Touru to Shidou/Touru and Shidou

~*~*~*~Shidou

I was cold and my mouth tasted nasty. I opened my eyes, but it took more effort than it should have. I turned my head and I heard Mama’s voice, “It’s okay, Shidou. Just lie still. The doctor’s had to sew you up a bit. You were cut deeper than we realized at first.”

“Touru?” My voice sounded too weak.

“He’s sleeping.” She looked away, “We had to sedate him, Shidou. He was hysterical.”

“Where?”

“He’s with Mom and Pop. Dad’s talking to the police.”

“I wanna see him.” Mama frowned at me. “I wanna see him, Mama. He’s gonna think this is his fault. He’s gonna blame himself.”

“Pop’s already contacted a coworker.” She looked away from me, “He already blames himself, Shidou. We’re hoping that when he wakes up, it won’t be so bad.”

“Please bring him in here. I need to see him.”

She sighed and left the room. After a few minutes, she returned, Pop and Mom following her. Pop was carrying Touru. His head lolled a bit. It hurt to see him. I tried to move over so they could put him next to me, but my body refused to cooperate.

Mom and Mama sighed deeply and helped me move. They knew me well enough to know that I would fight them until they let me make sure he was okay. Pop put Touru on the bed next to me. Touru moaned in his sleep and I reached for his hand. I leaned as close to him as I could and whispered, “I love you so much, Touru.” His hand tightened around mine and he moaned in his sleep.

My eyes felt heavy and Mom caressed my hair, “Go ahead and sleep, Shidou. We’ll keep an eye on you two.”

“Don’t move him,” I grumbled as I yawned. Yawning caused me to wince as it pulled on the wound in my stomach. I squeezed his hand again and let myself just kinda drift.

~*~*~*~Touru

My head was heavy. My whole body was heavy and sluggish. I opened my eyes and it took a while to focus, nothing wanting to clear up or stop moving when I first looked at it. Why did I feel crowded? My hand? I turned and saw Shidou next to me. My heart leapt and then…why were we in a hospital?

“Touru?” he said softly.

“Oh, gods, it’s all my fault!” Everything hit me at once. I told him I loved him and he was hurt. If I had just kept my mouth…

“Touru, it’s not your fault.”

“It is! It is, Shidou. I’m not allowed to be happy!”

He pulled me and I couldn’t coordinate my body to fight him. He pulled me until I rested against his chest and he wrapped his arms around me. “You are allowed to be happy. We can be happy together, Touru. I love…”

“Don’t say that!” I screamed. I managed to pull away from him. I kept pulling back, scrambling. There was something behind me, but I got over it, only to land on the floor too hard.

“Touru!” he yelled and there was sound behind me, but I still had to get away from him. It was my fault he’d been hurt.

Someone grabbed me. I turned and it was Pop. “Let me go. It’s my fault he got hurt. I have to go away or he’ll get hurt again.”

“You’ll hurt him more if you go,” Pop said.

“You don’t understand,” I wailed. “It’s my fault, it’s my fault, it’s all my fault. I jinxed it.”

I think he said something, but I didn’t hear it. He lifted me from the floor and took me out of the room.

When he put me down again, we were in a smaller room with a desk and a couch and a couple of chairs. He set me on the couch. There was another guy in the room. “Touru, this is my coworker, James. We’ve told him what we’ve found out about you.” My heart raced. I was so afraid. Not another counselor, oh, gods, please not that. “Touru, look at me.” I looked at him. He looked like he hurt. Why…why did he hurt? What did I do to him? “Touru, I want you to understand something. Take a deep breath, please.” I did as he asked. “Good. Keep taking deep breaths, Touru and listen, okay?” I took another deep breath and nodded. I was feeling a little calmer. “You know that Dad and I are together, right?” I nodded, still breathing slowly like he’d told me. “Do you think I’d bring you to someone who’d hurt you?” I shook my head and wilted into the couch. He lifted my chin, making me look at him again, “James has a boyfriend, too, okay? He’s not going to make you change who you are. He’s just gonna help you work through everything that you’ve not been allowed to, okay?”

“But, it’s my fault Shidou got hurt. Why are you being nice to me?”

