Just About Soccer
folder
Romance › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
15
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2,849
Reviews:
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Currently Reading:
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Category:
Romance › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
15
Views:
2,849
Reviews:
30
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
Chapter 5
Hi everybody, thanks for staying with me! ^-^
I'm sorry for updating so late! My computer is driving me crazy, I was without internet for more than two weeks now!
Thank you for all your nice reviews ^_____^
Please tell me what you think about this chapter, too!
note: Brian has told only few about his preferences... In chapter 7 this question will be answered in detail.
Thanks to my great Beta Lukanicus!!!
Nediar
_______________________
Just About Soccer
Chapter 5
During the third week of the holidays, Ray did not go to the soccer training. He had a difficult time explaining his reasons on the telephone to Zach. He finally just said that he needed some rest. Zach was on the verge of laughter at this because Ray’s justifications lacked logic but what could he do?
Ray sat in his room alone. His sister was out swimming at the nearby lake with their parents and he had the entire house for himself.
After he woke, he had first tried to get himself some breakfast but had given up upon entering the kitchen. He was not feeling at all hungry.
He had spent Saturday and Sunday in bed, playing video games on his cousin’s old PS-One and only drank water for nourishment. The latter caused him to frequent the toilet quite often. However, apart from this, he had not even left his room. His parents did not care and Ray was quite thankful for that.
On Monday morning, he felt like he was almost dead with an aching stomach and a throbbing head. On his way back to bed, he decided that he was not prepared to leave this world yet. He could just imagine the headline, 18-year-old boy starved next to the fridge. He turned around and got himself something to eat. The cornflakes tasted horrible and Ray wondered whether starving would have been a better idea.
His mental state was best described as messed up. Brian’s words were constantly running through his head and nothing could chase them away. He dreamt of the blond even during the daytime. Ray was not yet ready to admit the truth. Even though, he was already aware of it.
Basically, Brian was a rival on the soccer pitch. Therefore, Ray could not stop thinking about defeating him. There was just that subtle detail that Ray had not once thought of playing soccer against the blond. The only thing remotely relating to it was the image of Brian in the gym shower room…
The week passed uneventfully. Surprisingly Ray felt better on Friday morning. He was sure this was thanks to the dinner he had eaten the night before. He settled down in front of the TV, picked up the controller, moved to turn on the PlayStation when he stopped dead and blankly stared at the TV screen.
In that very second, his confident stomach was influencing his brain, or so he thought was the only possible explanation. A ridiculous idea surfaced in his mind.
‘You like him.’
Yeah, sure and pigs have wings.’
‘No! You really do!’
‘Ah, shut up! What do you know about feelings?’
‘Stop denying!’
‘I’m not.’
‘Sure you are!’
That weird voice inside his mind, the dreamy one with all the stupid ideas, laughed.
Ray shook his head and moved closer to the grey console and again there was the disturbingly reasonable voice.
‘You like him alot!’
‘I don’t! Fucking god!’
‘Oh, come on!’
‘He said it himself! You should finally kiss him, or what did he tell you?’
Ray had not expected that special recollection to emerge from the depths of his brain. Those very special depths that were restricted areas for unpopular memories. He blushed furiously and sat back against the bedpost. ‘Shit,’ he thought.
That beautiful face had been so close to his. Everything had been so confusing and unfamiliar. Brian had expected him to kiss him! How absurd was that? But how close had he been to doing so?
‘Shit, he thought again.
When Brian told him to get a grip, those lips almost had touched his ear! The warm breath had caused Ray to shiver.
That second, he had cursed the guys who had disrupted their… well, what had it been? Tryst?
‘Shit.
Shit, shit, shit!
He did like him alot.
No, impossible.’
However, Ray noticed he was consciously denying it, since it already mentally had been stated.
He threw the controller aside, jumped to his feet, and ran downstairs towards the telephone. He picked up the receiver and dialled Zach’s number. How could one fucking week change so much in a person’s life?
“Yo!” his cousin shouted happily.
“Hi Zach, it’s me, Ray”
“What’s up?”
“Can you give me Brian’s address?”
Zach was slightly confused but still said, “Sure, just a second. Gotta look for it”
“Thanks man”
After five more minutes wherein Zach told his cousin how to get there by train and Bus, Ray hung up.
