watched two comedies and a romance. Drew had seen No Country For Old Men already. Chay’s copy still had the plastic on it. Drew had picked the movie, knowing that he wouldn’t be missing it if he drifted off to sleep. Or pretended to, like he was doing now.



Drew didn’t have to open his eyes to know it was past midnight already. Chay probably thought he was an early bird that couldn’t hold his own, but Drew was wide awake,alert and plotting.



It was time to put his plan into action. At this stage in their relationship he knew Chay would flat out run if he so much as threw an arm over his shoulder. Under the guise of sleep Drew was slowly working his way toward his intended target. Pretending to nod off, Drew began to droop as if he were falling over in Chay’s direction.



He hadn’t touched Chay yet, and Chay was too involved in the drama of the movie to notice. Usually annoyed when people talked through a movie, Drew thought it was adorable to listen to Chay’s softly spoken commentary. The man spoke as if he expected the characters to hear. If Drew learned anything that night it was that Chay did everything with all that he was, from teaching, to listening, and watching movies. He became so involved, so enthusiastic in whatever he did that Drew found himself entranced by the sight and sound of him.



It had been damn hard to sit beside him tonight and pretend like he wasn't dying to reach out and touch—to close the distance between them and claim Chay’s full lips for a taste.



Drew was aching deep inside with his need to get closer. Since the moment he’d met Chay, the older man had been all he’d been able to think about. He’d bet Chay would look so beautiful laid out beneath him, his pitch-black hair scattered among the sheets like a silken web.



Heart lurching at the thought, Drew shifted in his seat, trying to find a comfortable position to relieve his straining erection. He just bet Chay would take to submission like a duck to water.



When Drew had told Chay about Jeremy he’d left out a few details; details like the fact that Drew had sought Jeremy out again when he finally turned sixteen. Drew had only been a few inches shorter than he was now and almost as big. Jeremy had proceeded to educate him on all he needed to know about fucking. He'd discovered that Jeremy had a kink that was right up Drew’s alley.



“You my dear, are a natural Dom.” Jeremy had told him. “Oh fuck, you’re going to be potent when you get a little more maturity on you.”



Drew’s ego had swelled. “I’m potent now.



“You’re cocky, stud. There’s a difference. But don’t worry, you’re a fast learner. And when I’m through with you there won’t be a gay man alive that doesn’t kneel when you point at your feet.”



Drew slouched down even further, resting his cheek on the back of couch. The scent of vanilla wafted to him when Chay shifted. Drew cracked an eye open to see the smaller man pulling the covers up to his nose.



Drew nearly moaned. So fucking cute. Chay was surprisingly innocent for a man of his years. Though, if he thought about it, suppressing his sexual needs for over a decade wouldn’t lend a man much opportunity to get debauched.



Better late than never, Drew thought.



Making slow progress, Drew inched closer, using the growing suspense on Chay’s TV as a cover to hide his movements until finally he was within reach. Feigning a sleepy stretch, Drew flung his arm across Chay’s chest.



Chay squeaked before he settled. More vanilla scent reached his nose and he was close enough now to feel long tendrils of hair that had come loose from Chay’s braid tickle his nose. The vanilla scent was coming from Chay's hair. Slowly and deeply Drew dragged that scent into his lungs.



Something brushed against Drew's arm. Chay trembled.



Chay poked him.



Drew bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing, and inched even closer. Pretending that Chay was his pillow, he tugged the smaller man into his chest and rested his head on Chay’s shoulder.He made sure to keep his thigh between them. It wouldn't do to let Chay feel how hard he made Drew.



Chay went as stiff as a two by four. Drew could hear him swallow. Drew snuffled, deliberately exhaling warm air over Chay’s neck.



The body beneath his arm trembled again and Chay gasped. Oh yeah, someone had a sweet spot. He filed that away for future reference. Right now, snuggling the object of his affection had to be enough. This was a desperate ploy to be sure, but desperate times called for desperate measures as the saying went.



Gradually Chay relaxed and Drew was able to enjoy the warmth of his smaller body sinking into his bigger one. He imagined he could hear Chay’s heartbeat, beating like the wings of a hummingbird. Eventually, that too settled. And with that, the last bit of Drew’s resolve.



Chay let himself be held to spare Drew from being awakened too soon. The movie plodded on.



Drew made plans.