He sighed, “Do you want to know what he asked for when he woke up? What the first thing he wanted to know?” He caressed my cheek, but it was different from Shidou’s touch. It reminded me of my dad. “He wanted to know where and how you were. He didn’t care about anything else. He loves you, Touru, and he doesn’t blame you for what happened. No one does.” He took a deep breath. His eyes were so full of compassion, of something I hadn’t seen since my dad looked at me. “Please, talk to James a while, okay?” I nodded, sitting back on the couch. His hand went from my cheek to my hair and he ruffled it. I smiled a little. “I’ll be waiting outside to take you back, okay?”

“You remind me of my dad,” I said.

“That’s the best compliment anyone’s ever given me,” he smiled at me as he stood by the door.

“Thank you,” I returned. He nodded and left the room.

~*~*~*~Shidou

I stared after Pop and Touru. My chest hurt. Why…?

“Shidou,” Mama said softly and I turned to look at her. “Pop is taking him to a coworker, so it’s okay. He just needs some time to sort things out.” She sighed, taking my hand, “This is probably more stuff he should tell you but I’m going to because we know you better. His family sent him to a counselor who convinced him that it was his fault his parents and twin died. Not in so many words, but blamed his homosexuality for their death and for his boyfriend’s death. You got hurt just after he told you he loves you, just after he let you kiss him. We heard about that. The police will still want to talk to you, but they’re fairly certain they have enough witnesses to ensure the conviction sticks.” Her voice was mean. Mama never was mean. I moved away, though it hurt to. She sighed, “Those kids,” she snorted, “they’re adults now. They’ve hurt other kids for being homosexual. Most of the group that gathered said he attacked you and you were defending yourself when you dropped him.”

I nodded, “He cut me first. I threw him wrong because my stomach hurt and I told him not to move because I knew he landed badly.”

She nodded, “That’s what they said, the witnesses.” She sighed again, her hand going to the top of my head, “Shidou, give Touru time. He’s been through a lot and he’s scared now.”

“I know, Mama.” I looked away from her, “I know. I love him.” My voice choked me. She moved me so that my back rested against her chest and she rocked me, just like she did when I was little. I held onto her arms. I was scared, too, and angry. While she held me, I cried. I think I fell asleep in her arms.

~*~*~*~Touru

I talked to James for over two hours. He was so easy to talk to. He didn’t judge me. He didn’t tell me I was wrong. He asked my why I thought things and then asked me to think about them, if I really wanted to believe it or not. He never said I had to be a certain way. He didn’t blame me. He didn’t let me blame myself without asking if that’s what I really wanted to do.

There was a knock on the door. It was a detective. He talked to me in James’ office for about another hour, asking me what happened at school, and before with those guys. He then told me that the statute of limitations hadn’t run out on when they attacked me before and I could still press charges if I wanted to.

“I was told I couldn’t do anything about that.”

“A lot of people don’t know how long the statute of limitations is. Here, it’s three years for assault. You still have time. You don’t have to decide right now. I’m just letting you know that the option is there.”

“But, my family…”

“You’re an adult. You have the right to pursue justice if it’s been denied you.”

“They know a lot of judges…” I muttered. I was fairly certain I knew who the “they” the guys had mentioned in the bathroom was.

“Touru,” he said, waiting until I looked up to continue, “we have enough witnesses and evidence. If there’s not a conviction at the local level, you can appeal, you can move for a mistrial. It’s also possible to have the venue changed if you don’t think you can get a fair trial. You have a lot of options, and a lot of rights. Most people don’t understand this, Touru.”

I looked at my lap, “I need to think.”

I heard him stand, and a card appeared in front of my eyes. I looked up at him, “Call me and let me know what you decide, okay?”

I nodded and took the card from him. He left the room and I stared at his card a little longer. I moved to stand, “I’ve taken a lot of your time.”

“Not really,” James replied softly.

I looked up at him, “I’ve been here for like three hours.”

He grinned at me, “You’ve got five more if you want them.”

“What?”

“I’m a crisis counselor. You get me for up to eight hours. After that, I’ll make a referral to a regular counselor. I know several of them so I can help you find one that will suit you.”

I sat back down, dumbfounded. “Really?”

“Yes, really, Touru. What else would you like to talk about?”