~~~~~~~
It was a posh neighbourhood. Very impressive. Surrounded by huge old trees there were few elaborate villas with extensive backyards. It was hard to find the number eleven underneath all the ivy that was growing rampant all over the place and the Iron Gate. He rang the doorbell and a voice presumably belonging to an old man asked for Ray’s concern. He stuttered some word about being a friend of Brian and with a soft click, the tiny door in front of him opened.
“I think he was expecting you. You may enter.”
Ray slipped through the gate, closed it behind him, and walked along the path towards the mansion. They had a fountain on the square before the house. Ray frowned at that, he suddenly felt misplaced.
As soon as he reached the front staircase, he heard voices from behind the doors.
“No, it’s alright. Let me take care of it”
“It’s my job, Brian,” the same old voice hushed.
“And he’s my friend. You can take a break”
Still, when the door opened it was a lined face staring up to Ray.
“Good morning, Sir.”
“Good morning,” Ray said and hoped he did not look too impressed at the sight that the inside of the villa presented.
Brian tapped the butler on the shoulder and motioned him to go and get a rest.
He then turned towards Ray and smiled.
Ray did not return the friendly face. Brian was all dressed in black and the only thing about his looks that gave way his sporty nature were the well-trained arms. Apart from that, the blond presented the perfect businessman in suit pants and shirt. Ray felt underdressed.
“What an unexpected visitor. Nevertheless, I’m glad to…”
“He just told me he thought you were expecting me.”
“…alright, I saw you from my window and I told Tom to let you in.”
Ray silently followed Brian up the stairs.
On the second landing, they turned right and went to the far end of the corridor. Before they reached the door, Ray said in a low voice, “You’re different”
“Huh?” Brian turned and eyed Ray suspiciously. “What do you mean?”
“You’re different when you’re at your home”
Brian frowned, “It’s not because I’m home. What do you expect me to think or say for that matter after you didn’t even look at me any more on Friday and you avoided training the whole week?”
Ray slightly blushed and did not comment on that.
Brian’s room was at the opposite end of the house.
There was no expensive-looking china nor were there any old chandeliers or vases and things that rich people normally place around for a potential visitor to see.
Instead, there were posters of footballers and his favourite club plastered on the walls. The desk beneath the large windows was flooded with paper, books, and the largest collection of pencils Ray had ever seen. Two cupboards with glass fronts were packed with books, CDs, DVDs, videogames and an assortment of not less than ten old footballs. Opposite the windows, there was a grey wardrobe. Right behind this, hidden in a recess there was a huge bed, covered with a black bedspread. Above there was a flat screen TV fixed to the ceiling. In fact the whole room was dominated by grey and black except for the colourful posters.
“Nice place,” Ray commented in astonishment.
“Glad you like it” Brian watched Ray admiring his room and then added as if suddenly aware of his rudeness as host, “Make yourself comfortable.”
He motioned Ray towards the cosy-looking seats in the middle of the room. Brian however sat down on his bed and then apprehensively looked at the brunette.
“So how come you came over?” he started.
“I… have to tell you something”
Brian kept his interested face but he got cautious. Don’t leave me, don’t tell me off!, he thought nervously.
“Go ahead”
Ray looked to the ground and then began to talk.
~~~~~~~~
Ray was fifteen years old.
He was hurriedly trying to get out of the room while everyone else was still gathering their stuff together, when their math teacher suddenly called him.
“Raymond, can you just come here for a second?”
Ray whirled around, hand already on the door handle.
“Yes Mister Tyler?”
“Listen- Oh get away from that door for a second I want to talk to you, boy”
Ray did as told and tried carefully to hide his annoyed face. If this was going to be another I-am-worried-about-your-school-results kind of talk, Ray was not eager to hear it.
“I am worried about your results in mathematics and English. I know you can do better, at least in English. I read many essays from you that are at a very high level, but you fail to focus on the given topic.”
“I will consider that next time. Thank you” Ray sent the door a longing look.
“That is not enough. You have to be aware that your graduation this year depends on the next test in mathematics in two weeks. The one you got back today should be a warning.”
“It is. My mom will kill me anyways so…“
“I am not kidding. I want you to get aware of your abilities.”
“Well, you are actually the only one there.”
“Don’t you want to pass this year?” He took a step in Ray’s direction.
“I don’t really care”
“But it is essential for your future! Raymond, don’t you understand what school…”
Ray stopped listening and simply watched his teacher approaching him. At first, it was quite amusing and a little pleasing since there finally seemed to be someone caring about his future. However, as soon as Ray noticed the changed expression in the man’s eyes he knew mathematics was not the only reason.
