Just Friends?

Chapter Five
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The control Jeanne had been trying to hold onto snapped the moment his mouth assaulted her, his tongue brushing dominatingly against the outline of her upper lip. She could feel herself melt against the hard body that pressed so hungrily against her, all the resolve dissolving one iota at a time.

"Shawn," Jeanne whispered, pushing him away from her with faltering hands. Shawn looked at her with ravaged eyes, his breath like tiny gasps.

"I didn't know what it would be like to live without you until I had to deal with it. I can't do it anymore do you hear me? I can't do it..." Shawn said in a harsh, low voice. Jeanne took in the sight of him more fully, the telltale tears glimmering in his blue eyes, his painfully thin body encased in crumpled unnattractively baggy clothes. His blond hair looked disheveled, not in a rogueishly charming way but as though he'd ran his hands through them in torment. "Don't leave me, Jeanne." They stood there, face mere inches from one another, him waiting for the answer he knew would make or break him. She closed her eyes briefly, and when she opened them again, her lips moved to answer Shawn.

"You hurt me, Shawn. I don't want to risk that again," Jeanne spoke, emotion creeping into her voice and face for the first time during their conversation. "Obviously we are not going to work out... I would like to be friends, if nothing else."

"How can you act as though nothing happened Jeanne? Go on with a sham of a friendship when we have so much more?" Shawn knew he was being unfair, being irrational and immature but he didn't know what else he could do. He couldn't let her go from him.

"This is what I mean. Why is it okay for you to call the shots? Why are you not ready when I need you and then after you hurt me... after you rip my heart to shreds and leave the pieces outside your door like garbage, why then... why do you come back? Why do you regret what you've done?" Jeanne shouted at him, her anger and pain evident in her brown eyes. She hastily wiped the few tears that had exploded out of them, frustrated. "I'm tired of crying for you. I decided that we were probably never meant to be, cliched as that may sound, and I'm not going to take a chance on you again."

By this point, Shawn didn't realize what he was doing as he yelled at her. "You don't even have any feelings for me... I was so fucking confused. I didn't know what the fuck I was supposed to do after you just slipped into the shower and we had sex. You never told me you liked me... had feelings for me. What the hell was I supposed to do? You tell me. WHY DIDN'T YOU FUCKING TELL ME?"

"You were always the cold one... you would never be interested in someone like me. You told me yourself... what was I supposed to do when I.. when I found myself liking you?" Jeanne cried, her lip trembling.

"What are you talking about?"

"I know you were always in love with Renee. She was always the gorgeous one, the smart one. Your perfect girl. I'm not completely stupid you know... I could never compare to her," she said bitterly, turning to walk away from him, but Shawn grabbed her wrist.

"Are you stupid?" he spat in her face, eyes truly angry now. "You're better than she could ever be. I never loved Renee. She's a cold bitch who would whore for anyone who was willing to let her. You... you...." Shawn broke off when an involuntary tear fell down and caught on his lip. As a reaction, Jeanne took her thumb and ran it over his bottom lip, wiping it off gently. He kissed the little thumb softly, causing them both to shiver from the tiny touch.

And he had a revelation. Shawn felt all the emotions flow into him... all the things he wanted for himself. He could see himself with this girl, no this woman, for the rest of his life. To have her open the door of a white house and see her glowing face, to have her sit on his lap on the couch and reading together, making love to her on their bed after a wearing day of work. He could see their children running around, running his hand over the swell of her pregnant stomach, and kissing her sweetly when they thought no one was looking. He could see himself with no one else in the world... only Jeanne.

"God. I'm the stupid one. Jeanne Darrell, I'm in love with you."