I curled up on the couch, wrapping my arms around my legs. I don’t know why, but I told him everything my relatives did to me, everything that had happened since my parents died. He listened, sometimes asking questions; sometimes he touched my shoulder and told me it was okay. It felt like poison was flowing out of my system, draining away from me. It felt good, but it was exhausting too. When I reached the end, when I told him again what had happened today, he let me sit quietly for a long time.

“What do you want to do now, Touru?” he finally asked.

I leaned my cheek against my knees. “I’m drained. Right now, I want to sleep.” I rolled my head up so my chin was on my knees, thinking. He let me. He didn’t tell me that I hadn’t answered his question. “I think, if the counselor is like you, I’d like to try seeing one again.” I sighed and sat up straighter, letting my feet slide to the floor. They were heavy, having fallen asleep on me while I talked. The tingling started and I stared at them a moment before I added, “I love him. I don’t want to loose that, either. But, I’m still scared, y’know?” I looked up at him.

“I understand. It’s going to take time, Touru.” He leaned back in his chair, “I know about Shidou. I don’t know him personally, but I think he’s a pretty understanding guy. I think if you told him how you feel, I think he’ll understand.”

I looked at him thoughtfully a long time. I thought about the way Shidou treated me. “He will,” I said softly.

“Do you want me to talk to him? Or go with you?”

I thought a while, “No. I think I can talk to him. I know he’ll understand.” I smiled a little at James. “He’s been very understandings since we met. And, we’ve known each other a while online, too.” I shook my feet, trying to get them to stop hurting now that they had blood flowing to them again. “One of those counselors you know, could they see us together? There are things we’re gonna need to work through. I know I did hurt him because I panicked.”

He regarded me a moment while I rubbed my legs. After a long moment, my legs quit hurting and I sat up again. He shook his head at me. “I was going to suggest couples sessions. I’m glad you brought it up. It shows a lot of maturity. I think you two have a good chance of getting things to work out for you.”

Then a thought struck me. “Payment. How am I going to pay for it?” I started to panic. I’d taken eight hours of his time. How much did counselors charge?

“Relax, Touru. Today was taken care of as part of the investigation, which is why the detective came in during our session. As for future sessions, the person I have in mind has a colleague who needs a secretary. Now, I know it’s not waiting tables, and you’d have to work every day after school, but you’d have weekends off.”

I sat quietly a long moment. “If I’m working for the counseling sessions, I’d still need to wait tables to pay rent.”

“Well, here’s the deal then. You’d be working about 20 hours a week until school gets out. Five of those hours go to pay for counseling. You get paid going rate for the rest of the hours. Sound fair?”

I tipped my head at him, “Sounds like a set up.”

He grinned at me, unrepentant as he said, “Yep. A lot went on while you were out. You do know it’s Thursday night now, don’t you?” I shook my head a little. I wasn’t really surprised. Too much had happened for it still to be Wednesday. “Matt, Pop as you know him, needs a new secretary. You’d be seeing a partner of his at work. We already set things up if you’re willing to try it out and see how it works. We haven’t told anyone else because it’s your choice. If you don’t want to, I know another counselor that takes what are called hardship cases, but I think you’d find a better fit with Joseph, Matt’s coworker, than with the other guy.”

“What’s the going rate?” I asked. When he told me, a quick bit of mental math showed me I’d make more in two weeks there than I did during a good month at the diner. I could get a proper apartment, if I wanted to. It still felt like a set up, like things were too good to be true. “Am I really allowed to be happy?” I asked softly.

“That really depends on if you will let yourself be happy,” he replied, just as softly. “Give yourself the weekend to think about it. Don’t decide now. Don’t decide anything this weekend, Touru. Stay home from school tomorrow. You’ve been excused anyways. Stay home or visit Shidou’s, but stay away from school tomorrow just to give yourself time to recover a little more. Write. I was told you’re a writer. If that helps you, write things out. I would advise calling off work, but I understand you need to support yourself.”

My head was swimming. Even with everything that was going wrong, so much was still going right. But it was so confusing. “I need to think. I do need to write. It helps me think.”

There was a soft tap on the door and James got up and opened it. Pop was there and I managed to smile at him, “You people. You just meet me and you’re already trying to run my life.”

“Well, I can’t tell you how many times we’ve heard your name mentioned since Friday. It’s the least we could do,” he grinned at me, showing me he knew I was teasing and that he was returning it. His face went sober again, like my dad’s again, “You ready to go, Touru?”