He was coming closer and closer and the boy did not quite fancy this. The man was talking about something concerning his math test but he was not paying attention anymore. He had stopped listening a while ago when his teacher started to approach him. The teacher’s voice did not sound as if he was interested whatsoever in mathematics and that was rather uncommon for him. Ray stood against the back wall next to the door and scrutinized the teacher’s face. He looked…
What was happening here? Did he really feel attracted to him? He had pondered long over those questions but never found an answer. There was something to this feeling since the boy normally liked his teacher.
Now excitement took over, a new kind of excitement he had never felt before. When his teacher stood so close to him that he could distinguish every single eyelash, Ray held his breath. In that instant, the babbling about mathematics stopped. The man looked down on him, supported himself with his hand on the wall, and bent lower. The struggle within himself that was fought between his heart and his brain was mirrored clearly in his eyes.
Ray was only fifteen years old. He told himself from what he saw rather than from what he felt that this was leading in a wrong direction. So, he dived away under the outstretched arm and made for the door.
The next second he was gone and the perplexed teacher gazed anxiously at where he last had seen him. This was the most stupid thing he had ever done! He was almost twelve years older than the boy and even his teacher!
The youth ran along the empty corridors and thought about what had just happened, or almost happened. He was not naïve, and even though he sometimes acted the innocent, he never missed a chance to be with a girl. But it took him a while to figure out why his teacher had appeared so different to begin with. Without letting the idea consume his thoughts, he assumed it must have been partly because he had appeared interested and not disgusted in any way. Thank god, the man was a very young teacher.
The next weeks until the teacher moved to another town had been the most awkward of Ray’s life so far. The interesting thing was that he suddenly discovered a certain love-hate for mathematics.
~~~~~~~~
“Your math teacher?” Brian asked incredulously.
Ray nodded and stared at his feet. Then something occurred to him for what he had been searching for a long time.
“He was handsome”
“Happy you”
“I was fifteen!”
“Did that matter?”
Ray thought about it for awhile and then shook his head.
“No, I don’t think so. I think afterwards I felt a little more… adult, don’t ask me why”
“Though he didn’t even come to touch you…”
“I know but… the whole situation back then had something that felt so… mature”
“Did it start, then?”
“What?”
“Your fancy for boys?”
“I don’t have a fancy for boys!”
”Well, you obviously have a fancy for me and you can’t tell me I’m no boy,” Brian grinned.
“Who tells you I’ve a fancy for…“
“Your eyes”
Ray did not know what to say. Therefore, he said nothing.
“Have you never even thought about it? I mean… what your teacher was trying to do?”
“It was illegal what he tried!”
“Oh come on! I’m not saying you should have made out with a teacher! But with someone else, another boy?”
Ray was taken aback by that question. What should he say?
“Hell no! I had been worrying myself with thoughts like whether I would’ve liked it and stuff but you’ve got to know that the environment I grew up in is as straight as can be! I was glad when I somehow started a relationship with a girl two moths after”
Brian frowned and then shyly looked Ray into the eyes. He still was sure that Ray, if he only considered it, could like other men just as he liked women. However, you cannot force people into their destiny.
“So you told me that story of yours to tell me off?”
The answer could have been so easy. A simple “Yes” would have done it. The only problem was that Ray did not know why he had told Brian about it.
“I… I don’t know, to be frank.”
Brian had an idea. Still, if this went wrong there would be no way of fixing the broken window between them. Life was about taking chances, right?
“Have you ever kissed a man?”
There was a deafening silence between them until Ray finally answered, “No, of course not.” He sounded irritated.
“Did you ever picture yourself kissing another man?”
“N-no, I… can’t remember”
Brian shifted a little on his bed, and then finally said, “You want to try?”
“Wha…“
Ray did not get any further. The image of Brian kissing him was not the least bad, in fact temptation dominated, which did not help the confusion in Ray’s head subside. They were looking at each other for a few seconds, this time creating a silence that was full of unspoken truths. The truth was that Brian had wanted to kiss Ray ever since they first had met. Another truth was that Ray had actually been hoping for a chance not to have to make a first move, let alone that he was hoping for a first move at all.
The brunette felt all coherent thought slowly fleeing from his mind as the image of kissing Brian grew stronger and spread a hint of warmth inside him. He just hoped that the blond was not able to read minds or something like that. As I said, the coherent thoughts were gone.
“I… well, uhm…” Ray felt so horribly embarrassed that for a second he wished himself a nice deep grave to be buried.
“With ‘try’ you mean…?”
“I’m asking you to allow me to kiss you”
That was a clear statement demanding an equally clear answer, so Ray was lost for any evasive words.
Again, there went curiosity and a bit of actual interest in the mix.
“Uhm… o-okay?”
His voice had never had a shyer tone before and he could feel his face heat up immediately. He failed to remember the last time he had blushed. It must have been ages ago. Brian’s face stayed unimpressed. He slowly rose from his bed and came closer towards Ray.
Watching the other one sink onto the floor in front of him Ray tensed up a little. What had he agreed to? This was awkward. Then he sat up straight, stiff as a board, and waited for Brian, who he regarded as the more experienced one. Brian now smiled reassuringly and sat back on his legs.
“Don’t worry.”
“I’m not.”
“Good.”
Brian lifted his hand to place it on Ray’s neck and softly pulled him down a few inches. Half the way he raised a little and finally seized Ray’s lips in a soft kiss.
It was like a sudden electric current running through the brunette’s body. Only there was nothing painful about it. It was definitely different from kissing a girl. Brian was careful not to put too much hunger for him into the touch but Ray could sense it anyway, what admittedly turned him on. He had to tell himself repeatedly that there was no female in front of him and that this was not to feel much better than any other kiss he had already given and received. But it did.
When Brian let go, Ray realised his eyes were half closed. Before Brian could comment on it, he regained his composure and then blankly stared at the boy at his feet.
“So?” Brian said.
“What?”
“Was it that bad?”
No would have been an understatement and Brian knew that.
“No,” Ray answered anyway.
He realised Brian’s hand still on his neck and was about to remove it when Brian reached up again and this time more fervently planted his lips on Ray’s, regardless of his shocked expression.
He moved his hands over Ray’s shoulders and finally rested them on either side of his head. Ray did not struggle against him but neither did he try to go with him. Brian could care less. For the moment, he felt addicted to the soft lips and the handsome face before him. After some seconds when Brian was about to break away and one last time let his tongue trace the line of the other’s lips, Ray slightly opened his mouth, not only to breathe but also to permit Brian entrance.
As soon as he felt Brian’s tongue inside his mouth, Ray shifted a little on his chair into a more comfortable position and then kissed Brian back. He was anxious not to show too much anticipation, so he kept it careful. There was a fear that this might go further than expected and Ray was not keen on that. It had never been part of the scene in his mind.
Brian interpreted the other one’s hesitation and uncertainty as side effects of the brunette’s effort at least to try this whole thing out and immediately broke the kiss.
“Just tell me if this is getting uncomfortable, okay?”
“It’s not really… uncomfortable! It’s just that…”
Brian sat patiently and waited for the end of the sentence. Instead of saying anything else, Ray simply rose to his feet, helped Brian up, too and then turned to leave.
“I know the way out, don’t bother”
“Wha…“
Nevertheless, Ray was already out of the door. Brian ran after him and then shouted down the stairs, before he could leave the house: “Why are you running again?” The pain in his voice was obvious and Ray felt like he did not only deceive himself but everyone else, too.
“It’s late, I have to get back”
“Without an explanation?”
“What do you wanna hear?”
“Oh I know! For example if there is a way of getting my feet back on the ground now that you got me dangling in the air with no reason I can think of!”
“Sorry,” was all Ray could say, then the door swung shut behind him and Brian furiously stared at where he had been standing.
“Maybe some people must be forced into their fate, Mister Brian”
Tom smiled at him from down the hall and then vanished back into the kitchen.
“Mind your own business” He had never been that furious with himself.
Ray was happy to hear that his family would spend the next day in the town with uncle and aunt and that they would not return before sunset.
He was looking forward to another opportunity for endless gaming and watching TV. Could someone ever grow tired of these two things? Ray had never believed this to happen to him but it did and as soon as he got up at around lunchtime, he wished there was something else to do.
If he could find the old fishing rod of his uncle Martin… Ray had never been out fishing before so why not try it? Therefore, he ran around the house, looking for anything useful. After two hours, the fact was impossible to ignore that he had not had breakfast or lunch.. He settled down in front of a book that he found somewhere and began to read a tragic story about love, hate and those things people cannot get enough of while wolfing down huge amounts of cornflakes. He had not found anything else, like the mornings before.