“Yeah, I want to see Shidou.” I yawned before I could stop it.

“They’re discharging him right now. Would you like to go home with us for dinner?”

“I need to talk to him.”

“I know. We have a patio if you’re not comfortable in his room or the living room.”

I stood finally and my ankles protested at first before they both popped and let me walk again. I really shouldn’t sit so curled up for so long. I looked at James, “Thank you so much. You really helped me. I will take your advice and comments into consideration. Thank you.” I reached out and shook his hand.

He smiled, an honest smile, not a grin this time, “Come see me in a month or so and let me know how things are going, okay?”

“Yeah,” I said. Pop put an arm around my shoulder and it reminded me more strongly of my dad again as we turned to leave.

~*~*~*~Shidou

I hated the damn wheelchair, but they wouldn’t let me walk out of the hospital, even though they’d insisted I walk earlier. Damn it, can’t they make up their minds? Touru had been gone all day. I wanted to see him. I needed to see him. They told me he was with one of Pop’s coworkers, but they wouldn’t tell me more than that. Damn it! I need to know he’s alright. Mom kept trying to distract me by telling me stories of how she and Dad and Pop and Mama all met and how they got together. I had heard them before. I kept looking at the door when I was in the room and up and down the hallways as they made me wait in the damn wheelchair while they finished reading paperwork to me.

Pop had his arm around Touru’s shoulders as they walked down the hall together. It was about time! I would have gotten up, but Dad put both hands on my shoulders and kept me in the chair. When I saw Touru look at me, I held my breath. I reached out for him and he smiled at me, walking away from Pop, moving faster, reaching out for my hand. My heart started beating again when he touched me, holding my hand in his. He didn’t say anything, just held my hand and looked at me. I could see fear still in his eyes, and what I thought was hope, too. “I’ll be here for you,” I whispered.

He nodded, “When we get to your house, we’re gonna talk, okay?” He squeezed my hand, I think to let me know it wasn’t going to be bad.

“Okay,” I replied, not letting go of his hand while the nurse made sure I understood all the paperwork. The only bad thing about being an ‘adult’ now was that my parents couldn’t sign the papers anymore. I had to do it. Reluctantly, I let go of his hand so I could sign. He put his hand on my shoulder. I took his hand again when they finished with me. I kept it until I had to let go to get into the van. He sat next to me and I took his hand again. He leaned again my shoulder and I rested my cheek on his head. We sat silently, the parents not teasing for once. Dad and Pop were in front, talking quietly. Mom and Mama were making dinner plans. Touru and I just sat quietly.

I wanted to hold him closer, but he wouldn’t let go of my hand. In fact, he was tracing my fingers with his free hand. I couldn’t think of anything that felt right to say, so I let him, watching as his fingers traced my nails and the wrinkles at my knuckles. We pulled into the drive way and he lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it gently. Before I could respond, he was out of the van.

Mom helped me out of the van and into the house. Touru was standing by the sliding door and I walked away from Mom to stand by him. “Touru?”

He looked at me, then around the room. I followed his eyes, taking in the couches, a light brown, the peach colored walls, the paintings. Mom had decorated. She also made the paintings. One was abstract, just colors that I never made sense of. The other was a picture of the ocean. “Let’s go outside,” he said softly, pulling my attention back to him. He took my hand again and led me onto the patio. There were several chairs and a couple of love seats around a large table. We tended to have parties out here, so we had a lot of seating. He sat in one of the loveseats and pulled me down next to him. He curled up, his chin on his knees and let go of my hand to hold onto his legs.

~*~*~*~Touru

Their house was so…homey. I wasn’t ready for that yet. Outside was better. I curled up and thought for a minute. Shidou sat next to me, waiting. He seemed to understand I needed time. I took a deep breath and began, “I love you, Shidou. I’m scared, though. Every time I’ve kissed someone, something bad has happened to them. I’m afraid to let myself really love. I want to and I’m terrified.” I took a shuddering breath. He put his hand on my head and I leaned into him, “You make me so happy, Shidou, you really do, but…”

“You’re scared and will be for a while.” I nodded against his chest and he pulled me closer. I let my legs go over his and he held me, just held me. It felt so good to have his arms around me. After a long time, during which the sky turned dark, he whispered, “I’ll be here for you, Touru. Whenever, however, I’m here for you.”