At late afternoon, the doorbell rang.
____________________________________________________________________________________________
I hope this chapter was worth waiting so long!
Oh, and don't forget to review, please ^^
I'm sorry for updating so late! My computer is driving me crazy, I was without internet for more than two weeks now!
Thank you for all your nice reviews ^_____^
Please tell me what you think about this chapter, too!
note: Brian has told only few about his preferences... In chapter 7 this question will be answered in detail.
Thanks to my great Beta Lukanicus!!!
Nediar
_______________________
Just About Soccer
Chapter 5
During the third week of the holidays, Ray did not go to the soccer training. He had a difficult time explaining his reasons on the telephone to Zach. He finally just said that he needed some rest. Zach was on the verge of laughter at this because Ray’s justifications lacked logic but what could he do?
Ray sat in his room alone. His sister was out swimming at the nearby lake with their parents and he had the entire house for himself.
After he woke, he had first tried to get himself some breakfast but had given up upon entering the kitchen. He was not feeling at all hungry.
He had spent Saturday and Sunday in bed, playing video games on his cousin’s old PS-One and only drank water for nourishment. The latter caused him to frequent the toilet quite often. However, apart from this, he had not even left his room. His parents did not care and Ray was quite thankful for that.
On Monday morning, he felt like he was almost dead with an aching stomach and a throbbing head. On his way back to bed, he decided that he was not prepared to leave this world yet. He could just imagine the headline, 18-year-old boy starved next to the fridge. He turned around and got himself something to eat. The cornflakes tasted horrible and Ray wondered whether starving would have been a better idea.
His mental state was best described as messed up. Brian’s words were constantly running through his head and nothing could chase them away. He dreamt of the blond even during the daytime. Ray was not yet ready to admit the truth. Even though, he was already aware of it.
Basically, Brian was a rival on the soccer pitch. Therefore, Ray could not stop thinking about defeating him. There was just that subtle detail that Ray had not once thought of playing soccer against the blond. The only thing remotely relating to it was the image of Brian in the gym shower room…
The week passed uneventfully. Surprisingly Ray felt better on Friday morning. He was sure this was thanks to the dinner he had eaten the night before. He settled down in front of the TV, picked up the controller, moved to turn on the PlayStation when he stopped dead and blankly stared at the TV screen.
In that very second, his confident stomach was influencing his brain, or so he thought was the only possible explanation. A ridiculous idea surfaced in his mind.
‘You like him.’
Yeah, sure and pigs have wings.’
‘No! You really do!’
‘Ah, shut up! What do you know about feelings?’
‘Stop denying!’
‘I’m not.’
‘Sure you are!’
That weird voice inside his mind, the dreamy one with all the stupid ideas, laughed.
Ray shook his head and moved closer to the grey console and again there was the disturbingly reasonable voice.
‘You like him alot!’
‘I don’t! Fucking god!’
‘Oh, come on!’
‘He said it himself! You should finally kiss him, or what did he tell you?’
Ray had not expected that special recollection to emerge from the depths of his brain. Those very special depths that were restricted areas for unpopular memories. He blushed furiously and sat back against the bedpost. ‘Shit,’ he thought.
That beautiful face had been so close to his. Everything had been so confusing and unfamiliar. Brian had expected him to kiss him! How absurd was that? But how close had he been to doing so?
‘Shit, he thought again.
When Brian told him to get a grip, those lips almost had touched his ear! The warm breath had caused Ray to shiver.
That second, he had cursed the guys who had disrupted their… well, what had it been? Tryst?
‘Shit.
Shit, shit, shit!
He did like him alot.
No, impossible.’
However, Ray noticed he was consciously denying it, since it already mentally had been stated.
He threw the controller aside, jumped to his feet, and ran downstairs towards the telephone. He picked up the receiver and dialled Zach’s number. How could one fucking week change so much in a person’s life?
“Yo!” his cousin shouted happily.
“Hi Zach, it’s me, Ray”
“What’s up?”
“Can you give me Brian’s address?”
Zach was slightly confused but still said, “Sure, just a second. Gotta look for it”
“Thanks man”
After five more minutes wherein Zach told his cousin how to get there by train and Bus, Ray hung up.
~~~~~~~
It was a posh neighbourhood. Very impressive. Surrounded by huge old trees there were few elaborate villas with extensive backyards. It was hard to find the number eleven underneath all the ivy that was growing rampant all over the place and the Iron Gate. He rang the doorbell and a voice presumably belonging to an old man asked for Ray’s concern. He stuttered some word about being a friend of Brian and with a soft click, the tiny door in front of him opened.
“I think he was expecting you. You may enter.”
Ray slipped through the gate, closed it behind him, and walked along the path towards the mansion. They had a fountain on the square before the house. Ray frowned at that, he suddenly felt misplaced.
As soon as he reached the front staircase, he heard voices from behind the doors.
“No, it’s alright. Let me take care of it”
“It’s my job, Brian,” the same old voice hushed.
“And he’s my friend. You can take a break”
Still, when the door opened it was a lined face staring up to Ray.
“Good morning, Sir.”
“Good morning,” Ray said and hoped he did not look too impressed at the sight that the inside of the villa presented.
Brian tapped the butler on the shoulder and motioned him to go and get a rest.
He then turned towards Ray and smiled.
Ray did not return the friendly face. Brian was all dressed in black and the only thing about his looks that gave way his sporty nature were the well-trained arms. Apart from that, the blond presented the perfect businessman in suit pants and shirt. Ray felt underdressed.
“What an unexpected visitor. Nevertheless, I’m glad to…”
“He just told me he thought you were expecting me.”
“…alright, I saw you from my window and I told Tom to let you in.”
Ray silently followed Brian up the stairs.
On the second landing, they turned right and went to the far end of the corridor. Before they reached the door, Ray said in a low voice, “You’re different”
“Huh?” Brian turned and eyed Ray suspiciously. “What do you mean?”
“You’re different when you’re at your home”
Brian frowned, “It’s not because I’m home. What do you expect me to think or say for that matter after you didn’t even look at me any more on Friday and you avoided training the whole week?”
Ray slightly blushed and did not comment on that.
Brian’s room was at the opposite end of the house.
There was no expensive-looking china nor were there any old chandeliers or vases and things that rich people normally place around for a potential visitor to see.
Instead, there were posters of footballers and his favourite club plastered on the walls. The desk beneath the large windows was flooded with paper, books, and the largest collection of pencils Ray had ever seen. Two cupboards with glass fronts were packed with books, CDs, DVDs, videogames and an assortment of not less than ten old footballs. Opposite the windows, there was a grey wardrobe. Right behind this, hidden in a recess there was a huge bed, covered with a black bedspread. Above there was a flat screen TV fixed to the ceiling. In fact the whole room was dominated by grey and black except for the colourful posters.
“Nice place,” Ray commented in astonishment.
“Glad you like it” Brian watched Ray admiring his room and then added as if suddenly aware of his rudeness as host, “Make yourself comfortable.”
He motioned Ray towards the cosy-looking seats in the middle of the room. Brian however sat down on his bed and then apprehensively looked at the brunette.
“So how come you came over?” he started.
“I… have to tell you something”
Brian kept his interested face but he got cautious. Don’t leave me, don’t tell me off!, he thought nervously.
“Go ahead”
Ray looked to the ground and then began to talk.
~~~~~~~~
Ray was fifteen years old.
He was hurriedly trying to get out of the room while everyone else was still gathering their stuff together, when their math teacher suddenly called him.
“Raymond, can you just come here for a second?”
Ray whirled around, hand already on the door handle.
“Yes Mister Tyler?”
“Listen- Oh get away from that door for a second I want to talk to you, boy”
Ray did as told and tried carefully to hide his annoyed face. If this was going to be another I-am-worried-about-your-school-results kind of talk, Ray was not eager to hear it.
“I am worried about your results in mathematics and English. I know you can do better, at least in English. I read many essays from you that are at a very high level, but you fail to focus on the given topic.”
“I will consider that next time. Thank you” Ray sent the door a longing look.
“That is not enough. You have to be aware that your graduation this year depends on the next test in mathematics in two weeks. The one you got back today should be a warning.”
“It is. My mom will kill me anyways so…“
“I am not kidding. I want you to get aware of your abilities.”
“Well, you are actually the only one there.”
“Don’t you want to pass this year?” He took a step in Ray’s direction.
“I don’t really care”
“But it is essential for your future! Raymond, don’t you understand what school…”
Ray stopped listening and simply watched his teacher approaching him. At first, it was quite amusing and a little pleasing since there finally seemed to be someone caring about his future. However, as soon as Ray noticed the changed expression in the man’s eyes he knew mathematics was not the only reason.