“I’m gonna see a counselor, a real one this time. We’re going together?” I held my breath, hoping he wouldn’t argue with me.

“That’s a good idea.” I relaxed against him and he kissed the back of my head, which was all he could reach with me curled on his chest. “I love you, Touru. And I can’t grow up with a counselor and think it’s a bad idea, can I?”

I moved my head to his shoulder, “Tell me about your family.”

“Well, you know that Dad’s a lawyer, Pop’s a counselor. Let’s see…Mom stays home and is an interior designer and artist as well as a cook. Mama is a biologist. Sometimes, when I was younger, the kids would make fun of me ‘cause I had four parents. I learned quickly that having people over was risky. I don’t think my family is weird. We all love each other and that makes us a family. I kinda feel sorry for kids that only have two parents. I can always find one of them that can help me out, one of them always has time for me.” He sighed and hugged me.

We sat quietly for a long time. Then very softly, he asked, “Touru, what are you doing after graduation?”

I laced my fingers through his hand that rested on my shoulder. I took a deep breath. “I was going to work the summer and then attend the university here. They have a good writing school. My parents set up college funds for my sister and me when we were born so I have enough to pay tuition. When I turn twenty-one, I’ll get her share.” My throat closed on me and he pulled me closer.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to make you sad again.”

“You didn’t. I can’t think of her without feeling sad.” I let him hold me a long moment more. “What are you doing?”

“I was going to work in Dad’s office and then go for pre-law…across the state.” His voice was sad.

Again we sat together quietly. “We still have the internet, you know. And phones. And there’s school breaks. And occasional weekends would be nice.”

He pulled me so I actually sat in his lap. He hugged me so tightly I couldn’t breathe. “Thank you!” he either laughed or cried. He stood us both up, pulled me to his chest and hugged me tightly. “Thank you,” he whispered in my ear and I could hear tears in his voice.

I pulled away from him a little, enough to see his face. There were tears on his cheeks. I brushed my fingers over them. “Why?” I asked softly.

“I love you so much, Touru, but if you didn’t want to continue our relationship, I was going to let you go. But, you don’t want to, do you? You want me?”

~*~*~*~Shidou

He held my face and looked as if I were someone completely new to him. His eyes were tired, he’d been through a lot today, I knew that, but there was wonder in his eyes, too. “You were afraid, too?” he asked softly.

“Yeah.”

He shook his head a little, “I don’t want to let go of you. I decided that before I emailed you yesterday at lunch. I decided that when I finished writing my English essay.”

He continued to hold my cheeks. He was so close, so very close, “Please.”

His hands slid into my hair, “I’m still afraid, Shidou.”

“I know.” I closed my eyes and pushed him away from me slowly. I took his hands in mine and opened my eyes as I bent over and kissed them both. “When you’re not afraid of what will happen, I’ll kiss you again.” He just nodded as I continued to hold his hands.

There was a tapping on the sliding door and Mom poked her head out, “I’m not interrupting, am I?”

Touru moved so that he was leaning against me, letting go of my hand. I wrapped my arm around him and he answered, “No, we were just about to come inside.”

“Dinner’s ready, then,” she gave us a soft smile and stepped inside, leaving the door open for us.

We went in and I guided him to the kitchen. They’d arranged the chairs so we sat next to each other, Pop on the end next to Touru, Dad next to me. Mom sat across from me and Mama next to her. I didn’t really want to let Touru go to sit down and eat, though. I didn’t want to let him go at all.

Mom had made a simple dinner. Miso soup, rice and a chicken stir-fry. Touru looked up at her and smiled, “It’s been awhile since I’ve had a family dinner.”

“You’re welcome at our table anytime, Touru,” Mom returned. I saw Pop reach over and squeeze Touru’s shoulder.

~*~*~*~Touru

I looked over at Pop when he gripped my shoulder and he said, “You’re welcome here whenever you want, Touru.” Though he looked nothing like my dad, nor did he even sound like my dad, I felt so much better. I was beginning to feel like maybe I could have a place, maybe there was a way for me to be happy.

“Thank you,” I replied. Shidou put his hand on my back. I turned to him and smiled a little. I was so tired, but I needed to eat and it smelled so good. I picked up my fork and Shidou’s hand left my back. I looked at Mom, “It smells good.” She smiled. It seemed they were waiting for me, so I took a bite. It was good, the stir-fry flavorful but not over powering. I made a noise of approval, not wanting to talk around the food in my mouth.

“Glad you like it,” Mom grinned at me, her voice light. “You’re both probably not up for it tonight, but there is cake.”

I managed to swallow and asked, “What kind? I kinda liked cake, a lot.”

Shidou leaned over, “Someone’s got a sweet tooth?”

I blushed a little, “I like cake.”

“It’s Black Forest cake,” he grinned at me.

“With cherries?”

“Of course,” he answered, his hand caressing my cheek.

“Children,” Mama called. My cheeks were warm as I turned to face her. She was grinning, “None of that at the table.”

“Why not?” Shidou countered. “You do it all the time.”

She turned to Mom, “All the time?”

Mom reached up and brushed Mama’s hair behind her ear, “Maybe.”

“You said you’d behave,” Shidou countered. I was grinning at them. It was so nice to see happy people.

“We aren’t?” Mom asked, looking over wide-eyed.

“I thought we were,” Mama said and then turned to Pop and asked, “weren’t we?”

He looked at them thoughtfully, though it seemed his lips twitched a little and then turned to me, “Were they?”

I managed a little laugh, “I think so.”

Shidou poked me in the side, “You traitor.”

I put on a pout, “Traitor? I thought you liked me?”

~*~*~*~Shidou

He was playing with them? His eyes, though tired, were happy. “I do like you, that doesn’t mean you’re not a traitor.”

“How is he a traitor?” Dad asked.

“He’s siding with you!” I pouted.

“What, you don’t want him liking us?” Mom asked. Touru was giggling.

I relented, “I’m glad he likes my family.”

He leaned against my shoulder, “I need happy people right now.”

I put my hand on his lap, squeezing a little, “We are happy, and happy you’re here.”

Mom spoke up, “We really are happy you’re here, Touru, and that we don’t bother you.”

He shook his head against my shoulder, “No, but I do like cake.” His voice sounded like a little kid’s. I had to laugh.

Mama grinned at him, “Then you shall have some, after you eat a little more.”

He sat up, moving his leg so our knees were together and began eating. I reached up and stroked the back of his head. He turned and smiled at me and we both turned to finish our dinner. Mom hadn’t put a lot on our plates, but it was very good. I picked up my bowl and drank my soup after finishing the rest of my meal and watched as Touru continued to use his spoon.

Throughout the meal, he was always touching me somehow. I think maybe it was mutual. I was touching him, too. It just felt right. Conversation was light, just on whatever came up. We didn’t talk about school or anything else that’d happened, just about life and things.

When we’d all finished, Mama cleared our plates while Dad went in the kitchen and brought out my birthday cake. I heard Touru moan next to me and I looked at him. His eyes were so wide. I poked him, “It’s been a long time since I’ve had Black Forest cake.” He blushed a little, “It was my favorite.”

I grinned at him, “You have good taste, what can I say?” He looked at me, puzzled, “You like me, you like my favorite cake, you have good taste.” Touru groaned at me.

“Well, someone’s got a healthy ego,” Mom quipped.

Touru tipped his head, “So, how is it we happen to be having your favorite cake and why did you know?”

I got the feeling right then that I didn’t want to tell him. I held my breath when Mom answered, “Yesterday was Shidou’s birthday.”

“Oh,” he said so softly.

“I’m sorry,” I said, looking at the table.

“Don’t be,” he replied. “You invited me before you knew.”

“What is it?” Pop asked. I looked over and he was kneeling next to Touru, holding him.

He shook his head, “It’s just…birthdays…they seem so bad for me lately.” He sighed heavily.

~*~*~*~Touru

Shidou moved his chair so he could hold me. He didn’t worm his way between me and Pop, but held us both. I thought I’d cry again, but I was too drained to. I couldn’t feel much of anything, really. A sad emptiness in my chest and head. Shidou put his chin on my shoulder and said softly, “Y’know, I wouldn’t change anything about yesterday, though.”

I looked over at him, confused, “Why? You got hurt.”

He sat up a little, “Yeah, but I also got the best present I’ve ever received. You told me you loved me and we kissed.” He blushed and I couldn’t help but grin at him a little. “That, those two things, so out weight anything else that happened that it doesn’t matter to me.”