He was coming closer and closer and the boy did not quite fancy this. The man was talking about something concerning his math test but he was not paying attention anymore. He had stopped listening a while ago when his teacher started to approach him. The teacher’s voice did not sound as if he was interested whatsoever in mathematics and that was rather uncommon for him. Ray stood against the back wall next to the door and scrutinized the teacher’s face. He looked…
What was happening here? Did he really feel attracted to him? He had pondered long over those questions but never found an answer. There was something to this feeling since the boy normally liked his teacher.
Now excitement took over, a new kind of excitement he had never felt before. When his teacher stood so close to him that he could distinguish every single eyelash, Ray held his breath. In that instant, the babbling about mathematics stopped. The man looked down on him, supported himself with his hand on the wall, and bent lower. The struggle within himself that was fought between his heart and his brain was mirrored clearly in his eyes.
Ray was only fifteen years old. He told himself from what he saw rather than from what he felt that this was leading in a wrong direction. So, he dived away under the outstretched arm and made for the door.
The next second he was gone and the perplexed teacher gazed anxiously at where he last had seen him. This was the most stupid thing he had ever done! He was almost twelve years older than the boy and even his teacher!
The youth ran along the empty corridors and thought about what had just happened, or almost happened. He was not naïve, and even though he sometimes acted the innocent, he never missed a chance to be with a girl. But it took him a while to figure out why his teacher had appeared so different to begin with. Without letting the idea consume his thoughts, he assumed it must have been partly because he had appeared interested and not disgusted in any way. Thank god, the man was a very young teacher.
The next weeks until the teacher moved to another town had been the most awkward of Ray’s life so far. The interesting thing was that he suddenly discovered a certain love-hate for mathematics.
~~~~~~~~
“Your math teacher?” Brian asked incredulously.
Ray nodded and stared at his feet. Then something occurred to him for what he had been searching for a long time.
“He was handsome”
“Happy you”
“I was fifteen!”
“Did that matter?”
Ray thought about it for awhile and then shook his head.
“No, I don’t think so. I think afterwards I felt a little more… adult, don’t ask me why”
“Though he didn’t even come to touch you…”
“I know but… the whole situation back then had something that felt so… mature”
“Did it start, then?”
“What?”
“Your fancy for boys?”
“I don’t have a fancy for boys!”
”Well, you obviously have a fancy for me and you can’t tell me I’m no boy,” Brian grinned.
“Who tells you I’ve a fancy for…“
“Your eyes”
Ray did not know what to say. Therefore, he said nothing.
“Have you never even thought about it? I mean… what your teacher was trying to do?”
“It was illegal what he tried!”
“Oh come on! I’m not saying you should have made out with a teacher! But with someone else, another boy?”
Ray was taken aback by that question. What should he say?
“Hell no! I had been worrying myself with thoughts like whether I would’ve liked it and stuff but you’ve got to know that the environment I grew up in is as straight as can be! I was glad when I somehow started a relationship with a girl two moths after”
Brian frowned and then shyly looked Ray into the eyes. He still was sure that Ray, if he only considered it, could like other men just as he liked women. However, you cannot force people into their destiny.
“So you told me that story of yours to tell me off?”
The answer could have been so easy. A simple “Yes” would have done it. The only problem was that Ray did not know why he had told Brian about it.
“I… I don’t know, to be frank.”
Brian had an idea. Still, if this went wrong there would be no way of fixing the broken window between them. Life was about taking chances, right?
“Have you ever kissed a man?”
There was a deafening silence between them until Ray finally answered, “No, of course not.” He sounded irritated.
“Did you ever picture yourself kissing another man?”
“N-no, I… can’t remember”
Brian shifted a little on his bed, and then finally said, “You want to try?”
“Wha…“
Ray did not get any further. The image of Brian kissing him was not the least bad, in fact temptation dominated, which did not help the confusion in Ray’s head subside. They were looking at each other for a few seconds, this time creating a silence that was full of unspoken truths. The truth was that Brian had wanted to kiss Ray ever since they first had met. Another truth was that Ray had actually been hoping for a chance not to have to make a first move, let alone that he was hoping for a first move at all.
The brunette felt all coherent thought slowly fleeing from his mind as the image of kissing Brian grew stronger and spread a hint of warmth inside him. He just hoped that the blond was not able to read minds or something like that. As I said, the coherent thoughts were gone.
“I… well, uhm…” Ray felt so horribly embarrassed that for a second he wished himself a nice deep grave to be buried.