I leaned my forehead against his and closed my eyes while he and Pop held me. I opened my eyes and looked up when I felt a hand on my head. Dad was petting my head and Mom and Mama reached out for me when I looked up. Dad knelt by our chairs, his hand still on my head. “You’re a part of our family now, if you want to be.”

I looked at them all, twisting in my chair to see Pop behind me. I managed to smile, “Wouldn’t it weird for me to date my brother?”

“I’ll make ‘em disown me so I could be with you!” Shidou retorted. Mom hit the back of his head. “Ow, what was that for?”

“You don’t want us?”

“It’s not that!” Shidou protested.

“Thank you,” I said softly, cutting off anything else he would have said. They all looked at me and I said again, “Thank you so much. It’s been a long time since I had a real family.” I was so tired. I put my head on Shidou’s shoulder and sighed. I still felt empty, but it wasn’t such a sad emptiness.

“Why don’t we have cake tomorrow? You need some sleep,” Shidou said softly.

“I don’t want to be alone,” I whispered, unsure if it was loud enough to hear.

“I’ve got a spare bed in my room,” he answered me. “You can sleep there and we’ll go by your place tomorrow to get you some clothes, okay?” I nodded against his shoulder and heard everyone else stand up around me.

I lifted my head and it took more effort than I would have thought. I let Shidou pull me up and guide me to his room. I stood still when he let go of my hand. I was too tired to even look around. He grabbed my hand again and guided me to sit on the bed he’d turned down. He then knelt in front of me and took off my shoes before taking my shoulders and guiding me to lie down and covering me up. He stroked my cheek while looking at me with such soft eyes I wanted to cry. “I love you,” I said.

He bent over and kissed my forehead, “I love you, too. Sleep well.”

~*~*~*~Shidou

He smiled at me and curled on his side. I watched him for a while. I was tired, but Dad had given me a look like he needed to talk to me more. I went back to the living room, closing the door behind me. Dad was sitting on the couch, waiting for me while the rest cleaned up dinner. I sat next to him, “Yeah?”

“Tomorrow is the arraignment hearing. I’ve managed to work it so Touru doesn’t have to go. James is going in his stead. That’ll work for the arraignment. You know what that’s for, right?”

“It’s to see if the judge thinks they’re safe enough to be released between now and the trial and it sets the trial date, right?”

“It’s when they enter their plea. But, yes, that’s part of it. I’m acting as your council, though I still have to get Touru to actually accept me as his attorney. We felt he’d been through enough today without having to answer for that too tonight.” He sighed, “We’ve managed to find others who’ve been hurt by them, so there has been some negotiation. The trial is for 2:30 tomorrow afternoon. We’re trying to get them to plead guilty.”

I nodded, “What do you want me to do with Touru tomorrow? I told him we’d get clothes for him in the morning. I can ask him about you being his council, too. Anything else?”

He shook his head, “I don’t think so. Keep your phone on and on you. I’ll try not to call you, but if I need to contact you, it’ll be important that I get ahold of you.”

“Okay.”

“You two, go out tomorrow. Do something.”

“I was thinking of taking up to the park, y’know, the preserve, and wandering around for a while.” I loved hiking, and hoped he did, too, though I’d forgotten to ask.

He nodded, “Don’t wander too far, though. You did have surgery, you know.”

I pulled up my shirt and looked at the line of stitches, “It didn’t hurt so much when it happened.” The line of stitches was almost six inches long.

“The doctors were worried he might have nicked your intestines, boy. It’s a wonder you didn’t get some infection. Don’t wander too far, understand?”

“I understand.” I yawned and stretched. That was a bad idea, though, since it pulled on the stitches. “I understand. Is that all?”

He ruffled my hair and pushed me, “Yes, go to bed, you overgrown brat.”

I grinned at the term of endearment. I went back to my room and stood next to Touru for a little while. He’d clung to the pillow in his sleep and was whimpering a little. I brushed my hand on his cheek again. Absently, I thought he needed to shave as I bent over and whispered, “I love you, Touru.” He relaxed and stopped whimpering. I watched him a little while longer. When I was sure he was sleeping quietly, I tossed my shirt and jeans in the hamper and crawled into bed.