“With ‘try’ you mean…?”
“I’m asking you to allow me to kiss you”
That was a clear statement demanding an equally clear answer, so Ray was lost for any evasive words.
Again, there went curiosity and a bit of actual interest in the mix.
“Uhm… o-okay?”
His voice had never had a shyer tone before and he could feel his face heat up immediately. He failed to remember the last time he had blushed. It must have been ages ago. Brian’s face stayed unimpressed. He slowly rose from his bed and came closer towards Ray.
Watching the other one sink onto the floor in front of him Ray tensed up a little. What had he agreed to? This was awkward. Then he sat up straight, stiff as a board, and waited for Brian, who he regarded as the more experienced one. Brian now smiled reassuringly and sat back on his legs.
“Don’t worry.”
“I’m not.”
“Good.”
Brian lifted his hand to place it on Ray’s neck and softly pulled him down a few inches. Half the way he raised a little and finally seized Ray’s lips in a soft kiss.
It was like a sudden electric current running through the brunette’s body. Only there was nothing painful about it. It was definitely different from kissing a girl. Brian was careful not to put too much hunger for him into the touch but Ray could sense it anyway, what admittedly turned him on. He had to tell himself repeatedly that there was no female in front of him and that this was not to feel much better than any other kiss he had already given and received. But it did.
When Brian let go, Ray realised his eyes were half closed. Before Brian could comment on it, he regained his composure and then blankly stared at the boy at his feet.
“So?” Brian said.
“What?”
“Was it that bad?”
No would have been an understatement and Brian knew that.
“No,” Ray answered anyway.
He realised Brian’s hand still on his neck and was about to remove it when Brian reached up again and this time more fervently planted his lips on Ray’s, regardless of his shocked expression.
He moved his hands over Ray’s shoulders and finally rested them on either side of his head. Ray did not struggle against him but neither did he try to go with him. Brian could care less. For the moment, he felt addicted to the soft lips and the handsome face before him. After some seconds when Brian was about to break away and one last time let his tongue trace the line of the other’s lips, Ray slightly opened his mouth, not only to breathe but also to permit Brian entrance.
As soon as he felt Brian’s tongue inside his mouth, Ray shifted a little on his chair into a more comfortable position and then kissed Brian back. He was anxious not to show too much anticipation, so he kept it careful. There was a fear that this might go further than expected and Ray was not keen on that. It had never been part of the scene in his mind.
Brian interpreted the other one’s hesitation and uncertainty as side effects of the brunette’s effort at least to try this whole thing out and immediately broke the kiss.
“Just tell me if this is getting uncomfortable, okay?”
“It’s not really… uncomfortable! It’s just that…”
Brian sat patiently and waited for the end of the sentence. Instead of saying anything else, Ray simply rose to his feet, helped Brian up, too and then turned to leave.
“I know the way out, don’t bother”
“Wha…“
Nevertheless, Ray was already out of the door. Brian ran after him and then shouted down the stairs, before he could leave the house: “Why are you running again?” The pain in his voice was obvious and Ray felt like he did not only deceive himself but everyone else, too.
“It’s late, I have to get back”
“Without an explanation?”
“What do you wanna hear?”
“Oh I know! For example if there is a way of getting my feet back on the ground now that you got me dangling in the air with no reason I can think of!”
“Sorry,” was all Ray could say, then the door swung shut behind him and Brian furiously stared at where he had been standing.
“Maybe some people must be forced into their fate, Mister Brian”
Tom smiled at him from down the hall and then vanished back into the kitchen.
“Mind your own business” He had never been that furious with himself.
Ray was happy to hear that his family would spend the next day in the town with uncle and aunt and that they would not return before sunset.
He was looking forward to another opportunity for endless gaming and watching TV. Could someone ever grow tired of these two things? Ray had never believed this to happen to him but it did and as soon as he got up at around lunchtime, he wished there was something else to do.
If he could find the old fishing rod of his uncle Martin… Ray had never been out fishing before so why not try it? Therefore, he ran around the house, looking for anything useful. After two hours, the fact was impossible to ignore that he had not had breakfast or lunch.. He settled down in front of a book that he found somewhere and began to read a tragic story about love, hate and those things people cannot get enough of while wolfing down huge amounts of cornflakes. He had not found anything else, like the mornings before.
At late afternoon, the doorbell rang.
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I hope this chapter was worth waiting so long!
Oh, and don't forget to review, please ^^